breastfed babies result in better behaved children?

[KrisKitten]

My boobies have stayed big and full too


Anyway, laura - the poison comment you made did seem to be right after my comment when I said I'd rather get a donor for breastmilk than use formula and tbh, i did find it a bit offensive. I respect your choice to use formula, why can't you accept my choice to use another womans milk instead Kinda shows how strange peoples views are on wet nursing and stuff The UK has a lonnnng way to go!

I dont think it strange I just dont think its natural for another person to feed my child with their boob. Im sorry that I dont understand it but I wouldnt be comfortable with my baby suckling on anyones boob, if I dont want to breastfeed I certainly dont want to have someone else do it. Maybe thats selfish but once you read what happened to me you might understand why I chose (and I say chose but I really didnt choose anything it had to be that way) formula.

When I had the twins they were born at 29 weeks, the hospital that I was due to have them in couldnt deliver them as their NNU wasnt a level 3 and only delivered babies over 34 weeks, I was transferred and when I had the twins they were taken to NNU, when I woke from my c section one of my girls was 70 miles away from me and my other girl was due to leave.. I didnt see my babies for 5 whole days. I asked for some help in expressing and someone came into my room, put my sterilised pump on her boob (clothes on obviously) and basically said you just do this.. errr thanks, I kinda knew that bit.. Then when I asked for help again I didnt get it until 2am when she woke me from sleeping to show me..
When I finally did get discharged all I wanted to do was see my babies, so my mum brought me an electric breast pump and I also hired one from hospital when I was staying down there. I had a nice supply of milk in the freezer and at 8 days old my girls were brought back, the nurse was so busy gossiping with the paramedic she forgot to pick up ALL of my milk.. I was under so much pressure I gave in, I didnt get much help at all even when they knew I was struggling.. My babies needed feeding and formula was the next option. I dont regret the choices I made. But I would like it if people didnt really say 'id rather someone else feed my baby than give it formula'... I honestly wouldnt.. I just think it could be better put..

In the same breath thou, you are saying 'I would rather give my child formula than have someone else feed it'. Using your same logic surely that could be seen as offensive to someone who thinks wet nursing etc is fine and natural?
I don't think either should be taken badly by anyone. You said there are only 2 options on how to feed a baby, but ere aren't there are 3. I don't think anyone should take offence to anyone else's decision.
Why is it ok for someone to say they just dont feel comfortable breastfeeding (which it is as it is their decision) but not ok to say they wouldn't feel comfortable formula feeding? Sorry to but in on the convrsation here, I just think that sometimes there is s much focus given to not offending ffing mummy's that bfing mums aren't even allowed to have personal preferences.
I'm tired of people thinking that just because I didnt want to formula feed and I chose to breastfeed I must judge those who chose differently. I don't judge anybody, and I don't think it's anybody's place to xx

 

[KrisKitten]

Apologies about the typos, on the iPad xx

 

[Laura2919]

My boobies have stayed big and full too


Anyway, laura - the poison comment you made did seem to be right after my comment when I said I'd rather get a donor for breastmilk than use formula and tbh, i did find it a bit offensive. I respect your choice to use formula, why can't you accept my choice to use another womans milk instead Kinda shows how strange peoples views are on wet nursing and stuff The UK has a lonnnng way to go!

I dont think it strange I just dont think its natural for another person to feed my child with their boob. Im sorry that I dont understand it but I wouldnt be comfortable with my baby suckling on anyones boob, if I dont want to breastfeed I certainly dont want to have someone else do it. Maybe thats selfish but once you read what happened to me you might understand why I chose (and I say chose but I really didnt choose anything it had to be that way) formula.

When I had the twins they were born at 29 weeks, the hospital that I was due to have them in couldnt deliver them as their NNU wasnt a level 3 and only delivered babies over 34 weeks, I was transferred and when I had the twins they were taken to NNU, when I woke from my c section one of my girls was 70 miles away from me and my other girl was due to leave.. I didnt see my babies for 5 whole days. I asked for some help in expressing and someone came into my room, put my sterilised pump on her boob (clothes on obviously) and basically said you just do this.. errr thanks, I kinda knew that bit.. Then when I asked for help again I didnt get it until 2am when she woke me from sleeping to show me..
When I finally did get discharged all I wanted to do was see my babies, so my mum brought me an electric breast pump and I also hired one from hospital when I was staying down there. I had a nice supply of milk in the freezer and at 8 days old my girls were brought back, the nurse was so busy gossiping with the paramedic she forgot to pick up ALL of my milk.. I was under so much pressure I gave in, I didnt get much help at all even when they knew I was struggling.. My babies needed feeding and formula was the next option. I dont regret the choices I made. But I would like it if people didnt really say 'id rather someone else feed my baby than give it formula'... I honestly wouldnt.. I just think it could be better put..

In the same breath thou, you are saying 'I would rather give my child formula than have someone else feed it'. Using your same logic surely that could be seen as offensive to someone who thinks wet nursing etc is fine and natural?
I don't think either should be taken badly by anyone. You said there are only 2 options on how to feed a baby, but ere aren't there are 3. I don't think anyone should take offence to anyone else's decision.
Why is it ok for someone to say they just dont feel comfortable breastfeeding (which it is as it is their decision) but not ok to say they wouldn't feel comfortable formula feeding? Sorry to but in on the convrsation here, I just think that sometimes there is s much focus given to not offending ffing mummy's that bfing mums aren't even allowed to have personal preferences.
I'm tired of people thinking that just because I didnt want to formula feed and I chose to breastfeed I must judge those who chose differently. I don't judge anybody, and I don't think it's anybody's place to xx

Im talking about the way it is posted on here. I know its hard to take the tone of a post. I respect peoples decision but for me it wouldnt be my baby having breastmilk from someone else.. Whether I knew them or not..

 

[KrisKitten]

I guess I just don't understand how that post could be construed as offensive, as your post saying you didn't like the idea of wet nursing didn't offend me and iv had people in my family cross feed (not tommy as it hasn't been needed but other kids). Why is it offensive to say you would rather do one than the other in one post but ok to say it the other way round?
I'm not trying to argue just show you the other flip of the coin. If I was to use the same logic you have posted then i should be very offended by your post kwim? I can understand that having a traumatic time with feeding can make you more sensitive but I think in some conversations people should step back and work out whether there being offended is their issue or someone else's intent iykwim? Xx

 

[Blah11]

You just seem to be very hypocritical. You've already stated that my 2nd feeding choice is unnatural

'I'd feed someone elses baby no problem. I'd find it hard to let someone else feed mine but would rather that than give them formula.'

I actually went to look back at my post to make sure i didnt say anything hurtful and i didn't. In no way whatsoever did I say formula was bad, a poison, disgusting etc etc. I just said I'd rather my baby had someone elses milk than formula. Just like you'd rather give formula than someone elses milk. I think you've made a huge mountain out of a molehill.

 

[Laura2919]

I didnt actually say I was offended I said its like my I fed my kids poison by the way people talk about formula. Thats the post. This is what happens when the post isnt fully understood.

Im not offended by what choice people have, I just wish people didnt look at formula so wrong. I do believe there is a difference between someone else feeding your child and formula feeding, where do you find a bond with that child? You dont feed your child.. Thats my time with my baby either with MY boob or MY bottle.. Not someone elses.

 

[Laura2919]

You just seem to be very hypocritical. You've already stated that my 2nd feeding choice is unnatural

'I'd feed someone elses baby no problem. I'd find it hard to let someone else feed mine but would rather that than give them formula.'

I actually went to look back at my post to make sure i didnt say anything hurtful and i didn't. In no way whatsoever did I say formula was bad, a poison, disgusting etc etc. I just said I'd rather my baby had someone elses milk than formula. Just like you'd rather give formula than someone elses milk. I think you've made a huge mountain out of a molehill.

Why do people think I am offended, all my posts have been off the back of people saying I chose the term poison wrong.. I said its like we fed our babies poison and we are doing them harm. Im not offended, I didnt want to breastfeed so I opted to express when that failed the option for me was formula. I dont want someone else breastfeeding my child... I didnt say I was offended although there has been another post that someone else said they were.

I didnt really make a mountain out of a molehill I said that its like ff mums fed their baby poison by the way people talk about formula and everyone latched onto that... I cant help it if that comment made everyone else comment can i??

 

[Blah11]

Um, i'd be offended if I thought someone was insinuating that i was feeding my child poison and harming them. Plus you said 'way to make a FF mum feel bad' or something then when asked if it was aimed at me you said 'Its aimed at everyone who thinks that formula is bad.. Formula is the only option for some parents.. Not everyone is comfortable letting another women breastfeed her child or breastfeeding herself.' so clearly it was aimed at me, and my comment.

You can bond with your child without feeding them. Daddys, siblings, grandparents, uncles, aunts etc all manage it.

 

[KrisKitten]

I can see no way that blahs post say formula is wrong, however your going into great detail about why you don't like the idea of cross feeding. Its ok for you to say that that a cross feeding mum will struggle to find a bond with her child but guarantee I would be shot down in flames if I said the same about Ffing. Your posts have had more negative attitude to other feeding options than the post you are picking out in my eyes x

 

[Sarahkka]

This isn't to rile anyone up, just to add to the discussion:
I have no problem sharing bottle feeding with the sitter or with my husband or my mum, or anything like that. But for me, breastfeeding is a lot more personal and intimate, and I would have to really work through my feelings to comfortably use a wet nurse.
Whereas, when I gave my first son (he was combi-fed) a bottle, I felt really close and loving, but it wouldn't have made me upset if someone else had had to step in and take over for some reason.
Just different experiences, I guess.
And different worlds, too, eh?
I suppose it would be a different thing if wet nursing was a viable option here and I was used to the idea.

 

[Laura2919]

Well we will agree to disagree cos this could go on all night.. I am sure your happy with your choice as I am with mine..

 

[Blah11]

This isn't to rile anyone up, just to add to the discussion:
I have no problem sharing bottle feeding with the sitter or with my husband or my mum, or anything like that. But for me, breastfeeding is a lot more personal and intimate, and I would have to really work through my feelings to comfortably use a wet nurse.
Whereas, when I gave my first son (he was combi-fed) a bottle, I felt really close and loving, but it wouldn't have made me upset if someone else had had to step in and take over for some reason.
Just different experiences, I guess.
And different worlds, too, eh?
I suppose it would be a different thing if wet nursing was a viable option here and I was used to the idea.

Yeah. I think it would be hard, especially as I've already fed a child and I know how lovely it can be. However, I do think the benefits of breastmilk are worth it, atleast for the first couple of months until they can be moved onto cows milk.

 

[summer rain]

I have to agree with Kalah here. Also why are people getting offended when BF mums say they would rather their baby have donor BM or a wet nurse than formula? If that is their personal preference; that is their prerogative; although giving donor milk or having a wet nurse seems odd in this society it is preferred in most other societies and even the WHO does advise if possible its better for a BF baby who needs supplements to have expressed milk from their own mum first; then wet nursing/donor milk, then formula if these are not available.

I also hate how the tiny minority of BF mums are blamed for women deciding not to BF from birth; 'oh I read so many militant things from BF mums that I FF from birth' sorry but that is entirely your decision, it takes an extremely weak personality to allow things read online (and it usually is online; I've never really come across these aggressive BFers in real life) to influence major decisions on how to raise your children. It almost seems like these women are not BF to prove some kind of point as to how horrible BFers are; its your child you may be disadvantaged by this at the end of the day. You get hot-headed people with a passion for any topic online I don't take them as representative of an entire group of people.

Hmm... I feel like this was aimed at me, so I'll respond.

I was simply proving a point by my post (which a few people have proven further, thank you). When you get an aggressive BF who states that they are so passionate about BF and want to influence others to do the same, and that person goes about it in the way a lot of woman on here have, then there is an issue there. People are on this forum for support- something a lot of woman don't have in "real life". I don't have other mothers to bounce my ideas and concerns off of- that's why I'm here.

Am I not going to breast feed my child to get back at you? That's laughable. Might a lack of information affect my final decision? It's possible. Because- and I believe I'm quoting a BF here- "lack of information is the number one reason woman don't breastfeed". And I completely agree.

Let me tell you what I'm looking for. When I state that I have concerns about X, I want a nice little BF mommy to come along and say, "hey, I had that concern too. Here's my thoughts. Here's what I did."

Maybe this only makes sense to me And I realize it's a waste of breath (or finger use), but it is so FRUSTRATING!

No not aimed at you specifically at all; however in your post with qs on the formula feeding bit of the forum, several BF mums including me replied politely and in a friendly manner with answers to your questions. They responded exactly as you have said above that you would like to be responded to . Here are your threads one posted in FF

https://www.babyandbump.com/formula-feeding/617937-bad-reasons-not-breastfeed.html

and one posted in BF

https://www.babyandbump.com/breastfeeding/616438-breastfeeding-w-implants.html

Please do explain to me where BF ladies were rude and abrupt with you on either of those threads because I simply don't see it. On the first one several of the ladies responding to you saying its not BF but pregnancy that can cause sagging to your boobs; are actually FF ladies. There are ladies on this forum (not you) and other sites that I have seen where they say 'oh I was planning to BF but then I saw some nasty militant BFers writing things on x forum/blog etc and I decided to FF this baby from birth and I will do so with any others also', ok that is your choice but why throw the baby out with the bathwater? If someone really believed in the benefits of BF before reading such 'offensive' views and that its worth doing; why on earth would anyone do the opposite to prove some kind of point? I have actually FF for medical reasons before and would do so again if there was no option of donor milk/wet nursing. I have had run ins with some very rude FFers; but I wouldn't let that influence how I would feed my baby for the best possible healthy outcome.

 

[LeeBee]

I have to agree with Kalah here. Also why are people getting offended when BF mums say they would rather their baby have donor BM or a wet nurse than formula? If that is their personal preference; that is their prerogative; although giving donor milk or having a wet nurse seems odd in this society it is preferred in most other societies and even the WHO does advise if possible its better for a BF baby who needs supplements to have expressed milk from their own mum first; then wet nursing/donor milk, then formula if these are not available.

I also hate how the tiny minority of BF mums are blamed for women deciding not to BF from birth; 'oh I read so many militant things from BF mums that I FF from birth' sorry but that is entirely your decision, it takes an extremely weak personality to allow things read online (and it usually is online; I've never really come across these aggressive BFers in real life) to influence major decisions on how to raise your children. It almost seems like these women are not BF to prove some kind of point as to how horrible BFers are; its your child you may be disadvantaged by this at the end of the day. You get hot-headed people with a passion for any topic online I don't take them as representative of an entire group of people.

Hmm... I feel like this was aimed at me, so I'll respond.

I was simply proving a point by my post (which a few people have proven further, thank you). When you get an aggressive BF who states that they are so passionate about BF and want to influence others to do the same, and that person goes about it in the way a lot of woman on here have, then there is an issue there. People are on this forum for support- something a lot of woman don't have in "real life". I don't have other mothers to bounce my ideas and concerns off of- that's why I'm here.

Am I not going to breast feed my child to get back at you? That's laughable. Might a lack of information affect my final decision? It's possible. Because- and I believe I'm quoting a BF here- "lack of information is the number one reason woman don't breastfeed". And I completely agree.
Let me tell you what I'm looking for. When I state that I have concerns about X, I want a nice little BF mommy to come along and say, "hey, I had that concern too. Here's my thoughts. Here's what I did."

Maybe this only makes sense to me And I realize it's a waste of breath (or finger use), but it is so FRUSTRATING!

No not aimed at you specifically at all; however in your post with qs on the formula feeding bit of the forum, several BF mums including me replied politely and in a friendly manner with answers to your questions. They responded exactly as you have said above that you would like to be responded to . Here are your threads one posted in FF

https://www.babyandbump.com/formula-feeding/617937-bad-reasons-not-breastfeed.html

and one posted in BF

https://www.babyandbump.com/breastfeeding/616438-breastfeeding-w-implants.html

Please do explain to me where BF ladies were rude and abrupt with you on either of those threads because I simply don't see it. On the first one several of the ladies responding to you saying its not BF but pregnancy that can cause sagging to your boobs; are actually FF ladies. There are ladies on this forum (not you) and other sites that I have seen where they say 'oh I was planning to BF but then I saw some nasty militant BFers writing things on x forum/blog etc and I decided to FF this baby from birth and I will do so with any others also', ok that is your choice but why throw the baby out with the bathwater? If someone really believed in the benefits of BF before reading such 'offensive' views and that its worth doing; why on earth would anyone do the opposite to prove some kind of point? I have actually FF for medical reasons before and would do so again if there was no option of donor milk/wet nursing. I have had run ins with some very rude FFers; but I wouldn't let that influence how I would feed my baby for the best possible healthy outcome.

I didn't say BF's were rude to me. In fact, I believe I made a point to say that I was not generalizing that all BF's were like that.

I was refering to specific people in this specific thread- that bashing FF's isn't helping anyone. But I'm glad you took the time to look for all of my specific threads on the topic, because they are a good example of how one can be quite helpful. As are a few of the people that responded to my most recent post on this thread.

As for the rest (about how influential these people are on a public forum) I believe I already cleared that up. See bolded paragraph.

 

[summer rain]

As I said I was referring to others I have seen on this forum (and commenting on blogs and on other forums etc) blaming women for the fact they did not BF, not you.

 

[LeeBee]

So I don't think I would be one to use anothers breastmilk, but I'm curious... how do you even go about that? Do you buy it? Is it expensive? Can you become a breast milk doner? I've not really heard of this before...

a wet nurse actualy feeds the child from her own breast, i think they get paid n they are like a live in nanny (i saw abit about it on tv ages ago)

but yeah u can buy milk off the internet and u can also be a donor

I think I would have a huge problem with someone else feeding my baby. Like someone else said, thats MY baby! I think I would get really jealous!

 

[Eve]

I don't have time to read the whole thread tonight, but I just want to say, I seriously have to clue! lol... I will write more tomorrow though.. My son has severe behavioral problems and was just in hospital for 10 weeks etc... and one of the main questions the psychiatrist asked was how was he fed believe it or not. I answered him and didn't ask why but it left me curious.

xx

 

[MissMummyMoo]

Don't agree at all. A friend of mine BF her LO till he was just gone one and her little boy is now 5 and he is not very well behaved at all. He hits other children and is just generally not nice however her other little boy is 2 and he is a pleasant LO ... I know he's got time to change (terrible 2s and all)

I FF both mine from birth. Caitlin is 4 1/2 and she is generally well behaved she just needs to be simulated all the time. She's very bright but does have an attitude on her

I don't BF and FF have any influence on a Childs behaviour or intelligence x

 

[Kalah]

Don't agree at all. A friend of mine BF her LO till he was just gone one and her little boy is now 5 and he is not very well behaved at all. He hits other children and is just generally not nice however her other little boy is 2 and he is a pleasant LO ... I know he's got time to change (terrible 2s and all)

I FF both mine from birth. Caitlin is 4 1/2 and she is generally well behaved she just needs to be simulated all the time. She's very bright but does have an attitude on her

I don't BF and FF have any influence on a Childs behaviour or intelligence x

Sorry to repeat myself but I just want to make more people aware that breastfeeding does effect intelligence. I posted about it a few pages ago and since then I've done even more research and found one of the key compounds for myelination is cholestoral, breast milk is full of it and formula has none.

 

[moomin_troll]

So I don't think I would be one to use anothers breastmilk, but I'm curious... how do you even go about that? Do you buy it? Is it expensive? Can you become a breast milk doner? I've not really heard of this before...

a wet nurse actualy feeds the child from her own breast, i think they get paid n they are like a live in nanny (i saw abit about it on tv ages ago)

but yeah u can buy milk off the internet and u can also be a donor

I think I would have a huge problem with someone else feeding my baby. Like someone else said, thats MY baby! I think I would get really jealous!

when i tried to bf it felt so natural to me, and even after a stopped for a long time i had urges to bf. so for me it would of really hurt if someone else fed my baby, so i wouldnt be able to do it either