"Are you happy?"

[Scout]

My nearly 3 year old has been asking me this for probably a year now, and I wonder if it's normal?? Any time I am stern with her or correct her she asks if I'm happy. Ex: While she was in the bath tonight she started splashing water out of the tub and I told her to stop splashing out of the tub and to splash towards the back of the tub so water didn't go on the floor. When I told her to stop, I suppose my voice was a bit stern, not loud, just stern. Then she says, "Are you happy?"

She asks me this every day, several times a day. If, for example, I have to ask her twice to come eat dinner, she'll ask me if I'm happy. If I ask her to pick up her toys, she'll ask me if I'm happy. It seems anytime I have to ask her to do something more than once, she'll ask me if i'm happy.

Is this normal? I worry that she's overly sensitive.

 

[staralfur]

My LO went through a big "do you still love me?" phase. Every time I'd get upset with her she'd put on this horribly sad face and whimper "do you still love me?" It was awful! She got over it though and now instead she gets mad and shouts "I don't love you anymore!" I think they're just trying to sort out their emotions, best thing you can do is just explain how you're feeling and reassure her. When my LO would ask if I still loved her I would say "of course I still love you! I was just upset with you because of ____, getting upset doesn't mean that I stop loving you."

 

[Christie2011]

My 3 year old would tell me when he made me happy or not. Well at least during his potty training phase. He knew if he used the potty it made it happy, so he would tell me 'mommy is so happy' then if he had gone in his pull up or underwear he would tell me I'm sad.

 

[minties]

Sophie's phrase for these scenarios is 'I like you mummy'. I think it's normal for sensitive kids to say something that is a sort of defence against our stern moments.

 

[Zephram]

My 3 year old does this too sometimes when I've had to be stern with him. He has also said, "Mummy, can you please be happy?" with tears streaming down his face after having time out for something 'big' like hitting.

I think it's pretty common at this age because they are becoming aware that other people actually have feelings. And they are dear little things who really do want to please us, despite being cheeky little nards a lot of the time!

 

[AngelUK]

Dominic does this too when I have been stern or upset with them. It always hits me like an arrow cause I think that is his way of asking if I still love them. I hate that he should ever doubt it and it makes me want to be less impatient and less shouty. But yeah, at times it is hard to be calm and even tempered :/

 

[MindUtopia]

No, I would say that's really lovely. What it sounds like she's doing is checking in with you. She obviously has the emotional maturity to realise she's done something that might upset you. So she's checking in with you to see how you react and if you're upset with her. My daughter does this too when she can see I'm upset. If they are connected to you, they can easily read your emotions and moods and ideally you want a kid who wants others to be okay and not upset. It sounds like she is sensing you might be angry with her or upset and is trying to find out a way to make things better. I think that's really lovely. My daughter does that too. She also asks if I'm sad, and if I say I am, she'll want to do something to make it better, like give me a cuddle, or do something funny to make me laugh. I think that's really nice. I don't think you can ever have a kid who is too plugged in to recognising others emotions. That's a really important personal skill.

 

[Miss Vintage]

Mine asks "are you sad?", but same circumstances, usually when he's done something he's not supposed to do and I've had to be stern with him. When he was toilet training, every time he used the toilet and didn't have an accident, he'd go around saying "mummy and daddy so proud of me". Pretty sure he doesn't know what 'proud' means, but he knows it's good.

 

[Scout]

I feel so much better, ladies. Thank you! I've been so concerned that she'll be overly sensitive and get upset or crushed every time she is corrected (I was like that until in to adulthood), so I'm so glad to hear it's normal for this age.

 

[LilMiss_91]

My son does this. Shouting doesn't work with him, it's more effective to make eye contact and quietly tell him that whatever he did has made mummy sad or cross so I think that's where it's come from. He'll say "you happy mummy?" a little while later and he'll keep checking.
The other day I was having a very emotional time and burst into tears at one point. My lovely boy turned to me, put his hand on my cheek and gave me a cuddle. Then he turned around and pulled a tissue from the box on the side and handed it to me. I don't think I've ever been so proud of him as I was in that moment! Of course with my preggy hormones it just made me cry harder!

But honestly Ii think it's a good sign, especially when they're so little. It really shows that their emotional hardwiring is getting all into place. It's just important to be open and communicate honestly with them about emotions, that way they will learn to be open and honest with you about their feelings too

 

[biglebowski]

Yeah my lo says the exact same phrase. "Are you happy Mummy?". He used to say it if I was being strict about something, or if he had had a potty accident. I felt really awful if it was in relation to a potty accident. I used to always clarify that it made me sad / disappointed / hurt me...etc if he hit me, threw something, but that I loved him always. If it was to do with the potty I'd just say of course I'm fine and I love you. I think it just shows they are aware that their actions can cause others to feel certain emotions. I suppose as parents we will verbalise our responses / feelings etc and also give names to their emotions when we are reinforcing positive or negative behaviours.
Ive seen him become more confident at also telling me when he is feeling something. He will tell me that he is angry or my favourite, "not my best friend" if he dislikes my response to something. I presume he's picked that lovely gem up at nursery. It always miffs him when I say thats fine if Im not your friend, Im your mummy and Ill always love you. He usually flounces off!!

 

[JessyG]

My DD has started this in the last few weeks. Its not normally directly linked to me telling her not to do something so I didn't put the two together.

The other night at bedtime. She was cuddling in to bed and said 'am so happy here mummy' melted my heart.

I have taken it to mean she is beginning to have some sort of understanding about feelings. I have always responded with 'I am so happy, I get to spend my day with you' she then will usually ask if daddy is happy (I assume because he is at work and not spending the say with her) I say he would rather be here with you I am sure. She loves this

 

[Bevziibubble]

Holly sometimes asks 'why are you sad mummy?' It makes me feel sad when she asks that as I feel like I have been too impatient with her and she feels like she's made me sad.

 

[Lady_Bee]

Alex (now 4) has done this since he was 3. It's usually "are you happy with me?" rather than just "are you happy?" But yes he asks it when he can tell I'm a bit stressed out. He just wants to know that he and I are ok, and he's letting me know he wants to reconnect I think.

 

[twobecome3]

mine will ask why I'm being grumpy, or tell me to stop being angry when I tell her not to do something

 

[Gym knickers]

If my LO knows she's done wrong her way of melting me is to say ' yes but we are still best friends aren't we?' It's so hard to stay cross!! I think it's nice that they can read others emotions and respond to them

 

[kirstybumx3]

Rio does this! Only recently and I don't know where he's got it from. If I tell him to stop doing something he will say "you're not cross mummy, you're happy" 😂 Rather than ask me if I'm happy he tells me I am lol. I don't know where he's got 'cross' from though because I've never used that word.
He also tells me I'm sad when I have no make up on - must look rough! X