Bit of a rant, competitive mums

[OmiOmen]

I do not want to rile anyone up but the reverse is also very true. It is really upsetting when people call you a lier about things your LO can do! My son has done almost everything very early and I do not boast about it but when people ask and I say I get made out to be dishonest.

Yes, my son started teething very early BUT like someone said that is genetic. Yes, my son did start rolling, crawling, sitting, pulling himself up and he is almost ready to walk without support BUT motor skills actually have noting to do with intelligence and when people say he has done stuff like that early all I can say is "How do you expect me to stop him?". Yes, my son has said a lot of words and has understanding of how to use quite a few BUT the fact he is quite bright means he knows how to find trouble more, is extra tiring and between that and how (VERY) active he is I am actually worried that there is something wrong with his development.

At the end of the day babies develop at different rates and I do not think people should give someone hassle if someone else baby is doing it on time or even later than average but I do not think it is fair to give someone hassle because their baby does things early either (although it is bad if they are obviously trying to be boastful).

I am not trying to make anyone mad, just saying that no one can help the timing that their baby does things even if it is early.

 

[Lara310809]

I don't mind admitting that my LO is "behind" other babies. I hate the mums (and I know a fair few) that comment on all my photos and say "my child was doing that three months before yours", and "she's not very good at balancing is she? My child would run circles round yours". Well, not verbatim, but you know what I mean.

I don't care if your baby is so much more advanced than mine; my baby is mine and I love her a helluva lot more than I love your baby. She is mine and she is perfect. So bugger off and look after your own child, since they're so amazingly advanced; or they will be running circles round you!!"

My 9 month old can say "dada" and "mama", but she doesn't have a clue what they mean. I know because she doesn't look at either one of us when she says them, and she doesn't seem want us when she says our names. She also seems to yell "dadadadada" at her toys

My LO can sit up unaided, but she falls over still.

My LO can't crawl, but she can move about in other ways.

My LO has no inclination to walk anytime soon, and actually cries with fear if she doesn't feel like you're supporting her enough when she's standing up.

My baby is my baby; yours is yours. I am proud of her achievements, and I couldn't give a stuff about yours

aww i just wanted to give you hugs, it upset me that people are commenting on your photos saying she isnt good at balancing cheeky chuffs! yeah olly was behind in sitting up and i felt so much under pressure because a few other mums i new were bragging about there babys doing all sorts, it even had me paranoid there was something wrong with olly, now i realise there idiots. bless are beautiful babys! x

Lauralora, I've been wondering where you'd got to; I haven't seen you on here in ages!

I agree that they are idiots; and because of that I don't listen to them Life is too short to compare your child against another; all children are different and develop at such different rates. It's just not comparable.

 

[Lara310809]

At the end of the day babies develop at different rates and I do not think people should give someone hassle if someone else baby is doing it on time or even later than average but I do not think it is fair to give someone hassle because their baby does things early either (although it is bad if they are obviously trying to be boastful).

I am not trying to make anyone mad, just saying that no one can help the timing that their baby does things even if it is early.

I totally agree with you; there are some cases that are genuine, but unfortunately they tend to be overshadowed with exaggerations of other parents. When I bumped into an old colleague a few months ago, she had just had her first grandchild, and she was boasting about how she was saying "mummy" at 5 weeks old . But I agree, early milestones are certainly possible, so it's not fair to treat all parents as exaggerators.

Oh, and when my LO was born, we could see a couple of teeth under her gums, but now, at 9 months old, she hasn't even started teething yet. Now you say it's genetic, I'm expecting a long wait even now, because my mum didn't get her first tooth until 11m!

 

[DaisyBee]

Well when its grandparents bragging - that is a totally different thing. As a parent you can't stop the grandparents from bragging about everything and anything! My mil brags all the time to her friends & clients- and she DOES exaggerate a lot! She claimed my daughter was saying "grandpa" at 9months because she copied sounds just like that after my mil said "grandpa" Well she went and told everyone that my daughter says grandpa. Well - she still doesnt say grandpa - so it makes me look like I'm also lying I think as I'm the mom- and that is so embarrasing! Parents bragging is totally differnent than grandparents. I've found out that other grandparents are the same way as my mil - so I always just nod & smile politely.

 

[LankyDoodle]

Do people see growing teeth as a massive achievement and something to brag about if done early then? :S I kind of get that impression at baby groups, but just wondered what the consensus was. You see, to me, growing teeth is kind of inevitable; it's like growing hair or nails or shedding skin. It's something the body is designed to do and will do when it is ready to do it. :S So I don't actually see it as an achievement, just another part of her growth I suppose. When she got her first two teeth at 7 months and 1 week, which subsequently took a month to look like teeth (!) I can remember thinking 'oh my baby is disappearing and getting big' but I didn't feel proud like I would expect when she takes her first steps. Does that make me a bad parent?

So when people say to me 'how many teeth does she have now then' and I say 'oh she only just cut her third and you can't even really see it yet' and I get something like 'oh wow she's late, Johnnie has already got 25 teeth', I just find it pretty laughable to be honest. It's like people will find ANYTHING to create one-upmanship. I don't get it. If my child is not walking by the time she has left home, I'll contact my GP.

 

[OmiOmen]

No, it does not make you a bad parent. My thoughts when my son got teeth was "OUCH, why the hell did he bite my boob so hard that it bleed!" Lol.

 

[aliss]

Do people see growing teeth as a massive achievement and something to brag about if done early then? :S I kind of get that impression at baby groups, but just wondered what the consensus was. You see, to me, growing teeth is kind of inevitable; it's like growing hair or nails or shedding skin. It's something the body is designed to do and will do when it is ready to do it. :S So I don't actually see it as an achievement, just another part of her growth I suppose. When she got her first two teeth at 7 months and 1 week, which subsequently took a month to look like teeth (!) I can remember thinking 'oh my baby is disappearing and getting big' but I didn't feel proud like I would expect when she takes her first steps. Does that make me a bad parent?

So when people say to me 'how many teeth does she have now then' and I say 'oh she only just cut her third and you can't even really see it yet' and I get something like 'oh wow she's late, Johnnie has already got 25 teeth', I just find it pretty laughable to be honest. It's like people will find ANYTHING to create one-upmanship. I don't get it. If my child is not walking by the time she has left home, I'll contact my GP.

lol no kidding.

When people find out my nearly 8 month old just started rolling recently and is nowhere near sitting unaided, they say "oh well at least he's got teeth".... At least...what????

 

[LankyDoodle]

LOL. Yep OmiOmen - the teeth versus nipple thing is a tricky one!

Aliss - that sounds kind of patronising! LOL. I actually don't know what planet some people are on. I'm pretty crap at maths but oh well, at least I have hair!

 

[peanut56]

I do not want to rile anyone up but the reverse is also very true. It is really upsetting when people call you a lier about things your LO can do! My son has done almost everything very early and I do not boast about it but when people ask and I say I get made out to be dishonest.

Yes, my son started teething very early BUT like someone said that is genetic. Yes, my son did start rolling, crawling, sitting, pulling himself up and he is almost ready to walk without support BUT motor skills actually have noting to do with intelligence and when people say he has done stuff like that early all I can say is "How do you expect me to stop him?". Yes, my son has said a lot of words and has understanding of how to use quite a few BUT the fact he is quite bright means he knows how to find trouble more, is extra tiring and between that and how (VERY) active he is I am actually worried that there is something wrong with his development.

At the end of the day babies develop at different rates and I do not think people should give someone hassle if someone else baby is doing it on time or even later than average but I do not think it is fair to give someone hassle because their baby does things early either (although it is bad if they are obviously trying to be boastful).

I am not trying to make anyone mad, just saying that no one can help the timing that their baby does things even if it is early.

I agree with you. My best friend's son is two months older than Hana, and he started rolling all over the place at 1 month, and started crawling really early too (can't remember exactly when, but it was around 4 months). It's definitely possible for babies to do certain things quite early.
For me, it's not so much about me not believing the moms when they're "bragging", it's more about HOW they say it. If they are just genuinely proud and/or excited, that's great. They should be! But when they are condescending, or say it in a way that implies my baby is "behind" or "slow", that's what I don't like. Or if what they are saying is physically impossible (a woman at my baby group said her baby was saying clear words at 6 weeks old!!), that annoys me too. But I just smile and nod in those cases.

 

[LankyDoodle]

I know a girl from a baby group whose daughter started crawling, sitting, pulling herself to sitting, pulling to standing, letting go and standing alone within a few weeks of turning 6 months. It was as if someone flicked a switch and it all came out at once. I saw it with my own eyes. She started walking at 9 months. She is 1 in a week's time and still doesn't say any words and doesn't babble. They are all different. If the lady at baby group told people who didn't know her baby, that her baby was doing all those things, they'd shake their head in disbelief. But I saw it with my own eyes. This baby was doing everything early, and she was not born late either. In fact, born to an older mum who was induced and so born a week early!

The lady never rubs people's noses in it. She downplays everything and when Isabella has done new things over the last few months, this lady has always made out that Isabella is really clever etc. I guess it's about the way people say things and I kind of do get the OP's point on that subject. All babies are totally different but there are also those people who exaggerate things and those people who use it for one-upmanship. I just think people should take pride in their own chn and stop trying to make others feel that their chn are so developmentally stunted!

 

[hivechild]

Do people see growing teeth as a massive achievement and something to brag about if done early then? :S I kind of get that impression at baby groups, but just wondered what the consensus was. You see, to me, growing teeth is kind of inevitable; it's like growing hair or nails or shedding skin. It's something the body is designed to do and will do when it is ready to do it. :S So I don't actually see it as an achievement, just another part of her growth I suppose. When she got her first two teeth at 7 months and 1 week, which subsequently took a month to look like teeth (!) I can remember thinking 'oh my baby is disappearing and getting big' but I didn't feel proud like I would expect when she takes her first steps. Does that make me a bad parent?

So when people say to me 'how many teeth does she have now then' and I say 'oh she only just cut her third and you can't even really see it yet' and I get something like 'oh wow she's late, Johnnie has already got 25 teeth', I just find it pretty laughable to be honest. It's like people will find ANYTHING to create one-upmanship. I don't get it. If my child is not walking by the time she has left home, I'll contact my GP.

I brag about surviving the stroppy moods and night time wakings, having yummy food flung at me and my boobs bitten when he cuts new teeth! it's definitely more of a celebratory relief announcement when I say he's finally cut tooth x!

 

[LankyDoodle]

Do people see growing teeth as a massive achievement and something to brag about if done early then? :S I kind of get that impression at baby groups, but just wondered what the consensus was. You see, to me, growing teeth is kind of inevitable; it's like growing hair or nails or shedding skin. It's something the body is designed to do and will do when it is ready to do it. :S So I don't actually see it as an achievement, just another part of her growth I suppose. When she got her first two teeth at 7 months and 1 week, which subsequently took a month to look like teeth (!) I can remember thinking 'oh my baby is disappearing and getting big' but I didn't feel proud like I would expect when she takes her first steps. Does that make me a bad parent?

So when people say to me 'how many teeth does she have now then' and I say 'oh she only just cut her third and you can't even really see it yet' and I get something like 'oh wow she's late, Johnnie has already got 25 teeth', I just find it pretty laughable to be honest. It's like people will find ANYTHING to create one-upmanship. I don't get it. If my child is not walking by the time she has left home, I'll contact my GP.

I brag about surviving the stroppy moods and night time wakings, having yummy food flung at me and my boobs bitten when he cuts new teeth! it's definitely more of a celebratory relief announcement when I say he's finally cut tooth x!

Same here really. I do get emotional about it, don't get me wrong; but I don't feel it's some marker of her intellectual prowess over other children.

 

[louandivy]

Do people see growing teeth as a massive achievement and something to brag about if done early then? :S I kind of get that impression at baby groups, but just wondered what the consensus was. You see, to me, growing teeth is kind of inevitable; it's like growing hair or nails or shedding skin. It's something the body is designed to do and will do when it is ready to do it. :S So I don't actually see it as an achievement, just another part of her growth I suppose. When she got her first two teeth at 7 months and 1 week, which subsequently took a month to look like teeth (!) I can remember thinking 'oh my baby is disappearing and getting big' but I didn't feel proud like I would expect when she takes her first steps. Does that make me a bad parent?

So when people say to me 'how many teeth does she have now then' and I say 'oh she only just cut her third and you can't even really see it yet' and I get something like 'oh wow she's late, Johnnie has already got 25 teeth', I just find it pretty laughable to be honest. It's like people will find ANYTHING to create one-upmanship. I don't get it. If my child is not walking by the time she has left home, I'll contact my GP.

lol no kidding.

When people find out my nearly 8 month old just started rolling recently and is nowhere near sitting unaided, they say "oh well at least he's got teeth".... At least...what????

 

[pinklightbulb]

Imagine what I get, my LO can't crawl yet at 11 months yet my cousin's little girl who is 3 weeks younger is pulling up to standing and feeding herself and has teeth-- you guessed it, my LO can't do any of that and has no teeth either It does make me feel insecure because most 11 month olds can at least bloody crawl and have at least one tooth lol. That is why I hate my LO being compared to others of his age because he is so behind in those areas!!!

Omar had his 1st tooth 1 week after his birthday & until now he doesnt feed himself. My cousin is 3 weeks younger than Omar & he was feeding himself at 7 months, & had his 1st tooth at 9 months.

My friend's LO (who's 6 months younger than Omar) had his 1st tooth 1 month before Omar

Having teeth is not even a milestone , it's genetic & it doesnt affect their growth, they have up until they'r 18 months to start having teeth, it's normal there is nothing to worry about hun.

As for crawling many LOs dont crawl, it's also not a milestone xxx

Aw thanks hun You always have such informative posts & that did make me feel a lot better. It's tough when every other baby at LO's age is light years ahead physically. You do feel like you've done something 'wrong' even though you know all babies are different. I feel like that at 11 months LO should be crawling because I never saw another baby of that age who wasn't mobile, that's all. Oh well, one day

 

[LankyDoodle]

Aliss, was just lying in bed and remembered the maths/hair comment and thought 'oh crap that sounds wrong'. Just wanted to say i was highlighting the patronising tone of these people's comments, not saying a baby not rolling is the same. I'm not even that bad at maths haha- just making a poin5.

Yes I am sad and think about bnb in bed!

 

[LankyDoodle]

Aliss, was just lying in bed and remembered the maths/hair comment and thought 'oh crap that sounds wrong'. Just wanted to say i was highlighting the patronising tone of these people's comments, not saying a baby not rolling is the same. I'm not even that bad at maths haha- just making a poin5.

Yes I am sad and think about bnb in bed!

 

[OmarsMum]

Aw thanks hun You always have such informative posts & that did make me feel a lot better. It's tough when every other baby at LO's age is light years ahead physically. You do feel like you've done something 'wrong' even though you know all babies are different. I feel like that at 11 months LO should be crawling because I never saw another baby of that age who wasn't mobile, that's all. Oh well, one day

My cousins is bum shuffler I never seen one before, now at 13.5 months, he's walking. According to my mom my eldest brother never crawled.

Babies are different hun, Omar is an early talker but he wasnt physically early. He was on time, & he's still late when it comes to holding his own food & feeding himself. He doesnt even hold his bottle to feed himself. He doesnt self settle & he still sleeps in our room. He doesnt even climb over furniture (which is also a milestone I guess).

Once they'r 2-2.5 years almost all toddlers will be acheiving the same physical & communicating skills. The 1st few months of their lives are not an indication of their future skills. Dont worry hun, your LO will reach all his milestones when he's ready.

 

[hivechild]

Aw thanks hun You always have such informative posts & that did make me feel a lot better. It's tough when every other baby at LO's age is light years ahead physically. You do feel like you've done something 'wrong' even though you know all babies are different. I feel like that at 11 months LO should be crawling because I never saw another baby of that age who wasn't mobile, that's all. Oh well, one day

My cousins is bum shuffler I never seen one before, now at 13.5 months, he's walking. According to my mom my eldest brother never crawled.

Babies are different hun, Omar is an early talker but he wasnt physically early. He was on time, & he's still late when it comes to holding his own food & feeding himself. He doesnt even hold his bottle to feed himself. He doesnt self settle & he still sleeps in our room. He doesnt even climb over furniture (which is also a milestone I guess).

Once they'r 2-2.5 years almost all toddlers will be acheiving the same physical & communicating skills. The 1st few months of their lives are not an indication of their future skills. Dont worry hun, your LO will reach all his milestones when he's ready.

In cultures where frequent and extended baby wearing is the norm, it's apparently not uncommon for babies to go straight from being held and carried to progressing to walking because they're not down on the ground a lot to crawl. I know it's hard sometimes to look past what we're surrounded by but i think sometimes it can be a comforting relief to do just that and to realize that just maybe our LO's are coming along just fine!

 

[xnmd1]

sorry OT, hive child..
i just read the quote from your husband in your siggy sooooooo funny!

 

[JessicaAnne]

Evie does say mumu and know's what she mean's. When she's upset, she say's mumu, OH will pick her up and she carries on, when I take her she settles down. She has said hiya a few time's but I reckon that was just fluke. She says dada but only when OH's at work and also baba which she just like's the sound of. I guess what i'm trying to say is, no one can put a proud mummy down. But there's a fine line between being proud and being competitive. I don't agree with being competitive. Babies should be enjoyed not be used to get one over on another mummy.