Can I get a mail-order-daddy?

[Croc-O-Dile]

I promise I'll learn to love him, just send me someone who's a good father to Olivia. I'll look past any physical flaws, any annoying habits. I'll never complain that he didn't do the dishes or mow the lawn, and I'll let him watch all the football he wants. Just let him be a good father. That's all I want for Christmas.

I'm having a rough time tonight. I had started wrapping some of Livi's Xmas presents and I went to sign the sticker tag "Love Mommy & Daddy" Like my mom had always done for us, (it was always the boring gifts like clothes. The cool ones were from Santa ) but I realized that she has no daddy. So the one present just says "Love Mommy &"

FOB isn't in the picture at all and never will be. He's an abusive waste of space. And every time I look at Olivia, every second she spends without a father, my hatred for that spineless weasel doubles in size.

Everybody says, "Oh, but she has a great mum! It doesn't matter!" but it does matter. She'll always have that hole in her heart where her father should be, she'll always wonder about any siblings she may have and what her grandmother looked like. I know this pain personally, but I was lucky enough to have a step dad who took over the daddy role. Livi's not going to be so lucky.

I'm too bitter about FOB to even look at men. He broke me, and even if I manage to move past the abuse I'll never be the same. I'm damaged goods now, and any relationship I may have fails before it starts because of this.

I swear I'm going through the 5 stages of grief. I was numb and "in denial" my whole pregnancy, especially at the end when the trial was pending. I've been angry about it since she was born. And now I'm bargaining with the Universe. I would gladly settle for second or third best if it meant Livi got to have a proper family with a dad and all. I suppose I should look for depression next.

To make it all worse, every time I go on facebook someone else is uploading their beautiful, happy, family Christmas portraits. It's like the Universe is rubbing it in my face saying, "Haha! Look at all these happy people! Too bad for you, huh?"

 

[carolyn_s]

massive you are anything but damaged goods, its obvious you are a young, beautiful, intellegent woman!! On top of that from what ive read of you, you are a fab mummy and daddy to your gorgeous girl! Stop looking and maybe you will find...

For now just enjoy having all the good and bad bits to yourself, be greedy, you dont have to share her with anyone!! As for how he has treated you, all i can say is time really is a great healer!!

Enjoy Christmas with your gorgeous little girl!! You show that universe that single mummys do it best!!! xxx

 

[littlekitten8]

Oh hun big hugs. You will get through this. I have done it twice now! I know it seems impossible now but you will find someone. And that someone will be special cos its not every man who takes on someone elses kid. I have a half brother and half sister and my mum took them on like her own. And FOB had another kid before me and LO came along so there are lots of families with step parents. Just try to relax and enjoy time with LO. I know its easier said than done.

 

[jen1604]

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time sweetie but you are doing SO well,you don't NEED a man but I am sure some time in the future you will find one.

 

[shyfox1988]

xXx

 

[amandakelley]

Aww, hon. I know we've had this talk a couple of times before. I'm sorry that he's hurt you so badly.

I know that it DOES matter, so I'm not going to say that it doesn't matter that she doesn't have a father, because she has you. But the fact that she DOES have you DOES matter. You are a wonderful, fantastic, AMAZING mother to Livi.

Even though my real father did horrible to me when I was little, and even though I had a step dad that is more like a dad to me (Even though he's been a big butt hole as well.) I always wondered what he'd say to me if he saw me now. Would we be able to have a relationship even though what he did to me was horrible?

So I know how that is.

Whenever you start to think of the fact that her father was a piece of crap, advert your mind to you. Think about you and Livi. Think of all the smiles and giggles she gives you. That's ALL for YOU. You don't have to share her with any other parent. She's ALL yours for right now.
Just stop thinking of the future for right now and continue to make Livi giggle and smile and continue to make her happy. You're a great mother and you are going to show all the people who think that single moms can't make it that they can.

I'm not sure if any of this made sense, or if any of it helps, but I hope it does.

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

Thanks everyone

Amanda, thank you so much. I really appreciate you letting me go off about him and putting up with my depressing ass

 

[amandakelley]

Ha ha, you are absolutely welcome.

 

[ProzacQueen]

aww

Look after yourself and your little girl, screw everyone else. you dont NEED a man (especially if you are going to overlook the bad habits) and she doesnt NEED a father - she has you.

Try and turn it round and look at it in a different light. You get to relish in her and enjoy her first xmas and making it really special for her, everything she has she has because of you alone and you should be proud of that.

My bet that all the happy family protraits are not as blissfully happy as they look anyway

 

[QuintinsMommy]

you made me cry, I feel like this too sometimes.

 

[v2007]

I was a single Mummy when i was 16 till i was 21.

My LO who is now a big one never went without love cos her Dad wasn't around.

You are not damaged goods, i have read a lot of your posts (im not stalking i promise) and you really are doing a brilliant job as 2 parents.

Single Mummies really are under appreciated and get a raw deal in press (i blame the Daily Mail) but i have been there and you are doing so well.



V xxx

 

[Mumof42009]

you don't need a man enjoy Christmas with your gorgeous lo, it's her dad who's missing out on all the best bits.

 

[rjb]

i feel exactly like this, and reading this has made me feel less alone, so thank you for posting.
it's so hard to feel like this, and just know you can PM me anytime!