BFP Chasers...........Feel free to join....

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive Over 35' started by Taurus8484, Jun 25, 2014.

  1. mumof1+1

    mumof1+1 Mommato#4beauties

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    Sorry ladies, I haven’t been on much. Life with a newborn, homeschooling, lockdown and life in general is keeping me very busy at the moment. Little Maisie was born on 7th March at 11.56pm weighing 6lb 14oz. She only lost 1.6% of her birth weight putting her at 6lb 12oz at day 5 and 7lb 2oz at day 10 when we were discharged. We weighed her the day before yesterday as there are no clinics and she appeared to be 7lb 11oz the little fatty. She was in size 0 nappies but today we’ve had to put her into size 1! She’s so good. Feeds every 3 hours and is now taking about 3-4oz at a time. Such a pleasant little girl.
    Hope you ladies are all well and sorry I’m not very active at the moment. My birth story is in the link in my signature xxx

     
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  2. mikihope

    mikihope Well-Known Member

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    Great to head from you, Mum! Congratulations, what a sweet name and how adorable she is! Luckily she's a good little girl, as you have your hands full with the lockdown and homeschooling your kids. It's funny, I see all these people on TV mentioning how much free time we all have now that we're stuck at home, but in actual fact some of us have less free time because the kids are at home full time!
     
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  3. mikihope

    mikihope Well-Known Member

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    Yes Wish, it's a good thing Aiden is being chill right now. I can't imagine how I'd cope right now otherwise! DH is going back to work on Monday and I'm dreading it. Of course, it will be from home as work is closed too. I heard the news yesterday that schools are now closed until at least May 1. Argh! I'm pretty sure bf'ing is going out the window soon, as I already struggle and have to supplement a lot. I won't be able to try to make it work unless I get zero sleep. It's not worth it as I failed the last time even though I tried everything under the sun.

    I was laughing at your description of T and M's behaviors. I can so relate, except that it isn't times two for me! Kai has started screaming LOUDLY when he gets frustrated, and he gets sent over the edge really easily, over seemingly ridiculous things. Oh well, at least we know it's a phase. I hope it passes quick for our boys, Wish!

    Isn't it so sad when we see our dads minds falter? My dad was really smart too. He was a student athlete back in the day, and very well read and smart. He could remember how to get around a place after being there just once. And now he doesn't even seem to know what's happening to him. I'm so worried.

    Anyway, here we all are, with a shared experience in this crazy time. DH is an (in my opinion) overly careful germaphobe, so it's driving him crazy. I'm feeling more and more cooped up and restricted in what I can do. I've been through SARS in Singapore and while it was different, it was also a scary time. I think it's partially why Singapore was more prepared for this virus. But this is so much harder to weather, along with a paranoid DH!

    Of course there's also the fear that I could get very sick. My bout of bronchitis back in December was really bad. I know what it's like to be unable to breathe, and its scary.

    So please stay safe and healthy, everyone! Hopefully we'll stay sane too. Kai is driving me crazy a lot of the time! Ugh, the terrible twos... Luckily 2 year olds are ridiculously adorable!
     
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  4. mikihope

    mikihope Well-Known Member

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    How's everyone? I hope you all are coping ok in this difficult time. I presume that most, if not all of us, are in isolation at home. It's been a month, and the first 3 weeks were atrocious! My sister was supposed to come on the 20th and had to cancel. I was so scared I couldn't survive taking care of Kai and a newborn mostly by myself. But DH has been working for over 2 weeks and we've survived so far!

    Barely though, as Kai has been horrendous, with a ton of whining and screaming. And by screaming I mean like a banshee kind of screaming. I know its because he's still adjusting to sharing our attention, but it's been so hard. I've found myself sobbing and wondering how to make it through another day. He's also started putting his hand in his poopy diaper, climbed out of his crib one day, loud and boisterous playing, hideous tantrums, and fighting diaper changes, etc. Poor Aiden, I find myself dumping him wherever I can find so I can stop Kai from getting into whatever mischief he's gotten into. Breastfeeding is slowly getting worse, which is sad as I actually had the right mindset and was so chilled out about it. It could have worked out if not for daycare closing. Sigh.

    The good thing is that Kai seems to really like his baby brother, and is very sweet and kind to him. It's me that he gets angry with! And I am beyond grateful to have my two little boys, they are my life. I just need to remember to take time to appreciate them.

    Here are a couple of photos from when Aiden was a week old or earlier. I promise I'll write my birth story, it's just been so exhausting (mentally and physically) I haven't had the energy!

    I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy. We all have our struggles, right now mine is that daycare is struggling to stay afloat, and may not be around after everything. We all paid for April so that they can continue, but it looks like everyone's stuck at home until at least September as school and daycare is closed for the year. I really hope that things somehow get easier.


     
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  5. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    CONGRATS to you, Mum!!!! She's so beautiful and that's amazing she's such a great eater!! I hope you're all faring well during this whole scary time.
     
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  6. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    hello! that's so weird you were posting last night/this morning and this popped into my mind yesterday - i remembered I hadn't been on in quite some time! Yes, life turned into quite the whirlwind, huh??

    Sounds like you have a typical toddler/infant dynamic going on there but I'm sure it doesn't make the Mom Guilt any lighter. Just remember - you are doing the absolute best you can do and there's nothing else that can be done. Aiden will continue to be all chill and 'go handle Kai, Ma, I'm ok....' :) Kai may continue to be the needier one of the two which is fine!! He's got the adjusting to do, not Aiden. This is his world! :)

    I wonder if you had the virus when you had your bad bronchitis? It sounds like so much of CA may have had this before we even knew what it was. I hope your DH is doing ok. This must be terribly stressful for him, but then again he's been preparing for this his whole life! :haha:

    Things here are ok - in week 4 of no daycare and we have somewhat of a routine going. I log on almost when I get out of bed when it's quieter and I can actually work with my Indian counterparts. Then we go dark/sporatic for a couple of hours while the boys are at their neediest and we don't want to stick them in front of the TV. Then we use the TV for when we have the heftiest meeting times (both DH and I on calls), then lunch, then naps, then when they wake up we are virtually done for the day. Work has been very generous with their flexibility and our company has provided 5 additional 'Relief' Days to help out people with daycare or other inflexible things. So I have every Friday off in April to help alleviate my own stress, allow DH to work all day and focus if he needs to, and it allows me to give the boys 100% attention. It's helped tremendously. The worst part, though, is that I feel like the worst employee. I just can't give 100% of my attention right now. I know everyone understands but you know how things get to a point where people just don't care about understanding anymore?? I don't want to get to that point.
    Anyway - the weather is getting better slowly, DH built a really cool swingset in the back for the boys, we got them a bouncy house to plug in, a sandbox is on the way. The backyard will be a bit of an oasis for them soon! Indoors we do bubbles, water play with bowls and spoons and measuring cups, I've baked with them, we have kinetic sand to play with, a train set...tons for them to do. So they've been good. It'll be a hard adjustment for them to go back to school for sure.

    I am so glad you wrote!! I hope everyone is doing well out there and your families are unaffected by all of this craziness!! Stay safe!
     
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  7. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    oh and those pics could not be more adorable!!! Your boys are SO incredibly handsome!!!
     
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  8. Melben

    Melben Member

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    Hello all wellll today after about 6mths of trying I think I have my BFP I am 43. Tell what you think is this a BFP?? It is faint but the reason is that I am IMPATIENT very IMPATIENT I had a test there and albeit it wasn't fmu I hadn't has anything to drink either. I had one test left and thought bugger it I'll I'll just do it and buy more if i need to lol .... which now I do ha ha ohhhh if only I could learn to wait !!! I'm due on this weekend. (Btw the camera is a jerk and can't pick it up as well as the eye can!)
     
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  9. Melben

    Melben Member

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    Better pic
     
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  10. Melben

    Melben Member

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    this morning's pic
     
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  11. mikihope

    mikihope Well-Known Member

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    Thanks, Wish! So good to hear from you! I'm so glad you and your little family are doing fine. I'm so impressed by your routine, you guys are doing wonderfully! I'm still struggling somewhat, but am in awe that we've managed thus far. Your theory about Aiden seems to be correct, he's staying chill and keeping things simpler for us. He's now waking up more than usual at night, like every 2 or 3 hours, but I'm managing as he's such an easy baby otherwise. I can leave him in a bassinet or crib and can chill out for up to 45 min or just eventually fall asleep. He does often do a fair amount of squirming and farting and making noises like barnyard animals (he's noisy!), but he's managed to self settle from day 1.

    Kai is still tantruming, but he's tons better now. I decided to just pretend that I wasn't bothered, and to instead praise him for things he did well, and spend more time with him, and he magically is tons more well behaved. He's now mostly his adorable self again. He's also grown up so much in the past weeks, it's astounding. But he still sometimes has me in tears of frustration... He's a toddler after all.

    Aiden is such a sweet little guy. He's now laughing (with little noises!) , so it's even more special to interact with him these days. Here's a couple of recent pics of him. I haven't caught a photo of his big grin yet.

    Yeah, I still wonder about my bronchitis back in December. Kai tested positive for RSV, so I presumed I had that. But it was very severe, with over a week of fever, and weeks of intense coughing. I was dizzy and breathless but felt it was bronchitis and pregnancy. But who knows...

    Welcome Melben! I definitely see a line, hope it's darkening!

    How is everyone else? I miss hearing from you all. I hope you are all staying safe.
     
  12. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    welcome, Melben and CONGRATULATIONS!!! So many happy memories just came flooding back when I saw your line! I had a 'potential' in Feb and i swear I had the same line as your first pic. I was beside myself with joy for actually having conceived naturally but it never came to be. So I guess it was an evap b/c a CP would have bled soon after and I didn't have AF until a full month and a half after (I had also just removed my IUD at the end of Dec). Keep us posted on your journey! I hope things kept progressing!

    miki - always so good to hear from you! I'm so glad all is well with you - everyone still healthy and good? DH still doing ok too? Aiden just sounds like a cutie - a huge grin AND giggles already?? how are you doing/feeling? are you healing ok? I heard you all just got extended another month with SAH. How do you feel about that?
    Well done on the tantrum training!! Ours feel less frequent now too, now that I think of it. We figured out that Timothy melts down around 8:30 every day out of hunger, so we try to get in front of that with the mid-morning snack. Other than that, it's usually just about sharing something they don't want to or if someone just woke up in a bad mood.

    Things here are going well! I just wish the weather would hurry up and get nicer. We are in 'monsoon' season here now - I call it that b/c it's more that than 'spring'. Just either rain or cold still. We've barely had a day over 60 so far. But May is usually better. I'm looking forward to picking up the plants for the garden and getting that going.
    The swingset is done for the kids and I got one of those turtle sandboxes too - they love it. If these kids say they are bored outside, i'll die. But I know they will b/c...kids. HA!

    I hope you all stay well!! keep posting pics of those cuties - I love seeing them!!
    Melben keep us posted!
    Mum post when you can!
    Anyone else paying any attention - I miss you! :)
     
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  13. mikihope

    mikihope Well-Known Member

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    We're still sheltering in place over here... it feels like forever since daycare and everything closed! It's been over 2 very tough months. DH has been working from home (in the basement) for over a month now. Kai is getting a lot better, but it's still a work in progress. I've worked so hard, not sure how much longer I can go on without daycare!

    How are you and DH and your boys, Wish? T and M must be having lots of backyard adventures! We got stuff for the yard too. But it's hard with baby. I have a portable thingy which he seems happy to hang out in. Then again he's a pretty easy going baby.

    I feel so sad when I think about the loss of bonding time. Aiden is so sweet, and I haven't been able to enjoy him as much as I had liked. Plus my breastfeeding relationship with him is almost over. It's just too hard with so little time and energy, when I already struggle mightily with supply even at the best of times. Before Aiden was born, I'd dreamt of going on walks, hanging out in the garden, but now I generally don't do it without DH cos it's super hard to keep an eye on Kai. And DH would freak out if I brought the 2 alone on walks as he doesn't think we'd be able to keep a safe distance from some people.

    Anyway, I hope everyone else is doing ok. Do check in if you can! TTC, haven't heard from you in a while! Wicky, how are you, DW and Miriam? Mum, any new pics and updates?
     
  14. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    Hello!! I'm glad you're still doing well and are safe! You sound like you're doing great! it's funny - I think the thought of a toddler and a newborn is overwhelming when people think two newborns at once is! But you have to split your brain into 2 different levels whereas I had things happen to both at the same time. I'm sure you're doing great, the very best you can, and that's what counts. And like you said, you're super lucky that Aiden isn't a needy baby! He's just chill and happy to just be :) I love it! I was just looking at their pics above again - just so squishable and adorable! <3

    we are doing well here but the boys NEED school. They are developing like crazy and need more stimulation. it's starting to affect their sleep schedules too - Timothy is up at 5:15 almost every morning and he yells at Malcolm to wake him up. So either one or both boys are BEARS until naptime. And we need to figure out our new normal too and just trust that we'll keep taking as many precautions as needed and the school will too. So we are sending them back for 3 days the week of 6/8 and then full time the week after that. Hopefully they'll adjust quickly. But they need to have a classroom setting, need to exert so much more energy, play with OTHER kids and we need to get back to being better employees! Our office isn't reopened yet and they aren't rushing it b/c the whole company is actually doing great with working from home. Daycare only opened last Monday (5/18). So...2 more weeks of having them home. I will miss it a lot, but I know we all need it. I've LOVED watching their development over the past 2.5 months - it's been crazy. I'll miss M randomly crawling up on to my lap for a hug, but I won't miss the breaks in concentration of my work that happen all day. I'm so thankful all of this happened during our really slow period at work. I hope there isn't a 2nd wave in the fall b/c I guess it's likely to be bigger and worse and that's also my terribly busy period.
    But DH said, we can't continue this for the next year or whenever there becomes a vaccine. Not with both of us working and we certainly can't afford to have one of us quit.

    The weather FINALLY just got better for us last week too. Enough of the layers and layers of clothing! So the boys will have even more to play with outside with their water table and splash pad. I set up our garden this past weekend - that felt good just to do something physical and get something accomplished. I asked DH if we could get a house cleaner to come in and do a deep clean once the boys are back to school. We need it and I don't want to spend the time to do it - I'm freakin exhausted! with the money we've saved from not doing anything and keeping the boys out of school, I think we owe it to ourselves as a treat!
     
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  15. mumof1+1

    mumof1+1 Mommato#4beauties

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    Hey
    Sorry I haven’t been on in a bit, life is hectic right now. Maisie is doing really well. She had to have a hip scan at 6 weeks due to being breech late on, this showed immaturity in her left hip so they repeated 3 weeks later and it was fine thankfully. It was quite scary having to visit the hospital with corona going on but it was ok. She’s now taking 6oz every 4hours ish and generally goes to bed around 9 waking no earlier that 4.30-5am which is good. She had her jabs at 8 weeks which she didn’t do bad with. We had a screaming episode for a couple of hours 6 hours after but wasn’t to bad from the following day. She is due her 12 week jabs next Wednesday. She’s growing nicely and is a pleasure to have around. Pictures are newborn and today. Boy has she grown. I don’t like it haha it’s going too fast!!!
    Lockdown/corona is breaking me. It kills me that family have missed out on the newborn stage. My parents saw her at 11 days old and now she’ll be 12 weeks tomorrow. They’re 72 and if anything happened to them before they saw her again it would literally break me completely.
    It’s so hard some days. It wasn’t so bad until last week as I was getting out shopping etc but OH has been doing some gardening jobs so I’ve been stuck at home everyday. I visited a friend some 90 miles away Sunday (she’s been isolating as too I’ll to risk catching cv) and that was nice but other than that and collecting a Maisie related purchase I’ve been stuck in. I’d been walking to do the shopping so I actually felt like I had been out whereas on the drive out I didn’t as was in the car. Doesn’t really make sense as I wasn’t home but I just don’t feel like I went out. I’m just feeling down right fed up with everything at the moment. I’d say I’ll be glad when things go back to normal but I really don’t think that’s ever going to happen. We’ll have to adjust to a new kind of normal which I don’t see happening this year. I wish Maisie hadn’t been due when she was. I wish she’d have been due a lot later now. Just so we as parents didn’t miss out on the newborn stage alone and our families didn’t miss out. But she’s here and there’s nothing we can do. I have spells of feeling very guilty about the world I’ve brought my kids into then I feel guilty for feeling guilty and it’s just a vicious circle... Such a horrible position we’re all in right now. I won’t say the same boat as everyone’s circumstances are different but one way or another we’re all suffering/struggling... Fingers crossed it’s not much longer now :(

    Congratulations @Melben i hope you have a smooth pregnancy and I hope all this cv crap is pretty much over by the time your baby is here.

    Hope everyone else is feeling and coping ok xx

     
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  16. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    Hey Mum - good to hear from you!! I'm so glad Masie is doing so well!! I'm very sorry that you are not, though. But I get it. the boys have developed SO MUCH in the past 2.5 months and no one has been witness to it except for us. Which is GREAT for us that we had this time alone with them but my folks, DH's aunts/uncles and my FIL's best friends were all to have visited us around now and they can't. My folks won't be able to come up until Sept they said. The boys will be completely different people by then!
    Those first few weeks are so precious too - I get you. I'm so sorry.
    I feel like you do with going out. I haven't gone out except really to go to Target. And I did the order online/pick up at your car option, so didn't feel like going out to me. I JUST went into a store last weekend, and browsed around Target for things instead of just picking up. And went to Lowes for garden stuff. Other than that, DH has done the groceries and everything else has been delivered directly to us. I'm going a little stir crazy but if it keeps us, the boys and my FIL safe, then I'll trudge through.
    I agree with you on the new normal we are facing. Who knows what that will be even yet? I hope things DO go back to a little more normal once there is a vaccine. that won't be until next year I assume.
     
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  17. mikihope

    mikihope Well-Known Member

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    Mum, so glad to hear from you! Thank goodness Maisie's hip is fine. She's adorable, and she sounds like a perfect little baby! And sleeping ao amazingly well too... I'm envious! Aiden can sleep for 5-7 hour stretches at night but I'm often up twice a night. The good thing is he's good about going back to sleep, I've always been able to just leave him in the crib and he'll settle right down.

    Wish, it's weird but I now look at the newborn period as easy! Now that I see how it is with a 2 year old and newborn, it seems that 2 newborns would have been easier, like you said due to having the same stuff at the same time. Kai was so bad for the 1st 2 months that I almost went insane! But yeah, he's so cute. Thanks for the nice words.

    Sounds like things are working out well for you now.... I envy you, able to plan to go back to daycare and work. DH may not want the boys to go even if daycare opens. I'm so sad for Kai. Like your boys, he has developed so much. He's transformed from a cross between a caveman and puppy, to a cross between a little boy and a puppy :haha: He needs his friends and caregivers!

    Work is partially opening tomorrow. So DH will go in at least 2 days a week. I hope I will survive! We haven't really saved money since we're paying for daycare just to make sure it manages to stay open and the teachers don't have to leave.

    Looks like we're all in the same boat here with respect to our little ones. Our families are missing out! Mum, I know how you feel about everyone (including yourself) missing out on Maisie's newborn phase - - I feel that too about Aiden. Luckily for DH and I, our families are far away and we don't expect to see them much. Still, my sister was supposed to come stay over when Aiden was 3 weeks old, but the shelter in place order came a few days before. She loves the newborn stage, and now he'll probably be walking when she first meets him :cry:

    Still no sign of opening up more here in the Bay Area. We've been one of the 1st places in the nation to close down, and are basically last to open up. I've basically been trapped indoors for 3 months, since Aiden was born. I've only been out in the car while DH drives us all to a drive thru for food once u a while, and it's like a big excursion for me.

    One bright spot is that since Kai's been with me daily, I've managed to reinforce desired behaviors due to the continuity. After a ton of hard work on both our parts, he is finally a happy boy again. I've taught him how to identify his emotions. He's even learned to go to his room and throw himself around on a soft surface or scream into a pillow when he's angry. I was so sad for him, he was so angry and couldn't cope. I'd like to think I helped him through. His tantrums are so much more manageable... He's so goofy and dramatic, and generally a joy to be around again! And he now obviously loves his little brother, he gives him kisses and leaves toys for him!

    Stay safe everyone, even if things are opening up around you!
     
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  18. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I've found it interesting that you all are not open yet. Smart I think, but I can totally relate that a trip through a Drive-Thru is an excursion!! We have a family about 2.5 mi away that has a pig, who usually receives scrap food from one of the elementary schools here. Since schools have been closed, he has had a vast shortage of food! so the community has come together to bring our scraps from home to him! Since it's so close, I've been doing it for a couple of months now. That's my big excursion. I'll bring the boys and give DH some peace for a few mins. If the boys are tolerating the car, I'll bring them to Dunkins or around for a drive to look for tractors, horses, cows, whatever we can find. They generally enjoy it and lose their minds when we see construction vehicles. It's fun. It's only a half hour but I'm sure that's good for DH. I, myself, haven't been alone except in the car. I haven't had the house to myself at all in 3 months. It's been tough but what can you do?
    I love your description of Kai - the little boy-puppy! :haha: Yeah I guess that's kinda what they are, though there is an awful lot of grunting still coming from mine so they are probably still partially cavemen. I just need Timothy to sleep longer. Then his fits and tantrums won't be so bad. They've brought me to tears the past couple days, when DH is dealing with him, b/c I know it's like the 5th time he's gone in the corner in a couple hrs, he is just screaming and doesn't know what else to do other than hit DH, which infuriates him, causes time in the corner. DH tries to remain calm but when you're doing that, having to almost hold him down b/c he's hysterical and can hurt himself and then he turns around and hits and says 'NO!' when DH says 'are you going to stop hitting/say sorry?', I just can't take it anymore. I need your tips on helping him stabilize!! But I do think it's due to his waking up at 5:10am. When he sleeps longer, even to 5:45, he's a different kid. So I'm hoping getting back on the daycare schedule will even things out b/c he'll be so tired from that, he'll sleep longer and we'll have a more structured schedule for him.
     
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  19. mikihope

    mikihope Well-Known Member

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    I can so relate with never having the house to myself for 3 months, Wish! But your excursion... I'm envious, a pig! Love them, I'd love to visit an adorable pig. Glad he's getting the food he needs, from kind people like you!

    Aw, Timothy once again reminds me of Kai, with his tantrums and big feelings! I'll relate my experience, and maybe something that worked for me might work for you! I'm sure you tried them all, as I did. Nothing worked for me until I broke the cycle of negativity.

    I don't know how much of his improvement came from the lessening of jealousy, though. I think the main thing for us was to make sure he didn't somehow get "rewarded" for the undesired behavior. Kai was so bad, I almost forgot the sweet and joyful side of his personality. He too would lash out when I tried to discipline him with time outs. I tried it for a few weeks, but I was not successful.

    In the course of the day, when my voice or demeanor even took a slight displeased tone, he would let out a loud and long scream. I swear just thinking negative thoughts made him shriek. I think that, along with his big feelings, he is very sensitive to the emotions of others. We got into a cycle of timeouts and his angry lashing out, with throwing and hitting and screaming. I couldn't see a way out, despite reading and trying everything I could. I couldn't remain calm even though I tried, and I couldn't make ignoring him work as I was so worked up, plus he was probably confused at the changing methods I was using.

    Then I decided to try to break the cycle. I got ear plugs so I wouldn't get worked up by the loud screaming. I tried to think positive, and I realized that in the grand scheme of things it didn't really matter that much that he was acting up. I had been catastrophizing things, thinking each time that he was never going to "get it", and he would end up a shrieking spoiled kid. Instead, I tried to believe that Kai wanted to be good, that he would turn out ok one the end. I also decided to get rid of negative sort of discipline and instead presume that he knew that he was behaving badly and didn't need to feel worse about it for now. I also praised him a lot when I saw him doing desirable behaviors.

    So when he acted up, I just put on a bored/calm sort of demeanor, willed myself to keep my voice soft and calm. I also did things like (depending on why he was shouting) let him know that I wouldn't listen to shouting, or that it wasn't nice, or I didn't like it, or he wouldn't get anything by shouting, or I couldn't hear what he wanted.... and I'd calmly leave the room. He started to improve, he managed to calm himself and after that (not during!) he would tell me what the undesirable behavior was (e.g. "no throw play doh" or "no shout"). Then we could even role play and talk about what was acceptable and what was not. It became easier for me to be positive and calm, and he got even better as the days went on.

    He started behaving well more often. He felt happier because we were happier. He started to find ways to behave better. Now I don't even have to pretend to be calm and speak in a pleasant soft voice, it comes naturally. And I can make sure he's not being set up for failure. I noticed that when things were bad and he was angry, he would look for more things to do that would get in our nerves. Now that things are generally ok, he often looks to do good things. He's listening rather than looking for ways to act out. He's managing to self calm and I've seem him tell his stuffed animals what they shouldn't do.

    Obviously he still tests boundaries and I have to be firm, but I'm happy with that as it's a good thing for him to test them. And he's still mischievous and hasn't lost his "edge", he's just much better at accepting boundaries.

    It's still a work in progress, but it was magical watching his tantrums get shorter and less intense almost overnight. I think it took a couple of days for him to stop trying to hit me, and a couple of weeks for him to stop trying to throw stuff. And many of those things I read about started to work. Before, he wasn't listening and I was going crazy!

    So now I can show empathy when I know he's hurting and he responds well. I can ignore his screams and he snaps out of it immediately. I can now distract him away from impending tantrums, when before there was no stopping it. He deals with disappointment a lot better now.

    Now that I'm able to raise him with joy and empathy, I find that he's picking up those qualities too. It's hard to decide when to show empathy and when to ignore the behavior, but I seem to be managing! Of course, I'm lucky as I'm on maternity leave, so I've had time to work things through with Kai.

    Ugh, just read email from our daycare which says they have no idea when they can open, or even if they can have full participation of all who want daycare. Since we haven't signed Aiden on, I doubt he'd be able to join if they can't open at full capacity. My postdoc ends Dec, and my boss has never moved forward on a job for me since I began asking 1.5 years ago. I'm so tired of the constant stress. Just when I was enjoying my two little ones!
     
  20. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    THANK YOU.
    THANK YOU.
    THANK YOU.

    for even taking the time to type all of that! Yeah I can tell that the timeouts don't really work with him sometimes and it just aggravates the situation even more. The only things he hears from us is 'we'll tell you when you're done' (b/c he'll try to run away and say 'all done'), 'are you going to hit/push/kick again?' (which I have to keep in mind not to change into a positive-response question after asking for a negative response - "No" turned into a "Yes" like 'are you going to stop hitting/pushing/kicking?' - confuses them and the situation), and 'are you going to say sorry?' (again having to remember to not change the Yes to a No question). I'm sure I'm doing plenty wrong. We do then try to walk away and not give in, try to ignore but he wails and throws himself on our legs. Sometimes we do just need to go sit quietly with him on the couch and let his tantrum run its course. And we'll then softly say that he shouldn't hit, get him to agree not to hit, and then it's over. Big hugs and we're done.
    But I know we can do better and your note helps a lot. Thank you so much!!!

    Oh no!!! more to think about and figure out!!
    I assume you require both incomes living in SF, right? it's not an option to be home with the boys. Not that you necessarily WANT to be - you seem work-driven and enjoy it. Ugh i'm sorry this is piling on!

    We dropped the boys off at daycare this morning and it was sad, relieving, nerve-wracking, all of the above. They are only in 3 days this week - today, Wed and Thurs. So we'll see how it goes. I'm sure they are doing better than we are! It's so quiet here but my brain needed this quiet. I've been so tense - and I don't mean this badly - but just how I can't pay attention to email any longer than a few mins and it's ripped away by drumming, screeching (even happy screeching!), yelling, fighting, someone wanting a snack, time to go outside before it rains so we can run off energy, etc. It's just been so constant. I miss hearing them at the same time too, or having Malcolm come give me a random hug, or Timothy "making mac & cheese" and giving me some. I need a nap! LOL
     
    mikihope likes this.

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