Attachment Parenting Group

[Kaites]

Aww hun, no wonder the sleeplessness is taking such a toll! I'm glad to hear last night was better.

 

[purple_socks]

Anyone watching Jo Frost Extreme Parental Guidance? There's this spoilt little brat who gets bought all this makeup and clothing and stuff, but her mother has taken her teddy bear off her as a punishment. This has really upset me, lol, because once my dad took my teddy off me and threw it outside in the rain (he was not a very nice father/person) because my sister had done something wrong but wouldn't admit to it so he did the usual and punished us both until the person caved. Anyway, I couldn't sleep without that teddy and I remember I sat up and cried ALL night, and I was about 10/11 I think. I've said to Sam, I don't care what he does, we are never ever taking Theakston's comforter off him, whatever it is. It's one thing taking away priviliges such as trips out, or computer games, or putting them in time out, but I totally disagree with taking away a teddy or comforter. Probably because I was so attached to mine.

Unfortunately I lost that teddy when I was 13 and was utterly distraught. My mum bought me a little green monkey teddy just before my SATS that year as a good luck charm and at 24 I still won't sleep without it. I take it on holiday and everything.

Issues? Moi?

that does sound really horrible!

and abt ur teddy...i still remember my dad kicking one of my teddies like a football! He was just messing around but that weirdly traumatised me 4 ages!

 

[Kitten]

Awww poor teddy! It's weird how attached you can be to a bit of fluff, lol.

 

[purple_socks]

i just saw that episode of Jo frosts show with the teddies (it was on my virgin catch up)! I didn't like that either!

 

[Kitten]

I know, that kid was so distraught!

 

[purple_socks]

ok pos a weird question but...

do u ever feel 'lonely' as an AP? that prob sounds a bit mad doesn't it?! i find the subject of parenting theories really interesting and since becoming a parent i'm probably mildly obsessed with all things to do with it! lol so having read various books, studies and generally researched the subject of parenting quite a bit since Kians birth, i've found myself drifting further away from 'normal' parenting.
I know quite a few mums- particularly a group of friends i made through nct classes.
I couldn't do some of the things i see my mum friends doing and i strongly disagree with the theories behind a lot of their methods and it makes me feel a bit...left out? like the 'odd one out' i guess. Obviously I know i'm not alone in my parenting methods but i only have other AP and natural mum friends online. In 'real life' i have quite a few mum friends but none of them r like me. Pretty much every one of them subscribes to the 'training babies' school of thought. I really struggle to talk about certain aspects of parenting with them because i don't do what they do and i don't want to appear judgemental (like i've said before i'm no parenting guru so i don't claim to know for sure what the 'right way' to parent is) and whenever they talk they assume i'm in agreement which makes conversations about parenting really horrible for me to be a part of. Heres an example of a convo i had to escape from!! i was lost for something to say...

something one my mum friends said about her LOs night waking- apparently her LO was teething and for the first night they went to her when she cried and offered her calpol then the next night they decided she'd gotten into the 'habbit' of having them come when she cried so they 'had to' ignor her: " you know when you can hear them crying and you've gotta just turn the monitor down coz its hard to listen to but you know they just want you to go in there....they've gotta learn though"
It made me feel really sad coz her LO was clearly in pain and just wanted mummy and/or daddy so what if she just wants you to go in there? i don't get it?! anyway i had to escape that conversation coz i couldn't listen anymore!!

theres been a few convos along those lines and i just don't know what to say!! i don't agree and my reasons for not agreeing r kinda insulting to her methods-IYKWIM?! How to deal with that? i just make non committal sounds. If i was asked what i thought outright then i have no problem saying but i don't wanna just pipe up with 'my theories' and sound as though i'm putting their ways down.

and a fair few times i've witnessed my mum friends leaving their child to cry (most of the mum friends i have put their LOs down for a nap and leave them crying until they fall alseep) which i really struggle to watch. it makes me get all bothered and i really wanna go pick up their LOs (but i wouldn't ever do that because its up to them to make their own parenting choices and not up to me to butt in IMO) Its really hard though!

Most of the parents i know (not on BnB) traditionally weaned- most of them believed when their kids started night waking at around 4 months that it was a sign to wean, they all talk about cc or cio all the time and about parents 'spoiling' babies/children my 'pandering' and none of them use cloth nappies (i know thats not an AP thing but its another area that i'm the 'odd one out' in). They're not outwardly judgemental of my choices but they clearly find some of the things i do weird and r clearly humouring me when i talk about certain things!...i often feel in a minority and i have a funny feeling its only gonna get worse the older our children get (with my nct friends our children r all pretty much the same age...i know as they get older theres more pressure to 'train' them etc)

i do have some non-mum friends who agree with my way of thinking/ or r open to my ideas but theres only so much they wanna hear about parenting. Thats y its usually nice to have mum friends...so u don't bore all ur non-mum friends!

Its a shame coz talking about parenting, BLW, AP and all these things r my current favourite subject.

anyway thats my little moan over...didn't really know where else to post it.

 

[Shifter]

Caroline. I actively avoided making mum friends for months and months in part because of this. I went to baby massage once and found it so hard to hear these two mums saying that BFing was too time consuming so they gave up (their babies were about 6-8 weeks old) and they were talking about introducing solids in a few weeks time I never went back because of that.

When I finally made contact online with other AP types who lived near me it didn't take much for them to get me along to LLL and a slingmeet or two. And through that I got involved with the campaigning I'm now doing so I have lots of mum friends now who think like me. It helps my ego loads that they have younger babies so are asking me for advice etc!!!

All I can say is how much easier it is now I have like-minded friends, so maybe that would help you too? Is there a slingmeet near you?

 

[purple_socks]

thanks holly. yeah there is a sling group near meet that meets monthly...i might give that ago. i get on with my mum friends in other aspects (obviously or i wouldn't b 'freinds' with them lol) just not parenting methods. Its a shame coz i like the fact Kian has kids his age to grow up with and we all go to lots of baby groups together. i also get the same 'odd one out' feeling when i hang out with OHs family (his sister has 4 kids and 2 of his cousins have LOs similar ages to Kian)- i think they try and bond with me by talking about parenting and making jokes/comments abt stuff i really don't agree with (esp 1 of OHs cousins in particular....i can't stand some of the stuff she does!!! she did the whole rusk in bottle trick and all sorts!!). Its tricky business

 

[codegirl]

I have been very fortunate because my two closest friend that were already mommys when I had E are the ones that taught me about babywearing/bfing/co-sleeping. And I didn't have any other close mommy friends so their way seemed normal to me.

Then I met some more moms in a new moms group, but we don't talk much about parenting styles, I think because we don't want to start with things we might disagree with. We just celebrate our baby's milestones and enjoy each others company.

I also went to LLL meetings and a baby wearing group here in my town as well as started frequenting a store in my neighbourhood that caters to APers so my support group in real life is pretty tight.

I actually have more online "disagreements" over parenting styles then in real life. Probably the reason that I only frequent certain threads these days, and don't post a lot anymore.

I am very very fortunate.

 

[Kitten]

I'm the same as you, I keep my mouth shut but die a little inside with every new story I hear about their bad/naughty/scheming babies. I have 2 mummy friends who dabble in different things. They do a few AP things (one cloth bums & doesn't CIO, the other babywears occasionally & combination feeds) but they traditionally weaned and a lot of stuff comes down to that, like force feeding their babies at night to 'make' them sleep through etc.

One of them is going to be Theakstons childminder though but only for half days and I trust her more than a stranger not to do CIO and to let him BLW.

 

[nkbapbt]

Bumping this thread back up!

 

[lovealittle1]

Bump here.

Anyone still care to chat about AP?????

 

[Kaites]

I think a lot of us are still around, just chatting over in natural parenting

 

[pinkandfluffy]

Hello

My LO is 21 weeks and we cosleep, BF, babywear and planning to BLW.

Hubby says I've turned into a hippy - thats the same as happy, right? in my town there are BFers but I am odd for cosleeping / babywearing

 

[trumpetbum]

Ah I'm happy to be a hippy