at my wits end :(

[louise1302]

with my 12 year old, he has zero respect for me my house or anyone in it, or school for tyhat matter

he doesnt come home from school until he feels like it anything up to midnight when im going frantic and calling the police

hes naughty in school and has no respect for the teachers. he gets s4ent to short stay(isolation) at least once a week and has been suspended 5 times this year already

he hits my oh(his step dad) and i mean punches him in the face if he dares tell him off

when he does finally come home(he always does) hes so blase about it "oh ive been with my mates so what"

and it gets even better tonight ive discovered over the week almost 20pounds has gone missing from my purse and my other sons medal he earned in a tournament has been stolen(it definitely cant have been the pther 2 older lads as theyve not left my sight when theyve played out its been on the green in front of the house

i dont know what to do with him for the best no punishment works i dont want to hit him, i cant ground him except for weekends as he just wont come home. he denys stealing and i cant actually prove it even though i know its him

i did hear something about the family intervention service who deal with naughty kids but apparently all they do is tell them to behave and then take them out and i dont want him rewarded for doing things the other kids do automatically and get nothing for iykwim

its not like he wants for anything his bedroom has everything from an xbox 360 psp and stereo to his own hamster

im so sad hes turning out this way my 10 and 11 yr olds are so much more mature and sensible and theyve all been raised the same way

his father is a waste of space he looks after him 3 weeks a year and lets him do whatever he wants whenever he wants from eating to sleeping and going to bed and gettingb up(obviously he doesnt have school there)

i really am at a loss

 

[xxxjacxxx]

aww hun I really feel for you. We are going through something similar here with my 13 year old. Although he wouldn't dare even look at my OH funny, nevermind hit him.....I cant beleive he punches his step dad, that is down right disrespectful

I would start off by setting some ground rules, he is 12, he should be following your rules not his own! Give him a time to be home, if he's late, ground him or take his phone/laptop/xbox off him...this works with Ryan.

The school actually got a policeman to come into school to have a word with Ryan and he took him to our local police station and showed him the cells.... Harsh but it worked for a while.

Im sorry, ive got no more constructive advice but you have to get a grip of him now, before its too late

 

[louise1302]

thats the thing jac ive told him to be home by 3 30 every night this week but he just wont ive had the police and they give the oooh why are you running away talk wtf hes not running away hes arsing about with his mates, ive promised him rewards for coming in and also punishments for not like i wont get his hair cut until he toes the line, the gang hes in with atm just dont give a toss so neither does he

i even sent a fake letter from the police telling him he had a 6pm curfew and he ignores it

 

[TattiesMum]

Has he always been like this Louise, or is it something that has started recently?

Personally I'd get really tough - get the school on board... take him to school and collect him myself once school is over and confiscate all of his electrical items (playstation, xbox, phone - the lot) - to be earned back by good behaviour. Make sure that your money is hidden and locked away

It will be tough on you, because he's going to rant and rave and you are going to have to go out of your way every single day. If he hits you or your OH or trashes the house then press charges.

Tough Love ... it's about the only option that you have left if you are to get him back on track I've raised 3 teens and sometimes the only option is a harsh lesson in the realities of life - mine turned out OK in the end - at least relative to so many of their previous friends who seem to be in and out of jail or who have ended up dead thanks to drunken stupidity, car accidents in stolen cars or drug overdoses .... it's hard to raise kids in an urban environment these days, especially as they have so many rights and we, as parents, seem to have none

 

[louise1302]

i wish i could pick him up but i have to work 3 days a week and i finish at 4, he finally came in tonight at 11 15pm and ive told him how unacceptable it is, im going to get tough and might use this as a kind of record or journal
wish me luck

 

[Vickie]

Good luck

 

[TattiesMum]

Bummer Is there someone else who can pick him up from school?

I swear - we think when they are babies that we will relax when they get older, but the worrying just gets worse!

Good luck Hon

 

[shedevil]

makes me kinda worried for whats in store for me..i have a 10 yr old girl and 2 boys 5 and 2.fun times ahead!

 

[AnnaBanana9]

Good luck honey xx

 

[Lois]

It sounds like he has a hell of a lot of emotional pain (linked to his biological father maybe?) and being 12years old has absolutely no clue what to do with it or how to seek comfort in a healthy way. Have you considered the two of you having counselling together? If it is something he would refuse then perhaps you could have the counsellor come to your home so that you don;t have an impossible battle getting him out of the door with you. Being able to talk to someone independent may allow him to open up about things he feels he can't discuss with his family.

Is it likely that he and his friends are drinking and/or taking drugs do you think?

Sorry you're all having to cope with this.
Lx

 

[louise1302]

i dont think theyre taking drugs or drinking....snoking maybe because i have caught him before

tattiesmum its not a recent thing hes always been the one of mine to push the boundaries right from age about 5 he just got worse when he went to high school as thats a 20 min walk and his primary school was right facing. although he was much worse behaved at primary school

we have tried counselling ande tbh it was useless they made out oh and i were bad parents and took no notice of his behaviour or the fact i have 2 other older kids(1 is 11 months younger and 1 2 years younger) and their behaviour is reasonable(not perfect by any means but what kid is?)

hes been ok so far this morning and the other kids got to sleep last night because i nmade him sleep on a beanbag in my room (sad i know but the mood he was in hed have kept the thers up all night)

 

[mommy43]

oh hun i really feel for u i have a dd that did all that n more from about 13 she put me through hell i think what worked for me is start each day as a new one if theres punishment to be had have it immediatly remove something till the next day maybe is he sharing a room? if so it makes life a little harder as u cant take things out the room its not fair on the others does he n the others have pocket money? treats? i no it sounds harsh but i started giving mine to the others at a time dd should of been in but wasnt n using well u werent here it does cause outroar but i was determind to make her see she missed out by not being where she should i had to take n collect my daughter up untill now shes turned 16 but it was the only way to get her through school she is better now it seems to be something shes slowley growing out of but like u said i find shes immature i have others younger that are more mature n sensible good luck hun stay strong mean the things u say feel free to pm me i'll help if i can

 

[Pixie71]

My 13 year old daughter acts up too, does feck all to help,cant be arsed to tidy her room, wont take showers, got into trouble at school etc etc.
I think she has her nose out of joint at arrival of Thom (her dad never lived with us and plays up with seeing her). She gets on with OH but is cheeky. I think puberty makes it worse, maybe you need some 1-1 time with him find out whats troubling him??
Its a tough time, I know that.

 

[Dinoslass]

Oh, I am so sorry to hear all this. It sounds dreadful. I have three teenage children and all though we have had hard times with my daughter, we were able to set some rules, especially at the age of 12.
Pity you can't pick him up from school as suggested before as that is what I would do. He is too young to be acting like an adult who decides all that. I would take away all his nice things, let him earn them back. Trouble is that that I do not know if he actually uses things like that at home because from the sound of it he is out most of the time. Is there anything that he does value? Or anything that he likes doing?
If you can not work it out do try and get someone in? Can't school take him a bit longer until you can pick him up? I know here some children have to make their homework in school, so have to stay back an hour. Or anyone else who can pick him up?
It is really hard to give advice, because no doubt you have tried many thigns yourself already.
Good luck!

 

[mandy81]

no advice hun, just wanted to give you some

 

[louise1302]

thanks everyone

he seems to go through stages depending on who hes 'hanging round' with and is very much a sheep if they say dont go home then he wont

he does spend time indoors when i can get him home, lol i did go to pick him up one day from school and they were bringing him to reception, he found out i was there and did a runner out the fire escape. when i finally caught him people were phoning the police because he was shouting that i was kidnapping him and i wasnt his parent

i have taken away his psp it would have been his phone but he sold that a few weeks ago but tbh i dont know what he values he seems not to give a toss about anything

i have told him if he comes home from schoool for the nextr 3 weeks that are left then ill let him go swimming with his friends in the hols, ive not allowed it before but he is a pretty strong swimmer

 

[cabaretmum2b]

Oh hun, I am sorry you're having to deal with all this
I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but as his behaviour is so erratic, have you tried speaking to the doctor? There could be something causing his behaviour that could be helped, for example if he has more medically-based behavioural difficulties?
Aside from that, I can only suggest what everyone else has - take away his gadgets when he doesn't do as he's told etc.
Would it be worth seeing if you could get him home-schooled? That might take away the problem of him going to school and not coming back, and obviously he's not going to be in the same environment as his group of friends etc.
Carry on being strong, and good luck

 

[pinkmummy]

I can't help but just wanted to send you lots of xx

 

[Publicstacey]

No advice. Just feel for what you all are coping with. Good luck!

 

[louise1302]

well he actually came in from school today however he did steal my bike this morning to get there
he got home at 3 15 (school ends at 2 45) so 30 mins isnt bad long may it continue