Anyone else getting themselves worked up about breastfeeding?

[Louppey]

Me!! Tbh, it was always something I didn't think i'd do. My Mum formula fed me and my brother and I just always thought I would formula feed too. However, DH was breastfed and he thinks it's the best blah blah blah so wants me to try it. Now, I obviously know it is the best thing for the baby... but I just don't know. It's weird, but I just don't feel comfortable with it!!!

I'm getting myself into a right tizzy about it now... the other night I dreamt my baby was a white rat with red eyes and 1 inch long sharp teeth and everyone was crowding around me trying to get me to breastfeed it

Thankfully I woke up in a cold sweat before that thing went anywhere near my breast in the dream...

 

[Sophist]

I'm worried about breastfeeding too. I wasn't able to BF my son, after 6 weeks of nursing round the clock he hadn't regained his birth weight, was hungry all time, and projectile vomiting what little milk I did have. I got a lot of flack from lactation consultants and WIC, telling me it was my fault, I wasn't nursing often enough, and all sorts of things (because nursing 45 minutes of every hour is apparently not often enough? whatever.) but we later learned via tests of his intestinal lining that he had a congenital lactase deficiency and could not digest my breast milk--which is extremely rare, but there was no physiological way he could BF.

Then I was determined to BF my daughter, and took some steps to improve my still scant milk supply (turns out I have a prolacin deficiency, which makes it hard for me to produce). She reacted to foods in my diet so it was a struggle finding enough things I could eat to keep my milk supply going. However a secondary infection caused by antibiotics in labor that made her so ill she was unable to BF for four weeks. During that time, my milk completely dried up, even with pumping w/ a hospital grade pump.

I come from a family where the "normal" thing to do is BF, opposite of you Big Betty. So I got a lot of negative comments from family about how my children would be stupid, sick all the time, how it was selfish of me to "make a choice" not in the best interest of my children. It wasn't easy for me to get past all that negativity from people close to me, even though in our situation FF was the best thing for my kids. And even though this whole process taught me a lot about BF, and tons of my friends come to me for help BFing their babies, its frustrating that I can help these other women learn to BF successfully but I couldn't seem to do it myself. I guess all the research and classes at least taught me how to help other women BF, even if it doesn't help me.

With this baby, sometimes I wonder if I even want to try, or if I should just let go and do what is easier and not deal with all the stress of "failing" again. Unfortunately, formula and bottles aren't in the budget right now, so I'm going to try again. My MIL had problems BF her first 2 kids and the third time was fine, so I'm hoping it will be the same for me. My mw has some ideas too that may help of things I haven't tried with the other kids.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[sparkle05]

Bigbetty you do what ever is good for you

My babies are bottle fed. When they are tiny i lift up my top and have skin to skin with them while holding them close and feeding. The bond is no less

Dont stress you will be a fab mummy no matter what you decide

 

[Blah11]

I don't want to offend anyone but there are a few people on here who have said "I would urge every mum to give breastfeeding a go" and that is what is causing me so much stress.

What if I don't want to give it a go? Does that make me a bad mum?

If I decide not to bf why should anyone put me down or say that I am not doing the best for my baby?

Why should I feel pressured into doing something I'm not comfortable with just because it's expected?

I'm sorry for my little rant, I'm just so confused

What? No one was putting you down

I love breastfeeding my baby and I want everyone to experience the same as I have so I'd urge everyone to atleast give it a go. I dont see anything wrong with that.

 

[aob1013]

I don't want to offend anyone but there are a few people on here who have said "I would urge every mum to give breastfeeding a go" and that is what is causing me so much stress.

What if I don't want to give it a go? Does that make me a bad mum?

If I decide not to bf why should anyone put me down or say that I am not doing the best for my baby?

Why should I feel pressured into doing something I'm not comfortable with just because it's expected?

I'm sorry for my little rant, I'm just so confused

What? No one was putting you down

I love breastfeeding my baby and I want everyone to experience the same as I have so I'd urge everyone to atleast give it a go. I dont see anything wrong with that.

I second that.

 

[amym]

Hey hon - with the urging you to give it a go thing I think people do it cos if you try to BF and don't like it you can always FF, but if you start FF and don't like it it's hard to move to BF....

I know people are passionate about this, but you can only do what makes sense to you. I will BF, cos I desperately want to! If I didn't want to I bloody well wouldn't...

 

[SPN1304]

I have thought about this on and off for a long time even before we started ttc. I get angry just thinking that OH or MIL or someone will tell me what I should do. I feel odd about breastfeeding and you know its my body so why should anyone tell me what to do.

My mate got moaned at by a midwife for 'not trying hard enough'!!! If a midwife was to pull me about straight after having my baby and my OH was there I think I may freak out

I worry that MIL will try and interfere to.

 

[bigbetty]

I don't want to offend anyone but there are a few people on here who have said "I would urge every mum to give breastfeeding a go" and that is what is causing me so much stress.

What if I don't want to give it a go? Does that make me a bad mum?

If I decide not to bf why should anyone put me down or say that I am not doing the best for my baby?

Why should I feel pressured into doing something I'm not comfortable with just because it's expected?

I'm sorry for my little rant, I'm just so confused

What? No one was putting you down

I love breastfeeding my baby and I want everyone to experience the same as I have so I'd urge everyone to atleast give it a go. I dont see anything wrong with that.

As I said I didn't want to offend anyone, it's just I, personally, feel that "urge" is a very strong word to use - especially when someone is having difficulties deciding.

I appreciate everyone's contributions and it's lovely to hear the success stories, but if someone "urges" me to do something then, and again personally, it feels like pressure is being applied. I feel that "recommend" would be a better choice of word.

I know this is just me and that I am just being hyper-sensitive but hey-ho it's all part of the joys of pregnancy lol!

Thank you all for your feedback and support, I mean that sincerely xx

 

[Blue_bumpkin]

I don't want to offend anyone but there are a few people on here who have said "I would urge every mum to give breastfeeding a go" and that is what is causing me so much stress.

What if I don't want to give it a go? Does that make me a bad mum?

If I decide not to bf why should anyone put me down or say that I am not doing the best for my baby?

Why should I feel pressured into doing something I'm not comfortable with just because it's expected?

I'm sorry for my little rant, I'm just so confused

What? No one was putting you down

I love breastfeeding my baby and I want everyone to experience the same as I have so I'd urge everyone to atleast give it a go. I dont see anything wrong with that.

As I said I didn't want to offend anyone, it's just I, personally, feel that "urge" is a very strong word to use - especially when someone is having difficulties deciding.

I appreciate everyone's contributions and it's lovely to hear the success stories, but if someone "urges" me to do something then, and again personally, it feels like pressure is being applied. I feel that "recommend" would be a better choice of word.

I know this is just me and that I am just being hyper-sensitive but hey-ho it's all part of the joys of pregnancy lol!

Thank you all for your feedback and support, I mean that sincerely xx

It may be a relatively strong word to use but I dont think blah used it to intentionally pressure you hun

BFing can be hard, it can be draining but it can also be amazing. Really truly amazing. You could try it once and love it or you could decide you dont want to and potentially miss out on something that you'd really enjoy doing. I am passionate about bfing. Not just because of the nutritional side of things but the sheer overall experience. I am not knocking ff. But the experiences of both are different and while you can bf and turn to ff if you wish, you cant ff then turn back to bf so I think this is why people 'urge' you to try it first iykwim?

I was told my baby was 'too big' and tht I could be induced earlier than usual or sectioned. Now, I didnt want an induction, i was too scared. There is nothing wrong with being induced and doing it the natural way, it works for most ppl but I just wanted him out. With a c-section though id never experience a contraction, or experience actually giving birth to my son and having thought long and hard about it I decided to give the induction a go. my baby had to come out one way or another and personally I wanted to try it the natural way first. The natural way is best for baby too so I thought why not?.. yes there would be hard work involved and it would be painful and I may end up having a section anyway but at least knowing I gave it a shot would mean I had no regrets what so ever. I tried it and it didnt work out, ye know? You cant have a section and then decide you want a natural birth but if a natural birth isnt going well the option of the section is there? (hope you see what I mean! )

At the end of the day, its your body, your baby and thats all that matters. You do what you feel comfortable with. If you do not wish to BF then thats your choice. There is no point in doing something just because you feel pressured into it. The stress wouldnt be worth it hun. I wish you the best of luck with your decision and hope you understood me ok. I tend to make little sense at this time of night

 

[Dragonfly]

I don't want to offend anyone but there are a few people on here who have said "I would urge every mum to give breastfeeding a go" and that is what is causing me so much stress.

What if I don't want to give it a go? Does that make me a bad mum?

If I decide not to bf why should anyone put me down or say that I am not doing the best for my baby?

Why should I feel pressured into doing something I'm not comfortable with just because it's expected?

I'm sorry for my little rant, I'm just so confused

What? No one was putting you down

I love breastfeeding my baby and I want everyone to experience the same as I have so I'd urge everyone to atleast give it a go. I dont see anything wrong with that.

As I said I didn't want to offend anyone, it's just I, personally, feel that "urge" is a very strong word to use - especially when someone is having difficulties deciding.

I appreciate everyone's contributions and it's lovely to hear the success stories, but if someone "urges" me to do something then, and again personally, it feels like pressure is being applied. I feel that "recommend" would be a better choice of word.

I know this is just me and that I am just being hyper-sensitive but hey-ho it's all part of the joys of pregnancy lol!

Thank you all for your feedback and support, I mean that sincerely xx

I think you are being a little over the top with words here, nothing was set to pressure you or offend and I wasnt offended but to be honest felt like people who breastfeed that have tried and helped you have had it shoved in their faces and argued with because we urged you to try it when we are only trying to help. That word to me isnt pressure and some of us have explained what a joy it is and want you to experience it to if you can but have never stated you would be a failure if you didnt all you can do is try thats all any one can do. So no one who breastfeed here is pressuring you not from my point of view there are plenty of formula mums here to giving you support also. This is up to you and no one can make you feel guilty for your choice for if you feel your doing whats best for you and your baby wither it be formula or breast for whatever reason each then theres no wrong.

 

[bigbetty]

I think you are being a little over the top with words here, nothing was set to pressure you or offend and I wasnt offended but to be honest felt like people who breastfeed that have tried and helped you have had it shoved in their faces and argued with because we urged you to try it when we are only trying to help. That word to me isnt pressure and some of us have explained what a joy it is and want you to experience it to if you can but have never stated you would be a failure if you didnt all you can do is try thats all any one can do. So no one who breastfeed here is pressuring you not from my point of view there are plenty of formula mums here to giving you support also. This is uhttp://www.babyandbump.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=6839532p to you and no one can make you feel guilty for your choice for if you feel your doing whats best for you and your baby wither it be formula or breast for whatever reason each then theres no wrong.

Now I AM offended. I have not shoved anything in anyone's face and I don't appreciate being told that I have. I am perfectly entitled to my opinion and was simply stating how I felt about that particular word, and not the whole advice provided.

Oh my perhaps I got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning ? God I hate the fact that one minute I'm all defensive and angry and the next I'm bawling like a baby because I've been an idiot !!! Bloody hormones and mood swings are doing my head in - and my poor DH's even more so!

This forum and the advice and support all you ladies provide really mean a lot to me and I honestly do appreciate the help you have all given me on this.

As I said before I am feeling hyper-sensitive at the moment and I'm sorry if the things I say don't come out the way I mean them to, I don't want to upset anybody or argue - please forgive me ?

Blue_Bumpkin - you made perfect sense, thank you so much.

Dragonfly - I hope that we can just forget all this now, I'm sorry if I got all defensive when all you and the other ladies who bf were trying to do was help and advise. Thank you again for your input.

Ok I am still keeping my options open but based on what everyone has said, I think I might give it a go! If I don't like it or it doesn't work for whatever reason then I can always go onto formula right?

Wow I feel better now I have actually come to some kind of decision!

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much ladies!

 

[MumOfPlenty]

I know you've come to your decision now Betty, and I really do hope it's the right one for you.

From my point of view I have always wanted to breastfeed but been unable to manage it properly. Four children down the line, the longest time I have managed is 2 days Being stuck to a baby and not being able to sleep/pee/move/insert verb here/ made it very difficult for me after having them.

I always felt tremendously guilty and like a bad mother for switching to formula after 2 days of no sleep after having given birth and not being able to do anything due to baby constantly being stuck to me..

For years I have felt guilty, and each time it has got worse - as the BF brigade get more coverage, people like me get shoved to the back of the wellbeing queue as we have tried but ultimately failed.. And unfortunately there are a lot of strong opinions out there that will say it is our fault, we didn't try hard enough etc... Like we're bad mothers for not doing it.
This is what I hate about BF. It makes people that can't/won't/don't want to do it feel bad about not doing it. An informed decision is just that.. Informed and shouldn't be judged.

Still. Last time I tried to BF was 18 months ago, and I'm optimistic about trying it again this time. Maybe things will fall into place, and I will be able to BF one of my children! If not, then I'll FF as usual. It won't stop me trying, but I'm aware that it might not work. I'm also aware that it might work and for once I'll be able to take advantage of the benefits! I now refuse to feel like a bad mother because I haven't managed to provide for my babies from my own body.

I think what I'm trying (and probably failing) to say here is that if you keep an open mind, then regardless of what anyone else thinks, that will work out better for you at the end of the day.. If you don't want to, don't.. But like you say, when your little princess is in your arms it might change.. But then again, it might not.. I just hope that whatever you do, you feel comfortable and strong enough and refuse to let whatever decision you make be affected by other peoples opinions.

 

[Serene123]

Hello again x

I just want to say sorry if I upset or offended you. I didn't intend to breast feed either, so when the midwife suggested I give her a bottle because my boobs weren't working I jumped right on it. I regretted it from the minute it happened and I had a massive battle to get her breastfeeding again. It was horrid. That is my own personal experience and why I wish people would give it a go. I hope I didn't put any pressure on you at all as that wasn't my intention.

 

[Dragonfly]

I think you are being a little over the top with words here, nothing was set to pressure you or offend and I wasnt offended but to be honest felt like people who breastfeed that have tried and helped you have had it shoved in their faces and argued with because we urged you to try it when we are only trying to help. That word to me isnt pressure and some of us have explained what a joy it is and want you to experience it to if you can but have never stated you would be a failure if you didnt all you can do is try thats all any one can do. So no one who breastfeed here is pressuring you not from my point of view there are plenty of formula mums here to giving you support also. This is uhttp://www.babyandbump.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=6839532p to you and no one can make you feel guilty for your choice for if you feel your doing whats best for you and your baby wither it be formula or breast for whatever reason each then theres no wrong.

Now I AM offended. I have not shoved anything in anyone's face and I don't appreciate being told that I have. I am perfectly entitled to my opinion and was simply stating how I felt about that particular word, and not the whole advice provided.



Dragonfly - I hope that we can just forget all this now, I'm sorry if I got all defensive when all you and the other ladies who bf were trying to do was help and advise. Thank you again for your input.

:

But thats how it felt when people here where helping that have breastfed. I can see the mere mention of any sort of encouragement has you nervous and I dont blame you we where all in the same boat to but only trying to help you a long so you dont feel alone as sometimes health professionals can fail you when it comes to breastfeeding or even formula feeding. I dont want to start a fight just help. But the more I see threads from mums asking about breastfeeding and feeling nervous the more I see people getting offended just because someone else tried to help but it was taken as pressure. We are all pressured enough as it is from family and friends no matter what our choices are and always someone will have a problem with it. People have problems with me breastfeeding and in this forum I see poeple have problems with mums who formula feed. (I mean their friends and family not any one here has a problem with it).

I wont urge you to try it again as you know whats best for your baby now and if the time comes and it dosnt work or you decide to do whatever that is the right choice you made at the time for your and your baby.

Mums have it hard enough and its always caused by other people the grief, always not happy with how a mum is doing something of having no faith in her which causes her to have no faith in her abilities. All comes with time the confidence by the way. For now go with the flow, no one here is going to make you breastfeed if you dont want to, you dont need to be told whats best you know but at this time you dont know what you will do when the time comes and that will last till the time comes. (does that make sence? lol)

I really do know what you are going through I lied to midwives about breastfeeding and I didnt want to do it, I was dead against it and so where all my friends now look at me 19 months later still going and pregnant again. I didnt say that to make you feel bad just some more success stories.

 

[bigbetty]

Mum of plenty - thank you for sharing your experience. If I change my mind or bf doesn't work for me I'm not going to let anyone make me feel bad for it. I'm just going to be prepared for both options and see how it goes.

Serene - please don't apologise, I just over-reacted and I'm the one who should say sorry.

Dragonfly - Again I'm sorry if what I said made you feel that way. I'm glad bf worked for you and I honestly hope it does for me too, but as you say I just don't know how I'm going to feel until the time comes.

Ok think I need to go and buy myself a massive bar of dairy milk now lol !!!

 

[Blah11]

I don't want to offend anyone but there are a few people on here who have said "I would urge every mum to give breastfeeding a go" and that is what is causing me so much stress.

What if I don't want to give it a go? Does that make me a bad mum?

If I decide not to bf why should anyone put me down or say that I am not doing the best for my baby?

Why should I feel pressured into doing something I'm not comfortable with just because it's expected?

I'm sorry for my little rant, I'm just so confused

What? No one was putting you down

I love breastfeeding my baby and I want everyone to experience the same as I have so I'd urge everyone to atleast give it a go. I dont see anything wrong with that.

As I said I didn't want to offend anyone, it's just I, personally, feel that "urge" is a very strong word to use - especially when someone is having difficulties deciding.

I appreciate everyone's contributions and it's lovely to hear the success stories, but if someone "urges" me to do something then, and again personally, it feels like pressure is being applied. I feel that "recommend" would be a better choice of word.

I know this is just me and that I am just being hyper-sensitive but hey-ho it's all part of the joys of pregnancy lol!

Thank you all for your feedback and support, I mean that sincerely xx

Then I reccommend you give it a go! Sorry hun

 

[Blah11]

p.s. breast brigade, ff facist, BF nazi shock etc etc aren't really allowed on this site. They're not that nice and even when not directed at anyone in particular can offend some people X

 

[bigbetty]

I don't want to offend anyone but there are a few people on here who have said "I would urge every mum to give breastfeeding a go" and that is what is causing me so much stress.

What if I don't want to give it a go? Does that make me a bad mum?

If I decide not to bf why should anyone put me down or say that I am not doing the best for my baby?

Why should I feel pressured into doing something I'm not comfortable with just because it's expected?

I'm sorry for my little rant, I'm just so confused

What? No one was putting you down

I love breastfeeding my baby and I want everyone to experience the same as I have so I'd urge everyone to atleast give it a go. I dont see anything wrong with that.

As I said I didn't want to offend anyone, it's just I, personally, feel that "urge" is a very strong word to use - especially when someone is having difficulties deciding.

I appreciate everyone's contributions and it's lovely to hear the success stories, but if someone "urges" me to do something then, and again personally, it feels like pressure is being applied. I feel that "recommend" would be a better choice of word.

I know this is just me and that I am just being hyper-sensitive but hey-ho it's all part of the joys of pregnancy lol!

Thank you all for your feedback and support, I mean that sincerely xx

Then I reccommend you give it a go! Sorry hun

lol thanks hun

 

[MumOfPlenty]

p.s. breast brigade, ff facist, BF nazi shock etc etc aren't really allowed on this site. They're not that nice and even when not directed at anyone in particular can offend some people X

Err.. righto then.

If it helps I would have referred to FF peeps in exactly the same manner but hey ho.. (FF brigade.. sounds like a oh so wrong firefighting unit ) Apologies if any offence caused to anyone, purely a tongue in cheek term from me.

 

[angelstardust]

I'd never thought about it when pregnant with DS1 (didn't think about much really, I just took it as it came (boom-boom)) but after her was born he started rooting once he was having some skin to skin and it just naturally happened. Then he ended up in SCBU and I was asked if I wanted to express 'yeah I'll give it a try why not'. Expressed for 2 weeks and due to him being early and being very sleepy... I ended up giving him 1 bottle. At that time they didn't beleive in mixed feeding so he was on formula.

With DS2, I again expressed while he was in NICU. He was directly feeding great (he also had a NG tube) but liked to play for a while before latching on, milk literally just dripped into his mouth (DS2 was born at 33 weeks when I had an abruption, he was born with an agpa of 0 and resusitated back to life, put on a ventilator and is one lucky lucky little boy, I was kept in a coma for 3 days because I was a lucky, lucky lady too, the weeks after I had him I was still poorly and completely numb emotionally, I didn't bond with him at all, he was just some skinny alien thing in a plastic incubator when I saw him) so this nurse decided he shouldn't be carrying on and tried ramming his head and my boob together. It was horrific for me, but I was so vulnerabel after everything that had happened that I just didn't do anything but sit there. She walked off in a huff and I put the baby down and walked away. That was the end of breastfeeding for me.

When pregnant with Amber I was very undecided about breastfeeding. I could still feel that nurse squeezing at me and the disgust that breastfeeding made me feel. (ETA, I actually still feel it now!)

But once she was born (elective C section) in recovery I just fed her. Was very natural for me to do and I honestly didn't even think about it. Managed to feed her for about 4 months even though we had ou fair share of problems.

At the end of the day, you can't really make any decision right now other than 'will try this or that', you don't know what will happen or how you will feel.

The only thing you do need to know, is that whatever decision you do eventually make will be the right one for you both at that point in time.