Anyone ever feel like, "Where did I go?"

[Jezzielin]

Don't get me wrong I am SO blessed. Great job, husband, daughter and one on the way. But I am SO exhausted at the same time. No time to do anything but work and be a mom. I understand how lucky I am to have this but I have no hobbies, no real time of my own. And even if I had time I have NO idea what to do to reward or enjoy myself.

I feel like this hasn't happened to my husband as he still does what he wants: golf, fantasy football, shooting, going out at times. He is very helpful but I just feel like he hasn't lost the life he had before and I have. What's even more bothersome to me was we went out with his work buddies, another wife was telling me that i should really let him join a poker club a day a week. Come on!!! What more hobbies could he have time to do?

Maybe I am just jealous. Dont get me wrong please, I love my baby (babies, soon!) and love being a mother but I guess I just miss my old life a bit and feel like I have lost a bit of myself. ...what's more it seems as though most people believe that this is acceptable for mothers and the natural progression of how life for women takes place. I just don't get why it can't be the same for the opposite sex.

Thanks for listening...

 

[TicToc]

Congrats on your new pregnancy!

When our older kids were younger I felt like that a lot in the beginning. As the years went by though things really did get more balanced. I think part of it was my own fault because I was kind of a control freak about things and couldn't stand to be away from the kids anyway. At this point DH and I have been together for so long I have no worries at all that it will be like that, we are just in such a different place in our lives right now, and being 20 years older this time around puts a new perspective on things. I guess you could say he is 'trained'. LOL

Things will balance out in time if you work on it. Have you tried making 'deals' with him? For example, if he is out doing his thing 'X' many days a week then suggest you get 'X' many days for yourself as well. One of the first things I started re-doing for me was join a fitness center with on on site day care and I went went he was at work.

 

[PandaMao]

If hubby has so much time to do what he wants surely there is time for him to have the kids for a day and you can go out and do your thing? I know when this kid gets here I'll probably be the one caring for it the most (planning on breastfeeding), but I know there will be days I'll go out without him or baby just to have some me time. I don't think that's unreasonable at all.

 

[stouffer]

I felt like that for a long time after LO was born. Me and my husband now have an agreement where we each get one night a week off. On my night off I'm free to do what I want (I go to a jewellery class) and OH does dinner, bath, bedtime and tidying up.

We both feel a lot better for it. Maybe you could try something like that?

 

[Louise88]

I can completely sympathise with you, before I had my daughter I'd go to the gym 3 times a week have a couple nights out with friends wether it was pub, food or cinema we always did something! I'd even enjoy a weekly shopping trip to Newcastle to buy new clothes or shoes. Now I can tell you I've had probably 3 nights out since my dd was born, don't go to the gym and certainly don't go shopping or treat myself anymore! Heck my oh won't even treat me to a lie on one in a while!

I've decided its all going to change when this babies born though, I'm going to rejoin the gym and start seeing my friends again even if its 1 night out a month its weird because my oh has never stopped me from going out or treating myself I've stopped myself because I started feeling guilty about spending money, but I feel I'm turning into this person I don't even recognise anymore, I've forgotten how to be fun and have turned into this whingy, boring woman lol

 

[steph.]

I feel exactly the same. I really miss the old me I have given up my job (after working so hard to get a now useless medical degree), given up my friends in the UK to come and live in Australia, and I have been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for the past 3 years almost. I have no hobbies and no time. Hubby has a job, is studying for an mba, basically his life is still the same except with babies. My life has become my babies.

 

[steph.]

Oh and Louise i've become whingy and boring too! I used to be loads of fun! And I 've also become uglier.

 

[Pearls18]

You're right, it is a stereotype society is used to...sometimes even expects, women to give their lives and revert their whole being to being "mum" while dad gets to be dad at home, but himself anywhere else. I don't like stereotypes, I don't like people telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing, I don't let being a mum define me, it is a part of me it isn't all I am. Obviously in the beginning you do kinda have to give your whole self, but when I went back to work when DS was 8 months this was when I felt like I got back to me, I loved my job, when not BF I was able to socialise more and eventually I started studying again. I don't really have hobbies, but I guess right now my career is "my thing" because I have chosen to get qualified in my field, and I really enjoy it so it doesn't feel like I just work and be mum because to me my job is part of my freedom. Outside of that DH and I try to go out often and I try and socialise with friends when I can, I'm having friends over next weekend. Some people are totally happy for their lives to revolve solely around their children, and that's great for them, but if it isn't what you want don't make society feel like you should be living up to something you don't to be, the fact I have my own life away from the home makes me personally a better mum, not a worse one, because some of the best mums are the happy ones so you have to do whatever it is that makes you happy, that you can incorporate into your life as mum.

 

[AC1987]

It sucks having no more "me" time. My "me" time ended once I got married. Its sad.. I really do miss the way things were. I miss being able to go to the mall and shop.. back when there was money to buy things. Now I hate going places because its such a big hassle I'd rather say forget it. And my "me" time is now grocery shopping. but even that I'm with my DH and LO...