Bit of a rant, competitive mums

[CMIL]

I can't help noticing that a few of the mums at mum group say their 8/9 month old is talking. What they mean is that the baby can repeat a few words, perhaps mama, yes, etc. Now to me this is the development point of 'copying sounds' whereas talking is actually saying a word and understanding its meaning so not just repeating mama after it has been said to them or saying it blindly but saying it to gain their mothers attention or to point out who their mama is.

I have loved my year off with my son but if there is one thing I wont miss it is that whole competitive nature of some of the mums. I am sorry but your baby can not 'talk'. Its as if these women have heard an imaginary gun and are off the starting line racing ahead when really all the other 'participants' in the race are just still sat on the line drinking tea and talking about stretch marks. You are on your own ladies! I am afraid you can not take credit for and live your life by your babies random mumblings. In the main whether your little one decides to pull themselves up on the sofa at 7 months or 11 months has nothing to do with you so put away your silly check list of your childs physical and mental abilities and start actually enjoying them. If people spent as much time developing their childs personality and charisma over thier ability to read/run/make utterances in Spanish/recite the periodic table we might actually have a more fun society!

 

[katy1310]

Well said CMIL! I can't stand this either - particularly when people compare Sophie to their 10 month old fullterm baby - she was born at 27 weeks in Marcg so yes, she is 10 months, but for development, they look at her as a 7 month old, because she SHOULD have been born in June!! I can't believe the number of people who have asked me if she is walking or crawling all over the place by now - of course she's not walking!! The 3 months she had in neonatal should have been inside me, so it's not like she had a head start just because she was born early!

I'm just glad that Sophie is here, safe and seems unscathed from her extreme prematurity - when we found out she was coming so early, everything she does is a bonus!! As it happens she's right on target for a 7 month old, but even if she wasn't, I'd still be just so happy to have her. Babies all do things in their own good time.

Copying sounds isn't the same as talking - I'm with you on that one! Sophie's going through a phase just now of imitating sounds - if you do a sound at her she'll do it back at you, but she's not talking by any stretch of the imagination! She says babababa and dadada but it's just a baby noise!

Ok, going to hop down off my high horse now!

 

[louandivy]

I can't believe people think their LOs are actually knowingly speaking words at 8 months! Our LO's generation is going to have a lot of geniuses then

 

[LulaBug]

It gets on my nerves too only because it makes me doubt the job I'm doing and whether I'm a good enough mum, when all that matters is hes a happy and healthy little boy who is currently babbling away to himself as I type. I know eventually he'll know what he's saying but it just annoys me to have my head filled with doubt by other people in that he's not as advanced or something when in fact he's doing just fine.

 

[jenkins]

well my 5 month old can make noises like a sea lion and also squeak like a mouse..........thats talking ...........right????

also when he's having a whine cos he's tired and won't go to sleep he actually sounds like he's saying emma!!!!

But no, 'talking' i think is when they understand what they're saying.

It's unbelieveable how competive some mums are about everything, particularly sleep i've found

Just gotta smile and say wow thats marvelous and actually mean it then its win win

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I totally agree, the whole 'my 8 m old is saying mummy and daddy' is not only annoying becasue it's obviously babbling, but the worst part is that it makes other parents think their child is not normal because they aren't talking! Honestly, check out the toddler section - it's full of threads from mums who think their LO should be saying loads at like 12 months, because of so many parents who are saying that their younger babies babbling is talking!

 

[Raggydoll]

I'll have you know my LO could say achoo at 4 months

Honestly I think it's either being over excited or a need to be reassured. Saying something doesn't neccesarily make it true.

I know what my LO is doing so I don't need to worry about what other babies are doing.

 

[jojo_b]

My LO does some very impressive bottom burps...that's about it though!

 

[katy1310]

My LO does some very impressive bottom burps...that's about it though!

 

[CMIL]

I am so glad other people are saying they have been made to feel inferior because of it! I dont know about anyone else but when my son has done something, for example he first started sleeping through at 6 weeks, if someone has asked me about his sleep at a mum club I have found I actually played it down and mumbled out that he was sleeping until 6am. I was embarrassed to be saying it because I didn't want to make them feel how I have been made to feel 100s of times.

I think in any walk of life where you are in a scenario in which you are walking into a room full of people you dont know the worst thing you can come across as is a bit of a show off. We're Brits, we do modesty and empathy not loud and proud! Do these mums not realise they are alienating themselves from everyone else?

Also if they are describing the copying of sounds as talking, when their child actually strings together some words with meaning, where have they got to go then!? Will they say 'oh look, he has started debating....he actually does speech writing for David Cameron in his spare time you know'.

 

[Tegans Mama]

I can't believe people think their LOs are actually knowingly speaking words at 8 months! Our LO's generation is going to have a lot of geniuses then

my Aunty does this. She has a son who is 8 months younger than Tegan and she SWEARS black and blue he can talk. Then she says "X, say i love you" and he goes... "DUH DUH DUH"

 

[Lottie86]

Also if they are describing the copying of sounds as talking, when their child actually strings together some words with meaning, where have they got to go then!? Will they say 'oh look, he has started debating....he actually does speech writing for David Cameron in his spare time you know'.

ROFPMSL!!!

 

[Raggydoll]

I am so glad other people are saying they have been made to feel inferior because of it! I dont know about anyone else but when my son has done something, for example he first started sleeping through at 6 weeks, if someone has asked me about his sleep at a mum club I have found I actually played it down and mumbled out that he was sleeping until 6am. I was embarrassed to be saying it because I didn't want to make them feel how I have been made to feel 100s of times.

I think in any walk of life where you are in a scenario in which you are walking into a room full of people you dont know the worst thing you can come across as is a bit of a show off. We're Brits, we do modesty and empathy not loud and proud! Do these mums not realise they are alienating themselves from everyone else?

Also if they are describing the copying of sounds as talking, when their child actually strings together some words with meaning, where have they got to go then!? Will they say 'oh look, he has started debating....he actually does speech writing for David Cameron in his spare time you know'.

Nothing better than a wee bit of exaggeration!!!

 

[NG09]

My niece was talking very early, I was just trying to think back to when she started talking properly, she was about 20 months at my wedding and talking very clearly, able to answer questions ( full sentances, not just yes or no) she was talking earlier than that but can't remember at exactly what age. Maybe not the case for all children but it's not impossible by any means.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

My niece was talking very early, I was just trying to think back to when she started talking properly, she was about 20 months at my wedding and talking very clearly, able to answer questions ( full sentances, not just yes or no) she was talking earlier than that but can't remember at exactly what age. Maybe not the case for all children but it's not impossible by any means.

Ruby talks in sentences and has done since 18 months but she was only really saying proper words unprompted and correctly from 14 months. My mum says I said proper words from when I was 12 months, but i just think 8 months is a bit early!

 

[brownlieB]

This is the one thing I dreaded the most about having a baby the competitive mum syndrome, and it's not even developmental things.

I almost got into an argument with hubbys friends wife over dinner when she asked where we were sending LO to school (she's 5 months old FFS) and we said we'v not thought about it..To which she replied well you'll have to start going to church soon otherwise you won't get into the best school in the area (the school she chose to send LO too)

I tried to explain that actually hubby and I have quite strong beliefs about using a persons religion to gain in our own lives, and that our we may not be in this area by the time LO goes to school and if we are we'll find one we think suits our view as parents best.

To which she replied "you're young maybe you don't understand the importace of a good education yet..you will though soon"!!!

I was fuming.... I personally think it's just that she's got caught in the whole competitive parent trap (all her cousins and friends children go to same school) and probably was thrown by the fact that I actually have moral standing and a back bone and am able to go against the grain!!

You can see it in her face the look of pure horror if her LO does something like tip a plant pot up (a normal toddler thing to do) in case we think it's her parenting, she then goes on to make excuses for the child.. Tbh love I don't care he's a child chill out!!

Sorry took over your rant there but yes competitive parenting really gets my back back up!

 

[NG09]

My niece was talking very early, I was just trying to think back to when she started talking properly, she was about 20 months at my wedding and talking very clearly, able to answer questions ( full sentances, not just yes or no) she was talking earlier than that but can't remember at exactly what age. Maybe not the case for all children but it's not impossible by any means.

Ruby talks in sentences and has done since 18 months but she was only really saying proper words unprompted and correctly from 14 months. My mum says I said proper words from when I was 12 months, but i just think 8 months is a bit early!

I don't know, she was def saying hiya and waving unprompted at around 8/9 months unprompted when people went to her house or when she came to visit.

 

[Tegans Mama]

My niece was talking very early, I was just trying to think back to when she started talking properly, she was about 20 months at my wedding and talking very clearly, able to answer questions ( full sentances, not just yes or no) she was talking earlier than that but can't remember at exactly what age. Maybe not the case for all children but it's not impossible by any means.

Ruby talks in sentences and has done since 18 months but she was only really saying proper words unprompted and correctly from 14 months. My mum says I said proper words from when I was 12 months, but i just think 8 months is a bit early!

I don't know, she was def saying hiya and waving unprompted at around 8/9 months unprompted when people went to her house or when she came to visit.

I thought that was normal? Saying hiya and waving is a lot different to complete sentences. My LO waved and said Hiya at 9 months also, but we didn't get sentences until about 24 months.

 

[NG09]

Oh well, clearly I don't know anything about children!! It doesn't bother me if other people's children develop quicker than mine, they all different and do things in their own time, if mine did something early I'd be telling people too!

 

[Natasha2605]

I remember when I went to baby group and a girl came along for the first time with her LO. Her LO was two weeks older than Summer.Summer was about 6.5 months and had just started to crawl. The convo went like this:

Her: ''When did she start to crawl?''
Me: ''Em just last week, she's still a bit unsteady at times but we'll get there''
Her:'' Well Lori can't crawl yet but she already says ''Hello Mummy, Does Summer do that yet''
Me : '' Na she just babbles rubbish
Her: ''Oh well, Lori must just be clever''

I was like ''SAY WHAAAAAAT''. My babies not stupid and I doubt hers could really say that. What does it matter? I haven't really been back since because it honestly put me off but I'd love to go back now and say ''Actually, my stupid baby now says 7 words so keep your opinions to yourself!''

And of those 7 words Summer knows when to use 4 of them in context and not just repeating something someone has said.
She'll say ''Danda'' for Grandad whenever she sees my dad, it's the only time she'll say it.
''Hiya'' and waves to strangers on the bus when she wants attention
''Dada'' when my OH comes in from work.
''Mum'' when she wants my attention.

And hell mend somebody if they ignore Summer...she goes mad! Obviously she's not saying sentences but her little words are definitely enough communication for now. I always think that a babies brain is often underestimated. Many LO's understand a lot more than we often believe imo xx