Been there and been here

[leeanne]

Part 1

I have three kids and I've breastfed and I've bottle fed and I want to share with you why I chose how to feed a certain way and what I've found are the pros and cons of each way.

Here is my story.

I breastfed my first two and never had any latching problems and they took to the breast very well. I find it hard to be supportive of moms who are having problems with their baby latching on, etc. because I truly have not been there.

Amanda, my first, was breastfed until 6 months of which she finally weaned to the bottle. When it came to nap time or sleep time, she would turn to my breast until 1 years of age. It was enjoyable, I agree that breastfeeding was rewarding.

Jayden, was a booby boy. He was breastfed and I am going to admit and never have to anyone on this forum, he was 3 when he finally weaned off.

Why did I breastfeed him that long? I run two businesses with my OH from home and had two children 18 months apart. I literally did not have the energy to put forth into weaning Jayden.

What's ironic here is that there are so many people pro breastfeeding but I bet when they hear that I've breastfed one until 3 years of age....there will be the ones to say "WTF?! OMG, you breastfed that long?" Am I correct?

***Here I do want to add that it was not full-time breastfeeding. It was more he turned to breastfeeding when he was sleepy...nap time and bed time.

When I was pregnant with Chase, I was going to breastfeed him but not for a long period of time. 6 weeks was what I was thinking. But after a shocking C-section delivery, he was handed to me 20 minutes after recovery and I was expected to breastfeed. I truly was not in the mindset and told the nurse that I was going to bottle feed. And that's what I did.

Ok, a week after I was home with him, I felt guilty and tried breastfeeding and he latched on perfectly. But then I felt guilty for coming so far with him on the bottle, that I went back to bottle feeding.

You may ask why?

I have a very busy schedule with our businesses, with employees coming in and out of our home, of taking my kids to school - one is in full time, and one is only in for 2 hours in the afternoon. Truly, I just didn't have the time to breastfeed and needed to make a choice that would make me happy and my children happy, and make life easier.

I was always a very modest breastfeeder. When my baby got hungry while I was out, I would rush home to feed my baby. Other times, I just didn't go out unless I necessarily had to. Not everyone is modest but we are all individual and because of life experiences, the way we were brought up, etc. we may be modest or we may not be.

I am not done with this post and would appreciate no replies yet. I would like to explain to you what I've experienced in both ways of feeding, etc.

 

[leeanne]

I can justfiy to BF'ers and FF'ers that each has it's own advantages and disadvantages but for each choice, my babies have been healthy and happy and never short of love or bonding.

Breastfeeding:

I had a fantastic support system in the hospital when I had my first two babies. The nurses were great about helping me with my babies latching on and so was my OH. I was fortunate to have this.

Breastfeeding was enjoyable and I loved the way my babies nuzzled to me when they were hungry, I loved the looks on their faces when they were just about to be fed. It was a very bonding experience.

I understand why people do enjoy breastfeeding and are supportive of it. I am supportive of it too and think it's fantastic when a woman does decide to chose breastfeeding.

The other advantages was that it was cheaper, I didn't have to worry about bottles and sterilizing and I could feed them at a second's notice.

Another advantage, your body goes back to pre-pregnancy shape pretty quick.

There are many advantages to breastfeeding that have not been mentioned above, but until you do it, you will then know what your own advantages are.

However, I found that my OH felt left out and it did cause problems in our relationship. The babies only wanted me and not OH. I can understand how he felt. Imagine being 1/2 responsible for the creation of your child and that child doesn't want you at all for the first months? Many will say "You could have expressed." No, I tried and I didn't have enough milk to do so. Back then, there were no forums with other moms suggesting what you could do to increase your milk, etc. I was on my own.

Not only that, but I felt like all I did was sit on the couch and feed day in and day out. Truly I was stressed. Two little ones, two businesses, a house to clean, meals to cook. I remember sitting on the couch and all I thought of was what needed to be done.

Cluster feeding/comfort sucking was a big issue as well. My babies never slept through the night and I do empathize with you all who are going through this experience with their babies. Gosh, no way in hell would my babies take a soother. They used me and were up every two hours in the night.

I couldn't go out without my babies and it was when my second was 4 years that I finally got out with my OH for quality time. Wherever I was, my babies had to be as well. I truly didn't have mommy time and that may have affected my mothering skills somewhat. Tiredness, lack of patience at times, etc. I suppose many on this forum can understand this.

Another disadvantage...what happened to my boobs? LOL

 

[leeanne]

Formula Feeding

I always knew that breastfeeding was a very good bonding experience with mom and baby, so I was scared when I first started bottlefeeding. But, truth be known, it's the same bonding experience gained from both ways of feeding and I've not experienced any differences. We cuddle, he nuzzles to me and gets close when feeding from a bottle, he holds my hand/fingers and you can tell the bond is there between me and my son.

The difference is, there is now a bond between father and son so much earlier on. OH can now feed him and spend some quality time with him, and so can my kids. Overall, everyone has bonded with Chase fabulously from Day 1.

If Chase is fussy in the vehicle while we are driving, I now don't need to be stressed out and hurry back home. One of my kids feeds him for me. If we are out, I now don't feel the rush home as I can easily feed him with a bottle wherever we are and he is content.

I get more mommy time and can go out and leave Chase with his dad. I feel less stressed. I also have more time for my other kids.

Maybe I am lucky but maybe it has to do with bottlefeeding, but Chase sleeps through most of the night from between 8 and 9 until 5 a.m. every night.

And another thing, I now don't have to worry about weaning him from breast to bottle. One less step to do.

The disadvantages are, of course, the cost of formula and bottles, finding the perfect bottles, and the time it takes to sterilize bottles or make bottles up. However, they now do have ready-to-feed formulas that have become my best friend. LOL

I have also found at the beginning that formula tended to make Chase as a newborn more gassy and more unsettled at times. But that's since passed and I found the solution with his sleeping position.

Another disadvantage, it took longer for me to achieve my pre-pregnancy figure and it's still not there yet. Is it my age or is it because I didn't breastfeed? All I know, my body did return to shape very quickly after my first two.

 

[leeanne]

Summary

Each individual will chose the best way to feed their baby and there isn't a right or wrong between breastfeeding or formula feeding. Each will have it's pros and cons but in the end, a happy and healthy baby is what does matter.

We are not all the same women and each of us has a different lifestyle, a different way of thinking, a different culture, etc. Do all of our babies look happy? Do they look healthy? I don't think one of us can say our babies do not irregardless of our choice of feeding.

Look at Chase. He's the smiliest, easy, happy-go-lucky, healthy baby and he's formula fed. My others were happy babies too and they were breastfed.

It doesn't boil down to how you feed them. It boils down to how you show your love for them, how you meet their needs, how you make them feel secure and your parenting and nurturing.

Whatever way you chose, be happy about your choice and be glad that you are blessed with your babies. Time goes too fast and they grow far too quickly. Enjoy them.

 

[leeanne]

I think I am done for now and I hope this has helped some I could go on further but have a fussy baby today. Feel free to post

 

[FEDup1981]

A really interesting read Leeanne, and im glad that someone could post both experiences had a similar outcome. Thanks for this.

 

[doctordeesmrs]

Thanks so much for that Leeanne that has really helped me. I had been having a battle with myself over this one. I had to give up breast feeding as Rocco was severly tongue tied when he was born and he was struggling to get any milk from me. I so wanted to bf but once i seen how much DH had bonded i felt i couldn't go back. I couldn't take that away from him. Although saying that next time i think i want to try to bf again. Reading about your experience of both has made me feel less guilty in a way. I feel i can stop beating myself up over it now.

 

[polo_princess]

Thank you for that Leanne, a wonderful insight from someone who has both BF and FF

 

[leeanne]

Thanks so much for that Leeanne that has really helped me. I had been having a battle with myself over this one. I had to give up breast feeding as Rocco was severly tongue tied when he was born and he was struggling to get any milk from me. I so wanted to bf but once i seen how much DH had bonded i felt i couldn't go back. I couldn't take that away from him. Although saying that next time i think i want to try to bf again. Reading about your experience of both has made me feel less guilty in a way. I feel i can stop beating myself up over it now.

As mentioned, I never had trouble with breastfeeding but I can understand how one could feel if they couldn't do it successfully. It's almost like a person who has undergone a C-section and feels guilty that they couldn't deliver naturally.

Eventually, though, at the end of the day, you have to remember that you have a healthy baby and they are happy...isn't that the main thing?

 

[Alexas Mommy]

I have enjoyed reading this thread. I think it is very important that people know that bottle feeding is okay, I know lots of people who feel bad about not breastfeeding... that being said, I also know of lots of breastfeeders who think they are better than those Mom's who bottle feed... It is an awful world we live in... I must say that I was very much influenced by people saying "breast is best, your kid will be smarter..." etc etc When my OH's dad said (when I was pregnant)"you know, it is okay to formula feed your baby, it's still healthy" I was shocked! Shocked that someone was telling me it was okay! We have to remember, that only about 10-15 years ago doctors were telling mothers to formula feed!!

As for extended breastfeeding, I think that is great, and obviously it was a convenience... no one has a right to judge you on that at all.. Honestly for the longest time I set the limit to six months because I knew a lot of people frowned upon breastfeeding longer than six months, because they think it is "unacceptable" or "gross". As I approached 3-4 months, I thought to myself, I am not ready to wean her yet, this experience is too good to suddenly throw away because she turns 6 months. The hell with what people think, I will breastfeed her until she is one, or until she weans herself, whichever comes first. My OH wanted me to stop breastfeeding around four months, but I kept going because I felt it was right for me, and for Alexa. Yes, he still tells me he thinks it is time to quit, but I just say, "no, we are not ready yet".
I think that no matter how you feed your baby, you will get the bonding experience, it does not matter how they eat.

Oh, and it does sometimes get to me when people say that breastfeeding babies with teeth is crazy and not right, because that is their ignorance; they do not know what it is like to go beyond their teeth, they learn not to bite, because we as parents teach them. Although that does make me hypocritical, because before I breastfed, I also thought the same about the teeth and biting. Though I did not think it was wrong to breastfeed over six months.

Anyway, thank-you for posting this, it was a very lovely read, and very informative.

 

[leeanne]

Thank you.

There is a stigma about both kinds of feeding, how long your babies are on the boob or on the bottle. It then extends to at what age your child is when potty trained, etc.

Everyone has an opinion about how to bring up your own child, but you are the one who knows best

 

[elles28]

Thank you. I have also BF & FF & I believe its my baby & I know best.

 

[Christine33]

thank you so much for this post leeanne. every day i struggle with guilt for not breast feeding my little guy but at the time i believe i made the right decision & still do.

thank you.

Christine
XXX

 

[pookies24feb09]

Thanks for posting this! Recently I've been feeling a lot of pressure from people about how I'm going to feed my baby, but what you say is right! The main thing is that my baby is happy and healthy! I've still not 100% decided which route I'm going down yet, but I'll give them both a shot and see which one suits me and my LO best

 

[alio]

That is the most eloquent and just account I have seen on this feeding thread. You get your point across so well and give a balanced view from both sides. Thank you Leeanne for sharing that. It highlights that mothers should celebrate each others choices not berate or deride them for the choices they make.

xx

 

[Serene123]

That was actually really lovely to read!

 

[sam's mum]

Great post leeanne, thank you x

 

[~KACI~]

That was a great read, thanx Leanne x x

 

[Becky]

What a great post Leeanne! Not many people have experienced both situations so a lovely insight!

Everyone says to me you know your baby best and each baby is different therefore not all babies want to be fed the same way!

Thankyou again Leeanne for taking you time to write this for all of our benefit x

 

[reallytinyamy]

Thank you Leeane, very informative