anyone really want a baby??

[CapitalChick]

Don't take this as being judgemental at all...but it's just an idea.

If you're ready to commit to creating a human life together, then why not commit to 'building' a life together...by getting married?

The sad truth is that many of the young girls on this site get pregnant and then break up with their boyfriends shortly after. I'm sure that the girls will adore their babies and give them tons of love, but the truth is that life will be SO much harder for them.

Demand that your man make a committment to you. You deserve it, don't you think?

 

[ayshahudson]

I'm sorry but I completely disagree, putting a ring on somebody's finger doesn't guarantee stability and security.

 

[sam's mum]

I'm sorry but I completely disagree, putting a ring on somebody's finger doesn't guarantee stability and security.

Completely agree with this. I know too many people who got married in the last few years and are now going through divorces. I do agree that if you're planning to have a baby, you should first work on your own relationship with your OH but I don't think that getting married is necessarily the best way to do that x

 

[brewanneanan]

Don't take this as being judgemental at all...but it's just an idea.

If you're ready to commit to creating a human life together, then why not commit to 'building' a life together...by getting married?

The sad truth is that many of the young girls on this site get pregnant and then break up with their boyfriends shortly after. I'm sure that the girls will adore their babies and give them tons of love, but the truth is that life will be SO much harder for them.

Demand that your man make a committment to you. You deserve it, don't you think?

haha that was the original plan, i said to my partner, everyones getting pregnant young, we should get married young, that would be different and it would be something that our kids could look up too in the future, that we did that

 

[CapitalChick]

Of course I'm not saying that getting married will ensure a perfect relationship. But what I am saying, is that if you're not ready to commit to marriage with someone, how can someone be ready to commit to having a baby with them?

 

[brewanneanan]

Of course I'm not saying that getting married will ensure a perfect relationship. But what I am saying, is that if you're not ready to commit to marriage with someone, how can someone be ready to commit to having a baby with them?

lol well we are ready to commit to it, he just doesn't really see the point in it, he believes a wedding is just a party where you spend alot of money and show off to everyone about how perfect your life is etc... his uncle and auntine have never been married and been together for about 30 years, they never got married due to the reasons above, but hey im sure we will tbh, just alot to save up for if i want to get the perfect wedding i want haha

 

[Chellebelle]

Hiya

I am not one to tell you whether you should have a baby now or later, but I can share my experiences which may help a little.

I wanted a baby when I was 17, I am a very maternal person... however, my man said we weren't ready... and now when I look back, I am glad we waited. We were renting and on a low income.

We decided to give ourselves a few years to get more stable... and we set a goal... to get a decent wage and a nice house to raise a child in. By the time I was 22, the years had gone so much quicker than I thought they would... probably because I was so busy trying to build a solid ground for being able to have a baby and give it the best start in life and enjoying my own life at the same time - doing things that I knew I wouldn't be able to do when we had a baby like going on "couple-holidays" and I even went on some "girly-holidays" (when I was 17 I didn't think I'd want to do any of that, but as time went on I changed my mind and decided to make happy pre-baby memories so that I would never feel that I missed anything and to make sure I had memories to share with my little one) before we knew it we had our own house with a garden for them to play in and a good job each with a decent income... so we discussed it and I came off the pill.

The only thing is, when I came off the pill I didn't get pregnant straight away like I hoped, and after many tests etc. they found problems... it took us 3 years to conceive, but looking back, now I am pregnant I feel that it is better now than it would have been 3 years ago - I have an even better job and more experiences to share... and me and my OH have become stonger every year (will be 8 years together by the time our LO is born).

I wish you and your partner all the best in whatever you decide to do and I didn't mean to go on, I just read your post and you sound so much like I was at 17, so I really wanted to share my personal experience.

Good luck. xxx

 

[sam's mum]

Of course I'm not saying that getting married will ensure a perfect relationship. But what I am saying, is that if you're not ready to commit to marriage with someone, how can someone be ready to commit to having a baby with them?

Sorry - completely misunderstood you! x

 

[brewanneanan]

i think maybe to be honest having a baby is a bigger commitment than getting married, i mean you can back out of a marrige, you can't really back out of being a mum, i think . correct me if i'm wrong....

 

[CapitalChick]

i think maybe to be honest having a baby is a bigger commitment than getting married, i mean you can back out of a marrige, you can't really back out of being a mum, i think . correct me if i'm wrong....

That's only because nowadays people treat marriage with such a cavaliere attitude.

I respectfull disagree with you, and I think that, unfortunately, MANY women learn the lesson that "making a baby together doesn't bond people", well into their pregnancies when their boyfriends disappear. At that point, it's a bit too late for them to back out.

 

[CapitalChick]

And...one more question: What's the rush? If my little sister (who is around your age) wanted to get pregnant now, I'd ask her the same thing. What's the rush? Why now? You have a solid 25 years of reproductive life ahead of you. Why not live in the moment, enjoy a 'normal' life at 17 years old (friends, school, hobbies, travel, yourself!) and the find the perfect man in your 20s (one you can really commit to and who can reciprocate). And then have a baby at that point.
I'd hate to see you miss the best years of your life. You're JUST at an age where you finally have your freedom....do you want to lose all that freedome RIGHT away??

 

[ayshahudson]

I'm not trying to sound antagonistic but it almost sounds as if you're saying having a baby is a hindrance, I was 18 when I fell pregnant & I don't ever regret it! I love being a young mum

 

[CapitalChick]

When you're 17 and considering a job at McD's...having a baby is a hindrance. Just my opinion.

 

[brewanneanan]

i have a job at mcd's yeah, and if you would have read the other thread, i have decided ot to have a child yet, and would like to wait although the feeling of brodiness is quite large, i don't think it's a hinderance i just think it's probably alot more commitment than a marrige, which i am also totaly up for, me and my partner have a completely stable loving relationship, and i know of many people who have had children just to try and save a marrige or relationship.....i hate it when people do that......at my age, maybe i should be out getting wrecked like everyone else my age.....i'm not like that, that kind of life doesn't ocupy me at all, i'm quite happy sat at home with a nice cup of tea and a film, and planning my career, college work and my job.....I don't want to be like the other teenagers my age, with the kind of social life they have, thats not how i want to live my life, maybe it's good for them but not for me.....yes i would like to go on a few holidays without having a child to worry about and some relaxation, but hey life isn't about relaxing, as a woman we are made to be mothers...hey maybe i'm just naive.

 

[CapitalChick]

No no, you don't sound naive. In fact, you do sound quite mature. And I have NO doubt whatsoever that you're not the 'partying' type. I was very similar to you. I got into a very serious relationship young, wasn't interested in dating tons of men. I was quite content marrying the first man I dated, and I was even more content to sit at home reading on the couch next to him!
So...you do sound mature, and I don't think you're all that naive.
But, what strikes me about your post is that you say that you're "happy to sit at home with a nice cup of tea and a film, and planning my career, college work and my job"...I think that if you had a baby now, you'd find that the career plans, college and work would take a MAJOR back seat for a very long time. I think that, perhaps you'd be able to return to those things at the age of 22-23....at which point you'd be just beginning a stage of your life (college, work, etc.) that others had gone through years before. AND...as you can imagine, college would be SO difficult with a little one to care for. I can't imagine the hundreds of hours of reading and essay writing that I had to do, if I had a child!

 

[ayshahudson]

CapitalChick has a good point, babies can be quite demanding and if you're at college it would be very difficult to study and concentrate (especially with all the night feeds!)
Anyway, hope all is well! (^-^)

 

[trueloveooh7]

i feel the SAME exact way

 

[brewanneanan]

i quit my job, the pay was awfull, it was costing me more to get to work than what i was earning, ive applied for a waitressing job and my mums friends with the manager, so all is good hopefully i will get this, its closer to home and more money so

 

[masi]

yeah i mean my parents, a council estate is like housing paid for by goverment, but some of the familys and children, are not what i would like my children to be associated with.

To be honest, i think you'll find that no matter where you live you'll find people you might not like to be associated with, it's not just council estates. Also, we live in a council estate, in a very nice house, with very nice neighbours. We pay rent for our house. My husband works full time as a roofer, on a very decent wage, and we can't afford to buy a house, so it maybe best if you don't turn your nose up.

 

[brewanneanan]

To be honest, i think you'll find that no matter where you live you'll find people you might not like to be associated with, it's not just council estates. Also, we live in a council estate, in a very nice house, with very nice neighbours. We pay rent for our house. My husband works full time as a roofer, on a very decent wage, and we can't afford to buy a house, so it maybe best if you don't turn your nose up.

I did write above it, i dont mean to cause any offence, its just the area i come from theres alot of people in that situation, who i don't associate with, weve had murders and lots of horrible crimes around where i live, i lived in one before and we had the car smashed up every few weeks and we even got the house broken into alot, i;m not saying all our the same, i just would rather when i have children they are not in the enviromet near me, bcoz most of the time its either they become the bully or they are the bullied, obviously not everywheres the same, just saying that y area is like this