Being pg at the same time as a friend/family member?

[myangel167]

I'm not sure if I am just being a brat, but when I do have my first baby, I want to be the only pregnant girl in my family. I wouldn't mind if a friend of mine is pregnant at the same time, but I just want to make sure that my pregnancy is the focus of my family (on my side and on my husbands side). I want everyone to be SO focused and overjoyed by the new addition to our family, and I want my future son/daughter to be the only new baby for at least 6 months to a year if possible.

Like, If I was say....8 or 9 months pregnant and my SIL (my husbands sis or my brothers wife, whichever one) announced that she was pregnant, I wouldn't mind....because the babies would be born like 6 months apart, so in that situation, I wouldn't mind being pg at the same time as someone in my fam. BUT if we were close, like our due dates were only 3 months or less apart, I wouldn't really like that. (I would of course always being loving and accepting and happy for them regardless, fyi)

What do you ladies think?

 

[MissN8]

I know what you mean i think i would rather have due dates far apart but wouldn't change my ttc date because of it what will be will be

 

[myangel167]

true, I believe that everything happens for a reason, no matter WHEN you want it or not. I would be elated and feel so blessed whenever I do get pg, whether someone in my fam is already pg or ttc or whatever.

I guess I would just prefer not to share the spotlight, and I want my future baby not to have to share their spotlight either. (just for a little bit)

 

[mkyerby16]

Glad I'm not the only one who feels like that! haha I thought I was the only selfish one. I always thought that I would like to be pregnant at the same time as my cousin who was more like a sister to me growing up. Wellll then she got pregnant and I was like aww man at first, but realized I so wanted my own time and didn't want to share haha. In fact I hate to admit this but she invited hubby & I over for dinner last week and I actually said to my hubby "I hope she's not going to tell us she's pregnant again" (we'll be trying soon)

 

[Pearls18]

I guess I can see why it might be nice but I don't think it's worth stressing over. My brother is getting married this year and probably trying for a baby next year, I'm not going to arrange our plans around theirs for their or my benefit, it's got to be what's ideal for the nuclear family, not extended. So I wouldn't do anything to purposefully make this happen but I guess I can see why someone might prefer that....maybe. I guess I just didn't feel there was a spotlight on me for being pregnant? I enjoyed the announcing part but beyond that it's not 9 months of queue jumping and autograph signing I think so long as the actual birth and initial announcement aren't overshadowed you won't notice a difference.

 

[kksy9b]

I definitely agree with marineWAG-no use stessing over some thing that isn't in your control. Family and friends are able to be happy and celebrate for more than one person so your LO won't be "jipped" . The highlights are announcing, gender scan and birth where people will be really happy and excited- the rest of the time is just normal (or so you want it to be!). Just try to relax a bit and really enjoy the special time in your life. And if a family member or friend has a baby close to yours, there will be a friend for them to play with and another new mom for you to talk to and bounce things off of

 

[sequeena]

When I was pregnant with my son my niece was pregnant and due 3 weeks before me. Honestly it's not worth worrying about. Yes people focused more on her pregnancy (she's younger than me and was having a girl) but it really didn't matter. They were so fickle and now I don't even interact with my mother's side of the family.

Don't stress, you can't plan it so just enjoy it whatever happens.

 

[jjbubbles28]

I feel the exact opposite. As long as the other person was also on their first baby, I think it would be the best thing in the world to experience the "firsts" with someone first hand. I am praying that I conceive and my sil right after...
Although i do want to be first

 

[Bex84]

there is benefits to being pregnant at same time, (Im in wrong section by pressing wrong button) I have my best friend and sister pregnant at same time this time and I love it as they want to talk pregnancy plus I wont have the horrible thing of walking in to baby groups on my own for first time again. I love that we will be able to do stuff together and that our children will have friends of same age. My dd I had and no one else in family was pregnant. I hated going to groups on my own not knowing any one, when we went to parents etc... lo had no one to play with. My sister adopted when my lo turned 2 and it was lovely as she loves to play with her cousin and when we go over they have toys to play with. I love the fact this lo will have a cousin close in age and means we can do more as a family

 

[Eleanor ace]

I think I felt like that with my 1st, I wanted my pregnancy to be special- not that it wouldn't be special even if every female relative was pregnant at the same time, but not having any other family pregnant meant everyone was solely ecited for my LO's arrival. Now I would love it if one of my fmily members had a LO at the same time as me because my LO's don't have any family close in age to them and I'd love them to have cousins to play with.

 

[myangel167]

thank u all for your responses!

 

[molly86]

I think it was be nice to be the only one pregnant out of my close friends and family. But DH has such a large family. There's always one of his siblings or cousins pregnant so pretty sure I won't be the only one.

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

So does that mean you wouldn't attempt pregnancy if someone else was pregnant before you?

Me and my SIL were pregnant at the same time, each pregnancy was considered special, they were 2 separate pregnancies, she was due the 1st may I was due the 16th, due to complications she was induced at 38 weeks so my niece was born in April and my DD was born exactly 4 weeks later. Whilst there was a lot of animosity about it, when the girls are together now it's lovely. They get on so well and I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

IMO life is too short to base plans around other peoples lives, and in the same way I wouldn't expect people to base their life around me I won't base mine around theirs.

 

[myangel167]

I wouldn't base my plans around someone elses life....I'm just saying I'd prefer to be the only one.

 

[spunky84]

I was the opposite. I was pregnant at the same time as both of my SILs.

SIL#1 announced she was pregnant 2 days before our wedding, we announced we were pregnant early February and at that time, we found our from MIL that SIL#2 had been ttc for a couple of months, and then at the end of March, SIL#2 announced her pregnancy with #1. (I remember when I got my bfp that I told DH that it would be so exciting if SIL# 2 was pregnant - this was before we knew she'd been ttc).

Granted, I was really hoping that we'd bond and it'd help me become closer with them, which sadly it didn't change anything. Actually, I think SIL#1 was kind of PO'd as when we announced, she acted like we didn't say anything.

I don't think that being pregnant together really changed anything. I don't think anyone got more "attention" or anything. I actually thought my pregnancy would get pushed aside since both MILs were pregnant, but she treated me just the same (not that she would intentionally do that - I just figured it'd be different with your daughters being pregnant rather than your DIL).

Each of the births were very special and separate. SIL#1's #2 was born late June, LO was born a little over 2 months later, and SIL#2's #1 was born a little less than 2 months later.

It's going to be a lot of fun (and chaos!) with 3 cousins so close in age. I have a picture of all 4 cousins at Easter which, I think, predicts the chaos that is to come - but a lot of fun.

I don't think it makes you selfish for wanting to be the only one pregnant. There are times that I think it would have been kind of nice if it had been just me.

 

[Lirpa11]

I'll be one of the last at my family when it finally happens!

After 7 months of trying I dont mind as long as I get pregnant soon!

My godsister and her sister in law were pregnant with #1 3 months apart. They both found out theyre having #2, and the due dates are about 3 days apart this time! I guess that would be frustrating but at least they will have cousins around the same age.

 

[bdb84]

When I was 6 months pregnant with my first, my brother and SIL found out they were expecting, too (his first, her third). I put on a good front, but I was a little disappointed because, like you, I wanted my son to have the spotlight. However, by the time my brother's little boy was born, I was beyond the ill thoughts and was just overjoyed for them. I looked on the bright side- my son would have a cousin very close in age. They would grow up together and be the best of friends (and they are!!)

When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I was the last of my best friends to conceive in a row. I have three very best girl friends and we all had babies in a row. One in May, then July, then then September, and then me in January. It was SO much fun. Our get togethers now are a complete blast and have made for so many fabulous memories.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, try to look on the bright side if this were to happen to you. I guarantee that your child will get his/her due glory. After all, when another child (or grandchild) is born, there is always MORE love to go around. The love and joy of YOUR child doesn't lessen because a new blessing is on the way.

 

[myangel167]

Thanks for your stories!

I would love if a few of my girlfriends got pg at the same time as me...but I still feel that Id prefer to be the only person in my family who is pg. Of course, like Ive said, I'd be happy/excited no matter what. I wouldnt change my life/family plans for anyone else.

Also, the more I think about it, I don't think I would care if my brother was having a child the same time as me. I would sort of actually like that. (My side of the family is very loving/accepting and I'd like for my baby to have a cousin that they'd grow up with) but for my husbands side of the family, I'd prefer i was the only one at the time. (his family dynamic is more complex....have a lot of deep issues/resentment/they tend to fight a lot)

 

[Pearls18]

I haven't thought about it much before but I'm quite sad my boys won't have cousins close in age, I have 1 brother (soon to be married) and DH has 2 brothers and a sister, we are the only ones with children and it'll remain that way for some time, seems such a shame really when I think how many cousins I had close in age to me, even though we didn't really grow up together, it was still nice at family events. I'm not sure if we will have a third but it would be nice to coincide with someone else, but I have had my "spotlight" already if you want to put it that way lol, I hope if it did happen my SIL wouldn't feel put out, but I doubt it as she would be the only one on her side of the family anyway.

 

[tverb84]

I wouldn't mind it as long as it doesn't become a competition to see who feel the first kick,hear the heartbeat etc.