Being Judged?

[~ Vicky ~]

Do any of you single Mummy's ever feel like you're being judged for going it alone?

I run a Beaver Scout group in my spare time once a week and tonight was a big meeting for all the leaders in my town (so about 30 of us in total from different groups). I haven't seen some of these people since before I found out I was pregnant, so tonight they were all asking me about how its going so far and asked how Dad took the news. So I didn't lie.. why should I? and I told them we've split up and i'll be doing it alone.

You should have heard some of the comments some of 'em were coming out with, including 'So why didn't you have an abortion?'

Sorry, but instead of judging me why the hell don't you COMMEND me for actually making the decision and having the strength to go through this by myself? I'm not stupid and i'm not immature. I know what impact this baby will have on my life and quite frankly, bring it on! To go through my relationship break-up the way I have, battled with my asshole ex and have a perfectly healthy baby happy inside me and not yet break down and try and top myself is a bloody achievement. People jump off bridges for less. I'd like to see them do this alone. I'm not saying i'm the first and nor will I be the last, but it takes a lot of strength will-power and guts to do this, especially at a young age. Quit the judging!

Rant over! Phew.

 

[sam's mum]

Wow...sorry for gatecrashing the single parents section but I just had to say that you're right - it takes a hell of a lot of strength, and I can't believe anyone would have anything other than admiration for you x

 

[loulou83]

Don't be polite to these people. Tell them to piss off. I mean it they're being completely rude to you. I've regretted being polite to people do many times before. My kids got Down Syndrome and one of my friends said "Didn't you get offered any genetic testing?" as if, if I had have I would had an abortion! Just tell them in a firm manner that their comments are rude and you'd appreciate them not saying things like that to you.. bloody arseholes grrr that annoys me so much!

 

[~ Vicky ~]

I wasn't polite, I told them to mind their own and get off their high horse. The stupid thing is these people have known me since I was a kid, when I was in Scouts myself as an 11 year old (my parents are also leaders so my face is well known in the scouting circuit round here). They know i'm not some dumb ass kid who got herself knocked up and is keeping the baby to spite the father. God i've got some morals. The baby was conceived out of love at the time. Me and the Dad were engaged, had the wedding date set and so on. I'm almost 22 and I know my own mind and can make my own decisions.

It just annoys me that people are so quick to judge about anything and don't look at the bigger picture and realise what it takes to say 'I'm going to do this on my own and i'm going to do it good'.

 

[loulou83]

I'm proud of you I've bitten my tongue tons of times and regretted it.

 

[demonmadcat]

The problem is, people don't think before they speak...

Most of them just haven't got the mental strength to go through this sort of thing. They take the 'easy' way out of things...

I think single mum's/dads must be the strongest people out there.. dealing with child/children, and with people with bigotted, old fashioned ideas....

Em
x

 

[Moulder86]

Yep I know exactly what you meet, when I told my midwife we'd split up she asked if I was going to get rid or put up for adoption.....why the FUCK would I??? That really annoyed me. And when my ex has spoken to people he's had the poor girl she so young she must be so scared.

Even my mum has said she's not looking forward to it and she's scared for me. The last thing I need is that, I need people support and I don't feel I'm getting it. But my age is always brought into it as well.

xx

 

[~ Vicky ~]

How old are you Moulder?

I have to say, my Mum has been fantastic. We've had our issues over the last few years, but she's been such a support now. When I told her about my pregnancy the first thing she did was ask me if I intended on carrying on with it. When I said 'yes' she gave me a massive hug and said she's support me every step of the way. She came with me to my first scan. If she has any issues with the whole thing she's hiding them well.

I'm 21, and I'll be 22 when my baby is born and that seems to be a big factor with people judging me. Okay, its still young, but like I keep telling people, I'm very mature for my age, I was engaged and planning my wedding when the baby was conceived. I'm not naive and I'm not stupid so quit judging me because I've done nothing wrong.

 

[Mynxie]

sweetie, if it was a bad relationship (ie it wasn't working out) it's no good to bring a child into. Well done xx

 

[~ Vicky ~]

It never was a bad relationship. It was perfect until he decided he couldn't keep it in his trousers around other girls.

I think that is people's problem.. they assume i'm keeping the baby to trap him, and to try and win him back. No chance, i'm keeping the baby because I want the baby and I know I can be a good mother.

 

[Moulder86]

Vicky I'm also 21 be 22 just before baby gets here. Unfortunately we'd only been together 2 months before I found out I was pregnant, it was an accident but I wouldn't change it for the world and I couldn't even think about not going through with it either!

 

[nikky0907]

I wouldn't change my little girl for nothing now no matter what!


There is nothing wrong with being a single mother.I have full faith in my abilities...

I know my child and yours certainly won't miss out on being loved,plus having a partner is not what makes a mom!

 

[~ Vicky ~]

plus having a partner is not what makes a mom!

Well exactly!

Quite frankly I know i'll do a better job on my own than I would with my ex, going by his attitude of late.

Some people really wind me up at times.

 

[Novbaby08]

I had a friend try and tell me to give my baby up for adoption. The dad sent his sister's bf to tell me that he wants me to get an abortion, even though he has no intention of being part of this. I just say "Hows it feel to want?" and laugh at them. Because people say all kinds of stuff to bring me down, but most of the time, its usually strangers and they don't know me well enough to make that kind of judgement on me.

 

[Donna79x]

I have a neighbour that have known my mum and dad for 34 years and have known me all my life ( I am 28). She moved house recently so on Saturday me and mum bumped into her in town and she poked my belly and said whats this ? your never pregnant are you? and before she even knew i was doing this alone, she said ' Donna I really thought u would of had more sense, you silly girl' GRRRRRRRRRRRR Girl - I am F**king 28 yrs old and have stability in my life, house, good job n car and even if I didnt have those things what f**k as it to with her.

I responded 'I am 28 Jackie' and walked away before I said something I was to regret. My mum was fuming with her !!! silly cow. After all our family have done for her.

MAKES ME SOOOOOOOOOO MAD xx

 

[~ Vicky ~]

OMG, at 28 you're way more than capable to have a baby. Goodness me, I don't know if I should laugh or not.

 

[coccyx]

people are very judgemental. I am married but hubby works away in the week. We have just had baby number 4 and i am always busy but it was our choice and knew it would be hard work. People have commented about choosing to have 4 children thinking i was a single parent.Ignore the small minded idiots.Better to be single than in a relationship that is not working.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Do any of you single Mummy's ever feel like you're being judged for going it alone?

I run a Beaver Scout group in my spare time once a week and tonight was a big meeting for all the leaders in my town (so about 30 of us in total from different groups). I haven't seen some of these people since before I found out I was pregnant, so tonight they were all asking me about how its going so far and asked how Dad took the news. So I didn't lie.. why should I? and I told them we've split up and i'll be doing it alone.

You should have heard some of the comments some of 'em were coming out with, including 'So why didn't you have an abortion?'

Sorry, but instead of judging me why the hell don't you COMMEND me for actually making the decision and having the strength to go through this by myself? I'm not stupid and i'm not immature. I know what impact this baby will have on my life and quite frankly, bring it on! To go through my relationship break-up the way I have, battled with my asshole ex and have a perfectly healthy baby happy inside me and not yet break down and try and top myself is a bloody achievement. People jump off bridges for less. I'd like to see them do this alone. I'm not saying i'm the first and nor will I be the last, but it takes a lot of strength will-power and guts to do this, especially at a young age. Quit the judging!

Rant over! Phew.

Ignore them hun. i have a huge amount of respect for you. I think i would have had a nervous breakdown by now if i had been through half the stuff you have been through. Dont listen to them hun just be porud of yourself and dont let others get you down

Chin up huni
xx

 

[~ Vicky ~]

Thanks

Usually I just ignore people and think they haven't got a clue about my life, but there's times like that incident on tuesday where I think, are you actually SERIOUS?

People.

 

[mBLACK]

What I hate is that people judge me, assuming the father left me and the baby to wilt on our own and we will never be able to make it without him and his financial and manly support.
What the hell is that about?
Women and children both have brains bigger than most men, most of them just get in the way they don't help with anything! Women have done it for years I don't know what the big deal is, we'll probably be better off without them.