Beanonorder
Mom and expecting #2
- Joined
- May 6, 2012
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I have an amazing 15 month old daughter and I absolutely love being a mom - even more than I thought possible!
I have always said I wanted two kids and have never once waivered from that (ok occasionally I think about more than two!). We dated and got married with my dh knowing this about it. In the beginning I never pushed the issue of having a baby as my dh is two years younger than me and pretty immature to boot. I reached a point when I was ready for kids and I let him know but I made it clear I wasn't pressuring him. He decided soon after that we should go for it. We tried for four months but unfortunately a lot happened and we separated for a while. We managed to sort it all out and got things back on track within a few months. A year later we decided to try again and were very lucky to get pregnant on our fourth month.
When she was 8 or 9 months old dh assured me (promised to be exact) that a second baby was still in the cards. Once she turned one I wanted to talk about when we'd start ttc/ntnp. To which dh replied he doesn't want anymore. I was absolutely devastated. The conversation/argument went on for a bit and ended with him saying that he still wasn't convinced but we would have the conversation at a later date. I was ok with this at the time. But we've never had the conversation again and he talks like we've made the decision to only have one. I'm feeling really negative towards him about this and its hard to focus on anything else. Having another baby seems to occupy my mind ALL THE TIME!
I've written him a four page letter explaining my reasons why I want another one, why I think it will be a good thing and also responding to his reasons for not having one (none of which are actually good reasons!). I also suggested three different dates to start trying. I don't want a huge age gap and I'm also going to be 31 this year so I don't want to be waiting forever. Now I'm too scared to give him the letter because we have been fighting so much. I keep thinking its not fair to bring another child into that but one of the reasons we fight is because of my negative feelings towards his blase attitude.
I'm afraid to bring the conversation up again in case I get a resounding no. Then what do I do? As a Christian I know I should be putting my husband first but I also know that if I do that I will be staying with the hope that he changes his mind. And every day that he doesn't I will just grow more bitter. And that isn't fair to either of us.
I have so much more to write about our situation but I've just realised that this is already so long! Sorry and thanks for reading!
I have always said I wanted two kids and have never once waivered from that (ok occasionally I think about more than two!). We dated and got married with my dh knowing this about it. In the beginning I never pushed the issue of having a baby as my dh is two years younger than me and pretty immature to boot. I reached a point when I was ready for kids and I let him know but I made it clear I wasn't pressuring him. He decided soon after that we should go for it. We tried for four months but unfortunately a lot happened and we separated for a while. We managed to sort it all out and got things back on track within a few months. A year later we decided to try again and were very lucky to get pregnant on our fourth month.
When she was 8 or 9 months old dh assured me (promised to be exact) that a second baby was still in the cards. Once she turned one I wanted to talk about when we'd start ttc/ntnp. To which dh replied he doesn't want anymore. I was absolutely devastated. The conversation/argument went on for a bit and ended with him saying that he still wasn't convinced but we would have the conversation at a later date. I was ok with this at the time. But we've never had the conversation again and he talks like we've made the decision to only have one. I'm feeling really negative towards him about this and its hard to focus on anything else. Having another baby seems to occupy my mind ALL THE TIME!
I've written him a four page letter explaining my reasons why I want another one, why I think it will be a good thing and also responding to his reasons for not having one (none of which are actually good reasons!). I also suggested three different dates to start trying. I don't want a huge age gap and I'm also going to be 31 this year so I don't want to be waiting forever. Now I'm too scared to give him the letter because we have been fighting so much. I keep thinking its not fair to bring another child into that but one of the reasons we fight is because of my negative feelings towards his blase attitude.
I'm afraid to bring the conversation up again in case I get a resounding no. Then what do I do? As a Christian I know I should be putting my husband first but I also know that if I do that I will be staying with the hope that he changes his mind. And every day that he doesn't I will just grow more bitter. And that isn't fair to either of us.
I have so much more to write about our situation but I've just realised that this is already so long! Sorry and thanks for reading!