Attachment Parenting Group

[Kitten]

Could it be a growth spurt or recovery from the cold? Hope you figure something out Shifter, sleep is a necessity not a luxury!!

I got the NCSS from the library and discovered we were basically alreasy doing what they recommend and after 8 days he was fine (the book just convinced me to stick at it). He stirs a few times but now will settle after a back rub from daddy or a hug if necessary and will normally not stir past about 11pm. He wakes super early though, I'm not used to a 5.30am start!

Not got anywhere with napping, the afternoon nap disappeared for a few days and the one time I tried to put him down he woke up. Just going to leave it and see what happens in April, they can deal with him, lol. I'm hoping he'll sort himself like he has with night sleep

Teething has gotten horrendous here, we MUST be on the verge of getting something (please!!) and he now has a cough & cold too so I'm sure routine & sleep will go to pot this week but he copes so much better sleeping on his tummy so it's not too bad.

 

[purpledahlia]

Hi ladies can i join you guys here? x

 

[purple_socks]

Shifter: **HUUUUGE HUGS** I don't know what to suggest! Kian is patted/shh'ed to sleep, or sometimes cuddled to sleep and he has a dummy which works for us so i don't really have a clue how to settle children without doing those things.
CIO goes against everything i believe but i guess its up to u... i understand y u want to do it if it seemed to work before but i can't help feeling like that might have only been a illusion and it might only b a temporary solution if u try it again.

It did sound like loads of the things u were doing b4 were working (from reading ur journal) so prehaps this is just a little hiccup. i can imagine it feels really crappy but try not to lose faith in everything u were doing before. maybe this just a short phase sparked off by his cold/the period where his sleeping arrangements changed. i would keep going with ur original techniques (were they from the NCSS? i've never read it) Maybe Jack is just very senisitive when it comes to sleep and chages to his routine. it might b a case that you'll have rough patches every now and then if something throws his sleep but then hopefully it'll pick back up again.

I hope things get better soon hun!

do u do baby signing with jack? prehaps doing something like that could help him to communicate any issues he might b having which r causing the night waking?

 

[purple_socks]

Hi purpledahlia

 

[purpledahlia]

hey!

Im having similar issues with getting Ava to sleep, what is this NCSS thing? x

 

[Shifter]

Thanks hun. I think that's all I needed to hear. CIO is abhorrent to me. It really isn't something I want to do at all. I think this is probably a blip, though it feels like it has been a gradual decline like last time, that started before we went away. But I will keep going with the NCSS stuff. Right now DH is trying to walk Jack to sleep, but there is crying happening so I'm about to step in if Jack will BF. Part of the current problem is that he is filling his belly and not wanting to BF and without that we are stuck, it's the only way he knows how to go to sleep

 

[kirsten1985]

Holly, we are having problems too, Freya has always been patted/rubbed/fed to sleep, when these don't work we are stuck! She is currently still up when she is usually asleep around 7pm, awful as she has to be at nursery at 7.30am tomorrow, so she is going to be so tired .

I'd say do what you are comfortable with, I know it's hard, but we do the same as you and can sometimes cover many miles of pacing trying to get her to sleep!

Just remember that one day he will start to sleep great, it will happen!

 

[Kitten]

hey!

Im having similar issues with getting Ava to sleep, what is this NCSS thing? x

Hi purpledahlia, it's the No Cry Sleep Solution, a book by Elizabeth Pantley

 

[Shifter]

Kirsten. I hope Freya went off to sleep for you. The "Pantley Pull-Off" didn't work last night, every time I took him off he started crying until finally he was asleep. Then he woke every hour until 3 when I gave in and brought him into our bed Please let this pass soon.

Does anyone else ever have doubts about this AP business?

 

[purple_socks]

shifter: i think its normal to doubt any method of parenting...u only have to glance in the baby club bit of the forum to see loads of mums doubting other methods. Unfortunately there isn't a proven definate 'right way' to do things so as a parent i think we all have to look at the options availible and pick what we think is right/ what works best for us. sometimes trial and error works and sometimes researching the theory behind a method does.

I think with some more 'traditional' methods u do see more instant results but i'm not comfortable with a lot of the long term effects so i would rather opt for a path that might b slower but i think is much better in the long run- i think CIO is a good example of this. I think babies do learn pretty quickly if no1 answers their cries that they should probably give up which does have the desired effect for parents but i don't think its deals with the resons for the crying so i don't think its a long term solution and i think teaching a child u will come when they need u is very important.
I think AP builds a foundation for later in life so might not have the same 'tangible' effectiveness to begin with.

overall tho i think the things that keeps my faith in/restores my faith in AP techniques when i start doubting myself is how uneasy other parenting methods make me feel, how natural AP feels and the fact you generally see other mammals in the wild doing similar things to AP...i am a great believer in if it comes naturally to do something then its more than likely the way that nature intended things to b done (which IMO is usually the best way to do things ).

i know this might seem like a) a naff positive and b) a long way off but the older Jack gets the more you will b able to communicate with him which i think will make night times easier. Personally i am not against CC or 'rapid return' when children r old enough to understand what you r doing.
I know that probably doesn't help u right now but at least u know it wont last forever...in the mean time i hope things do improve

 

[Shifter]

Thanks hun. Still thinking on things. It's so easy to doubt when you are exhausted. When I'm better rested I tend to feel fine about it all

 

[purple_socks]

i completely understand...sleep deprivation makes everything rather black 4 me 2

hope 2night is better

 

[purple_socks]

on a slightly different note...does anyone have a good AP/ gental parenting book recommendations?

 

[Kitten]

I've steered clear of parenting books tbh. I got the Jo Frost one when pregnant and have had a bit of a read every time he goes up a section, like 0-3, 3-6 etc.

 

[purple_socks]

no i didn't mean 'parenting' books in that sense...i don't want books on routines/ parenting 'tricks'! i meant more AP/ gentle parenting theory books. I read a lot of articals online abt things like the theory behing AP and gental parenting techniques but wanted OH to have a read of some of the theory...He doesn't spend much time online but would prob read a book. anyone know of anything like that?

 

[Kaites]

I have the Sears AP book- you could check out Dr. Sears' website and see if it's the kind of book you are looking for first though.

Shifter- I hope things are going better/improve soon Sounds like a lot of our babies are having sleep issues atm. I think Emma just started another growth spurt since she won't be put down for even part of the night in her crib anymore- wants to be close to boobie at all times. I sometimes have doubts about AP too but I've realized that it's always when I'm sleep deprived, lol. My mum didn't do any CC or CIO stuff with my brother and me and we're all really close and never gave my parents/teachers a hard time when we hit school age because we just sort of knew the boundaries. On nights when Emma just wants to be snuggled and I just want to sleep alone, I try to remind myself that maybe a bit of low quality sleep now will pay off down the road and she won't be some bratty teenager who stays out all night without calling home- I can hope anyway!

 

[Kitten]

no i didn't mean 'parenting' books in that sense...i don't want books on routines/ parenting 'tricks'! i meant more AP/ gentle parenting theory books. I read a lot of articals online abt things like the theory behing AP and gental parenting techniques but wanted OH to have a read of some of the theory...He doesn't spend much time online but would prob read a book. anyone know of anything like that?

Aaah I see what you mean! Sorry

There's one called "The Baby Bond" by Dr Palmer. Most of the stuff is journal work. I'm not sure if there's a book by Glaser.

Give me 10mins and I'll have a google, lol.

 

[Kitten]

Right, this is quite broad about attachment in general and I'm not sure if it's what you're after, it's the kind of book I'd get into and read cover to cover if I was writing an essay on attachment...

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Understanding-Attachment-Disorders-Evidence-Adolescent/dp/1843102455

I think this is what you want (think it's the one Kaites has by the sounds of things)

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Attachment...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266352122&sr=1-1

This also sounds interesting:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Love-Matters-Affection-Shapes/dp/1583918175/ref=pd_sim_b_10

 

[Kitten]

Anyone watching Jo Frost Extreme Parental Guidance? There's this spoilt little brat who gets bought all this makeup and clothing and stuff, but her mother has taken her teddy bear off her as a punishment. This has really upset me, lol, because once my dad took my teddy off me and threw it outside in the rain (he was not a very nice father/person) because my sister had done something wrong but wouldn't admit to it so he did the usual and punished us both until the person caved. Anyway, I couldn't sleep without that teddy and I remember I sat up and cried ALL night, and I was about 10/11 I think. I've said to Sam, I don't care what he does, we are never ever taking Theakston's comforter off him, whatever it is. It's one thing taking away priviliges such as trips out, or computer games, or putting them in time out, but I totally disagree with taking away a teddy or comforter. Probably because I was so attached to mine.

Unfortunately I lost that teddy when I was 13 and was utterly distraught. My mum bought me a little green monkey teddy just before my SATS that year as a good luck charm and at 24 I still won't sleep without it. I take it on holiday and everything.

Issues? Moi?

 

[Shifter]

We had a better night last night, thank goodness! I was talking to DH about my AP doubts this evening and he suggested something to me that I had never thought of before... when I say that I am struggling with the lack of sleep I generally get met with advice such as "try co-sleeping", or "it won't last forever" etc. and like your own thoughts Katie about a bit of low quality sleep now being worth it in the long run. Well what I think most people don't quite get is just how much I struggle and DH suggested that when other people respond to me like that it is because I suffer more than most because I have always had sleep issues. I had insomnia for over 5 years, followed by chronic over-sleeping (catching up I always say!), followed by being nocturnal. It is only in the last few years that my sleep has been normal.

That hadn't occurred to me! Jack's sleep issues have a huge impact on me because of my own!