anyone else?

[Wantabean]

ok im apologising in advance coz this is probably gonna turn into a rant lol i dnt have anyone to talk to that even slightly understands but im hoping im not alone here. just let me know if anyone else feels/has felt this way

basically what it is is that i am DESPERATE for another baby. i know its far to soon and def wouldnt want to again till at LEAST the summer. yet im trying to push garry into it. the reason is that i feel like a complete fraud and a failure. i know its coz i had all the mcs then just when i reached term things went wrong but i feel the need to prove that i can do it without something going wrong. does that make sense? i know that isnt a reason to have another baby. im also terrified that if i do get pg again that my body will once again try and kill my baby. i also feel scared constantly that im gona lose cam and its starting to get a bit much and i feel scared by the fact i love him incase something does go wrong. i had an interview for college and im really confident i will get in(find out by end of month) to do pediatric nursing and i already postponed a year as i fell pg but a huge part of me wants to have another baby yet i really want to have cam to myself for a bit without the stress of another pregnancy and to get college sorted. i just dont know what im ment to do. o boy this doesnt even make sense to me. basically im wondering if anyone has felt like this ? feel free to tell me if im just being crazy, i certainly feel it. sorry for burdening you guys with this but i really dnt have anyone who understands properly.

xxxx

 

[Dasy25]

Hey Wantabean, Firstly you're allowed to rant away! Secondly you're not being crazy either. You have been through a really traumatic experience with Cam and thats not to mention the trauma of experiencing 5 mc's beforehand so i think your entitled to feel a little "over the place".

I can understand the need to want another baby and for it all to go to plan but then like you say we have no guarantee's. I also feel that need (we had fertility treatment to concieve our LO so when she came at 25weeks i was gutted and not only felt i didnt do my job right but felt cheated out of experiencing the full pregnancy). Time with our LO's are so precious. I say spend the time you can with Cam and continue to enjoy him every single day. Why don't you look at starting College, get yourself in a better frame of mind too for facing the challenges of TTC and pregnancy again? Also i want to say the problems you had with Cam was not because you did anything wrong!

We've spoken about trying for another but at the moment i want to enjoy being a family that's just us first. Hopefully in the future we'll be blessed with baby no2 and fingers crossed without the problems of Ella. lol

 

[Wantabean]

thank you my dear its nice to know that you feel the same. you def hit the nail on the head! i think its so hard coz i feel cheated. i wanted all the pain and contractions and pushing. i wanted to hear my baby cry and sit cuddling him the min he was born. i never got any of that. didnt seem him till he was 4hours old. i have had intervies for college and got told i would find out by the end of the month so only 2weeks or something i am def gonna wait at least 2 years so i can finish college i think. sometimes worry though that im gonna have the same problems (as in the mcs) so i dnt want to leave it too long to try again incase i need help. a lot of girls i know complain about giving birth and always tell me how 'lucky' i was that i never had any of that. i would love to have done it the 'hard' way and had a healthy baby than have wot happened hapeen. quite hormonal at the mo so thats prob not helping lol i hope your blessed with no 2 aswell . your a v good mumma and Ella will be a fab big sis xxx

 

[Dasy25]

Aw Thank You hunni. I'm sooooo with you though. I hate so much when people say you are lucky you didn't have to have the full term labour and birth. Even just missing out on the 3rd Trimester for me was something i was gutted about. Has no-one ever come back to you and gave any kind of explanation as to why you had the MC's and the problems with Cam?

What college's have you applied to? Good luck! How is Cam these days too? Feels ages since we last seen him.

 

[Wantabean]

he is doing good. his teeth are coming through, having issues with his weight and he has really bad reflux but generally doing well. we did end up back in hosp with that stupid rsv and he was on oxygen but that has been it emm well you could say that consultant met with me about 8weeks ago and told me that they had no explanation what happened. they said he just 'lost' all his blood it wasnt in any of the samples they took for me so it really just disapeared. they are guessing whatever happened reslted in a major blood loss and that it went into my body but had gone by the time they tested me (the day after he was born) he said cam had been fighting for his life that whole time and had eventually given up and if i had been even a couple of hours later going in then he would have been dead. always a cheery thought i asked about the mcs and he said they were prob unrelated. i was due to get investigated but found out i was pg the day before lol cons has said that they wont investigate now coz i 'gave birth to a healthy baby' emm what? where was i wen that was happening?!! he said they have no idea if it will happen again, the mcs or whayever happened with cam, but prob not. think this is prob part of the issue. i NEED answers!!
yeah it has been ages!!!! any idea wen next bliss meeting is? it was my best mates daughters 1st bday party the last one so couldnt make it!! it is stirling forth valley i have applied to. hows cutey pants ella doing? how are you doing? did u get explanation? xxx

 

[Wantabean]

ps sorry about the novel lol xxx

 

[PrincessPea]

Hey mrs, soz to butt in, next Bliss meeting is 26th March. Hugs to Cam. xxx

 

[Wantabean]

not a problem lol thank you. ill be there!! tis the day after i get married though lol xxx