At what age will you stop trying?

[mumoffive]

I was thinking about this last night. I am not really bothered about me being pregnant health wise as i have had a baby concieved at 38 had when 39, then conceived at 39 and had at 40 and was fine but i am more worried about the risks of having a baby with issues iykwim. when will you say enough is enough?

 

[Minno]

Personally I am going to keep trying for as long as poss. I am desperate to have no 2 and am hurtling towards being 41 in a couple of months time. Hoping I still have time left but feeling a bit despondent about it all like it will never happen. I'm in good health and fit so I hope that if I am lucky enough to conceive again, things will be ok but I do realise there are increased risks of difficulties the older we get.

 

[Minno]

Mumoffive - do you mind me asking, how long did it take you to conceive when you were 39/40?

 

[mumoffive]

Not long. I conceived my ds on the second month ttc. However, i just had my dd 5 months prior to that so think i was very fertile. I have always caught on quick..but sadly, im 42 now and am finding it a lot harder. I am on my fifth month now ttc however, i did have a very early m/c after 2 months ttc, my first ever. It seems to be the scourge of being in your 40's, the more i read. I am feeling like you. I am so despondant now. Just feel like its never going to happen. I dont know when my cut off point will be. Just wondered how long everyone else would go on for. Goodluck x

 

[babyanise]

i am 43 and been thinking alot about this,i think i will give it a few more months then call it a day.

 

[mumoffive]

Anise really? I thought you were happy ntnp. Tbh, i think there will come a time where you just really want to 'get on with life' and forget it all. You just seem to put your life on hold dont you? even although you may not even be actively trying. You kind of just think about it. Really really hope you get your bfp Anise. x

 

[Lyns]

I'm currently 41, and I don't think we would ever prevent, but I think that as time goes on, we will know when the 'window has closed' so to speak.

In all honesty, i thought it had done, a few months back. I was diagnosed with cancer and told I was very likely to have to have radiotherapy, which would have been a natural end to it all for us anyway, and the thought of it wasn't quite as awful as I actually thought it would be. Again, I'm lucky that I'm not TTC no 1, as it will always make my daughter seem even more of a blessing. But I would always rather regret trying too long, than giving up too soon IYKWIM!!

If you asked me now.......I'd still say we had more chance of succeeding than not, although I don't always feel like that when AF pitches up!

 

[inkdchick]

I agree with Lyns time will tell me too im 43 and have been trying for two years and feel that im not ready to give up yet.
Minno it depends on the person tbh i am 43 and have been trying for 2 years and we are still trying so it really depends on the person good luck hun hope its really soon for you xx

 

[Minno]

Thanks for sharing Mumoffive - know just how you feel. I'm having a bad day. AF coming on and feeling rather hopeless about it all. I know I shouldn't but I couldn't help having a look at the ttc stats. Actually it was a little more encouraging than I expected with there being double the rates of women conceiving in their 40's than five years ago. Avge ttc is around 20-24 months for 40+ (with 1 in 20 chance each month) so I guess we all just have to keep on trying, hard though it is. I'm with Lyns for preferring to regret having tried too long than not long enough. But every month it gets harder and harder to pick myself up and look ahead.

Ladies - you are an inspiration. I will certainly keep going as long as I can and it will be much easier because I know I can count on all of you for support. Thanks so much xxx

 

[Minno]

INkdchick - good for you. It could be just around the corner. I read an article today by a fertility expert that said the worst thing you can do is give up, especially if you've been trying for ages as you may be closer to hitting the target than ever before.
Keep going girl! That goes for you too Anise xxx

 

[Rumpskin]

I will keep trying until hopefully I will get a little in my arms.

I am 39 btw x

 

[serendippy]

I think ill give up when im 45..i really cant see me still trying at that age, ill just learn to face the facts that ill never be a mother.

Im not in a good place at the mo cos i assume im ovulating this weekend and my OH refused to try cos of the chemical. Im dreading the next two weeks with the thought that i havent even got a chance this cycle.

Pissed off is an understatement!!

 

[mumoffive]

Oh Serendippy..is it cause he saw how upset you were after the chemical? I kind of tried to hide it a bit cause i was afraid my dh said to me 'well if it gets you this upset then i dont think we should try just incase it happens again' Actually, he almost said it Its so hard isnt it. Hope he changes his mind. x

 

[serendippy]

Its basically cos the doctor said we shudnt try this cycle and he thinks were more at risk from another one if we try straight after. Its taken us 12 months just to get one BFP, im not sure i can stand waiting another 12 months to get another one if we ever do of course.

I think all my positivity has flown off to be honest..feeling really down over it all...so much to the point i do kinda feel like giving up

 

[Minno]

So sorry to hear about your situ Serendippy. The whole ttc is so damn difficult for us older gals. I've never had a BFP in 20 months of trying so I imagine that having a chemical must be awful. Sometimes though, I've heard that your fertility is higher after a chemical or MC and maybe it would be worth a shot this month because of that if you feel you can and can convice DH. Lots of luck xxx

 

[serendippy]

Unfortunately Minno we dont live together yet so we have just missed our window which was this weekend. Nowt i can do now other than wish the next 2 weeks away until AF and then start next cycle. All this really sucks!!

Sorry for being so negative..think i need a kick up me backside lol xxxx

 

[Minno]

I certainly do! I am so full of self-pity right now. Hope the next two weeks flies by for all of us xxx

 

[mumoffive]

Well i have to say that your doctor seems to be going against current thinking. There was a report that said you should try right away!! You are more fertile seemingly. It didnt work for me but it may work for others. I know how you feel. I have been there. I had a chemical and it just takes the wind out of your sails. The only difference was i was only ttc for 2 mnths when i had mine. If i had been waiting longer i would have been even more devastated. For some strange reason this month, my fourth month ttc, it hit me SO hard when my af came. I have no idea why. I have found it so hard this month to pick myself up. I am now just on a negative spiral. I just cant help but think..whats the point? Its so very hard to keep your chin up month in, month out. x

 

[ArticBaby]

Sometimes I feel like giving up, till I hear/read success stories. But I will be 40 this dec and talk about the clock ticking

I will give 2-3 years till I call it quits

 

[mogsanddogs]

i too will be stopping when im 45 in january and oh will be having a vasectomy .

we were desperate for a second child and had our son at 34 and tried for next 8 years without a bfp then got a bfp when i was 44 but mc at 9 weeks ,absloutely devastating.

we decided to keep trying for another few months and my cycle has finally returned to normal and am ov again but am not holding out much hope as apparently after 44 your chances nosedive to only a 1% chance every cycle .

but never say never that lucky egg might be just waiting for its chance