Bit of a rant

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by 05mummy07, Jun 8, 2011.

  1. 05mummy07

    05mummy07 Well-Known Member

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    It's all I seem to be doing this lately to someone or other.

    Basically, I've been with my partner for 15 months, when we got together I'd thrown away everything pretty much for him. I had a partner with a good job, a car and enough money to keep us afloat and comfortable, the only problem was we used to argue so much, so I ended it all for the boys sakes as growing up with parents who argued I know how aweful it really is.

    When I got with my partner, he wasn't working, he had a cannabis addiction which he has now battled, he's okay with my boys.... But I just can't stand him at the moment.
    Everything he does annoys me, his hugs make me feel smothered and I can't bring myself to kiss him anymore.
    My problem is he swore for the past year he'd get a job, yet he's only just started looking, he's lazy makes no contributions to me for spending all his time at my house using all my things (gas, electric, toilet etc)
    I know pregnancy can do weird things to us, but I really don't think it's unreasonable for me to be feeling like this.

    He claims income support and just spends all his day sitting around, this really gets to me as I don't claim anything except child tax credits/child benefit and housing tax benefit, as I'm unable to work at the moment due to my youngest and not being able to afford child care.
    I just want to finish things with him, I'm embarrassed of the way he is, I've always been taught not to be a scrounger and to make do with what I have, and it just bugs me that he's such a waster. I've given him 15 months to change yet he's asking for more time, and I personally don't see why I should allow any more time, he's blatantly not going to change.

    We've argued early on in the pregnancy, and he reckons he'd go for custody... but here's the punch line, He lives in a box room in a shared house, and the fact he'd even think of trying to take my baby away from me just makes me wonder if he even loves me at all... what man threatens that when they don't get their own way?!

    Am I being stupid for wanting to end things, or are my reasons perfectly plausible? The past week has been full of tears, and the situation is making me feel really stressed out and down. I've had enough of him :(
     
  2. BabyBlondex

    BabyBlondex Mummy to 2 💕

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    Your not stupid for thinking that, at the end of the day he got to make an efford expecially with baby on the way. And if he dont help himself no one else will. I know how hard it is to get a job expecially where I live there is just nothing going, I look and try my best and im going back to college in sept and I dont have a drug problem. I hope you work it out and I hope he gets off his arse soon lol x
     
  3. 05mummy07

    05mummy07 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks, I just think it's passed being worked out, he's too jealous and he's paranoid (from the weed no doubt) I have to walk on eggshells around him, I just don't know where to go from here. x
     
  4. VickieLP

    VickieLP Well-Known Member

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    Why on earth would you want to bring a child into a relationship like this???!!!
     
  5. VickieLP

    VickieLP Well-Known Member

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    Sorry, I read that back and thought I best add to what i wrote..... Sounded harsh, but I didn't mean it like that!!
    If he doesn't get his arse in gear, he don't deserve to be a dad!! And to threaten to take the baby from you - sounds like a proper wrongen!! Sounds like your be better off without him!!
    Hope it works out for you x
     
  6. Dannieo

    Dannieo Well-Known Member

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    You poor thing. He sounds like a right muppet (and I am a woman who knows my muppets!). Firstly the custody thing, no court would take a child from it's mother without VERY good reason, and the fact that you already have full custody of your other children means he can't claim that the baby would be better off with him and that you're unfit, as the other two wouldn't be with you, if you know what I mean. He is just showing his immaturity. Plus does he actually think his drug's history (Whether he has beaten it or not) will go in his favour?

    Secondly, if you feel that you are not happy and that you would be better off, then I would, but that is me. Ask yourself what psoitive things he brings to your and your kids life and what negative things. That usually helps me make a decision.

    My OH is out of work ATM, and like many other people he is struggling to find a job, but our home is sparkling every night when I get home from work and my tea is usually in the oven. He pulls his weight even if he cannot really contribute to running the household.

    You sound like you have given him plenty of chances, and I know a lot of blokes like that. They doubt you'll follow through with the threats and ultimatums, so they don't do anything or change just a little for a short while before lapsing back into muppetness.

    At the end of the day, my darling, only you can make this choice, but you have to ask yourself what would make YOU happy? Don't stay with someone for fear of being alone. Your kids will give you more love than anyone ever will and the right bloke comes along when you least expect it!

    Hope it all works out for you, keep us posted and we're all here if you need help! Sorry for the long post, I'm a fusser!! xxx
     

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