Breaking Up While Pregnant

[-violette-]

i can't believe it. he doesn't wanna try to make it work. He wants to be involved, help out with the house, but wants me to accept that instead of moving in, i should accept him as a friend, 3 weeks before birth, without saying a word. I can't do that. it's beyond me. i think you girls are right. staying strong, keeping communication very minimal, not seeing him, is probably the best option. There's almost no time left before birth, and i don't know what to do if he wants to be there for the baby at the hospital, but it breaks my heart to see him. i don't need more stress or anxiety when that moment comes and being sad and stressed will not help the baby at all.. at the same time, he is the (flaky) father..
i don't wanna be harsh, but its just too much. what to do ?
the father-to-be freaking out is soooo cliché !

 

[karrianne123]

hi not sure what to write i just know i need some advice im 3 and a half months pregnant and my boyfriend left me this week, he seems to not want anything to do with me and its actually destroying me i need some techniques that will help me cope with this and handle the whole situation better i wish there was an on-off switch for your emotions at this point!!! thanks

 

[KaeRit21]

hi not sure what to write i just know i need some advice im 3 and a half months pregnant and my boyfriend left me this week, he seems to not want anything to do with me and its actually destroying me i need some techniques that will help me cope with this and handle the whole situation better i wish there was an on-off switch for your emotions at this point!!! thanks

hey huni, im really sorry your going through this, sending massive to you and ur bubba bump..it's hard and i cant lie and pretend its easy but you CAN do this. and you will. firstly its up to you whether u want to have any contact with him but personally i think it makes you worse, i'd keep it to a minimum....try not to fall in to the on of rountine with him

try giving him the option of having an open communication line...email address mibi? its possible hes having a father to be freak out and just done it in the worst way possible? again

you have to believe in your self and your strength to get through this...stay strong for you and for bubs....that wee bundle will be your everything!
accept that it may hurt for a while but one day you going to look back on this and ur going to be stronger for it.

ive been through this huni, so if u need to talk or rant or cry...Feel free to PM me.

sending massive hugs to you sweetie...im sorry your going through this xxxx

 

[frankyzw]

Your LO will need all of you so focus on LO for now. Avoid any contact and each time you miss him, just think of his worst habits etc. Hope that'd make you hang up that phone. Time heals and take each day as it comes. Stay strong, you'll make it through this situation

 

[Lucky.M]

Hi I am sorry, it will be hard, as everyone else has said concentrate on your baby and yourself. I split up with my first boyfriend when I told him I was pregnant, I was 16. It was extremely hard, but now looking back I had a lucky escape! It is lonely though, use all the support you can, rope in friends and family and make the most of people on here. Good luck xx

 

[angelmae]

i can't believe it. he doesn't wanna try to make it work. He wants to be involved, help out with the house, but wants me to accept that instead of moving in, i should accept him as a friend, 3 weeks before birth, without saying a word. I can't do that. it's beyond me. i think you girls are right. staying strong, keeping communication very minimal, not seeing him, is probably the best option. There's almost no time left before birth, and i don't know what to do if he wants to be there for the baby at the hospital, but it breaks my heart to see him. i don't need more stress or anxiety when that moment comes and being sad and stressed will not help the baby at all.. at the same time, he is the (flaky) father..
i don't wanna be harsh, but its just too much. what to do ?
the father-to-be freaking out is soooo cliché !

Hi, i know exactly what you went through as i am going through exactly the same now - only 3 weeks to go and my head is all over the place. how did it all work out for you? im in contact with him, he wants to be there for the birth and for the baby but says he doesnt love me anymore, i am struggling with this and just want to hide away and turn my phone off. i feel like i cant do this on my own but also i cant do this with him only as friends x any advise would be appreciated x x

 

[DianeBrandt]

Yeah, at first it can be a little tough. Try to stay strong for the baby.

 

[lal]

FOB and I have always been on/off (for 8 years) - I've always loved him, he's always treated me badly/begged forgiveness/etc. So when I found out I was pregnant (unplanned), we were actually already "off" again. Since then (5 months), he's been out drinking, sleeping with other girls (at least one that I know of who sent me a msg on facebook wanting to know details of the baby and my relationship with him), talking to other people about not wanting to be with me (actually trying to get sympathy out of the situation), etc. It definitely goes up and down, and is really really hard, and makes me not want to get out of bed sometimes...but I know that this is the hard part, that when I have this baby everything will be worth it...also, for FOB right now, he knows he can do whatever he wants and that I will be stuck alone hearing about it, because it seems weird to me to date right now, so he feels safe that way. He will magically change his mind, I'm sure, when I have this baby and he has to be the one thinking about me with someone else (much less another father figure to his child), so someday this will all come back to him. I have to count on that, and count on being happy myself, and remember all the times he's broken my heart even before I was pregnant. This has all been such a wake-up call to what I was putting up with, for such a long time, and a perfect chance to move on with my life and see him for what he is. He's not worth my energy, I'm in the market for a whole new type of guy, one that loves me and will love this child and will be absolutely trustworthy and a good role model for my baby, and I'll find him. In the meantime, I'm going to have a beautiful little boy that will be the center of the universe to me, and FOB will get to "visit" with that precious little boy once a week or so, and he at the same time has lost my love/friendship/care...I know that by the time it happens I won't even care anymore, but right now I focus on the moment he regrets that

 

[lal]

And I absolutely agree with the others - contact only when NECESSARY for baby (not to be nice or try to talk to him!!!) if at all, find things to do (my wonderful friends have supplied me with boxed sets of tv shows and anything they can think of to keep me busy), and just focus on how great it will be after you have the baby - FOB's can do what they want with who they want, and you unfortunately are "stuck" with them in your life, but karma is very real - you get the good (your baby) and they will get the bad (regret). Also, when it comes to other girls, know that they will always be jealous of you and your "relationship" with FOB, even if it sucks - don't engage them, ignore, ignore, ignore. It will drive them crazy, your reaction is all they want. Hang in there, it will get better, so so much better!

 

[faithamayah]

My FOB, and I have been together on and off for two years, with constant pain/cheating/and the list goes on. I am really struggling with this as this has just happened a week ago and is still very fresh. He sold me a dream of us being together when all the while he was with his previous childs mother....That burned....He gave me the excuse that he lves his son and not her, but from what I see you love both. She reached out to me and we spoke and she is so deep into the manipulation that there is no saving her and I know it. I loved him and at one point did see us working through the previous issues, but now it is about me and my babygirl Faith Amayah. If there is any advice or helpful ways to get passed this please share.

 

[DiamondSky]

I broke up with my FOB when I was 11 wks, and it broke my heart. I could tell that we were both stressed out, and I thought he was getting tired of me being a part of his life, so I left. The entire time I was prego, he never came back. At first I was sad, but of course I quickly transitioned into pissed, and stayed between that and depressed for the rest of my pregnancy.
You just have to remember that the life you have inside you is more important than anything else in this world, and as soon as that baby is born, you're going to start feeling a whole lot better. I remember the days when I thought it would never end, but believe me: once the pain and the sadness goes away, the beauty of life is even more precious to behold.

 

[Ashlynn33]

I dont know how to get over my ex and we just broke up 2 weeks ago and im 5months prego now. This is pribably the hardest thing i have went thru in my life. Im trying to stay strong for my babygirl but its hard!

 

[DadAgain]

Hello ladies. I'm on the other side of the spectrum. I don't know if the mother of my baby girl has left me or not. She has not truly spoken to me in 3 1/2 months. We have communicated over text, but very briefly. I have tried to be there for her, but she keeps pushing me away. She is 36 weeks pregnant.
I am so excited about our baby being born. I am still hopeful she comes around when the baby comes. We did not have any issues, other than some on her side about the time she got pregnant. She had some job issues, she had to stop smoking and drinking, which was a hard withdrawal for her; her sister was stricken with cancer. We were engaged to be married. Now, I'm just hoping I get to be in the delivery room to see my child born. She doesn't tell me anything about the baby directly. She passes all her information through her father, whom I talk to about once a week. He's not sure why she's behaving this way either. She is not seeing anybody, he assures me. And I am not seeing anybody either. She will not answer my calls. She barely answers texts.
Her father and I set up the nursery in her home this past weekend while she attended her baby shower (which was given by my sisters and mother at my parents house). I bought all the furniture she wanted and couldn't afford alone. She texted me a thank you and told me that it looked amazing. I tried to lure her into a conversation to figure out where I stand, but she just stopped communicating. So I guess she broke up with me. She hasn't said she has, and looking in her house, there are still pictures of us everywhere there. Can anybody please shed some light on my dilemma from a pregnant woman's perspective? I want nothing more than to be a father everyday to our daughter and to be her husband... Which is what we had planned before she got pregnant, and for the first two months of pregnancy.

 

[littlekitten8]

dadagain - I'm not pregnant right now but I can still very much remember what a confusing and emotional time it was. You have hormones raging through your body and swing from being ecstatic to feeling completely overwhelmed. It is possible (due to the withdrawl from everyone) that she is suffering from antenatal depression. It is wonderful that you are being so supportive. Don't give up hope. She may come round.

 

[grobert3]

Hello there, I am finding myself in a very similar situation, I found a wonderful woman and we got to know each other very good before we started dating, we decided to be exclusive some 3-4 months ago. We both talked about wanting children and we decided to go for it. When we found out that she was pregnant we were both really excited, I have to admit I was a little scared but the fact is that I have wanted children since I was a child. We use to talk everyday and see each other every weekend. a few weeks ago (she is about 10 weeks along right now) she started saying that she was feeling really overwhelmed with everything and that she needed space. I tried to tell her that I really wanted to be with her and that I will give her the space she needs and wait for her to deal with whatever. since then she doesnt talk to me at all, I have told her how excited I am about the baby and that she is going to be a great mother and I could be happier to be having a child with HER! the past couple of weeks she will not reply any e-mails/ txts (I dont even try to call) I told her a couple days ago that, again, that I want to be there for her and support her through everything, she basically told me that she wants to be alone and deal with everyhting by herself and that she doesnt want to be responsible for someone elses happiness and that she doesnt want to be in a relationship with all the doubt that she has. Before the pregnancy the only doubt that she ever talked about was about me leaving (when I reassured her plenty of times how much I care and respect her as a person and such). I ended up replying to her that I understood (which I dont really but I didnt want to push anything) and that I would be here when she does figure everything out. I also said that I hoped she was getting support from somewhere. I have no idea what is going on and it is really hard for me. I want a baby very bad but I didnt want to lose my girlfreind to get it. Is it really the hormones? It just seems that out of no where that she has all this doubt about us and I dont get it because she always told me that she split with her ex-husband because she knew she didnt want to have kids with him. Right now I am expecting and trying to prepare my mind for the worse and hopeing for the best. Is there any advice out there that anyone could offer? thank you.

 

[Jmum85]

Thats really sad. My ex left me whem I was three months pregnant. I think like everyone else has said you just need to stay strong for your baby and focus on what they need.

 

[ACMommy]

I guess this is as good a place as any any to talk about what going on with me. I am new to this site. The fob broke up with me in Novpretty much out of no where. He came back around for a few days a few weeks later and then freaked out and said he did not want to be with me at all. Since then he has told me he cares about me but not like that and he doesnt want a relationship with me but does with the baby. I am away from my family and friends and his family has been really supportive of me. They have helped a greatt deal since the breakup and its so hard to be around them and to see him and have it be like he is a complete stranger and I am so in love with him and carrying his baby. My heart is so beyond broken. I feel not whole and empty. I know that I am having this baby and its the most amazing thing in this world, but I wish it was not like this. I dont know whats wrong with me that I am not good enough to be with. He wants to completely be there for the baby and have an active role in his life ....just not mine. I dont know how to move on. I'm sorry to ramble I am just so lost and sad and lonely

 

[bumps]

new here, not sure where to post, sorry.
im a single mum of 3 kids and im currently 29 weeks pregnant. I feel so lost?????? useless, lonely, etc etc.
Im so scared of doing this alone, and im no spring chicken being in my 30's
im trying to be strong for my children especially for the little one growing inside me, but its a constant struggle and missing my ex partner so much.
Does anyone have any words of wisdom or advice ?????

 

[Udubbergrl]

Just broke up with my much younger (26)FOB, I think the most painful thing for me is that he and I were together only becuase I gave him a second chance after I found out he was seperated and not divorced from his wife (who btw is also pregnant) He kept waffling back and forth and I felt in my heart that his primarcy concern was the fact that his ex is from another country., He is afraid that if he divorces her she will take their son and unborn baby out of the country. Whatever his issue I just decided that for me and my peace o mind it was best to take myself out of that situation. I already have three children and while I do have a University education, I cry often wondering if I can handle another child as a single mother. The fact that I love him dearly and that we did have for the most part a very good connection, I know I cant do the back and forth thing. There is not a lot of animosity, however at the moment we are not talking , I think we both need space. Oh and for those who wonder, I did not know he was still legally married until after I was pregnant. LOL the one funny thing, I am over 35 and on birth control so for anyone who says fertility goes down after 35...not in my case!

 

[gemzz654]

me and my bf split up this week and im lost, he wants to be there for the birth but i want us to be together as a family, he hasnt exactly been there for me and my head is so confused, need advice