Anyone else not taking it slower in day to day routine?

[Inoue]

Hi ladies

I'm afraid this might seem like a rant thread and im sure there are others in more difficult circumstances than myself but I just cant seem to slow down on day to day jobs/activities despite getting more pregnant . I'm 31 weeks today so still got a while to go yet, we got asked 2 weeks ago to host a 'wake' (funeral after-do - DH side), we agree'd as DH is the only sibling with detached house & drive etc. So it was operation clean house up! I was on my hands and knees scrubbing floors, painting skirting boards, painting kitchen walls, painting kitchen tiles, chopping down and pulling out heavy damaged bushes from front garden, still going to work... and I have a 2 year old daughter .

My DH works 12 days on, 2 off so a lot of the housework is up to me, I also work part time.

I've just wrestled with two loads of laundry and made our 6ft sq bed up ready for tonight, my DD is at the terrible two stage so I have to carry her upstairs and she goes dead weight on me etc.

I've had a very easy pregnancy (no complications) - exact opposite to my last pregnancy with DD. However I do get very crampy (period type) and my bump goes ever so tight - also excess discharge. I could easily go 6h+ without even realising I haven't felt baby move.

I feel like im going to spontaneously cry . How can you slow down when life doesn't allow it?

Sorry for the ramble xxx

 

[oneway]

Oh wow! You poor thing!

How did you manage to do everything you did while being 31 weeks pregnant? I think it's awful of your relatives to not pitch in and help clean up when they know you are heavily pregnant with a 2 year old to take car of!

I think you are being an angel when those around you don't deserve it. It's time to put your foot down and ask for help. I know this is hard for us women to ask for help, but you NEED help. Tell everyone that the alternative is that you go into premature labor which no one wants. You have to take care of yourself and your little one. That should be your first priority.

How about your parents or siblings or friends? Anyone that you can call upon for a bit of help? What does your DH have to say about all your physical struggles?

I do hope you find a solution soon!

 

[Vickster1]

I really feel for you. I'll be 35 weeks on Saturday and I feel busier than ever. I'm pretty much a full time carer for my 94 year old Grandma and it's really difficult. My Mum is her main carer but I tend to do most things with her which is really hands on. I also run my own business, have a dog to walk and all the day to day normal things. My husband works long hours (out of the door at 5am and not back until after 7pm) I'm just sooo tired.

I feel like I never get to even sit down never mind take it easy. My back hurts and also my lower stomach is starting to get more painful with nerves and just my baby generally pressing on everything. I also have a trapped nerve in my left bum cheek which is quite painful. I just feel at the end of my tether but I don't want to seem like I can't cope.

 

[Inoue]

Thank you for your kind words . I honestly needed to hear them.


My DH has just come home from work to find me in tears - didn't think I could hold them in much longer . I've told him that im getting too overwhelmed and its too much at this stage. Bless him, he sat me down and talked to me about how I should tell him of the housework that needs doing (heavily laundry/garden maintenance etc) and he would do it after work.

It is quite an ask of his relative's to ask us to host the wake, his mum has paid for food but not helped with the pre-organising (moving dining chairs/table/removing fire guards etc). Just hope she appreciates it.

Last thing I want is prem labour like you say, I will be more affirmative and try and take a step back. Im sure most people think women are invincible .

xx

 

[Inoue]

I really feel for you. I'll be 35 weeks on Saturday and I feel busier than ever. I'm pretty much a full time carer for my 94 year old Grandma and it's really difficult. My Mum is her main carer but I tend to do most things with her which is really hands on. I also run my own business, have a dog to walk and all the day to day normal things. My husband works long hours (out of the door at 5am and not back until after 7pm) I'm just sooo tired.

I feel like I never get to even sit down never mind take it easy. My back hurts and also my lower stomach is starting to get more painful with nerves and just my baby generally pressing on everything. I also have a trapped nerve in my left bum cheek which is quite painful. I just feel at the end of my tether but I don't want to seem like I can't cope.

Gosh, I really feel for you . It just doesn't seem to stop does it. The thought of carrying on as we are at 39/40w is very daunting.

I agree on the not coping thing - I hate for people to view me as a failure in multitasking - just because im pregnant I shouldn't have to stop what I need to do; we need to get out of that frame of mind .

I hope it gives you some comfort that your not alone in how you feel xxx

 

[Munchkin30]

I know how you feel! I'm trying to sell my gran's house (she died in december) run a big 6 bed house and land, work part time, and i have a 3 year old. We're also having a new kitchen at the moment so the house is a tip and because he's doing painting etc i can't really ask him to help with my daughter or the housework. I keep getting cramps too and occastionally i just have to stop to fele baby move! I'm trying to get loads of stuff out of the way before baby gets here but i hope they hang on a bit longer.

Vickster1 - i was getting really overwhelmed looking after my gran (she had no surviving children and i lived up the road) but we got carers in through social services and things really improved. They were lovely and really took the pressure off xx

 

[oneway]

I think that is the trouble though. That we women are so good at multitasking and accomplishing that people don't even notice our workload until we stop and ask for help. It's so great that your husband agreed to help Inoue! Sounds like he just needed to be asked, which is what I think you need to do next with your in-laws. Please don't assume that any of this is "your job". Your job, to be honest is to make sure that your LO arrives safely into this world. When you are stressed, he or she gets stressed too. So anyone around you who loves you, should in theory, be happy to help you in any way they can. The same applies to you Vickster and Munchkin!

Please remember, there is no shame in asking for help. It might actually bring you closer to some of your relatives and friends. I learned this this hard way after trying to do all and be all around my first son's birth and ended up with a chronic health condition that is taking a long time to heal. So please take care of yourselves first!

to you all!

 

[SAmummy]

I know it's hard to stop, but you have to. I kept going at a crazy pace running my own business and rushing around with 3 kiddos at school .... right up until this last week when I started to go unto preterm labour Thankfully they have managed to stop it with meds and I'm now on bed rest for 2 weeks so I can get to 36 weeks as baby is also small for dates. The amazing thing is how everything is still getting done ... Just not by me! I wish that I had started saying no earlier ... It's hard because it's not like you are sick so people don't offer to help unless you ask as they don't see anything wrong with you. I am so thankful for this bed rest on Drs orders. I don't feel guilty saying no now , just wish I had done so sooner

 

[Vickster1]

Thanks for your support. Carers aren't really an option as she would hate it. Also to top it off my parents are off away for the weekend and have asked my younger sister if she could help out. Turns out she's always got some excuse and she's away on Saturday night and Sunday until lunchtime so yet again it falls to me. Me and DH never get to spend any time together and we were hoping to maybe just go out for a meal on Saturday but it looks like that's a no go now since i'll have to be on call for my Gran at home since she refuses to call mobile numbers since there are too many which is really unfair as she makes you feel bad if she can't get through on the landline. Just feel like we deserve to have a night to ourselves and I feel fancy getting all dressed up and going somewhere nice for a change.

 

[Inoue]

I think that is the trouble though. That we women are so good at multitasking and accomplishing that people don't even notice our workload until we stop and ask for help. It's so great that your husband agreed to help Inoue! Sounds like he just needed to be asked, which is what I think you need to do next with your in-laws. Please don't assume that any of this is "your job". Your job, to be honest is to make sure that your LO arrives safely into this world. When you are stressed, he or she gets stressed too. So anyone around you who loves you, should in theory, be happy to help you in any way they can. The same applies to you Vickster and Munchkin!

Please remember, there is no shame in asking for help. It might actually bring you closer to some of your relatives and friends. I learned this this hard way after trying to do all and be all around my first son's birth and ended up with a chronic health condition that is taking a long time to heal. So please take care of yourselves first!

to you all!

Cheers huni - you're so right .

I know it's hard to stop, but you have to. I kept going at a crazy pace running my own business and rushing around with 3 kiddos at school .... right up until this last week when I started to go unto preterm labour Thankfully they have managed to stop it with meds and I'm now on bed rest for 2 weeks so I can get to 36 weeks as baby is also small for dates. The amazing thing is how everything is still getting done ... Just not by me! I wish that I had started saying no earlier ... It's hard because it's not like you are sick so people don't offer to help unless you ask as they don't see anything wrong with you. I am so thankful for this bed rest on Drs orders. I don't feel guilty saying no now , just wish I had done so sooner

Oh no! I do remember seeing your thread on here. You got intense BH didn't you? How worrying that must of been . I am afraid to end up the same as you if I dont stop for a while, think thats what scares me most. I'm glad that you're ok now and keeping fx you get passed 36w xx

Thanks for your support. Carers aren't really an option as she would hate it. Also to top it off my parents are off away for the weekend and have asked my younger sister if she could help out. Turns out she's always got some excuse and she's away on Saturday night and Sunday until lunchtime so yet again it falls to me. Me and DH never get to spend any time together and we were hoping to maybe just go out for a meal on Saturday but it looks like that's a no go now since i'll have to be on call for my Gran at home since she refuses to call mobile numbers since there are too many which is really unfair as she makes you feel bad if she can't get through on the landline. Just feel like we deserve to have a night to ourselves and I feel fancy getting all dressed up and going somewhere nice for a change.

Sorry to hear about this. Not very nice of your sister to bugger off and leave you with gran (again) . Its awful when you crave a night away from it all, and when it all falls through, its a bitter pill to swallow. I think its a gran thing with mobile numbers, my nan also refuses to call them, she will always call us on the landline if she wants us; that's ok but I rarely pick up the landline calls xx

 

[Inoue]

I know how you feel! I'm trying to sell my gran's house (she died in december) run a big 6 bed house and land, work part time, and i have a 3 year old. We're also having a new kitchen at the moment so the house is a tip and because he's doing painting etc i can't really ask him to help with my daughter or the housework. I keep getting cramps too and occastionally i just have to stop to fele baby move! I'm trying to get loads of stuff out of the way before baby gets here but i hope they hang on a bit longer.

Vickster1 - i was getting really overwhelmed looking after my gran (she had no surviving children and i lived up the road) but we got carers in through social services and things really improved. They were lovely and really took the pressure off xx

Oh my, you are v busy lady . Running a 6 bed house, work AND a 3 year old!! No wonder you get cramps too, its silly to think we wouldn't with how much we push ourselves . Im the same with baby movement's, it gets to about 1pm and think that I haven't even felt him yet! I go and lay down and sure enough he starts squirming xx

 

[babykate]

I feel your pain! I have ds1 who is 2.8 years old and ds2 who is 16 months old and my hands are so full of childcare and housework. On top of that, we are moving to the garden level if our house (currently unoccupied) for the summer in order to renovate the main level and I'm trying to get that accomplished before my due date (I'm 30+4). I keep comforting myself that people who keep physically active in pregnancy have easier labors, which has been my experience (I slowed down too fast too soon with my first pregnancy and it was a very difficult birth compared to my second). I hope you stay in good health!

 

[Munchkin30]

Vickster try getting one of these https://www.discountcommunications....0039387.html?gclid=CKTz3rG5-8MCFSXItAodMS8A3w there's lots of picture phones out there. Then there's no excuse you need to make the most of getting out before baby gets here. Although I'm not being funny but how does everyone think you'll cope with a newborn, sleep deprivation and everything else you're doing?? Your gran sadly might have no choice but to accept a bit of external help. Don't look back on your baby years feeling like you missed out cos you were so busy, your gran wouldn't want that.

 

[Cattia]

I feel your pain also! I am 35 weeks, I am working 5 days a week managing a busy department in a college. This week I have three staff off sick and am having to cover lessons myself as well as trying to do my normal job. Last week was half term and my DH was away skiing for the week so I had my two kids on my own as well as trying to manage the house work etc. On top of that I am having to work until 8.30pm on Tuesdays as the evening class teacher has broken her ankle so I have to drive her home after her class. It's certainly busy! I think when it comes to men (sorry if this sounds sexist) you kind of have to tell them exactly what you need help with and give them a list of jobs. It sounds like this worked with your DH. I think they just don't pick up on our subtle cues! I hope you ladies all manage to get some rest. I have two more weeks at work and then I'm hoping to slow down for a week or two while I wait for baby to arrive - that's if she doesn't come early. My other two have both been a week late.

 

[Little G]

Hi ladies

I'm afraid this might seem like a rant thread and im sure there are others in more difficult circumstances than myself but I just cant seem to slow down on day to day jobs/activities despite getting more pregnant . I'm 31 weeks today so still got a while to go yet, we got asked 2 weeks ago to host a 'wake' (funeral after-do - DH side), we agree'd as DH is the only sibling with detached house & drive etc. So it was operation clean house up! I was on my hands and knees scrubbing floors, painting skirting boards, painting kitchen walls, painting kitchen tiles, chopping down and pulling out heavy damaged bushes from front garden, still going to work... and I have a 2 year old daughter .

My DH works 12 days on, 2 off so a lot of the housework is up to me, I also work part time.

I've just wrestled with two loads of laundry and made our 6ft sq bed up ready for tonight, my DD is at the terrible two stage so I have to carry her upstairs and she goes dead weight on me etc.

I've had a very easy pregnancy (no complications) - exact opposite to my last pregnancy with DD. However I do get very crampy (period type) and my bump goes ever so tight - also excess discharge. I could easily go 6h+ without even realising I haven't felt baby move.

I feel like im going to spontaneously cry . How can you slow down when life doesn't allow it?

Sorry for the ramble xxx

I know how you feel although Im no where as stretched from pillar to post as you are. I just find it hard to slow down, my DF works away too, so its pretty much upto me to keep on top of all the housework, do the shopping, walk my dog and take my 2 year old to her activity classes a few times a week. Im shattered, but in a good way i've found the time has gone in pretty quick as dont have time to sit around. Think as get closer to my due date will really need to start slowing down although the nesting has now started kicking in so I doubt I'll be resting any time soon! x

 

[SAmummy]

I think when it comes to men (sorry if this sounds sexist) you kind of have to tell them exactly what you need help with and give them a list of jobs. It sounds like this worked with your DH. I think they just don't pick up on our subtle cues! I hope you ladies all manage to get some rest. I have two more weeks at work and then I'm hoping to slow down for a week or two while I wait for baby to arrive - that's if she doesn't come early. My other two have both been a week late.

Exactly this ! My hubby has been amazing since the preterm scare and I honestly think he didn't even notice how much I was doing before ! It was my fault for just doing everything without ever asking because they just don't realize Not all men are like this .... My dad is so helpful with my mom without ever being asked and I always assumed that that's the way it should be. I used to get so mad when dh didn't offer help when I was struggling, but I realize now that I just need to ask because he actually is willing.

Also, I have had to realize that some things I just cannot physically do anymore and if the housekeeping/shopping/garden has to suffer as a result, so be it ! The things I thought absolutely had to be done have had to just wait while I'm on bed rest and I can't believe how we are all still surviving despite the chores being left (or done by hubby and the kiddos) The cat is even still being fed

 

[MrsKChicago]

Please try to take it easy, ladies!

Vickster, I know it sounds harsh, but grandma is just going to have to learn to deal. You're only one person (well, two, but the little extra one isn't very helpful), and you can only do so much. She's going to have to learn to call your cell phone (maybe you can make a prominent list), or she's going to have to accept outside help. You won't be able to carry on at this pace once you have a newborn anyway, time for her to adjust.

Everyone else, don't be afraid to ask for help. If you can afford it, hire someone to come in and clean. Have groceries and other essentials delivered instead of taking the time and effort to shop. Figure out what's really essential, and what you can let slide a little bit - maybe you can wait an extra day or two to vacuum, maybe you can do more easy crockpot meals that you don't have to tend to (or take a day with some help to prepare some meals for the freezer so you have a couple weeks worth. If you don't eat them now, you'll use them after the baby comes.

Also, set an alarm to go off a few times a day, and when it goes off, if nothing is on fire, sit down with a snack, take an hour, relax, and make sure baby's hopping around. It's a good way for you to get a much needed rest, and it's so so important to make sure movement is what it should be. No amount of cleanliness is worth missing an issue with the baby.

And don't be afraid to say no! Someone needs something? Too bad! Not your problem!

 

[JaanRuk]

im in the same boat lol im 38 weeks have a 17 month old , 25 month old and the work load never ends its just not possible to slow down.

 

[marielou11]

I hear you! Two very enthusiastic toddlers while pregnant is hard work. Feel like I never stop!! Xx