Ashamed...who have I become? Desperate plea for help

[bbyno1]

big
my fob split up with me threw my pregnancy (and even tho it only lasted a week) i felt exactly the same as you..just layed in bed crying my eyes out,felt like i couldnt bring aliyah up alone,everytime i looked at her felt she needed her daddy back,just wanted fob to open hes arms and just give me s massive hug like he used too..id send him message afer message and he would never reply so then id start using aliyah ..not exactly as an excuse but just tried pushing the right buttons so id get a reply..started saying when are you gunna see her,you need to look after her today for a few hours,take responsibility or im coming up to your work and you willl see her etc just to get a reply which was nasty of me but it worked so i guess i kinda played on it even tho i new i was wrong..

all i can say is do give him space..as hard as it is..thats all my fob wanted and i haressed him and pushed him further away..when i gave him some space,showed him i 'didnt care' about us just wanted him to be there for the baby he come back..im not saying your in the same situation as me but just maybe give him a little bit of his own time and he will text/call you 1st>maybe arrange to meet up or for you to go his house without you mentioning it?

when your baby is here you will have so much to do and itl keep you focused and give you a big reason to live honestly..if you wanna talk just message me..im not very good with words but i know exactly where your coming from x

 

[Marzipan_girl]

Aw wow thanks everyone. I always take for granted that alot of you have been reading some of my previous posts! I sort of write each post afresh as though nobody knows any of the situation.
You're all so kind though...I guess you're right. He's not the nicest of people...I need to try and stand on my own two feet because I am SO dependant at the moment on someone who I really shouldn't be.
I just got discharghed today from hospital again, as I had to go in at about 2am on Sunday night, from a large amount of bleeding. It stopped yesterday so I can come home...not sure whats happening to me but baby seems happy...his heart was monitered whilst I was there.
I hope things will get better....I pray. Thankyou girls...

 

[Pixxie]

I have seen from previous posts we have some of the same issues (anxiety etc) and I have to say I totally understand why you have said these things to FOB and why its now tearing you apart.

He sounds like a right prick if you ask me, he knows your issues and knows your hormones will be making everything much worse yet he is acting as though its a major problem for him.

You need to talk to someone though, you cant go on like this because it will drive you mad. Cut him out, you dont need him and his shit and neither does your son. PM me if you need to chat hope you feel better soon xxxxx

 

[babybumpage]

I'm so sorry you are going through such a rough time. My suggestions might be a bit harsh, so take them for what they are. You need to realize that some men are great fathers, but are horrible boyfriends, and terrible husband material. I have met a few men before my husband that would have fallen into that category. The problem many women have is that they want that father figure so bad, that they forget it's just important to have a happy mom as a happy dad. What's the point of having both, if both are miserable? So first and foremost, get yourself situated. At best, from your ticker you have less than 5 weeks left till you are taking him home. Which means you now have a timeframe to make the wrongs right. You have less than 5 weeks to fix yourself up and get yourself into mommy mode and the right frame of mind. Any mom saying she wants to die and kinda sounding like she REALLY does is a sign that you are way too dependent on the situation. So for right now, lets look at what you do have. A great mom, a fabulous baby (which please remember some of us would and are doing almost anything to have, no really, I mean that...), and one really bright future with LOTS of opportunities. If I'm right, that alone sounds like you are on a great track. This guy sounds like he's getting the milk for free if you know what I mean, and it's about time he either stops getting the milk, or he buys the cow, because he's getting the best of everything for nothing. Now, your emotional issues are something else, and if you are having emotions like that, you need to start searching online for ways to calm yourself. Your emotions are going through the roof, but they are going to continue to do so for a LONG time. So maybe you need to talk to him, but how about doing it with a 3rd person who can guide the communication in a healthy way. It's really hard for a guy to be reasonable when we are screaming at them, right? So maybe add a healthy mediator, and you can get to a resolution. If nothing else, you can explain to him how much it means to you and to your son to have the father there. I wouldn't demand an answer tho. I would allow him to think about it, let it sink in, explain to him that pregnancy hormones have taken you over and you understand how that can be impossible for him to understand, but that you hope he can try. Now, from what the other ladies are saying, you need to ditch him fast. If someone is not treating you with dignity and respect when you are pregnant, they never will. There is no other truth there, if they can't handle you when pregnant, when they should be on their absolute best behavior and help as much as possible, then they never will. There may be an exception or two, but men just tend to show their true colors when you need them the most. I think you need a plan, and I'm really feeling like from what little I know, you need to tell him to go on his trip if he thinks thats what he needs to do. Then I would take all your time and be completely on your own. Remember, men Want what they can't have. So make him miss you and your little one. Make him realize he needs you by keeping him at a distance. It's just an opinion but hopefully something there will be helpful.

 

[AriannasMama]

You too good of a person to be with a guy like this, you and your LO deserve the best and if he cant give that to you then screw him!

Anytime you need to talk we're all here!

 

[Marzipan_girl]

Awww...Thanks!

 

[ilvmylbug]

I turned into a real desperate mess when I was pregnant with my daughter. My OH and I fought constantly and eventually he went away, leaving me pregnant and alone. I was stuck in a house with barely any food and NOTHING to do. He left me depressed, severely bored and practically on the edge of a nervous breakdown. At the time I thought I would die or kill myself if I was without him.

Eventually, I went back to my mom's house and got much much better. Especially after I had my daughter, I returned to my normal self. I spent so much time being around people who really loved me and taking care of my daughter, I wasn't so preoccupied with him. I really regret letting him believe I needed him. And one day, while we were arguing and I was just plain TIRED of it, he threatened to break up with me. And I said, "FINE. We're over." He was so shocked his first words were, "WHY?!?!" I hung up on him and it felt GREAT!

Sorry for the long story, but give yourself time. Yes, it's horrible now and it will be the worst, I promise. Do not let him get to you - if you cannot try to be healthy and happy for you, do it for your baby.

 

[loulou1983]

you deserve so much better than this man is capable of giving you...I think you really need to focus on yourself and LO at the moment. Be strong honey. Only he can choose whether he has it in him to step up and be a father. You and Rory will be fine whatever he decides x hugs x