I've still been so tired, its unreal. On the upside, my grandfather came around to this baby A LOT faster then with DS. I want to tell you ladies a story of sorts, its just been on my mind and I'm so emotional lately that just, ugh I need to get it out.
With DS, he wasn't really happy or excited until he was born and we brought him to see him. He's very superstitious and believes that his family line is cursed to have their children die. He didn't want to get excited about it or even come to hospital when they were rushing me into surgery. My grandmother told me later that he was crying on the phone with her (she was at the hospital) and he said that he didn't come because he was afraid that if he were there, they would come out only to say that Magnus and I hadn't made it and that it would tear him apart.
He never wanted children because of his belief in the "curse" as he calls it, because his mother had 5 children and only he survived and he was the youngest. But my grandmother wanted children so badly that he relented. My grandmother had 7 miscarriages, and had one pregnancy end in her going into labor at 7 1/2 months, and sadly, my uncle only survived for a few minutes, my father was born a year later. He also never wanted my father to have children, but when me and my younger brother were born, he loved us from the moment we were born. Then when my father died (only 3 days after my brother was born) I can remember my grandfather wanting me to promise to never have children, I was only 3 years old. He was so distraught. 6 months later, I nearly lost my life in an accident and he thought for sure the "curse" was going to take me too.
When I told him (and the rest of my family) that I may never have children he actually said, "Perhaps its for the best. The [My Maiden Name] family is cursed. All our children die young." I was very angry, but I let it go, I knew he only said that because of the pain he'd gone through in the past and because I knew that for the past 18 years, he'd been expecting my brother and I to die. Come 8 months later when I called everyone up crying to tell them the news, he was actually angry. Later, again my grandmother explained that he was so terrified that I would die because of it. As my pregnancy progressed and got riskier and riskier, he refused to see me sometimes because he didn't want to get attached to the unborn baby. I was the first to call him after my surgery, I told my grandmother not to call him back after the surgery, I wanted to do it. I called from her phone and when he answered he said, "Oh god, [grandmothers name], did they make it? Please tell me they made it." and he was crying. I started crying and he freaked out and I said, "Yes, Papa, we made it." and I held the phone up to DS so he could hear him cry when they pricked his little foot for blood.
When we brought him home, we stopped by their house so he could see him. He looked at him and asked why he was so small, saying he should be bigger. He snatched him up and held him close and said, "Don't you ever leave me. You're my little Papoose." (his nickname for DS, its the Algonquian word for Child as my grandfather is 1/2 Native American. This is also why he is so superstitious.)
As he was holding him I had him sit down and I said, "Papa, you may think that the family name is cursed, but I'm no longer a [Maiden Name], I am a [Married Name] and so is Magnus. He is strong and he has proven that he is here to stay. Just look at him. He was born so early and so small, but already he screams like he knows who he is. He is strong, like his Papa."
It seems that those words really had an effect on my grandfather. He was a little angry and worried at first but now he is happy and cannot wait to meet his newest "Papoose". I never realized that what I had said actually got through to him.
I feel the need to mention, Magnus means "The Great/Great/Greatest" and James, in the non biblical meaning, means "Healer". We named him that because for my husband and I, our son healed so many wounds from our Infertility journey, but when I really thought about it, I realized that he also "healed" my grandfather in a sense.
Sorry about the ramble, I've just been emotional and after talking to my grandfather and hearing how excited he was for this baby it just made me think of everything that had happened. If you actually read all that, Kudos and thank you!
