Baby showers...?

[LoveCakes]

I've never been to one but as a rule don't really like them. Here you get presents when the baby is born and sometimes Christening gifts from close friends. Does this also happen, i.e. do you have to buy presents 2 or 3 times?

I suppose because I'm not that girly sitting round pretending to be would be annoying! For those that do enjoy them though fair enough.

My MIL tried to talk me into having a pre-wedding party where everyone comes and looks at the presents on display. I hated this idea as some of my friends didn't have jobs so couldn't afford much and it just seemed so showy. Basically I told her just because it's tradition it didn't mean it was a good idea in the first place.

 

[Starry Night]

I just don't get what is so girly about showers? It's just women getting together and opening presents. I'm also surprised by all the vitriol aimed at them. There's nothing to be "against". I can see not everyone having fun at them but there is no moral higher ground by avoiding them. I don't know. I think it's kind of snobby to say they're done out of selfishness or "I can provide for my child myself". I just don't get why everyone is patting themselves on the back for not liking them. Or are people just proud of going against the cultural norms?

Showers are a fun, well-meaning tradition. People who want to partake in them are not selfish. Sorry, but that is where a lot of this conversation seems to be going. No one is making you have one but you're not better than those who enjoy them or want one for themselves.

 

[2have4kids]

I agree with you that people who take part in showers are not selfish-in fact I think they're extremely generous. The showers I went to were clearly gift grabs. I was never invited back to see the wee ones (this would have been SO nice!) and I'd been friends with these girls for a long time before they got preggers. Then gave gifts at their wedding & showers and then nothing. I wasn't the only person this happened to at the last shower either. It left a bad taste in everyone's mouth.
Also, when you're getting big expensive gifts a really good rule of thumb is to write personal thank you notes. I promise to never treat my friends like this. I simply want a meet n greet, i'll feed everyone and the invites will state 'no gifts required'. The games were awkward, I did enjoy chatting with the ladies but after how the ladies who had their hosted showers treated their friends, I'll never attend one again. It's nota snotty thing, it's maybe just how these particular people treated their buds who came, sat through the games, gave expensive gifts and never heard from them (other than on fb) again.

 

[BebVern]

I'm not sure anyone's claiming that Starry, but I know what you're saying.

I'm in the UK and here it's not a cultural norm, or a tradition, so now that a few people are starting to throw them it's kind of coming off a bit self-centered. We're just not used to it I guess, and it makes those of us that's don't really 'get' it wonder why people are starting to throw these parties now. I've no issue with people enjoying them - if so, then there's no problem what I don't like is when people throw them and expect everyone to be on board with the games, hanging out with women they don't know and giving gifts.

2have4kids - I think maybe this is the issue I have too. I've only been to that one, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. Seemed too much like 'forced fun', IYGWIM.

 

[ttcmikeandme]

Where I am from in the US it is pretty normal to have one thrown for you by family member/friend, and is normally more of a family women event for the first child only Most of the ones I have been to were fun and was great to catch up with family. And let's face it, buying adorable little baby things are always fun!

That being said, I have seen some that seem more like "give me gifts" parties. I also think it's weird to throw yourself a baby shower and do the planning, or to have it for more than your 1st child. If you want to have a no gifts party or get together that's cool, just don't call it a baby shower

 

[JessesGirl29]

I'm taking my own lead on what I hate about baby showers and what I really want to do: celebrate the fact That my family is starting and a new baby is on the way.
I'm having a Baby Party (not shower). I'm asking people to bring a yummy appetizer or desert in lieu of a gift and will provide alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks and have men, women, and children to come to our house to have a party to celebrate that we're having a baby!!
If it was the summer it'd be a BBQ but baby is due in early March and we're in Ontario so not quite warm enough yet.

I don't want to miss out on anything and look back and say 'we should have had a party' BUT I'm also not playing party games, sitting in a room full of women gossiping or looking for gifts from people. It takes a village to raise a child and I want a party with my village!!!

 

[Celesse]

My view.... they are a US thing. We don't have to copy every thing they do in the US.

 

[themarshas]

I'm in the US and honestly here I think not having one would be viewed as weird. I however personally greatly dislike them. I think they force people to buy your children a gift and I despise shower games. However, I do see the tradition and meaning behind them. They are a great opportunity to get everyone together (which my family enjoys any chance to do) and it's a chance to see how loved that little one is. My shower was attended by people I rarely get to see (who live away) and I received gifts and well wishes from people that I never would have thought cared. I went to a shower recently where the expecting mother made it clear she was only there for the gifts- that's what puts me off from showers! The guest of honor should be over joyed that they received anything. She even mentioned how many big items she'd still have to buy (while we were still at her shower!) and We even had to reminder her to send thank you cards. Really??

Plus, I don't believe in having a shower after your first child. If you want to have a get together to celebrate the baby on the way- great! But, don't expect presents and invite the entire family, not just the ladies. I've seen the new thing is "sprinkles"- like a shower but for your second or third... more of a celebration but still requires a gift IMO. Don't get me wrong, I'm a gift giver- shower or not- I'm going to give your little one something because babies are amazing but I don't like it feeling like I have to...

 

[Buttercup84]

Us ladies, if mom has a baby shower and receives gifts is a second gift common/expected when baby is born too?

 

[x__amour]

Us ladies, if mom has a baby shower and receives gifts is a second gift common/expected when baby is born too?

Not really. Not like the extent of a "regular" baby shower. Usually if we get visitors in the hospital, we'll get flowers or maybe a teddy bear. I haven't heard of any of my friends getting additional large presents.

 

[auntiesarah25]

In my family it's always been more about the food. We are a family who likes to show off our culinary skills - which none of us truly have. It's always a time of overeating and catching up with family. Those invited to my shower are family and my closest friends. I haven't seen some of them in a year or more but we all stay in contact. For some of those invited it will be the only chance they get to see me pregnant with a bump - something we have talked about multiple times in the past and they know how much of a dream come true this baby is.

Yes, I felt a little tacky doing a registry and accepting gifts has never been my strong suit - I don't like things being given to me when I know how much they cost or the financial situation that the giver is in - but this is our first and likely only child and we truly don't know what we will need or really use so this is a good chance for my aunts and friends with kids to give me advice.

I don't go to showers of people I don't really know or barely talk to or if I feel it is a "gimme!" type of event. For me I'm truly looking forward to the advice I'll get!

 

[Jes.shortcake]

Us ladies, if mom has a baby shower and receives gifts is a second gift common/expected when baby is born too?

In my family we give a gift at the shower for the baby and when the baby is born we give a gift for the mom (flowers, stuffed animals, mementos, chocolate and sweets, or like a care package to make the hospital stay better)

 

[babybaker2011]

Us ladies, if mom has a baby shower and receives gifts is a second gift common/expected when baby is born too?

A second gift isn't expected/common in my area.

 

[themarshas]

I don't think a second gift is expected. I usually give the mom something and provide food when they get home

 

[Buttercup84]

Thanks ladies, like the idea of giving a gift for mom instead

 

[BadMamaJAMA]

I definitely got a good idea from this thread - I'd never heard of a sip and see before.. and I'm from the US South!

I had my shower back home, and none of my friends who live near me were able to come. I love the idea of providing food and beverages for my friends, while allowing them all to see the baby in the same afternoon. I like that a WHOLE lot better than having people "pop in" on me and feel like they have to help.

 

[sojourn]

I definitely got a good idea from this thread - I'd never heard of a sip and see before.. and I'm from the US South!

I had my shower back home, and none of my friends who live near me were able to come. I love the idea of providing food and beverages for my friends, while allowing them all to see the baby in the same afternoon. I like that a WHOLE lot better than having people "pop in" on me and feel like they have to help.

The sip-and-see is the best! I would feel weird about people just showing up at my house! Usually people do them at someone's condo club house, or at a friend's house. No one I know tries to have a party at their own house.

The ones I have been to are usually pretty boozy and fun! We had a GREAT time at the last one. Our group plays bar/tailgate games like corn-hole, ladder golf or beer pong (classy, right?!). Our social circle is experiencing a bit of a baby boom right now, so the casual get together is easier for those who have already had little ones, or who are very pregnant themselves. Yet, it's still actually fun for those who have no spawn on the horizon.