Babys last name?

[PregE]

So my last name is Cooper and my partners is Hay.. I do like them together as Cooper-Hay.. but I am unsure about what the right thing to do in this situation is..

I am not married to my partner, we have only been together for just over a year. I am very happy with our relationship and we are hoping to get married one day - yet it is still early to tell the future ..

My mother is very adiment that my kid should have my last name, if not at least hyphonated. I am not going to give it just mine, but possible hyphonated.

I am starting to think more about it and that if I do hyphonate it is kinda like saying I don't think we are getting married - or I am doubting our relationship.. And I guess traditionally it should have his last name..
And I really dont want to have first child Cooper-Hay then us get married and next child be just Hay..

Really unsure now!! What has every one else based there desicion on?

 

[kassxox]

I'm in the same situation, I've decided that the baby will take his last name. Our names hyphenated sounds really silly because they are both quite long lol. I think he would have felt a little upset if I chose not to give our little one his last name, and we do plan on getting married one day

 

[Take2]

Your child can choose to change their surname one day if they don't like it..its a hard one I know, my daughter has her fathers name (my ex) which I currently still have, but the new baby will have my partners surname and as we are engaged so will I one day, I worry then that my oldest will feel left out..not much I can do tho. Ahh the joys of the modern family lol

 

[liveandlove04]

I am going to give my baby my finances last name.. My mother kept her ex husbands last name after her divorce and then when she had my sister and I she gave us the last name that she kept.. So I have the last name of a stranger( to me at least ) that my mom married to get her green card lmfao.

 

[PregE]

Thanks guys
Sounds more convincing that maybe I should just give the baby his name like it is traditionally supposed to be...

I would hate for my partner to feel like he isn't good enough for the child to have his last name..

 

[girlnboots]

In my opinion, I think baby's last name depends more on the father-child relationship rather than the mother-father relationship. If you don't think you'll be together long term, but you know in your heart your OH will be a devoted father, go ahead and give them his name. If you have strong doubts about him being a good dad, well then why the heck are you still together?

 

[PregE]

Thanks thats a really good way of looking at it..

 

[ShakeItBaby1]

I'm in the exact same situation as you are. OH & I aren't married, and we've just NOW been dating a year. This pregnancy wasn't planned, and it happened when wed been together for 8 months. My family says I shouldn't give our child his last name, but I don't really care. I'm giving her his last name - and if things change, or I change my mind - I or she can change it later on.

 

[hinkybinky]

If your child had Cooper-Hay and then you got married and had more kids who were just Hay, your first child could always take Cooper as a middle name instead, so they'd still be *** Cooper Hay but just go by Hay. I know a few people who have changed their kids' names after marriage and at that point the kids have taken the previous surname (mother's maiden name) as a middle name. Then at least the name doesn't just disappear but the siblings all have the same surname.

Slightly OT but my nan grew up in Scotland and had her mother's maiden name as her middle name as a tradition (first born girl, I think) so she was Margaret MacKay Ferguson.

 

[mumofone25]

We arent married, ds and this one will/have OHs last name x

 

[Bonnie11]

I was going to suggest what pp said, give them cooper as a middle name?
My friend was debating this, her and her oh aren't married, been together a few years but she have both her children her last name.
She said they would change it if they ever got married but she is the one taking them to the doctor/school/enrol long them on stuff and she wanted to have the same last name as them, it kind of made sense to me.
I guess it's how important it is to you, if you are planning on getting married and taking his name anyway then for them to have double barrelled wouldn't match either of you..
I think you need to decide whether it would bother you with baby having a different name to you, if you don't really mind then give them oh last name. I don't want to comment on the 'reliability' of your relationship lol, but if you weren't sure if would work out I would give then your own... It's really your decision to make xx

 

[Jonesy25]

My DD has my partners last name, there was not a doubt in my mind she should take his name, and our next baby will too

 

[donnarobinson]

My sons got his dads last name and so will this baby. Were not married but have been 2gta 5 years, I never had any doubt our kids wudnt have his last name x

 

[AP]

Thanks guys
Sounds more convincing that maybe I should just give the baby his name like it is traditionally supposed to be...

No traditionally people were married before having children and therfore it was the mans surname by default.

I wasnt married when we had our first, at last minute, when she was born, I told him she was having my surname, and that was that.

We got married over a year later, where both me and LO changed our surnames to his. It made the day even more special as it was a big day for the three of us.

Personally I think a mothers surname is just as important as a fathers surname.

Of course you need to bear in mind that it's easy to change from yours to his, but not the other way round.


Lots of things to think about but hopefully you will work out something that suits you both.

 

[pippi_89]

All my children have OHs surname, it was never a question for me. I just see it as, as mothers we have 9 (10!) months to bond with our children before they are even born. The name is the first real, official connection a man gets.

And aside from tradition, unless dad is completely useless/not around/abusive etc, he is and always will be that child's father, whatever happens in your relationship with him. I think it is nice to acknowledge that from birth.

 

[xjesx]

for me, if it were my choice...fathers last name.

 

[BadMamaJAMA]

I vote Cooper as a middle name (it's cute!), Hay as a last name

 

[vtjess423]

I was in a similar situation as you when I had my son. My OH at the time (now DH) was perfectly fine with it if I had wanted to give our son my last name. He was even talking of taking my name if we got married! Though I dunno if he was serious about that as he's always joking. But in the end, I knew that we would be married some day and I wanted us all to have the same last name then so I gave him my OH's last name. We are now married (just this past January) and I now have his name as well (with baby #2 on the way!). I never had any problems with me and my son not having the same last name for the first almost 2 years of his life. So it's really what works best for you and your situation. I have a cousin who's mom (My Aunt) wasn't married when she got pregnant. My aunt was 18 at the time and still under my grandmother's insurance and so my grandma felt that since she was paying for everything, that my cousin should have her last name. In the end, my cousin was very grateful for that as her father turned out to be a deadbeat and she no longer has any contact with him. So like another poster said, I would base your decision on your child's relationship with their father.

 

[hinkybinky]

Just to add, I am a teacher and we *never* assume a child has the same name as one of the parents, or vice versa. So it doesn't really become an issue, we just learn the child's name and get to know the names of whichever of the parents we interact with, sometimes the names match, sometimes they don't. So I wouldn't worry about it being unusual either way x

 

[littlefishygg]

Me and my partner are TTC right now but are having this conversation now but we are having such a complex issue, he is half portuguese and half egyptian with the surname De Souza - Ibrahim whereas I am english, he hates his surname and feels he encounters a lot of racist assumptions from people but we don't want to give our child my surname as mine is from my estranged father who I have no contact with and don't care for. We might just have to make up a whole new surname at this rate haha