Barred from School Activities as Punishment

[second.time]

My son's pre-K has been planning an egg hunt for a while now. We donated plastic eggs and candy and the parents are invited to attend on the weekend. Last night, my son's teacher sent out an email to all the parents of his class (there are four different classrooms participating). She said they decided that on the last two days before the hunt, kids will have to earn six stickers out of ten (with five opportunities each day) or else they won't be allowed to take part in the egg hunt.

I'm irritated about this and I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. The egg hunt has been in the works for a while and it was never tied to something like this, it was presented as more of a family activity (and this school doesn't have a lot of those, so I'm always happy when they do). I feel like telling parents and kids the day before it starts is tough too -- usually we need a bit of time to talk to our 5-year-old and build things up, chat with him about good behavior. All the kids are a little off this week because they just came back from a long break + the holiday's coming up.

Anyway, I'm probably being THAT parent. I understand the difficulty of maintaining discipline and I know it's not easy to find effective methods with little kids. But I think having it come up at the last-minute has thrown me for a loop ... how would you feel?

 

[fxmummyduck]

I wouldn’t be happy at all about it!! I don’t think you’re that parent. The whole sticker thing in 2 days and it being sprung on the kids I think sounds really unfair. Are you friendly with other parents? Do you know how they feel about it?

How are the kids that potentially may not earn enough stickers to take part going to be dealt with?! Them and their parents have to sit and watch?!! It doesn’t seem thought through at all to me. It should be kept as a fun family event!

 

[BunnyN]

Seems like a good opportunity to work off some energy and have fun. It could be said kids who find it hard to behave in class need that even more.

I can see it as a punishment for something specific like punching another kid or something but it doesn't seem very healthy just for general classroom stuff. It feels a bit like it is separating some kids out as being 'naughty'. I believe bad BEHAVIOR should be punished but making a child feel like they ARE naughy doesn't encourage them to improve.

I'd say either the teacher is mean or she is just a bit desperate and lost as to how to control the class.

Are there may kids in the class that often don't get enough stickers?

 

[second.time]

Seems like a good opportunity to work off some energy and have fun. It could be said kids who find it hard to behave in class need that even more.

I can see it as a punishment for something specific like punching another kid or something but it doesn't seem very healthy just for general classroom stuff. It feels a bit like it is separating some kids out as being 'naughty'. I believe bad BEHAVIOR should be punished but making a child feel like they ARE naughy doesn't encourage them to improve.

I'd say either the teacher is mean or she is just a bit desperate and lost as to how to control the class.

Are there may kids in the class that often don't get enough stickers?

This is the first time she's done something like this! There have been general rewards, like sometimes my DS comes home with stickers if he's been especially well-behaved. I know she has him do laps at recess if he's been more difficult some days, but he still gets a chance to play with friends.

I really don't know what they'll do if they're banned. I hope they stay inside rather than watch other kids. I also hate to see kids singled out as "bad." If they'd framed the egg hunt this way from the start -- as a fun reward or something to aim for -- then I'd be more OK with it, but the way they've built it up and made it seem like a family event, it's just surprising to me.

 

[second.time]

I wouldn’t be happy at all about it!! I don’t think you’re that parent. The whole sticker thing in 2 days and it being sprung on the kids I think sounds really unfair. Are you friendly with other parents? Do you know how they feel about it?

How are the kids that potentially may not earn enough stickers to take part going to be dealt with?! Them and their parents have to sit and watch?!! It doesn’t seem thought through at all to me. It should be kept as a fun family event!

Most of the parents I know well enough to chat with have kids in other pre-K classrooms or other grades (we don't have a lot of family-oriented events, unfortunately). I'm too shy to reach out to them by email, but I wonder if anybody else has spoken up? It really does seem weird.

 

[BunnyN]

If there is more than one class involved maybe it was a different teachers idea? Maybe she isn't really planning not to give anyone less stickers than they need, maybe she is just trying to motivate them? It one of those situations that's hard if you don't really agree with their approach but at the same time you don't want to make a huge deal out of it.

 

[second.time]

If there is more than one class involved maybe it was a different teachers idea? Maybe she isn't really planning not to give anyone less stickers than they need, maybe she is just trying to motivate them? It one of those situations that's hard if you don't really agree with their approach but at the same time you don't want to make a huge deal out of it.

It could be! I'm not sure whose idea it was.

Well today my son only earned two. I talked to him about which areas he struggled with (nap time and meal times) and we discussed strategies for working on those , but now he has to earn four tomorrow, so I'm feeling a bit like it's not happening.

It's exactly that type of situation, a little annoying but not major enough to bring up and risk creating a bad relationship with the teacher.

 

[BunnyN]

Very annoying I would say, but still a question if it's worth making a fuss over.

 

[second.time]

I go back and forth on whether or not to say anything! I'd like to write a friendly note to her about it but since I'm annoyed, I worry that would leak through and I'd be passive-aggressive.

I wish they'd done something like saying kids who get more stickers get a little head-start/bonus egg or something, rather than just shutting kids out.

 

[Scout]

I would not be happy. I think it's fine to limit an activity for exceptional behavior, but not totally exclude a child from participating at all, especially at the PreK age. I work in a 3rd grade classroom and we had an egg hunt today and several kids had to sit out the first 5 minutes due to behavior. And their behavior was not a one off thing. It was a couple warnings before egg hunt time was deducted. I think that was fair.

If this was the way they were going to do it, it should have been mentioned up front, not a couple days before. Also, yes, kids are crazy right now! We are out for spring break next week, thank goodness. LOL But it really breaks my heart to hear that little kiddos might not get to hunt eggs at all. Pre K kids are still learning school rules and such, and while I get that behavior equals consequences, I think, in this case, the punishment is too severe. Just my opinion.

Have you spoken to your son's teacher about what keeps them from earning a sticker? Is it hitting? Is it talking? Is it squirming during nap? I'm just curious what kind of behaviors are keeping a child from participating in this.

 

[second.time]

I would not be happy. I think it's fine to limit an activity for exceptional behavior, but not totally exclude a child from participating at all, especially at the PreK age. I work in a 3rd grade classroom and we had an egg hunt today and several kids had to sit out the first 5 minutes due to behavior. And their behavior was not a one off thing. It was a couple warnings before egg hunt time was deducted. I think that was fair.

If this was the way they were going to do it, it should have been mentioned up front, not a couple days before. Also, yes, kids are crazy right now! We are out for spring break next week, thank goodness. LOL But it really breaks my heart to hear that little kiddos might not get to hunt eggs at all. Pre K kids are still learning school rules and such, and while I get that behavior equals consequences, I think, in this case, the punishment is too severe. Just my opinion.

Have you spoken to your son's teacher about what keeps them from earning a sticker? Is it hitting? Is it talking? Is it squirming during nap? I'm just curious what kind of behaviors are keeping a child from participating in this.

See, I understand having some kids held back for a few minutes. Especially older kids who do have a better grasp of school rules (although they're still so little!). But yes, barring little kids from doing the egg hunt at all, at the last minute, makes me sad. I hate that he may be missing out on this with his friends. And if we'd had more warnings or a better explanation of what's going on, we could have really been prepared. The way she sent an email at night in the middle of the week makes me think she just hit the end of her rope.

She didn't really explain it to the parents, but I asked my son and he said that it's for five categories (both meals, nap time, recess, and group learning). I know he struggles at nap time with being quiet and falling asleep. I'm sending him with a book to read tomorrow so hopefully he can be more quiet.

 

[_jellybean_]

How long do they make him nap? We had a very difficult time at my son’s daycare because they made him rest for two solid hours. Some five year olds don’t nap. I think what they’re doing is mean. I’d call them.

 

[_jellybean_]

And NO...you’re not “that” parent. Has he earned his stickers?

 

[second.time]

They nap for about an hour. It's helpful when they let them bring books to quietly read because my son has always struggled with daily naps. He goes to bed early, at about 7:30, and sleeps through the night, but doesn't do daytime naps. We've learned to cope with it but I understand how tough it is at school.

No, he was one short, I believe. The teacher told me she was going to have the kids watch but not participate so I kept him at home. I could maybe understand having them in a classroom, but making them line up along the fence and watch is just harsh, especially considering that families will be in attendance. I emailed her to talk about this in person. I also talked to family members who also teach pre-K to see if they think this is reasonable and they gave me some good pointers on how to address it respectfully but honestly.

Thank you for being so supportive, everyone!

 

[pa2k84]

Nap time? How old are the children assuming not that old if expected to nap? Seems very unfair

 

[second.time]

Nap time? How old are the children assuming not that old if expected to nap? Seems very unfair

They're a mix of 4- and 5-year-olds, the youngest class at the elementary school.

 

[pa2k84]

Nap time? How old are the children assuming not that old if expected to nap? Seems very unfair

They're a mix of 4- and 5-year-olds, the youngest class at the elementary school.

Is that common where you are (sorry didnt look)
I am in the UK and most children stop napping between ages 2-3 years, both mine stopped day time napping at 2!

I would be fuming if preschool/school tried to make my kids sleep at age 5 they would never sleep at night

 

[second.time]

Nap time? How old are the children assuming not that old if expected to nap? Seems very unfair

They're a mix of 4- and 5-year-olds, the youngest class at the elementary school.

Is that common where you are (sorry didnt look)
I am in the UK and most children stop napping between ages 2-3 years, both mine stopped day time napping at 2!

I would be fuming if preschool/school tried to make my kids sleep at age 5 they would never sleep at night

It's pretty typical in pre-K here in the U.S. but usually gone by kindergarten. Some schools have them do it for two whole hours. I'm sure it benefits the kids who need a nap but it's always been hard for my son. Some teachers let them do other stuff, others insist that if you don't sleep you at least have to lie there and be quiet and relax.

 

[Scout]

I'm sorry he missed out, and I'd have kept him home too. I can't believe they did this; and, even more, can't believe they'd make 4 and 5 year old's watch while others got to hunt. That's just very very wrong! You don't do that to little kids.

My dd is almost 5 and in preK, so they nap as well. She's not napped at home since age 2. Like your son, she goes to bed at 7:30 and sleeps through, and doesn't nap on days she's not in school. Can't imagine many 4 or 5 year old kids do. My daughter's teacher gives them a piece of candy if they go to sleep, which I don't like at all.

Back to your situation, it just seems harsh to punish kids for behavior that would be expected of 4 and 5 year old's. I mean, if your son didn't get a sticker bc he punched another kid in the face, then okay, I'd understand that, but not for being unsettled during nap time when the kid isn't sleepy. I don't understand why the teacher couldn't offer him a book or even send him to the media center, rather than punish him for doing what any adult should expect a 5 year old to do when you make they rest/sleep when they aren't tired. I know there are rules, but we should set kids up to succeed so they love school and want to be there.

 

[BunnyN]

Aw poor boy, one short is such a shame. I think you did well to keep him home.

DD is 4 almost 5 and hasn't had a daytime nap since she was about 2.5. It was getting too hard to get her to sleep at that age and then it made it hard to get her to sleep at night. Our 3 year old shows no signs of giving up on his nap and I can see him still needing one at that age so I guess it's nice for some of the kids. DD knows she has to have quiet time while her brothers nap after lunch and she is good as long as she has something interesting to do like drawing but she would go insane if tried to get her to lay still without doing anything. She is actually a very well behaved and sweet child but she is hyperactive and finds it almost impossible to do nothing. She is also very sensitive and really hates being naughty. If she feels naughty and doesn't know how to help it she actually gets quite upset internally and it ends up making her act out badly which in a situation like that would soon turn her into a teachers nightmare with her disrupting all the kids trying to nap. I am sure she wouldn't be earning any stickers for napping anyway!

The sticker system sounds like a clever idea as a positive reinforcement for good behaviour. Like this though it seems like there is more emphasis going on it being used as a punishment. As a punishment system it seems a bit complicated and less effective than other ways. I think a good teacher should be able to keep a class in reasonable order just by telling kids off who are acting up on the spot, there is no need to make a long drawn out thing about it most of the time. If they do something much more serious then a punishment makes sense, or if they won't stop when told. At that age I think it's pretty normal to have to remind them again after 5 mins .

Anyway all that isn't very helpful to you but just wanted to say I sympathise. I totally believe in order in the class room etc and at school some of my favourite teachers were the strictest ones. It's also hard for teachers who are trying to deal with so many different children. It's a really awkward situation when the teachers methods just don't work too well for your child though. I hope you manage to get something sorted.