Can't admit to anyone else...

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by MemmaJ, Oct 29, 2016.

  1. MemmaJ

    MemmaJ Well-Known Member

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    But I really, really want a girl this time... :-(

    I have 3 boys (identical twin boys, and another singleton boy), and I'm now 6+2 pregnant again.
    Everyone keeps asking me if I hope it's a girl and I keep smiling and saying 'no I don't mind' - I can't even admit it to my partner, but I actually do really want it to be a girl :-(

    I honestly didn't mind with my last baby as he was with a new partner and there was a big age gap between him and my twins - plus my partner wanted a boy, so I hoped it would be a boy for his sake. We found out the gender at 16 weeks and were both very happy.

    This time, already all I keep thinking about is finding out the gender ASAP - I've been obsessively researching the Ramzi Theory and desperately want to have a private Early scan to try and get some sort of indication using that. I don't know if we can afford one though :-(

    I'm no good at the nub theory or the skull theory, but when I do have my 12 week scan I will be seeking out those on these forums who are better at it, to help me out! I know none of them are guaranteed or fool proof but I'm just clinging onto everything at the moment (including Chinese gender charts and such-like).

    This pregnancy wasn't planned - we planned to TTC again next year and I had planned to follow the Shettles Method to increase our chances of having a girl, but obviously didn't get that opportunity as I fell pregnant without us even trying...! So now im even more I'm convinced it's going to be another boy.
    Its only family that we've told so far about the pregnancy, but whenever I'm asked by them about gender I'm already telling people 'Oh it'll be another boy' and laughing - to cover myself if it IS; it's like I'm already laying the foundations to cover up my disappointment.

    I'm dreading all the 'ooh I bet you're hoping it's a girl' type comments when more people know about it, as then I'll have to lie to even more people!

    How can I get over this?! It won't be the end of my world if it's another boy (and of course it will be cheaper as I still have everything from the last one) - but I think this may be our last baby so I desperately want a girl and literally feel like I can't tell anyone incase it's not, like it's some sort of shameful secret.
     
  2. Jessicahide

    Jessicahide Well-Known Member

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    I know 100% how you feel, this was my only pregnancy that i didn't want a boy, i got very distressed by my 20 week scan, and i would tell people i wanted a boy, i would cry and tell dh i really wanted a girl i have three wonderful boys and my little one was only a few months old when i fell pregnant with this one, so i felt the only way it wouldn't be traumatic for him was if i had a girl xxx I am so sorry you are feeling this way, it truly is horrible xxxx
     
  3. MemmaJ

    MemmaJ Well-Known Member

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    Thank you Jessica, I feel so guilty for it and of course I'll love him like all the others when he's born, if/when it's another boy.. I just reeeally want a girl after 3 boys and I feel ashamed of that..! And I feel so out of control about it because we didn't get to try the Shettles Method, so am already thinking there's no way it will be a girl :-(
    I feel so jealous of those that have one gender and then the other, without even trying or thinking about it.

    How far gone are you now - have you found out what you're having yet..?
     
  4. Jessicahide

    Jessicahide Well-Known Member

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    It is very difficult and you can't help dream and then snap yourself back to reality... Its very hard, i really hope you get your girl, but like you said the love will be there either way. xx I have got 18 days until my induction and i am having a little girl, her name is Isobel Jane xxx ( i didn't want to put that in my post because i know you will get a little lurch in your tummy when you read it )
     
  5. MemmaJ

    MemmaJ Well-Known Member

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    Aw no that's so lovely, I'm really pleased for you..! You managed to hold out until your 20 week scan then..?! That's impressive..!

    Did you get into any of the gender theories like Ramzi's and Nub etc, from your earlier scans and were any of them right?
     
  6. Jessicahide

    Jessicahide Well-Known Member

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    No she was a complete surprise, she is the only one we were not ttc, with all the boys we dtd every other day for 3 weeks, with dd we literally dtd once 8 days before ov?!! i put my 12 week scan on here and had all but one girl guesses, With ds3 last year i had 100% boy guesses, so i think the girls on here are really good at all this guessing stuff xxxx
     
  7. MemmaJ

    MemmaJ Well-Known Member

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    See I wasn't tracking my cycle because we weren't TTC, so I have no idea where abouts in my cycle I ovulated/we conceived, to even give me a slight indication..!
    At the moment I'm just clueless and I hate it, just constantly telling myself it's definitely going to be another boy because I had no control. I knkw Shettles may not have worked, but at least I'll have felt like I tried my best to get my girl and did everything I could.

    Like I said, I can't even admit to my partner how I feel because I'm so ashamed of it, so I'm dealing with it on my own and it's eating me up.
    He keeps saying we can't afford to have a private early scan and all I can think about is how we can get around it and find the money, because I NEED to see what the Ramzi theory says!
     
  8. Jessicahide

    Jessicahide Well-Known Member

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    I know its not the same, but you have us on here to talk to. We know how you feel and we wont judge, i was so distressed by 20 weeks that i was crying everyday, part of it was crying about how i felt, that was a lot to come to terms with, but also for my little boy, it just felt neglectful as he was supposed to be my little guy, and i didn't want him "replaced" but i think, in the end i realised carrying a girl makes you more emotional and that is why i was feeling so hopeless like i did. xxx
     
  9. donnarobinson

    donnarobinson Mommy Of 3 Boys

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    Sorry your feeling this way Hun I have three boys and I really wanted a girl last time to I cried my eyes out at my gender scan it passed in a few hours tho and I'm so glad to have my boys now a part of me will always want a girl but I'm happy with my boys fingers crossed you get your girl Hun. X
     
  10. Dannypop

    Dannypop Mom to Danny and Jack

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    Aw your feelings are exactly the same as mine! And at 6 weeks when you are just stuck there obssessingg and waiting it feels intermanable. I am 12 weeks pregnant with number 3. I have 2 boys and that's exactly what I wanted ... but now I want my girl. So so so badly.

    What distresses me the MOST is all the "well-meaning" aunties who blatantly say, "You must be hoping this is your girl"
    "Were you trying for a girl?"
    "Oh I hope you finally get your girl"

    All that translates to is:
    Boys aren't good enough. Only a girl can complete you. You had a choice but you chose wrong.

    Raaaaaaaaaa! Makes me so mad. Just yesterday I had one of these aunties say she hoped this was finally my girl and I outright lied immediately saying, "Oh goodness NO! I want another boy. I hope it's not a girl!" Biggest lie ever. But the look on her face of shock was totally worth it!

    I feel the societal pressure to produce the balanced family and like I will be judged that I was unable to do it right. Every single person assumes the only way I will be happy is if it is a girl!!! Which is so true but I never let them know it. Then if this is another boy I will feel protected from their "sympathy"

    As for the shettles method what happens if you went to that extreme with your diet and timing etc and still got a boy. I was going to do it but thought I would then be setting myself up for more hope and more potential disappointment. This baby of yours has come at the exact right time. So don't beat yourself up.

    I have also been obsessing over Chinese calendar and as for the Ramzi method my Gynae just laughed at me and said it's rubbish.

    I am here for you. Let's journey through this together xxx
     
  11. MemmaJ

    MemmaJ Well-Known Member

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    Thank you Dannypop, nice to know I'm not alone! Have you had your 13 week scan yet?

    I know all these theories are probably rubbish but I need something to focus on, and at the moment that's having an Early scan and seeing what's what. I figure if Ramzi says it's another boy then I've got plenty of time to get my head around it before another private scan potentially confirms it at 16 weeks.
    Will you wait until 20 weeks to find out?

    I had all the 'I bet you're hoping it's a girl' comments last time, but that was a lot easier because I actually genuinely didn't mind last time and was happy to have another boy for my partner's sake.
    It's going to be a lot harder this time around, trying to keep face and pretend I don't mind.
     
  12. Xpecta

    Xpecta Well-Known Member

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    I'm right there with you with wanting a girl. The only difference is I already have a daughter, but she wants a sister so bad. Plus I want her to have a sister.

    It's so hard when you want a specific gender so bad but feel completely out of control. I wish there was a for sure way of getting what you want.

    I'm trying to get myself excited at the idea of a boy by thinking of names or looking at cute baby boy stuff on pinterest. It's so hard to wait.

    I'm. Sorry you're going through this. I really hope you get your girl!
     
  13. MemmaJ

    MemmaJ Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Xpecta, how many weeks are you - do you have Long to wait to find out?
    People keep making 'harmless' comments like 'oh it must be a girl' because I feel so sick this time and have done since before 5 weeks.
    I didn't get any sicknesss with my last pregnancy - I did with the twins but not until second trimester weirdly!
    I know they mean no harm but it gets you thinking and hoping that they might be right, which is dangerous..!
     
  14. Dannypop

    Dannypop Mom to Danny and Jack

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    My 13 week scan at the fetal assessment center is next week Tuesday and as I am in South Africa they tell us the gender at that scan. I will be a nervous wreck. I won't know what to do with myself especially since DH is on high alert for me being disappointed and he will be so so angry that I can't just accept a healthy baby.

    I would definitely go for an early scan to help give you a date to focus on and move time along, but don't put too much weight on all the theories. What if they all point to girl and then you find out at 20 weeks that it's a boy ... I guess if people do guess girl then you can try stay cautiously optimistic and not get too hopeful but at least feel a bit more in control of the wait.

    In the meanwhile you have us to chat to to pass time along! I check in every day
     
  15. MemmaJ

    MemmaJ Well-Known Member

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    Wow that's amazing that they tell you at 13 weeks! Is it just a normal 2d ultrasound they do?

    I'm trying to work out how we can afford an early scan, but you're right - it may end up in false hope... :-(
     
  16. Jessicahide

    Jessicahide Well-Known Member

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    Its the 3d scans that are expensive, the gender scans are from £40 xxx They don't guarantee gender but no scan really can xx
     
  17. MemmaJ

    MemmaJ Well-Known Member

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    A private early scan at my local place is £70 - same price for a gender scan from 16 weeks :-(
     
  18. Jessicahide

    Jessicahide Well-Known Member

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    :( oh no, what area are you in, i can do a search for you.
     
  19. Dannypop

    Dannypop Mom to Danny and Jack

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    Yup it's a 2D scan but they are about 99% accurate at 13 weeks at the clinic I go to. I never ever even questioned it until I saw how other countries do it and how inaccurate it can be that early.

    So now I will obviously be very reluctant to celebrate if they tell me girl next week. I will have to wait for my 17 week scan for absolute confirmation. But if they say boy at 13 weeks I will believe it and get my closure and move on ... with lots of time and help!
     
  20. MemmaJ

    MemmaJ Well-Known Member

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    I've booked a private scan for 12th November, so I've got 12 days to tell OH that we need to find £70, haha!

    I'll be 8+2 based on my period dates.
    Very tempted to have it sooner as I was actually almost a week further ahead than my Period dates last time, and I don't want it to be too late for Ramzi theory if that's the case again... :-/
     

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