Atheists/Agnostics, how would/do you hand your LO being exposed to religion?

[Katy Bug]

This has been bothering me lately. My family and friends are very Christian but I'm agnostic. I don't know if there is a god or any gods out there, even though I like to think there is. Either way I am not religious and don't attend church. I don't believe in Jesus Christ either when it comes to Christianity (I was raised in it). It's scary to me thinking about LO growing up because I know my dad and mom and grandmother will try and tell him about their god and bible. Since I don't agree with them I don't necessarily wanting him to just take their word for it that God and Jesus exists and the Bible is true. If the approach was different it'd be easier to deal with. Like if my dad said, "I believe in a god that created the universe" instead of "God created the universe and you". I feel like children are sort of brainwashed into their religion because they don't get a choice. It's either God or God. I want him choose for himself what he believes, but am so afraid of all the personal opinions he'll be exposed to. My grandmother would be the worst, telling him about speaking in tongues and shouting all over the place and falling out (Pentecostal).

How does one get around this? I don't want to be mean and be like, "You can't talk about your religion around him!"

 

[smelly07]

Myself and my husband are not religious - but i guess spiritual - we believe there is life after death but we do not believe in religion at all, we didnt have the issue regarding religious family members though so i have no advice there, other than talk to your family about your feelings.

Its difficult because religion is every where and children learn about it in schools and hear about it from friends when older etc i think its important that children are aware of ALL religions and respect others beliefs and even though WE dont believe in religion our children may grow up and believe in a certain religion and that to us is absolutely fine.

I think that it should be okay to talk about religion(s) around children but not force it upon a child so i guess the only thing as i said before is talk to the family members about how you feel x

 

[marley2580]

We treat it all like stories for the most part, and we discuss what people believe. From that my kids are free to take what they want and make up their own minds

 

[Dragonfly]

We home school, all the schools in my area wouldn't accept my children as they dont have a religion. So I have no problem in that respect, family and friends dont talk about religion either. Its not a big factor at all here.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Mine have no huge religion. They do nativity at school but they dont say grace or prayers or anything. I am fine with that.

 

[Rachel_C]

Can you speak to your family about how they bring up religion with him? I would be very firm with them that either they say "I believe X because..." rather than "X is true" or they don't discuss religion AT ALL with him.

Either that, or just be very clear with your LO that different people believe different things. My OH and I both say "I believe/Some people believe X because..." but I'm sure the inlaws will, at some point, just say "God says... etc". I don't mind that because the world is full of people saying what they believe as fact and not just with regard to religion! IMO being a parent is about teaching your child to deal with that and how to know what's fact and what's belief. So if LO hears somebody saying a belief as fact, I just make sure to say "Yep, Grandma believes that, some people believe this instead and others believe something else completely" etc.

 

[socitycourty]

i know we will have a problem with this as my IL's are evangelical christians. they took my DH to some hellfire play when he was little and he has never forgiven them. i feel at times they are nuts. so if it becomes a really bad problem i'd keep my LO away, plain and simple.

 

[Button#]

I don't think we'll have too much of a problem as only MIL has any sort of religious tendencies and she doesn't visit often enough for it to have an effect. I will be trying to find a secular school for him though as I do not want him taught religion as fact.

 

[Sarahkka]

I think you would have to protect your child from the sort of fearmongering stuff - for instance, are you worried that they are going to tell him that your whole family is going to hell because you don't believe? That kind of thing is seriously inappropriate to say to anyone, but can be absolutely traumatizing for a small child. Is it possible to have a conversation with them about waiting until your child is a certain age before sharing any more than certain parts of their beliefs? For instance, if someone wanted to tell my child about a nice man named Jesus who did some amazing things so now people try to be as nice as he was... that would be fine by me. It's presented as a story, it's not scary or judgemental, it's not going to make my kid worried that he has done something wrong by not not going to church. When a kid gets to be around 10 or so, they usually will have a much stronger critical faculty and be able to listen to some of the hellfire and brimstone stuff without feeling personally attacked or freaked out.
If you can't have that conversation and you are worried that your relatives won't respect your concerns, then you may have to avoid contact for awhile. It doesn't have to be a big confrontation - you could just be really really busy for a few years.....
We were brought up atheist/agnostic, and although we had many friends and relatives that were devout Christians, nobody ever gave us or our family any problems. We were brought up to respect their beliefs even if we didn't share them.

 

[Dragonfly]

I think you would have to protect your child from the sort of fearmongering stuff - for instance, are you worried that they are going to tell him that your whole family is going to hell because you don't believe? That kind of thing is seriously inappropriate to say to anyone, but can be absolutely traumatizing for a small child. Is it possible to have a conversation with them about waiting until your child is a certain age before sharing any more than certain parts of their beliefs? For instance, if someone wanted to tell my child about a nice man named Jesus who did some amazing things so now people try to be as nice as he was... that would be fine by me. It's presented as a story, it's not scary or judgemental, it's not going to make my kid worried that he has done something wrong by not not going to church. When a kid gets to be around 10 or so, they usually will have a much stronger critical faculty and be able to listen to some of the hellfire and brimstone stuff without feeling personally attacked or freaked out.
If you can't have that conversation and you are worried that your relatives won't respect your concerns, then you may have to avoid contact for awhile. It doesn't have to be a big confrontation - you could just be really really busy for a few years.....
We were brought up atheist/agnostic, and although we had many friends and relatives that were devout Christians, nobody ever gave us or our family any problems. We were brought up to respect their beliefs even if we didn't share them.

You just described my primary school upbringing. I went to a convent school. We had to sign agreements that we wouldn't smoke or drink in our entire lives or we would be sinners. You got a pin for it, a pioneer pin it was called. I still have mine. My granddad has never drank alcohol in his life and has lots of them pins. Rest of us are going to hell for breaking that "contract". Imagine swearing on paper you will never do these things then a few years later when you are a teen doing them. Wonder why I dont believe It didnt traumatise me, probably turned me in to the person I am a total non believer and wont do it to my children. But it was a way of keeping kids in line, control etc We where afraid of priests and nuns to, if you got in trouble with them it was massive trouble. Never went there, no one did.
You just got told what to do, I never wanted to do any of it. I enjoyed my time in mass liking the architecture of the church.

 

[socitycourty]

[/QUOTE]
enjoyed my time in mass liking the architecture of the church.[/QUOTE]

 

[Dragonfly]

enjoyed my time in mass liking the architecture of the church.[/QUOTE]

[/QUOTE]

??
seriously though, I like old buildings and our church which was across from my school had a fantastic mosaic wall , cant remember what images where but I used to think it would take years for someone to so that and a lot of patience. Or stare at the candles you light for people with the money box. They where nice to. Or the confession boxes where nicely crafted to.And how the plastic school chairs on one of the side bits ruined the look all together. And who names their child what in the bulletin . You should see my pinterest boards, maybe it started with pinning nice interiors in my head while bored as a child. Had to keep self occupied. Looking back now I never believed. Just got dragged there each Sunday till old enough to protest and not go again.

 

[kerrie24]

I encourage my kids to learn about all different religions and what they entail,but they havent fixed beliefs and probably never will,same as me.Its nice not to be ignorant to other people though,so I like to know what/why about everyone.Its just more knowledge,and you cant have too much in my opinion.

 

[Eternal]

Surely if you want your child to decide for themselves then they need to be at least partially exposed to different beliefs, otherwise all your doing is bringing them up I your belief.

I'm religious, but have no issue with my children hearing other opinions, I would always answer questions with, I believe this, but other people believe this, etc. the child will always be influenced by the parents beliefs mostly, but I think it's important to not shield them from other opinion.

Of course, if you do have family shouting and saying you will all go to hell that is definitely not one you want your child exposed to, they practice their religion without that sort of show, and I find it strange that someone who believes in a loving god would believe god will send the majority of his children to hell with the devil. Very odd.

Anyway, let you child learn and be exposed to life and all it has to offer, if you truly want them to decide for themselves than that is the only way they will be able to, that doesn't mean sending them to Sunday sermons with grandma, but just explaining that different people believe different things.

 

[phoenix333]

TBH I have never really thought about it. My mum is a christian so I attended church, sunday school, had and read the bible etc, yet I grew up to be an atheist. I don't believe in religion myself but I don't have a problem with anybody else believing. As long as they don't try and "indoctrinate" my child, I really wouldn't mind if they spoke about their religion in front of little one I don't think it would worry me, I would just explain that that is their belief and everbody believes different things (cue discussion about other religions....). x

 

[Dragonfly]

Surely if you want your child to decide for themselves then they need to be at least partially exposed to different beliefs, otherwise all your doing is bringing them up I your belief.

Well for me my children will be raised for what I believe, same as what religious people raise their children to believe. But they shall know about others beliefs anyway later on and should they choose one so be same as I did growing up. I choose my beliefs later on in life (much to their annoyance of my parents). In my house its not religious I dont see why it should suddenly become one.

 

[Eternal]

Surely if you want your child to decide for themselves then they need to be at least partially exposed to different beliefs, otherwise all your doing is bringing them up I your belief.

Well for me my children will be raised for what I believe, same as what religious people raise their children to believe. But they shall know about others beliefs anyway later on and should they choose one so be same as I did growing up. I choose my beliefs later on in life (much to their annoyance of my parents). In my house its not religious I dont see why it should suddenly become one.

My statement was responding to the op who states that she wanted her child to decide for themselves.

I don't see what wrong with you rasing your child that way either, I generally think children will follow their parents beliefs until adulthood where they will make their own decisions.

 

[socitycourty]

enjoyed my time in mass liking the architecture of the church.

[/QUOTE]

??
seriously though, I like old buildings and our church which was across from my school had a fantastic mosaic wall , cant remember what images where but I used to think it would take years for someone to so that and a lot of patience. Or stare at the candles you light for people with the money box. They where nice to. Or the confession boxes where nicely crafted to.And how the plastic school chairs on one of the side bits ruined the look all together. And who names their child what in the bulletin . You should see my pinterest boards, maybe it started with pinning nice interiors in my head while bored as a child. Had to keep self occupied. Looking back now I never believed. Just got dragged there each Sunday till old enough to protest and not go again.[/QUOTE]

my reply got all chopped up but I was meaning to say, that's what I always do if I'm in a church too!

 

[Bex84]

I am agnostic and husband is christian. I went to sunday school and church when younger my parents never went and are not religious. None of us were christianed as mum and dad wanted us to choose. My parents sent us mostly as expected. My sister was baptised me and my other sister are not. I will tell lo about different beliefs and then its her choice what she decides. If she asks to go to church when she is older i am fine with that and will suport her. My dh believes going to church every week doesent make u christian he has firm beliefs but does not go often he worships in own way. Lo is not christianed she can decide later on if she wants to join church. I am open about religion and find them interesting to learn about. I have found since having lo i want to believe in an afterlife more and death scares me more. When i was teaching my line always was some people believe .... Me and dh believe in different things but respect each others beliefs i will teach lo same. My mil is very religious and was unhappy and very vocal about us not christaning lo just in case ahhhhh

 

[minties]

I don't know any religious people so I'm not too worried about it. I guess I will compare religious stories to believing in Santa.