Calling all Agnostic/Atheist Mommas

[lozzy21]

I don't know where/when some of you went to catholic school but I left a catholic school in 04 and it was nothing like you said. Yes we had RE every week but it was more studying the bible like you would a book in an English lit class. We also learned about other religions and outside of RE religion was not mentioned. There was a mass every week but it was optional. There was a mandatory mass once a term and if a pupil or teacher died and that was it.

 

[staralfur]

I'm agnostic so I won't be raising Eliza religious, but it really bothers me when someone tells their child that there absolutely is no god, and won't allow them to be exposed to it at all. IMO, that's being just as closed minded and sheltering them just as much as religious people do.

If my daughter wants to be religious, that's perfectly fine, because she will have came to that conclusion on her own. Being a free thinker is more important to me than making sure she believes whatever I believe.

I completely disagree. It's as closed-minded as telling them santa doesn't exist and no one would ever call a parent closed minded for that. There are also no threats involved in telling them there's no god. When you teach the majority of religions, you're threatening an eternity of suffering should they disbelieve or believe differently-- it's a cornerstone of the religion's philosophy.

I agree that it's not equally closed minded, I take that back, but I guess the point I'm trying to get across is that I don't want to make up my daughter's mind for her. I want her to think for herself, even if that means having a different worldview than I have.

I agree with this. It's an area where I feel it's important for me to let her explore/discover as much as possible without me imposing my views on her. But I totally understand that is not how everyone feels about it and I don't see anything wrong with teaching your kids to believe or not believe in God.

 

[staralfur]

I completely disagree. It's as closed-minded as telling them santa doesn't exist and no one would ever call a parent closed minded for that.

Actually, I recall a thread about Santa here in which this viewpoint was expressed many times, but that's Baby Club for ya!

That was probably me. I'm really intense about Santa...

 

[detterose]

I was raised in a Catholic family and attended Catholic schools. I personally hated it. Being forced to take religious classes and attend church when I didnt believe in it. So I will inform LO about the different religions but I wont be making him attend Catholic schools etc. I remember how devestated I was when I was in church, I think about 6 or 7 years old and the priest was telling us how God was our real father. I went home so upset that day thinking my dad wasnt my real father MIL wants us to baptise LO even though she knows OH and I are not religious :/

 

[broodyhen]

Interesting discussion and it really is a tricky one. I am not comfortable with the idea of sending my child to a religious school and him being told that God exists as fact. I would also find it difficult telling him there is no God and no heaven because that opens another can of worms. I think I'll try to take a relaxed approach and teach him to respect other peoples religion and try to come to his own belief. I suppose I must be agnostic. I'm interested in spirituality but never really explored it in any great depth. I don't have all the answers and I'll be honest with my child about that.

 

[BabyBoyLove12]

For those of you who are open to your child exploring other religions, what would you do if they find a religion they liked and started practicing it? Would you go to church with them? Practice some of their beliefs with them? I know personally if my son believes in something other then me, I wouldn't want to discourage him from it based on my personal beliefs. But I'm not sure if I could sit through the services of something I don't believe.

What do you ladies think?

 

[BabyBoyLove12]

I don't know where/when some of you went to catholic school but I left a catholic school in 04 and it was nothing like you said. Yes we had RE every week but it was more studying the bible like you would a book in an English lit class. We also learned about other religions and outside of RE religion was not mentioned. There was a mass every week but it was optional. There was a mandatory mass once a term and if a pupil or teacher died and that was it.

We didn't study the bible. Just had a lot of passages from it and lessons about those excerpts. Mass wasn't an option for us, at least not that I was aware of. For me it was a lot of pushing of their ideals and how it's their way or you're damned.

 

[onetwothreebp]

For those of you who are open to your child exploring other religions, what would you do if they find a religion they liked and started practicing it? Would you go to church with them? Practice some of their beliefs with them? I know personally if my son believes in something other then me, I wouldn't want to discourage him from it based on my personal beliefs. But I'm not sure if I could sit through the services of something I don't believe.

What do you ladies think?

I would maybe attend a service here and there if my child asked me, but I wouldn't make it a weekly or monthly event because it's not what I believe. My grandpa always attended Christmas Eve service with us growing up even though he was an atheist because my mom asked him to. It would be similar to that.

 

[minties]

Religion is such a non-issue here, I don't even ever recall bringing it up with my parents as a kid. The only religious people I have ever seen are people from the islands (Samoa, Cook Islands etc). It's a foreign concept. I don't see any need to even bring it up with my kids.

 

[Leeloo]

For those of you who are open to your child exploring other religions, what would you do if they find a religion they liked and started practicing it? Would you go to church with them? Practice some of their beliefs with them? I know personally if my son believes in something other then me, I wouldn't want to discourage him from it based on my personal beliefs. But I'm not sure if I could sit through the services of something I don't believe.

What do you ladies think?

I go to church now so ya, I'd go to church with him if he wanted me too. I go to church with my H because I know it's important to him. I can sit through it because there's a lot of good information if you just ignore the god parts. Today at our service they talked about giving to the poor and helping your neighbors. Who doesn't benefit from hearing that? Sure they throw in some god stuff but I take what is helpful and leave the rest.

Practicing beliefs with them can mean a lot of things, since going to church is technically practicing a belief, so it would depend on what they wanted me to do.

 

[staralfur]

I would go with her until she had established her own place in the community and was old enough/confident enough to go herself or with friends.

I find religion to be really interesting so I wouldn't be put off by familiarizing myself with whatever she believed in.

 

[lozzy21]

I don't know where/when some of you went to catholic school but I left a catholic school in 04 and it was nothing like you said. Yes we had RE every week but it was more studying the bible like you would a book in an English lit class. We also learned about other religions and outside of RE religion was not mentioned. There was a mass every week but it was optional. There was a mandatory mass once a term and if a pupil or teacher died and that was it.

We didn't study the bible. Just had a lot of passages from it and lessons about those excerpts. Mass wasn't an option for us, at least not that I was aware of. For me it was a lot of pushing of their ideals and how it's their way or you're damned.

The only things that were pushed on us were I suppose you would call the Christian values of love thy neighbour and help those less fortunate than you which i don't think it a bad thing no matter your view on religion.

 

[ShelbyLC]

I'm atheist. My OH is religious. (Christian - I don't know what kind?) We also live in the bible belt.

We have agreed that we won't tell our children what to believe, but will tell them what we believe and let them choose for themselves. It's not something I plan on bringing up unless they ask. There are things they will notice and probably ask about - such as how when someone sneezes, OH says, "God bless you," and I just say, "Bless you."

OH, on the other hand, is like a walking encyclopedia and wants to start teaching them about EVERYTHING as soon as they are old enough to listen. He has promised that when he tells them about religion, he will not make it a "this is how it is" type statement, but more of a "this is how some people believe it to be" one. In return, I have promised not to say that I think his beliefs are wrong and won't explicitly say whether I believe or don't believe in God unless asked.

I do actually think it's a great thing for children to be taught about different religions, whatever the beliefs of their parents. I took a Philosophy class and loved it. The religion part of the class made me roll my eyes quite a bit and I had a good time debating certain topics with the professor. A lot of people left the class saying that they believed in God more strongly than they did at the beginning of the semester, while I walked away feeling that I had more reasons not to believe. Anyway, the class made me THINK, which is the part I liked. I would like my children to be told why certain people believe certain things and figure out why they do or don't believe for themselves.

 

[SaraEmily]

If she wanted to go to church, I'd definitely go with her because I would want to know what they're teaching her. If I didn't, I'd probably assume the worst and think they're filling her head with fear of hellfire and damnation every week.

If I went with her, afterwards we could discuss what was said and how we feel about it. I don't want her to feel like she's a bad person because the preacher says we're full of sin. I would want to clear that up for her, and make sure she's not feeling guilty or scared of going to hell.

 

[onetwothreebp]

Reading this thread just shows how lucky our children are. Our children have some really great mamas.

 

[HappyAnjeL]

I plan on letting her make her own choices. I don't have any strong views on anything, I don't go to church (though I have gone to a few with friends etc. when I was younger) and wont be bringing my children to church either

If my kids decided on following a religion, I would let them go to church. I wouldn't regularly attend a church as its not what I believe but I have no issues sitting through a day here or there if they want me to. I don't believe in forcing my beliefs on anyone, and I feel that they should extend the same courtesy to me.

 

[TrixieLox]

My hubby used to be Church of England but after we struggled to conceive (and he saw completely unfit people breed like rabbits) he lost his faith. I've never been religious but my family are Roman Catholic. We're going to bring our LO up to learn about different religions (cos really, religion IS fascinating, even if you don't follow a type of religion) and she can make her own choices.

The thing that's caused some friction in my family is the fact that we're not having a christening for her. All my cousins have had christenings, despite not going to church on Sundays. I just find it slightly hypocritical. When I told my nan we weren't having a christening, she was shocked and dismayed! But why on earth would we have one if we don't believe?! I'm not going to be a sheep like my cousins and blindly do it cos 'that's what everyone else has done'.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

We are both atheist, most of my family and friends are also non religious so religion doesn't have much baring on our lives at all (UK based so most people here are non religious) I plan on raising my girls with the knowledge of different religions but we won't be pushing anything on them. What they choose to believe is up to them. However, saying that, it's extremely difficult to discuss religion and not put across own opinions. I feel like I would like my kids to be allowed choice in what they believe but the likelihood they will be atheists.

Same as this.

 

[annanouska]

I haven't christened lo as dh is as religious as a brick it feels very hypocritical. I've never been a devout x y or z religious person but I went to a c of e school, church with brownies etc. I do find religion interesting and like learning about other people beliefs. I will support lo in whatever he decides and will help him learn about different cultures and religions.

I do think you don't have to be a hard core religious person to live by Christian morals tho and I will raise him to have morals and respect x

 

[erikab922]

When I was little I was made to go to Sunday school but even back then I reckoned the Bible was more like Aesop's Fables. My parents fought like crazy about religion - my dad always called it a crutch for weak people while my mother wasn't fussed either way but *her* mother was very religious and was the one who made sure I went to Sunday school. So really it was just always fraught and I never saw the big deal in it as I didn't derive any particular comfort in religion. My husband is very into political history and believes most religions are political propaganda and that history is written by the winners and don't even get him started on the Bible...

It's weird that a lot of our friends who haven't been to church in decades have started going now that their LOs are a bit older. It started when they all started thinking about christenings, and they did the whole 'oh shit we haven't been in 20 years and I don't think the vicar will let us get him/her christened if we don't start going again'. None of them considered just not having them christened and I think some of it is to make sure they get into a good local primary school - they're all CoE around us and over-subscribed.

The school situation is one of the reasons we are considering moving before our LO starts school - all of the schools around us are CoE but I have the opportunity to move for work to an area with outstanding non-religious schools with a very large catchment area. I guess it could be seen as one way of avoiding the issue!

If and when our LO starts to ask about religion, we'll be pretty matter-of-fact about it. We'll have to start with why there are religions in the first place, and that there are ways of dealing with certain issues without having to turn to religion. If she's curious about church, we'll take her, as I know I'm the kind of person who has to actually do something in order to figure it out. We're also going to have to teach her to respect the fact that some people have religious beliefs, even if they don't understand why she doesn't - my sister is very militant in her atheism and it does the side no good I'm afraid, I think she just pisses people off rather than having a dialog. Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree on things (sorry went off on a tangent there!).