broodyness

[pinklemonade]

I'm new to this site and this is my second post..so hi..

I'm only just 18 and I really want a baby, i've told my boyfriend and he doesn't really want one, well he might do when he's older but for now he doesn't.
For a while now i've been really broody, it's like all I can think about is babies babies babies. I even rub my tummy thinking and hoping that I have a little bump, we talk about having a little familly and stuff when we're older but that just makes me even more broody, and then I just get really emotionall and start crying because I can't have the one thing I really want. He tells me that a baby isn't the only thing I have to look forward to, but it really feels like it is..
Well obviously I have things to look forward to but there's something missing in my life and I know what it is!

I know having a baby wont be perfect and plain sailing, I want to go through it all. I want to have the nervous breakdown of having to tell my parents, I want the crying and hating and then loving, I want to feel that kick in my belly, I want my boyfriend to talk to the baby with his head on my belly, I want to rub it, I want to wear tight tops that will show my bump off, I want to learn to knitt her/his little cardigans, I want to paint there room pastle shades of pink and blue, I want the pain of giving birth and the relief when I get to hold her/him in my arms, I want my own familly, I want to be woken up every 10 mins to feed her/him, I want to rock her/him to sleep after a bath, I want to rock them back to sleep again after they wake up screaming, I want to push a pram around the shops...aghhh I want it all!!!!

We use the pull out method, admittidly it isn't the best method of protection in the universe, but the last thing he wants to do is to get me pregnant now and he knows when to pull out. But this just gives me a little bit of hope that i'll miss my period each month, which I know is wrong but I can't help myself. He doesn't usually wear any protection because he can never feel anything, honestly he doesn't just say that, he's managed to succesfully use it once and that's about it, but we still try using them, he just can't feel anything. I'm thinking about going on the pill, but i'm abit wary about it, I don't really have anyone to talk to about it either, and I wouldn't know where to get them from in my area, and niether does my boyfriend.

One of the main reasons I don't think he wants a baby is because he is moving to university, as am I. Neither does he want his mum and dad thinking badly of him. We have little fantisies though, choosing names for our baby and imagining thety're sleeping inbetween us, which I suppose doesn't help me controll my feelings.

He is right about not having a baby now and waiting, our universitys are about 2 and a half hours away from each other, and about an hour and a half from where we live now. I probably would have regrets when i'm oldre about not 'enjoying myself to the full' and just being a messy student, but i'm regretting each day now for not trying to conceive : / and deep down all I can think is if I do get pregnant, i'll either defer a year or quit my course and find something better suited for me.

Don't think if I fell pregnant I would become a total bum for the rest of my life, because I won't, i'm as much determined to get a good job and stuff as I am to have a child, the more I think about it the more I want to just quit the media course i'm going to do at uni and go into publishing instead. I can't help think that getting pregnant would be better for me in the long run anyway because then I could have an excuse to change my mind about what I want to achieve.

I'm so confused, and so hopefull to have a baby.

I just needed to vent all of that out, I don't want to feel like this, I really don't. I would be better waiting i'm sure but this feeling is so strong I can't handle it. I won't do anything stupid and i'll always be honest to my boyfriend, but like I said all I can think about is babies and getting pregnant and feeling continuesly jealous.

I know i'm not ready for a baby. I just need someone to make me see sense, it's like it doesn't matter what you tell me about how I should live my life and stuff but I always think of things I can to get round that.

I feel like I have schizopherina it's driving me mad! One halfs saying HAVE A BABY NOW and hte other one i saying, that if I did get pregnant I would abort it because i'm not ready yet, and that just makes me really sad :[


thankyou for listening

xxxx

 

[smartiepants]

Hi,
I can feel for you and all the broodiness but it's wrong to have a baby unless both of you want one. If you and your boyfriend are in love then you should respect his wishes. I imagine he'd be devasted if you ruined both of your degrees. Have you thought about his reaction if you did get pregnant, what if he walked out, then you'd be 18, alone and without the qualifications you need to have the career you want to support your baby.

The 'pull out method' is not a method of contraception and the phrase 'he knows when to pull out' is a complete contradiction. If he doesn't like wearing condoms then you need to investigate other methods of contraception or stop having sex. There's plenty of people on here who can tell you they got pregnant using this method.

Oh and I'm not being a bitch, you said you wanted someone to make you see sense and I'm a fan of the tough love.

I do hope you can sort your problems out, am I right in assuming you're about to start uni? If so, you'll end up having the time of your life and babies will soon drop to the bottom of the agenda!

HTH
Stacey

 

[RedRose19]

firstly.. i just want to say i 100% understand how u feel.. i really really do. b4 my miscarriage i always thought id like a baby someday but i was never so broody.. then i got a + on a test.. it was a shock but my choices were takenaway from me.. i had an accident (on march 17th) and i started bleeding.. so heavy it was horrible the pain! and i cudn get the hospital quickly cuz i was in the city on st paddys day.. ppl and the parade and ugh!! it took 2 hours to get there..

and ever since all i can think about is what IF... what if my baby was still here and all i think about is babies etc...

im so sorry you feel so strongly about it.. its so hard i know when u see a baby its like awwwwww, and i also know it wont be easy.. but like you said i want all that.. and want to start my family now.. cuz its what i think is right, i should be allowed to start my family when i think ready, as long as i have money and the support.. me and DF have our own place.. go to the same college and wanna try get bfp soon so i wud be due at the start of the summer (spend it with baby) then go back in oct and we have a crech etc and im doing a child day course so i work in the crech so ill be there with my bubs

i want you to know your not going crazy at all hun i think its normal to get broody.. your body is mature to hold a baby to naturally your body trys to make u want a baby some can turn it off others cant..

i know it seems like it will be years b4 college is over etc.. but i found making my self busy helped.. things like aerobics.. sports.. more exercise releases the happy hormones and helps alot!!! and ive just started taking agnus castus because i was told a chemical inbalance can cause it too... i was getting to the stage where i was depressed and the sports helped alot.. i suggest when going to uni in rolling in some.. aerobics is lovely.. an escape from reality for me.. and im so tired after i dont think about babies at all...

i hope this helps... we sud really keep in contact hun if u need to talk im here

 

[pinklemonade]

Thank you so much hun, it's just this feelings awfull.
I need to get my head sorted out I think.
It just makes me so upset when I think I can't have one :[ I hope being on here will occupy me enough so I can stop thinking I need a baby to fullfill my life.
It doesn't help my grandma bringing stuff up like 'when I was your age I had two babies and one on the way'
because all I can think of is well...that's what I want... even though I know she says it to make me realise i'm lucky because I don't ahve to do all things she had to : / But it doesn't make me feel any better : / It just makes me feel jealous : /
For now on i'm going to be more carefull and better protected against pregnancy.

 

[Beltane]

 

[RedRose19]

Thank you so much hun, it's just this feelings awfull.
I need to get my head sorted out I think.
It just makes me so upset when I think I can't have one :[ I hope being on here will occupy me enough so I can stop thinking I need a baby to fullfill my life.
It doesn't help my grandma bringing stuff up like 'when I was your age I had two babies and one on the way'
because all I can think of is well...that's what I want... even though I know she says it to make me realise i'm lucky because I don't ahve to do all things she had to : / But it doesn't make me feel any better : / It just makes me feel jealous : /
For now on i'm going to be more carefull and better protected against pregnancy.

i know hun.. and i really can empathise with you.. i dont think ive ever talked to someone who just explained how they feel and realise it sounds just like how i feel..

just dont do anything without talking to your boyfriend.. it has to be something you both want, i know you wont but just to be careful hun. i mean how long is both your uni courses?

mines 3, ive done 1 year and it really flew by.. i got 2 left and my Df has 3 left.. and i think they will fly by so quickly. and soon u and ur bf will be ready to BOTH try for a baby

 

[pinklemonade]

Thankyou babyhopes10
I'm really really sorry about what happened :[ that must have been really awfull, I can't begin to imagine.

I'm going to enroll in gym when I get there, and try to go as often as I can. I think that will help me out quite alot aswell as getting healthy and fit :] I think once I get there, there will be many distractions and other things i'll want to do, and forget well hopefully forget about wanting a baby.

I am starting to get depressed about it though, my boyfriend doesn't like seeing me upset (obviously lol) but being able to cry about it does help aswell in some way I think.. I feel better after i've had a cry anway. All I seem to want to do is talk about it with him and he's okay for a while but then I get into things like problems and stuff and he turns the subject over then..which is good I guess, becuase I shouldn't be thinking that deep if I don't have to.

I'm really glad i've found this site though :]

 

[pinklemonade]

how long is both your uni courses?



Mines three years too :] Starting on the 21st of this month for freshers week

 

[RedRose19]

where are you from? thats so cool i start on the 16th i hope u enjoy your course hun, im glad i found this site too.. i found it by accident.. hehe im so glad i did cuz im hoping i cant get someone to vent too cuz my Df aint exactly great at this sort of this thing and he works very hard so i dont wanna vent to him lol!!
i think my bodys gone crazy LOL!! but im sure everything will be ok soon. im glad to of met you and i hope your ok, dont let it get you down.. a good cry isnt always a bad thing..

 

[pinklemonade]

I'm from south yorkshire, going to Lincoln university :] It's nice to meet you too, it's like no one else understands me and I don't want to keep venting to him either : /

Here's to us

:]

 

[RedRose19]

yep.. thats exactly how i feel.. cuz he wants to start our family but hes not like me hehe, hes just like let it happen blah.. typical lol i think he just wants to "try" for longer lmao

uni soon

thats cool im from ireland soo.. cant u sleep either?

 

[pinklemonade]

I didn't get to sleep till 3AM last night :[ I cried myself to sleep :[

 

[RedRose19]

i couldnt sleep either but mostly cuz i had such a pain in my stomach!! ugh
awwwwwww hun dont cry, hugs

how are u feeling today?

 

[xCarlyx]

Wow I totally can understand how your feeling sort of in a few ways.
I'm always getting broody. Been like it since I was about 14 and I'm now 19. It's gotten worse for the past year or 2. Me and my boyfriend been together since November 2005 and he's 21. He does want a baby, some days he will want one mroe than me, which I find sweet etc but that gets me more broody. He's always talking about wanting one, some days he will say he wants to make one with me asap lol.
We live in the UK and at the moment jobs are hard to get due to credit crunch. We both came out of college with no job as that was the time of the credit crunch starting. Very difficult in my county to get a job as well. So yeah we both on Jobseekers, which is not the best but it's something. He might be getting a job as he's on a placement atm and he's doing really well. But I want a job asap so I can have a life etc. So I'm no bum or whatever.
I am on the pill so that makes it a bit difficult to get pregnant as most days if I haven't took the pill my boyfriend always makes me take it. But we use the pull out method as well -- no STD's as we were both virgins until last year when we had sex for the 1st time. There's always that little bit of hope that the pill might not work one month or something lol.
Sound crazy but we choosen baby names ages ago. And choosen the style of pram I want. But it's all just for fun atm I guess.

Just like you I want all the stress, hard work etc. I had the monitor baby thing few years back and that was great fun, waking me up in the night etc. Only down side is it never smiled back and was just a hard dolly thing lol.

But do whatever is best for you and your partner. Even if that's waiting a few years to try.
If you want to go on the pill, if you think it will be best, then go to your doctor and ask them about the pill and how it works etc. Even look it up on the internet.

Good Luck

 

[Webbykinskt]

Hi pinklemonade,

I'm 18 (19 on the 13th ) and I feel exactly the same. I'm starting Uni next year and OH doesn't want any kids yet so the wait is killing me. I've really struggled the past year and my broodiness and my past caused me to develop Anxiety so I can totally sympathise. All I can say is:

- Use contraception. I know the whole 'wish it wouldn't work' thing inside out but like someone else said, if you got pregnant and your b/f didn't want it... is it worth it? I've come to realise I'd rather want my OH to be 100% on board with the idea because then it's a much more enjoyable experience.

- Think of the positive points to waiting. More qualifications, better jobs, more money to treat a LO. More quality time with OH such as saving for a house deposit together or going on quiet holidays alone.

- Use this time to enjoy yourself. Do things you couldn't do with a LO like going out with friends and having time to yourself (I've been told you can't even take a bath without organising it with a LO around).

These three tips have saved my sanity (all thanks to the lovely ladies on this forum). I hope you take this on board and do what's best for your future LOs. There are good days and bad days... but don't give in!

Good luck at Uni

 

[lozzy21]

I dont want this to sound patronising but your still young, you have the rest of your life to have baby's. I think if your OH dosent want kids yet you need to be using some form of contraception, its not fair on a baby to be brought into a relationship where its not wanted yet by both parents but could have been prevented.

Im nearly 22 and have been broody since i was your age but im glad iv wated. Iv had experiaces i would not have been able to have had i had children. I also get my friends my age who have allready had children say they wish they could be doing the things im doing.

Go to uni, go out and get plasterd, go on holiday and see some of the world and just generaly do the things you cant when you have a child. Finish uni and go get a job, save up and get a nice house, wether renting or buying and be able to give you child the best start in life.

Also the person i was with at 18 is not the person im with now. Im also not the person i was at 18, as people age they change and allthogh im sure you and your OH love each other, you need to make sure this is the person you want to be tied to for the rest of your life.

 

[bunnyg82]

Hello! I think Lozzy has given some great advice

Just wanted to say hi and welcome to WTT x

 

[pinklemonade]

Also the person i was with at 18 is not the person im with now. Im also not the person i was at 18, as people age they change and allthogh im sure you and your OH love each other, you need to make sure this is the person you want to be tied to for the rest of your life.

Thankyou for your advice, and I do agree with you here, I love him to bits and I can't imagine my life without him, but my life is changing, i'm moving away from home, meeting new people, and it scares me, I won't be able to see him as often, and who knows we may just drift apart. Obviously I don't want that to happen but yeh I maybe a totally different person in another couple of years.



Whenever I feel like I really need/want a baby i'm going to come back to this thread and read all the advice you wonderfull people have given me :] Thankyou so much, I feel like people understand here unlike my friends or anyone else I know. Seriosuly my sanity has been saved...for a while :]

 

[RedRose19]

im glad ur feeling better.. if ever ur feeling upset ya can put a message here and will try my best to cheer u up *hugs hun*

 

[Sophie1205]

Hiya hun. Im 19 and have an 8 month old son. I got pregnant a month before my 18th birthday and I had already been accepted into Chester uni for September of last year. I had to cancel my place. I love my son to bits and wouldnt change him for the world. However, I look at my friends who ALL went off to Uni and they are having the time of their lives!! Not only are they getting a degree at the end to set them up for life and a great job, theyre having sooo much fun. I had no teenage life. I had none of the going out and drinking and going to clubs with friends. I dont regret having Leo but I wish I could have experienced all of that before I had a family.

Please please go to Uni and enjoy the next three years of your life!! As mentioned, once you start Uni, a baby will be at the very back of your mind you will have so much to do!! Go be a teenager! Finish uni, then see how you feel then.

Good luck sweetheart.

xx