Anyone else have an OH burying his head in the sand?

[longing]

It's really getting to me, I try to get him on the subject of trying to get something done/ going to see doc about our lack of pregnancy but he just fobs me off all the time. Either he doesn't realise nearly 4 years isn't a normal time to be TTC or he just doesn't want to admit it. In the meantime I go through the whole month rollercoaster pretty much on my own, as he doesn't want to know. I am desperate to be a mum and seeing my 2 best friends together with thier children breaks my heart (even though I adore them). I know he wants a child too and does speak more openly than he used to about that, but we are getting nowhere.

I have had some tests but docs refuse to do anything more until we both go, and he won't.

Is anyone else in the same boat? Feeling pretty alone in this situation at the mo

xx

 

[Natashaa1]

Hey, didn't want to read and run have you tried talking to him about why he doesn't to see the doctor? Sounds like maybe he's worried?

 

[wannabemummyb]

Longing, I agree with natashaa1, maybe he is worried the problem is with him and doesn't know how you will handle it! LTTTC challenges even the strongest of relationship/marriage. Try talking to him, he's probably hurting too, but remember sometimes men feel differently to women, especially as they don't have the hormones

 

[Myshelsong]

Hi, quick question is there any reason why you haven't gone to a doctor yourself. Do you need to have his permission to see if there is something on your end. Don't get me wrong I think that you should still be having a conversation even if you Have to force the issue with him. You have to discuss about having children were you want your life to go and how much you want to be a mom.
On the other hand you have to take your own health and well-being and and go see a doctor yourself.

 

[longing]

Thank you ladies

I have tried talking to him about it before, but he either changes the subject, tells me I talk about it too much (I really try not to, but it is the only thing on my mind most of the time) or he tells me I am trying to blackmail him into doing something. I am so not. I am just trying to tell him how I feel and that is what he thinks. He does say he will go sometimes but always puts the 'when' back, at the moment it is the end of the year, I don't wanna wait that long, I will be nearly 32 at that point, time is not with us.

I have had all the standard tests but doc refuses to go any further until OH goes to see him

 

[Natashaa1]

Hi longing, I'm in Leicester too. If I were you I think you need to get serious with him and explain just how much this means to you. If his results come back good or bad there will be a waiting list before you get refered for whatever is next so he will have time to get his head around it, but the sooner you act the better as if you do need any treatment the younger you are the better.

 

[Natashaa1]

Oh and if you've any questions on what's likely to happen next feel free to message me.

 

[pbl_ge]

Longing, I'm going to make a suggestion that is extreme, and I base this off the experiences of women here who have had OHs similar to yours.

Spoiler

Have you considered a sperm donor? Have you considered raising the possibility of a sperm donor with OH?

This is something you want. I don't know how strongly you feel, but for many women having a child is the most important thing they want to do with their life. Your OH is currently standing in your way. Do you have to let him? If you used a sperm donor (and I'm honestly not sure what the NHS guidelines are for this, so you'd have to check into them) there's the possibility you could get pregnant quickly. If not, you would at least have the options of further testing and/or treatment. You probably realize that after 3+ years of trying the chances of you two conceiving on your own are very low.

I know women here whose partners refused to cooperate and they considered sperm donors. One of them got pregnant the first round of donor IUIs (not sure what happened with her OH). The other one's OH began to see the position he was putting her in when she raised the subject of donor sperm, and went for his SA.

It's something to consider.

Hope you and OH find a way through this.

 

[Sunshine24]

My OH was also resistant at first to going to docs appts, etc. The way I finally got him to understand was by explaining how much it meant to be ( without yelling or crying ) and saying we could never move on if he didnt take the next step. I offered to make the appointment for him and even drive him, and that helped a lot.

Once he started it was positive from there---he realized it wasn't that big of a deal was onboard from that moment on.

Best of luck to you!! I think men don't like to admit anything is wrong and so they deal with it by not acknowledging it. Once they acknowledge it they realize it's not that big of a deal.