Broken and Lost Father To Be

[RyanK0907]

Hey everyone. I'm hoping someone can help me out here.

Myself and my girlfriend decided we were going to try and get pregnant. We had quite a bit of discussion about it before trying and decided we were both ready. The day before Thanksgiving we got our positive results and were both beyond happy and excited for the good news.

Shortly after the good news, it seemed like things took a turn for the worst. She seemed more distant from me, little to no emotion or affection, and always on the phone. I would mention these things in a calm manner and she would get defensive and I would just drop the subject to avoid fighting.

A few weeks later these issues continued and seemed to get worse and we began fighting about these things. One day she up and left the house and told me that we can't be together right now. I was broken.

Since this happened we have still talked and continue to do so till today. She still says she loves me and wants me in her life and the babies life. We still show each other cute baby clothes we find and funny pictures just like earlier in our relationship. She admits she misses me and wants me to come back home and be with her, but she's scared things will go right back to fighting and causing stress for all of us.

I've tried reassuring her that this won't happen and that I realized I was out of line with the way I acted at times and I didn't take into consideration how she is feeling and what she is going through with the pregnancy.

In our relationship we've talked about everything. Planned a future together, talked about marriage, having a family, etc.

I feel like she is "the one". She brings out the best in me and makes me a better person. I'd do anything for her at a moment's notice without thinking twice and I want to be there with her during all this. It's our first child and we are both still young ( Early to mid 20s). I want to be the best boyfriend and father I can be, but it feels like she doesn't trust me that things will be different.

What do I do?

Is it just the hormones taking a toll on her or am I up the creek without a paddle?

Any advice from the guys and women out there would be great. I'm going crazy. I just want to be home with her.

 

[Sass827]

Go home and apologize. She's having crazy things happen in her body right now. She's making a person. For her and for you. You'll probably need to walk on egg shells and apologize sometimes when in normal circumstances you wouldn't have to, but that will be your sacrifice during this process. Take a knee. If you really want to be with her for the long run, go. Good luck.

 

[RyanK0907]

Go home and apologize. She's having crazy things happen in her body right now. She's making a person. For her and for you. You'll probably need to walk on egg shells and apologize sometimes when in normal circumstances you wouldn't have to, but that will be your sacrifice during this process. Take a knee. If you really want to be with her for the long run, go. Good luck.

I want nothing more than to go home, but she says she isn't ready for that right now and I don't want to show up and upset her.

I'm prepared to walk on eggshells for as long as it takes. I do have to admit with this being my first child I had no idea what to expect and I figured she wouldn't be that bad so I kind of ignored the fact. Since this I've begun reading multiple books and online articles about what to expect from the man's point of view during this phase and it's help me understand more so I feel like if I do go home I'm more mentally prepared for what to expect. It's just trying to get her to believe me and let it happen. Thank you though.

 

[mod19]

Give her time. As the pregnancy progresses into the second tri her hormones should let up some. When she let's you back in, like pp said, walk on eggshells. If shes crying saying the sky is blue, just say "I know baby, is there anything I can do?"

Whatever you do don't blame her feelings on pregnancy hormones! It'll only make things worse! Right now shes tird and probably scared.

 

[bundle4me]

I get very horrible when pregnant and sometimes hurt the people I love with things I say and don't want others around me then the moment I give birth I'm back to normal, it's not nice to feel this way for her or you. I'd say be patient and be there as soon as she needs you, don't go on at her and just take things slow. Good luck

 

[pgfairy]

Thanks for posting, sounds like you are going through a really rough time.

I think you are just going to have to ride it out unfortunately. I think the best thing you can do for her and for your relationship is respect her wishes, let her know you love her and you are there for her and baby/bump whenever they need you and don't just push for what you want. Like a pp said she's probably scared, she's going through a lot of changes and finding out we're going to be 'the' mum is enough to send any of our heads into turmoil about anything and everything in our lives!

As long as she's still involving you and not trying to deny you access to your kid I think your smartest move is to be whatever she needs. She'll remember that and appreciate that more in the long run.

Of course there are other schools of thought so I hope you get lots more opinions so you can decide what you think is best for you and your family. Good luck!

 

[dan-o]

Pregnancy hormones.

Probably nothing you can do or say will really be right, its just how the first trimester makes a lot of us feel. These hormones have a lot to answer for!

 

[bebedreamr]

Pregnancy hormones.

Probably nothing you can do or say will really be right, its just how the first trimester makes a lot of us feel. These hormones have a lot to answer for!

YES!!!

If it helps, being in first trimester is like a front seat ticket on the angry train... LOL. Little things become a big deal and stressful for the mom to be, I think because of the hormones and everything going on in our minds. Make sure, if you really want to be committed to her, you ask questions to understand how she truly feels about your relationship. Then instead of getting defensive, try and creatively find ways to solve it.

Also, check out Dr Psych Mom's blog- it will help your relationship and learn to be a balanced parent! Good for you for taking initiative!

 

[MrsHudson]

I'm sorry you're going through that. I know when I got pregnant my mind kind of shifted and all I could really think about was this life I was creating. To be honest, that is the most important thing to me at the moment and I'm sure it has to do with hormones. Give her time and I bet she'll come around.

I'm already married so I've been trying to stop ignoring the hubby and tried to continue on a normal relationship for us but it's hard when we're you're feeling so many different things. Good luck to you.

 

[RyanK0907]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I guess I'm just going to take it one day at a time and hope for the best.

 

[ajarvis]

Basically she's possessed for like 10 or 11 weeks at least lol. That's not an excuse for her to treat you badly though.

Without knowing the details and what is involved with "behaving badly" it's hard to say why she doesn't want you home. Do you live together? Or did up until pregnancy? If so go home. That's your home to. Go out for dinner and talk it out. Pregnancy hormones doesn't mean she can behave how she wants without consequence, or having to deal with day to day life. It just means she's not completely rational and needs you to be extra patient

 

[tryn4]

Can I just say that I totally agree with pp. I'm sorry I don't think it's cool that some women use pregnancy as a crutch to behave insane. Yes there is crazy hormones and we may be a little on edge but treating your spouse or oh like a piece of crap is unacceptable. Women have been having babies for millions of years. I do not buy into this bs. Of course I don't know the circumstances in this situation so there may be a total other side so I'm just being general. I've been alone and pregnant 4 times and it SUCKED! My husband came along when my kids were little and accepted us as a package and when we finally got pregnant with our daughter he was so amazing and supportive I could never imagine treating him badly. Some women need to stop acting like spoiled brats and get over themselves. Sorry if that sounds mean but your could be going through worse stresses than pregnancy. Like I said not specifically for this man's situation because his wife is not here giving her side but just a comment on women using pregnancy as an excuse to be a nut!

 

[MrsHudson]

I do agree with both you ladies. It definitely is no reason to treat someone you love like crap and for me personally I've been trying to put a lot more effort into things. But I could see how it would happen under certain circumstances.

 

[pansorie]

Can I just say that I totally agree with pp. I'm sorry I don't think it's cool that some women use pregnancy as a crutch to behave insane. Yes there is crazy hormones and we may be a little on edge but treating your spouse or oh like a piece of crap is unacceptable. Women have been having babies for millions of years. I do not buy into this bs. Of course I don't know the circumstances in this situation so there may be a total other side so I'm just being general. I've been alone and pregnant 4 times and it SUCKED! My husband came along when my kids were little and accepted us as a package and when we finally got pregnant with our daughter he was so amazing and supportive I could never imagine treating him badly. Some women need to stop acting like spoiled brats and get over themselves. Sorry if that sounds mean but your could be going through worse stresses than pregnancy. Like I said not specifically for this man's situation because his wife is not here giving her side but just a comment on women using pregnancy as an excuse to be a nut!

QFT. Pregnancy is no reason to treat someone like shit.

 

[RyanK0907]

Thanks for everyone chiming in. By no means and I saying I'm innocent here. There have been times that I have overreacted over things she said or I took them the wrong way causing an argument, but I totally understand what you're all saying. Things have been improving more and more of the past 2 days. I'm hoping they continue this way and we work through it all. Thanks again everyone.

 

[tryn4]

All the best!

 

[Catiren]

ive been very hostile with my boyfriend ... and everybody actually, even my mom and his mom and people we work with. although we planned for this baby, my emotions make me feel like a completely different girl. sometimes i feel so happy and lovable but almost 90% of the time im hostile toward everyone. my boyfriend just takes it because he knows im pregnant and my hormones make me absolutely monstrous. he's still happy and when he upsets me for whatever reason, he does everything to make it 100% better. i apologize with tears after my episodes and he tells me "hush, you're pregnant it's perfectly fine you're alright and you didn't do anything wrong. don't apologize, love. you're beautiful so please smile no more tears because baby and i dont want you crying" but i still feel like i could have controlled myself but its so hard! yes, at times after getting upset(even if its for no reason just out of the blue) i do distant myself from him but the distance only lasts for at most an hour. im in love with him and just recently he asked for my ring size and said he wants me to be his wife. im scared my emotions will attack when he pops the question but ive prayed about my emotions being manageable from here on out.

overall i just get agitated so easily even after a wonderful day! grrr hormones! its the one thing in pregnancy that tears me up inside... it drains me of happiness when i act like a monster! and all i can do afterwards is apologize even if people understand its hormones.

 

[Mummy May]

Have no advice, just wanted to wish you luck. The angry storm will pass xx

 

[ajarvis]

ive been very hostile with my boyfriend ... and everybody actually, even my mom and his mom and people we work with. although we planned for this baby, my emotions make me feel like a completely different girl. sometimes i feel so happy and lovable but almost 90% of the time im hostile toward everyone. my boyfriend just takes it because he knows im pregnant and my hormones make me absolutely monstrous. he's still happy and when he upsets me for whatever reason, he does everything to make it 100% better. i apologize with tears after my episodes and he tells me "hush, you're pregnant it's perfectly fine you're alright and you didn't do anything wrong. don't apologize, love. you're beautiful so please smile no more tears because baby and i dont want you crying" but i still feel like i could have controlled myself but its so hard! yes, at times after getting upset(even if its for no reason just out of the blue) i do distant myself from him but the distance only lasts for at most an hour. im in love with him and just recently he asked for my ring size and said he wants me to be his wife. im scared my emotions will attack when he pops the question but ive prayed about my emotions being manageable from here on out.

overall i just get agitated so easily even after a wonderful day! grrr hormones! its the one thing in pregnancy that tears me up inside... it drains me of happiness when i act like a monster! and all i can do afterwards is apologize even if people understand its hormones.

Oh I've been completely crazy at times too. But yes. Apologize afterwards and realize you'rein the wrong even if you're pregnant and hormonal lol. Mine understands it's the hormones etc. and is understanding, but he wouldn't put up with being treated like crap over it either and i don't blame him!