Breastfeeding Blues :'(

[kattyboop21]

Well...my little man is now 4 days old. He latched on brilliantly. Was feeding fine but at some point he must have been latched on wrong on both boobs causing my nipples to crack and bleed and for me to be in excruciating pain. So I turned to my electric breast pump which was helping soften my nipple before I put him on..it helped for a day (as well as that Lansinol *however you spell* cream) but now they hurt even with expressing and I got petrified with even the thought of feeding. So I turned to formula...which is what I did with our daugher too. Now my milk has come in and I am huge and sore but I can't bring myself to try again (for the last time) because each time it hurts I feel gutted. I feel an absolute failure if im honest. It doesn't help when people keep saying that "it'll pass *the pain*" and "you can do it...persevere" etc because it makes me feel like I should be doing it and I need to 'Man Up!' ...but in all honesty I just can't bare it anymore. I am in agony. But I feel like such a let down and failure. Has anyone else beenbthrough this? I just needed to let it all out sorry xxx

 

[socitycourty]

would you try pumping again? if it causes you too much pain don't force yourself

 

[wookie130]

My issue was that my daughter would fight me at the breast...when I present her with the breast, she'd start scratching her face, pawing at my chest, screaming, and resisting it tooth and nail. There's a whole long backstory here on how BFing started off with us with the hospital staff, and I think that was largely to blame for our rough start.

After our "failure" I exclusively pumped for a couple of weeks, and then could no longer keep up with my pumping schedule, so I quit that as well, and now my 1 month old is exclusively formula fed.

I went into a rather dark depression over it after I switched to formula, and felt like such a terrible mother...I cried, and beat myself up over it constantly. Why could everyone else I know do this? Why was I the only one I knew (actually, I came to learn that this statement here was FARRR from true) who could not breastfeed? Was I giving up on my baby, and on myself?

The answers...no, No, and NO!!!!

You have to feed the baby, first and foremost! Your baby has to eat to thrive. I know I'm stating the obvious here, but seriously, it's true. I know I was unwilling to watch my child become dehydrated and sickly simply because I had to accomplish BFing...it came to the point where my child needed something for sustenance.

Secondly, you didn't give up out of lack of desire to BF, or for lack of trying. If you're dreading feeding your baby, how can you be accomplishing the real bonding that BFing is meant to establish?

This does not determine or establish what kind of mother you are. You love your child...what and how you feed your baby does not change that love whatsoever. You can bond with your baby during bottle feedings, and provide your child with excellent nutrition in your own way...and your child will still thrive, and grow to be a happy, intelligent, secure person.

I know all about the guilt and sense of failure. I wish I could tell you to let it go, but it's hard to do that...when it creeps into your thinking, remind yourself that you did not give up, and that you're a super mom despite having to give the bottle. It really is okay...and you need to give yourself permission to be sad about it when you need to be, and also increasingly at peace with it as well.

 

[kattyboop21]

Thank you. It was nice to read your story .
I am not going to express because it is too tiring and I have a 4 and a half year old to give attention to aswell and I felt that I couldn't do that with expressing all my spare time so I am sticking to bottles. Its just so disheartening. I wish I could do it but I have just got to get over it now and focus on all the members in my family. Breastfeeding was getting me down and a sad mommy means a sad family so I know I have made the right decision it just hurts mentally (and physically) :'(

 

[wookie130]

Oh, I know. Just love and feed your child. If may not be how you originally planned, but really, it doesn't change that love in the slightest, and that's what matters.

 

[mrsbeano]

If you did want to BF you could look at combi feeding but I totally understand all the positives of FF. Enjoy your new baby - congratulations x

 

[Noelle610]

You are NOT a failure. I felt that way too... All too common

If you do want to breastfeed, I would definitely see a lactation consultant. It sounds like he has a poor latch and some minor tweaks might help make the experience more enjoyable for both of you.

If you don't want to breastfeed - for whatever reason - that is fine too! Formula feeding is a perfectly valid choice.

 

[TroubleExpect]

I have the same problem. Baby is 3 weeks today and we have been combo feeding for the past week as she was cluster feeding from 230pm until midnight, everyday and I was knackered

Hubby wants us to move on to formula so I can have a break and he (and others) can feed her without me feeling like a failure all the time

 

[horseybird]

You are not a failure!! But I felt like this too initially.

My LO was jaundice and sleepy, she tucked her lower lip under her top one, and never latched on. By day 5 she was on the point of being hospitlised and put on a drip, so I had to top up with formula. I hated breast feeding, I cried very single time, she came near me. She would either stay asleep because she had no energy or would scratch, and paw me and be soo frustrated. This made me feel soo bad and upset. I tried expressing and this worked for me, after 6 weeks she was completely formula fed.

I got so fed up of feeling judged, and having virtual strangers ask me 'Oh your not BF then' ...that I answered 'It made me feel like chopping my tits off and throwing her against the wall'( I know this was naughty, but people annoyed me!)

The best decison is the one that you are happy with, feeding should not be a battle, my daughter is perfect, and certainly not suffering from being on formula. Good luck! xxx

 

[JenJen80]

I'm glad I came across this thread. I am currently BF my little one but this last week all she has wanted to do is feed and not settle. I am sore and exhausted and seriously thinking of going down the formula route but then I feel so guilty that I have failed her.

This afternoon I was just sat here in tears thinking I can't do this any more and feeling so guilty towards my little lady. I still don't know what to do now and managed to BF and now she is asleep. I have been sat on the sofa feeding since 7am this morning and am fed up .

 

[SpringerS]

OP, if you want to continue with BF have you thought about using nipple shields while your nipples heal. When I had thrush the pain of feeding was utterly excruciating, so much so that on a couple of occasions I took the strongest painkillers I had left over from my section when I knew he would be feeding soon and it was still agony. After I got the thrush diagnosis I knew it would still be a week or so (best case scenario) before it cleared up so I picked up a pair of shields and it was the best thing I ever did. The pain in the worst infected breast became a minor niggle while the pain on the other side was gone completely. They were a bit fiddly at times but seriously worthwhile.

JenJen, it sounds like your baby is growing through a growth spurt, there is usually one at about 3-4 weeks. It's when your baby needs extra calories, so suckles an awful lot in order to send the message to your body to increase the calorific content of your milk. It usually lasts about a week and once the milk changes the baby's feeding habits decrease again. There are 3 major growth spurts, week 3, 6 and 12. Most people find 3 the most worrisome, 6 the most tiring and by 12 are old hands at it.

 

[cat lover]

pp, i have bleeding nips due to biting, would shields help? x

 

[SpringerS]

Cat lover, I can't say for sure as my son is still toothless but maybe they would as they would add a layer of protection. They might be worth trying if you are tender atm.

 

[kattyboop21]

For some reason I wasn't notified of all your replies so I have only just seen this Thank you so much for all your replies. I have been formula feeding for a couple of weeks now and he is doing well though started suffering with constipation and colic (which is what I worried about as my daughter did and its why I wanted to breast feed)...so I am trying comfort milk at the moment. I am still sad about giving up breast feeding and I am still producing abit of milk which reminds me daily of me giving up
Sometimes I am tempted to try again as I've heard stpries of people trying again after afew weeks...but I just don't know....????

 

[mrsbeano]

You can relactate but would need to be very committed to the cause. Have a look for thenewmrs relactation thread in the bfing section if you want to read on it.