Calling all Agnostic/Atheist Mommas

[Lindsey123]

I think it takes courage to believe in something you can't see, and I wouldn't shame him for that.

A person's faith is a personal thing. If either of my children become spiritual, it's none of my business to say else.

I personally think that it IS my business - not to quash spirituality, but to educate my child, and if that is by actively dissuading my child from believing in fiction, then I will.

I disagree totally that it is 'courage' to believe in something you can't see. Surely, if that were the case, adults would continue to at least try to nurture an enduring belief in the tooth fairy, or Santa, or, to use an extreme example, the thestrals in 'Harry Potter' - a book featuring plenty of invisible things that sits happily on the fiction shelf, where it belongs. Alongside the Bible.

Yes, faith is a personal thing. But faith must not overrule fact, and if a child is taught that dinosaurs are a couple of thousand years old or that they did not actually exist at all, then we are discrediting human research in favour of a nice story.

 

[Dragonfly]

Same up here Springer only the school I found took my son on , I made sure he didnt need christened, some schools do but the old way was you needed the baptism cert, In the south I would say they would still do that. My friend works for the school board and says you have to be christened to get in to secondary school. I wanted to home school but its not for us right now, maybe in future and he wanted to try school. By time holy communion comes along he will have nothing to do so I will see what way things are then. There is a lot of religion in schools here.

 

[Tess.ie]

If its ok I'm going to share my views too (although not an athiest)...... Oh is Catholic, and we live in Ireland so religion is huge here. I do not like the Catholic religion at all, or actually the general mind set of people here. That prob sounds awful, but I also come from NZ where people are so free thinking and individual and its something i really miss. I have no choice but to send Chloe to a catholic school, but she will not be joining in the religious classes, or making her communion etc.
I will teach her that daddy believes one thing, i believe something different, and that all people must develop their own opinions/ beliefs. There is no right answer, there is no hurry to form an opinion, seek knowledge, don't be afraid to question things, look further than what you see every day, and don't be afraid of being different, respect others beliefs and be open to new ideas. I really hope i can I instil an open mind in her, it makes me sad that she will mostly be surrounded by people who conform.

 

[onetwothreebp]

I personally think that it IS my business - not to quash spirituality, but to educate my child, and if that is by actively dissuading my child from believing in fiction, then I will.

I disagree totally that it is 'courage' to believe in something you can't see. Surely, if that were the case, adults would continue to at least try to nurture an enduring belief in the tooth fairy, or Santa, or, to use an extreme example, the thestrals in 'Harry Potter' - a book featuring plenty of invisible things that sits happily on the fiction shelf, where it belongs. Alongside the Bible.

Yes, faith is a personal thing. But faith must not overrule fact, and if a child is taught that dinosaurs are a couple of thousand years old or that they did not actually exist at all, then we are discrediting human research in favour of a nice story.

That's your standpoint and I completely respect it.

It'd be nice if my children could learn about different cultures and religions. If they happen to choose one for a lifestyle, I'm not going to argue against it.

My mom pressured me growing up to believe in God and to be a Christian and I just remember thinking what a horrible example of a Christian she was. I didn't like her religion being shoved down my throat. So in that aspect, I don't want to push the idea of religion is all BS etc down my children's throats.

I hope they make sensible choices for themselves but if they should choose to become religious, I don't want them to grow up having bad memories of me like I do with my mother, you know?

 

[SpringerS]

Same up here Springer only the school I found took my son on , I made sure he didnt need christened, some schools do but the old way was you needed the baptism cert, In the south I would say they would still do that.

Technically you don't need to be baptised, schools officially take people of all faiths but there has was first a large influx of immigrants, mostly from Catholic countries, and now a huge baby boom so in many areas there is much greater demand than supply and so the schools then give priority to baptised children. Our equality legislation specifically allows schools to discriminate based on religion. The other problem here is that all our teacher training colleges are faith based and primary school English and Irish language readers are littered with religious stories, so even children in multi-dom schools or who are exempted from religious studies in faith schools, still end up sitting through quite a chunk of Christian doctrine. And lastly in Catholic schools all prep for the sacraments of Communion and Confirmation are done during class time, so months and months of second class and sixth class are a write off in terms of education.

 

[staralfur]

I won't be bringing it up until she comes to me with it, in whatever context... at which point I'll tell her what I believe and what her dad believes (I am atheist and my OH is agnostic). I'll explain that there are many different religions and traditions, and just because we believe what we do, doesn't mean she's not free to choose for herself. I hope I can educate her a bit about different religions and encourage her to explore them herself.

I won't teach her that there is certainly no God. I'll explain that's what I personally believe and why. But I feel it's important for her to decide for herself. Just as my mom never said "There is a God" as a factual statement, even though she believes it; she let me make my own mind up.

I realize that she'll follow our lead to a certain extent and until she's old enough to explore it on her own. But it's important to me that she knows from early on that I don't view my belief as the undeniable truth.

 

[TinySunshine]

I've been thinking about this a lot as i'm worried how to raise my son the way i want to without other people confusing that. Glad this thread is here to help me with my thoughts.

I believe there is no god. I know how i feel, but i don't know how i could go about speaking about it to a little child.

I find it interesting to learn how everything has developed, i enjoy reading into how it all works scientifically. As my boy gets older i want to help him to feel secure in his knowledge, and i plan to help this by pointing out how things work and have fun with games and quizzes and buy posters, globes and models for his room, etc to help him learn and understand the basics fundamentally so that there's no confusion. I've been thinking about how to word it when i want to explain that god doesn't exist because i'm terrified that him hearing about god from elsewhere will brainwash him before he's settled into his understanding of the world.

I wonder if my own understanding of it is too complicated for a child to hear or not? This would be: "there are some stories written that have been designed to encourage people to be helpful to eachother. That is a nice reason to write a story, but the actual story part of them is made up to just help the point along. There is no reason to believe anything unless there's proof for it, like we've seen with the science we've been learning, but you'll come across some people out there (like nana) who'll say that they think things exactly the same as in those stories have happened which aren't true. I know in nana's case, this is because she feels uncomfortable in dealing with things in her life and projecting her feelings onto that subject distracts things just enough to gets her through her day. Even though what she believes is wrong and can't possibly be true, we have to be sensitive to the emotions that she has personally connected to her beliefs and not try to argue the point with her, or anybody else who you come across who has chosen to live like that. We can get along happily without challenging them or letting it affect our friendships with people, often we never know how people feel in their hearts, so don't let mention of their beliefs give you a negative view of them if they are otherwise nice and not affecting you with it."

I'm pretty sure that's too complicated, but i just can't think what to say to be honest! Any suggestions?


Edited to say that i wonder what the best way is because FOB is in no way religious and i don't think they're ones for talking much, so i think he's got that way just through the lack of religious teachings, rather than long explanations. So maybe things will be okay with me just to respond to any questions LO may have in as simplistic a way as possible? What will your actual phrases to your LO's be?

 

[SaraEmily]

I'm agnostic so I won't be raising Eliza religious, but it really bothers me when someone tells their child that there absolutely is no god, and won't allow them to be exposed to it at all. IMO, that's being just as closed minded and sheltering them just as much as religious people do.

If my daughter wants to be religious, that's perfectly fine, because she will have came to that conclusion on her own. Being a free thinker is more important to me than making sure she believes whatever I believe.

 

[Larkspur]

I'm agnostic so I won't be raising Eliza religious, but it really bothers me when someone tells their child that there absolutely is no god, and won't allow them to be exposed to it at all. IMO, that's being just as closed minded and sheltering them just as much as religious people do.

If my daughter wants to be religious, that's perfectly fine, because she will have came to that conclusion on her own. Being a free thinker is more important to me than making sure she believes whatever I believe.

The difference I see is that when you say there is no god, that's all you're saying. It doesn't bring any implications about how you should treat people, or rules for how you should live.

But as soon as you introduce a god to the picture, you also introduce a whole host of things that God supposedly says about what's 'right' and 'wrong'. That's the bit that's close-minded to me.

 

[SaraEmily]

I'm agnostic so I won't be raising Eliza religious, but it really bothers me when someone tells their child that there absolutely is no god, and won't allow them to be exposed to it at all. IMO, that's being just as closed minded and sheltering them just as much as religious people do.

If my daughter wants to be religious, that's perfectly fine, because she will have came to that conclusion on her own. Being a free thinker is more important to me than making sure she believes whatever I believe.

The difference I see is that when you say there is no god, that's all you're saying. It doesn't bring any implications about how you should treat people, or rules for how you should live.

But as soon as you introduce a god to the picture, you also introduce a whole host of things that God supposedly says about what's 'right' and 'wrong'. That's the bit that's close-minded to me.

True, but it's still not letting them form their own opinion. Plus if you keep them from it, it may just make religion a forbidden fruit that they're going to be more drawn to in adulthood. I'd rather her be exposed to it a little in childhood (and she certainly will, living in the bible belt) and see that it's nothing special.

 

[MommyJogger]

I'm agnostic so I won't be raising Eliza religious, but it really bothers me when someone tells their child that there absolutely is no god, and won't allow them to be exposed to it at all. IMO, that's being just as closed minded and sheltering them just as much as religious people do.

If my daughter wants to be religious, that's perfectly fine, because she will have came to that conclusion on her own. Being a free thinker is more important to me than making sure she believes whatever I believe.

I completely disagree. It's as closed-minded as telling them santa doesn't exist and no one would ever call a parent closed minded for that. There are also no threats involved in telling them there's no god. When you teach the majority of religions, you're threatening an eternity of suffering should they disbelieve or believe differently-- it's a cornerstone of the religion's philosophy.

 

[Larkspur]

True, but it's still not letting them form their own opinion. Plus if you keep them from it, it may just make religion a forbidden fruit that they're going to be more drawn to in adulthood. I'd rather her be exposed to it a little in childhood (and she certainly will, living in the bible belt) and see that it's nothing special.

I see what you're saying, but I guess I come from the perspective that there's really no reasonable debate about it. There are thousands of things that people can have differing opinions on and I'm not going to 'teach the controversy' (to steal a religious term) if I believe strongly enough that there's no reasonable debate.

I mean, I am not going to teach my child that, for example, some people think homosexuality is wrong and disgusting and that's okay, everyone has different beliefs. Some people believe it, sure, but I personally don't think it's something that I need to encourage my child to form their own opinion on.

As for religion being a 'forbidden fruit', I just honestly don't even think it's going to be an issue in my country. I sometimes say that if the Rapture happened, it's lucky the internet and international news exist, because I sure wouldn't notice it happening first-hand - literally nobody I know would be taken.

 

[pompeyvix]

I'm agnostic, my husband is Catholic, although he doesn't practise it at all and has never been to church (other than for weddings) in the 11 and a half years we have been together.

We plan to raise Anabella so that she has the complete freedom to make her own choices. If that means she makes the decision to believe in God, I will support her in that. I am certainly not keen on sending her to a religious school or anything like that though.

All I want is for her to be happy. Even though we are not religious in our household here, I don't ever want her to think it's something she should keep secret if that's the path she wants to go down.

 

[SaraEmily]

I'm agnostic so I won't be raising Eliza religious, but it really bothers me when someone tells their child that there absolutely is no god, and won't allow them to be exposed to it at all. IMO, that's being just as closed minded and sheltering them just as much as religious people do.

If my daughter wants to be religious, that's perfectly fine, because she will have came to that conclusion on her own. Being a free thinker is more important to me than making sure she believes whatever I believe.

I completely disagree. It's as closed-minded as telling them santa doesn't exist and no one would ever call a parent closed minded for that. There are also no threats involved in telling them there's no god. When you teach the majority of religions, you're threatening an eternity of suffering should they disbelieve or believe differently-- it's a cornerstone of the religion's philosophy.

I agree that it's not equally closed minded, I take that back, but I guess the point I'm trying to get across is that I don't want to make up my daughter's mind for her. I want her to think for herself, even if that means having a different worldview than I have.

 

[Larkspur]

I completely disagree. It's as closed-minded as telling them santa doesn't exist and no one would ever call a parent closed minded for that.

Actually, I recall a thread about Santa here in which this viewpoint was expressed many times, but that's Baby Club for ya!

 

[pompeyvix]

I'm agnostic so I won't be raising Eliza religious, but it really bothers me when someone tells their child that there absolutely is no god, and won't allow them to be exposed to it at all. IMO, that's being just as closed minded and sheltering them just as much as religious people do.

If my daughter wants to be religious, that's perfectly fine, because she will have came to that conclusion on her own. Being a free thinker is more important to me than making sure she believes whatever I believe.

I completely disagree. It's as closed-minded as telling them santa doesn't exist and no one would ever call a parent closed minded for that. There are also no threats involved in telling them there's no god. When you teach the majority of religions, you're threatening an eternity of suffering should they disbelieve or believe differently-- it's a cornerstone of the religion's philosophy.

I agree that it's not equally closed minded, I take that back, but I guess the point I'm trying to get across is that I don't want to make up my daughter's mind for her. I want her to think for herself, even if that means having a different worldview than I have.

I agree with everything you are saying SaraEmily, you are just articulating it much better than I can!

 

[SaraEmily]

True, but it's still not letting them form their own opinion. Plus if you keep them from it, it may just make religion a forbidden fruit that they're going to be more drawn to in adulthood. I'd rather her be exposed to it a little in childhood (and she certainly will, living in the bible belt) and see that it's nothing special.

I see what you're saying, but I guess I come from the perspective that there's really no reasonable debate about it. I mean, there are thousands of things that people can have differing opinions on and I'm not going to 'teach the controversy' (to steal a religious term) if I believe strongly enough that there's no reasonable debate.

I mean, I am not going to teach my child that, for example, some people think homosexuality is wrong and disgusting and that's okay, everyone has different beliefs. Some people believe it, sure, but I personally don't think it's something that I need to encourage my child to form their own opinion on.

As for religion being a 'forbidden fruit', I just honestly don't even think it's going to be an issue in my country. I sometimes say that if the Rapture happened, it's lucky the internet and international news exist, because I sure wouldn't notice it happening first-hand - literally nobody I know would be taken.

That makes sense. I think it's different for us because of our locations. I couldn't keep my daughter from religion even if I tried. If I lived in New Zealand, it would probably be a non issue. I can see where you're coming from.

 

[Leeloo]

I'm atheist but my H believes in god. We live in the bible belt and go to a non-denominational church. I really like the people at this church and aside from the god stuff i think they have a great message about service to others. I don't really care if my child believes in god or not so long as he's happy. I don't plan on telling him one way or the other as I don't really think about it much myself.

 

[pompeyvix]

What's the bible belt?!

 

[SaraEmily]

What's the bible belt?!

The south/southeastern US. A very religious part of the country.