we're going to be TTc again the end of the year - physically I'm sure I'll be ready but I don't think I'll ever be mentally ready again.
I had such a horrible time in the flipping hospital.
In a way I hope there's some reason I HAVE to book an elective - low placenta/breech baby that kind of thing just to take the decision out of my hands.
I want to VBAC more than anything in the world but I'm so scared that I'll end up with an emergency again - and how will I feel afterwards if I manage it will my feeling towards my first change?
I don't know 6 months today and it still plays on my mind every day - the 50 or so hours of labour, and at least 24 hours of that being at 4cm and over, was it my fault I was too tired to move to get my baby to turn or theirs for not giving me any advice about how to get him to turn and making me lay on my back for hours on end so he couldn't turn?
Urgh so many stupid things in my mind that never go away and there'll never be an answer to because thats just the way things happened.
I wish I could VBAC at home next time and just negate the clinical hospital side of things completely but there's no hope in hell Hubby would allow it...he thinks I effing stupid (his words) for even considering VBAC (there's nothing like a little understanding eh?).