at my wits end :(

[hypnorm]

i'd take away any prividges, and make him earn them back. if he breaks the rules it gets taken away again.
does he share a room with his sibling? would it be better as he is the eldest to have his own room? just a suggestion?

 

[TattiesMum]

well he actually came in from school today however he did steal my bike this morning to get there
he got home at 3 15 (school ends at 2 45) so 30 mins isnt bad long may it continue

That's really good and has given me an idea ... I know he's way too old for a reward chart, but how about a deal whereby if he continues to keep the rules then, after an agreed amount of time, he can have his own bike?

Bribery often works ... it's just a matter of finding the right bribe LOL

 

[louise1302]

well...it didnt last, he hasnt come home tonight yet. im pregnant, tired, in work tomorrow and tbh fecking had enough. nothing works at all. all i want to do is have a shower and go to bed but my life is being ruled by a 12 yr old who does exactly as he pleases
he cant have his own room because i only have 3 bedrooms and 4 children so they have to share

 

[louise1302]

he really is taking the piss i just went out for a walk to see if i could see him and on my way back he came round the corner saw me and ran off so i shouted i was going to get the police to come and find him and he ignored me. being pregnant im not in a fit state to run after him

 

[Pixie71]

He sounds like he is really testing you or could he have ADHD or something like that, poor you,

 

[louise1302]

hes still not home ive called the police ive had enough

my neighbour just told me she saw him creep up to the front window and stand looking in on us for ages she thought hed come in but hes run off again

i dont think he has adhd as when hes good he can be really good, he just manipulates people and because he knows theres nothing i can do about him running off he just does it

 

[Vickie]

 

[amylk87]

I know this may sound silly, but does he know how much his behaviour is hurting you? Has he seen you crying over it? I say this because most boys tend to be mummy's boys and seeing their mother upset makes them sad. Maybe just showing him what it is doing to you may provoke some kind of guilt... good luck x

 

[helen1234]

oh shit hun, this really isnt what you need

i'm crap with advice cos every child is different, but i'd start by sitting him down ad telling him how he makes you feel, i can really get to rosie emotionally if she knows i'm upset. ask him what he really wants from family life as staying out and stealing is unaceptable and he knows it.

i'd strip all priviledges xbox, phone, any money he has, lock your stuff up if you have to, he's got to feel the punishment for it to work.

i've taken rosies laptop because she went through my bedroom bedside table taking bits and bobs and her room is a disgrace in fact it verges on unhygenic.
if i shout at rosie i get verbal back, but if i completely blank her for a day or so she comes running, refuse to do anything for him, even cooking if he's not there for tea e goes hungry.

i think you need to try sit down talk to him if you can see whats going on

 

[louise1302]

hes still not home the police are looking for him now

ive tried crying, telling him its no good for the baby, hes only eaten tea about 3 times in 2 weeks because i refuse to cook for him if he doesnt come home

nothing beats the lure of his mates-every morning he promises to come home and every night he doesnt im so tired and have got to leave for work at 7 30

 

[danni1979]

Oh Hunni
I am so sorry you're going through this,to me it sounds like a very def case of he's hanging around with a bad crowd,and from my own experiance there seems to be sod all you can do till he gets tired of them or you up and move lol,but none of thats gonna help you now!!
I havent been amum very long so dont have much experiance but how does he feel about his dad? Is he close to him?
Maybe you could have a chat with his dad and ask him to let him stay over for a week or so to give you a bit of a break and maybe break him away from his mates abit?? Maybe it might make him realise how good he's got it with you
HTH
xx xx

 

[louise1302]

hes still not in, no sign of him at all i feel sick

 

[Vickie]

I'm so sorry he's putting you through this

 

[hypnorm]

Wish i could offer some advice, is there anyone you could speak to.
Or come down really hard on him. Take everything away from him? send him to his grandparents?
have you spoken to his school? sometimes they can offer advice.. maybe even change school.

 

[TattiesMum]

Oh Hon

I agree with the others - is there anywhere that you can send him to get him away from the crowd he is running around with?

It's soul destroying when they are like this .... my middle daughter put me through hell and back (she was older than 12 though) and there just doesn't seem to be anything that we are allowed to do as parents

If we lock them up they can claim false imprisonment, if we punish them physically then it's abuse, the school just seem to concentrate on telling them their rights and then blaming us when they don't turn up Social Services don't want to know, nor do the police really I feel for you, I really do

 

[louise1302]

hes sat her absolutely crapping himself because he knows theres no excuse he can give the police that will justify what he has done

when they arrive that is

someone on my facebook suggested a genius idea.
i cant really pick him uo from school every day as i work until 4pm however theres 2 days a week i dont and his dad can do the other 3. if we pick him up at the end of school then he runs out of a different exit...but if i go beofre the end of school they can take me to his class and ill collect him 10 mins early
hes not even goine to school today-shame as he was really looking forward to sports day which means as his dad worked last night i havent been able to go to work either
thank you everyone

 

[isil]

I'm glad he's not just missing a normal day of school and something that he was actually looking forward to. It makes being off and waiting for the police a punishment rather than a reward (being off school) especially if the police don't turn up.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this

 

[hypnorm]

i really do hope the police turn up for you, will give you a bit of back up.

 

[louise1302]

police came and were here less than 30 seconds their job apparently is to make sure ive not abused him, nothing to him about the amount of stress he put me under and the dangers of being out so late

they asked him why he did it and he said he didnt like being grounded and they said if he did it again he would be in trouble, but ive had the police to him loads of times and theyve not done anything so he knows nothing will happen, fail again

 

[TattiesMum]

police came and were here less than 30 seconds their job apparently is to make sure ive not abused him, nothing to him about the amount of stress he put me under and the dangers of being out so late

they asked him why he did it and he said he didnt like being grounded and they said if he did it again he would be in trouble, but ive had the police to him loads of times and theyve not done anything so he knows nothing will happen, fail again

This is what I mean Louise As parents we seem to have absolutely no power at all

The kids have all the power, and the authorities just don't back us parents up when we need help ... and yet it's all OUR fault in the eyes of the media etc when the kids go off the rails

My daughter ran away from home to live with her boyfriend - the police wouldn't do anything (there was no point apparently because the courts would just take her wishes into account anyway ), Social Services didn't want to know and the school just provided her with a mentor who wouldn't talk to me because it would be a 'breach of confidence' .... it didn't stop them sending the bl**dy truant officer round to my house and threatening me with fines etc when she didn't turn up to school though

Thankfully she came to her senses of her own accord eventually (and she was a little older than your son), but I well remember the sense of powerlessness of those times