Bit of a rant, competitive mums

[Kalah]

Something my MIL said earlier today reminded me of this thread. She came back from a christening of a baby about a month younger than our LO. She was saying "oh their baby wasn't doing any of the things she does, Kiliana is very advanced!" She's a month older!! Most of her major things she's only started this past month! I don't like my baby being used to put someone else's down

 

[Vickie]

Do people see growing teeth as a massive achievement and something to brag about if done early then? :S I kind of get that impression at baby groups, but just wondered what the consensus was. You see, to me, growing teeth is kind of inevitable; it's like growing hair or nails or shedding skin. It's something the body is designed to do and will do when it is ready to do it. :S So I don't actually see it as an achievement, just another part of her growth I suppose. When she got her first two teeth at 7 months and 1 week, which subsequently took a month to look like teeth (!) I can remember thinking 'oh my baby is disappearing and getting big' but I didn't feel proud like I would expect when she takes her first steps. Does that make me a bad parent?

So when people say to me 'how many teeth does she have now then' and I say 'oh she only just cut her third and you can't even really see it yet' and I get something like 'oh wow she's late, Johnnie has already got 25 teeth', I just find it pretty laughable to be honest. It's like people will find ANYTHING to create one-upmanship. I don't get it. If my child is not walking by the time she has left home, I'll contact my GP.

I brag about surviving the stroppy moods and night time wakings, having yummy food flung at me and my boobs bitten when he cuts new teeth! it's definitely more of a celebratory relief announcement when I say he's finally cut tooth x!

That was pretty much me. It was always thank goodness that tooth is through maybe we'll get a break now

 

[xnmd1]

Something my MIL said earlier today reminded me of this thread. She came back from a christening of a baby about a month younger than our LO. She was saying "oh their baby wasn't doing any of the things she does, Kiliana is very advanced!" She's a month older!! Most of her major things she's only started this past month! I don't like my baby being used to put someone else's down

obviosly a proud grandmother but you're right, it is wrong to use your baby to put another's down.

My MIL is actually so bitter that when OH calls her and says "LO is doing X now" she's like "so what? That's no big deal .. you did that younger than him as a baby anyways"

well thanks for making us feel bad when we're excited about him learning something new... (and I do/will get excited when he learns something new wether it's early, ontime, or late)

 

[pinklightbulb]

Aw thanks hun You always have such informative posts & that did make me feel a lot better. It's tough when every other baby at LO's age is light years ahead physically. You do feel like you've done something 'wrong' even though you know all babies are different. I feel like that at 11 months LO should be crawling because I never saw another baby of that age who wasn't mobile, that's all. Oh well, one day

My cousins is bum shuffler I never seen one before, now at 13.5 months, he's walking. According to my mom my eldest brother never crawled.

Babies are different hun, Omar is an early talker but he wasnt physically early. He was on time, & he's still late when it comes to holding his own food & feeding himself. He doesnt even hold his bottle to feed himself. He doesnt self settle & he still sleeps in our room. He doesnt even climb over furniture (which is also a milestone I guess).

Once they'r 2-2.5 years almost all toddlers will be acheiving the same physical & communicating skills. The 1st few months of their lives are not an indication of their future skills. Dont worry hun, your LO will reach all his milestones when he's ready.

In cultures where frequent and extended baby wearing is the norm, it's apparently not uncommon for babies to go straight from being held and carried to progressing to walking because they're not down on the ground a lot to crawl. I know it's hard sometimes to look past what we're surrounded by but i think sometimes it can be a comforting relief to do just that and to realize that just maybe our LO's are coming along just fine!

Oh that makes me feel better too At this rate though my cousin's next LO (due in June) will be crawling not long after my LO is walking though I wish I was joking but I didn't walk till 18 months myself! So there won't be much in it if her new LO is crawling just a few months after mine has started walking. So she will have two who are mobile, and I only have him to keep track of, so the family will be comparing away between them yet again... Ahhh motherhood... it is desgined to make us all feel so insecure sometimes!

 

[annawrigley]

Something my MIL said earlier today reminded me of this thread. She came back from a christening of a baby about a month younger than our LO. She was saying "oh their baby wasn't doing any of the things she does, Kiliana is very advanced!" She's a month older!! Most of her major things she's only started this past month! I don't like my baby being used to put someone else's down

obviosly a proud grandmother but you're right, it is wrong to use your baby to put another's down.

My MIL is actually so bitter that when OH calls her and says "LO is doing X now" she's like "so what? That's no big deal .. you did that younger than him as a baby anyways"

well thanks for making us feel bad when we're excited about him learning something new... (and I do/will get excited when he learns something new wether it's early, ontime, or late)

Wow thats pathetic. MIL sort of does this but isnt so obvious about it. Like when he was approaching 9 months it was "Oh well [FOB] was walking by 9 months so it will be within the next few weeks"
Erm... why? He's not his clone!

 

[elephant29]

I see both sides...
I'm a very proud mum and like to boast about my baby's acheivments alot, BUT I think it's wrong if you then ask about someone elses, and imply that theirs isn't as advanced as yours...Thats just rude.
One thing which really upset me though, for example, was when I wrote on facebook "OMG! Rory is only 3 months old and he just rolled over!!! He's so clever!"
And then another mummy totally deflated my excitment and made me feel crap by writing,
"Yeh, thats when most babies start to roll..." as if it wasn't anything to be proud of. It made me really upset! TBH even if he was 8 months old and it was his first roll, i'd have been harping on about how proud I was. I thought that was kinda mean...I wasn't trying to say anything wrong about her baby, and I never say to others when they say that their baby just learnt to roll, "Well MY RORY rolled at 3 months!"

Aw thats rotten. Ur proud ur little man rolled, who cares when other babys do it!!

Something similar happened to me on FB. I wrotes something like 'Aria is now sleeping through the night, bliss' and a friend replied 'dont get used to it cause it wont last' Her little girl was still waking upthrough the night. I dont care if Aria sleeps through for 2 nights or 2 months (as is the case) or whether other peoples babys do it. I was just excited that she done it!!

xxx

 

[XfairyhopesX]

Ahhhhh this thread is sooo up my street girls LOL
on FB unfortunately i have a few friends term used loosley!!! who had babies at lit a few weeks before me and i always feel like they are bragging.... and even i did once thnk one of them was not being totally truthful, she was saying he could crawl and (puts picks on of ev bit of development ie tooth poking / first time in high chair etc etc) and yet still to this day no pic of crawling... pics of pulling up on furniture etc.. it aggrivates me - lol!!! Aiden has been crawling then for about 4 months (comando) and up on all fours backwards and 360 for a months, BUT i still dont say he is..... rant over LOL xx

 

[opticalillus5]

I haven't had time to read all of this thread, so apologies if this has already been said... but it doesn't stop at playgroup!

Every year I DREAD the Easter bonnet competition. You're meant to HELP YOUR CHILD to make a bonnet for school, so ours always looks pretty crap because my daughter makes it (and she's 5 lol). I swear, some of the mums think they're in the running for the Turner prize.

Oh, and then there's the christmas play... and the costume making.

Not forgetting the parties. DD's friend had a bouncy castle. So the next friend had a bouncy castle and a marquee. So the next had a castle, marquee, clown. We've now got to the stage where the last one had DONKEYS. Seriously, donkey rides. I'm expecting the next one of DD's friends to have her candles blown out by JLS and Miley Cyrus.

 

[cissyhope]

personally, i think the only reason you would feel offended is if you have insecurities about your LO's development. no one is trying to make you feel bad. have pride and confidence in your parenting and LO and then you will be happy to hear about other babies' accomplishments.

my Lo was born small at 6lb 5oz,he wasn't born early but over due so just a small baby,he is absolutely gorgeous but i have to admit being a bit sensitive about his weight. Having people boasting about how big their baby was when born,dose not help,its just a bit insensitive im sure they are not meaning any thing about it but like i say, its just a bit insensitive! Why cant people think about what they say??? i am always thinking about what i say and how it will affect the other person. I was at my friends the other day an (her Lo is 2 and half weeks ahead of my lo but looks a lot bigger) both our Lo was on a rug and my lo is rolling around but her lo is just lying there.Now i didn't say any thing cause its all relative isnt it ? her Lo might walk sooner than my Lo? now i might be over cautious and i did brag to my oh when i got home but im just aware that as parents we can all be a bit sensitive when it comes to our babies as we just want the very best for them and i would hate for any one else feel the way i do sometimes when i get these awful competitive mums boasting away.Surely we should support each other as mothers and as women?
I even think your post was loaded and not very nice as thats sure to get peoples backs up!

 

[cissyhope]

I haven't had time to read all of this thread, so apologies if this has already been said... but it doesn't stop at playgroup!

Every year I DREAD the Easter bonnet competition. You're meant to HELP YOUR CHILD to make a bonnet for school, so ours always looks pretty crap because my daughter makes it (and she's 5 lol). I swear, some of the mums think they're in the running for the Turner prize.

Oh, and then there's the christmas play... and the costume making.

Not forgetting the parties. DD's friend had a bouncy castle. So the next friend had a bouncy castle and a marquee. So the next had a castle, marquee, clown. We've now got to the stage where the last one had DONKEYS. Seriously, donkey rides. I'm expecting the next one of DD's friends to have her candles blown out by JLS and Miley Cyrus.

oh noooooooooo thats something to look forward to! x

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

personally, i think the only reason you would feel offended is if you have insecurities about your LO's development. no one is trying to make you feel bad. have pride and confidence in your parenting and LO and then you will be happy to hear about other babies' accomplishments.

my Lo was born small at 6lb 5oz,he wasn't born early but over due so just a small baby,he is absolutely gorgeous but i have to admit being a bit sensitive about his weight. Having people boasting about how big their baby was when born,dose not help,its just a bit insensitive im sure they are not meaning any thing about it but like i say, its just a bit insensitive! Why cant people think about what they say??? i am always thinking about what i say and how it will affect the other person. I was at my friends the other day an (her Lo is 2 and half weeks ahead of my lo but looks a lot bigger) both our Lo was on a rug and my lo is rolling around but her lo is just lying there.Now i didn't say any thing cause its all relative isnt it ? her Lo might walk sooner than my Lo? now i might be over cautious and i did brag to my oh when i got home but im just aware that as parents we can all be a bit sensitive when it comes to our babies as we just want the very best for them and i would hate for any one else feel the way i do sometimes when i get these awful competitive mums boasting away.Surely we should support each other as mothers and as women?
I even think your post was loaded and not very nice as thats sure to get peoples backs up!

who on earth boasts about how big their baby was at birth? I was actually quite pleased not to have a big baby at birth despite being overdue!

 

[bloodbinds]

I think when people really offended when they see people boasting about their LO it's because they are jealouss I know the only time people wind me up is when they say thing like 'Ohhh, Jack has just cut his 7th tooth!' and Bella didn't have any teeth until she turned one so i would get really jealous about it and it would feel like they are bragging, even when they aren't!

Saying that though i try not to talk about Bellas development milestones just incase it makes other people feel bad/worried that their baby isn't doing the same thing.

I do agree with the talking thing though. I know a lot of mums who will give a list of what their LO is saying but what really they are doing is saying 'bababa and 'oucky!' and words that mean nothing, but the parents saying 'ohh, that means toilet' - lol, no it doesnt! It means you LO likes to make funny noises!! Lol

 

[cissyhope]

personally, i think the only reason you would feel offended is if you have insecurities about your LO's development. no one is trying to make you feel bad. have pride and confidence in your parenting and LO and then you will be happy to hear about other babies' accomplishments.

my Lo was born small at 6lb 5oz,he wasn't born early but over due so just a small baby,he is absolutely gorgeous but i have to admit being a bit sensitive about his weight. Having people boasting about how big their baby was when born,dose not help,its just a bit insensitive im sure they are not meaning any thing about it but like i say, its just a bit insensitive! Why cant people think about what they say??? i am always thinking about what i say and how it will affect the other person. I was at my friends the other day an (her Lo is 2 and half weeks ahead of my lo but looks a lot bigger) both our Lo was on a rug and my lo is rolling around but her lo is just lying there.Now i didn't say any thing cause its all relative isnt it ? her Lo might walk sooner than my Lo? now i might be over cautious and i did brag to my oh when i got home but im just aware that as parents we can all be a bit sensitive when it comes to our babies as we just want the very best for them and i would hate for any one else feel the way i do sometimes when i get these awful competitive mums boasting away.Surely we should support each other as mothers and as women?
I even think your post was loaded and not very nice as thats sure to get peoples backs up!

who on earth boasts about how big their baby was at birth? I was actually quite pleased not to have a big baby at birth despite being overdue!

I know!!! and its not just the birth weight they boast about,but what weight there babies are now compared with my Lo weight I just think its rude

 

[Vinushka]

I am always hearing that I was early with everything, walking by 8 months, talking properly by 10 and out of nappies by 12, and I think it is true, but my mum tends to compare all children with me, even comparing me and my brother which made us very resentful of each other. She's very competitive with the grandkids now too.

I heard all the time about how well my nephew was doing when I had my daughter even though she is 5 months younger than him. Then it turned out she was very delayed, and she still doesn't talk at 7 years old.

Now my mum competes with me over things she does, it drives me mad. That's a different convo though.