Can't and won't self settle

[Em_S]

Hi there, my daughter is 5 months old. She is an absolute terrible sleeper and has been since birth. A typical won't sleep unless held/rocked, wakes up when put down and when car stops kind of baby. She has never fell asleep on her own and is terrible for waking up when put down in cot so ends up in our bed. She also still wakes every hour to 2 hours. Iv tried putting her down awake/drowsy to try and teach her to settle on her own but she just crys and crys even if I come in every few minutes, hold her hand, pick her up to calm her etc.. Iv tried putting on a lightshow, giving her something to hold but she refuses to fall asleep. She's never settled on her back and always sleeps on her side but when I put her in the cot awake on her side she just goes on her back and cries and cries til picked up and rocked to sleep. She is also rocked every nap time.. Any tips ladies on learning her to self settle and no longer in my arms for naps and at night?? X

 

[Elizdia]

My LO was the same until about 7-8 months. I think he changed though because i decided enough was enough and i left him to cry for about 10 mins, as horrible as it was it really did work. I did a normal bedtime routine so he knows its time for bed and rather than rock him to sleep, i rocked him for about 30 secs, sang a little song, kiss and bed. He didn't sleep of course but i waited 10 mins before i went back in. I could tell he was fine as i could see him on the monitor so i didn't stress too much. After 10 mins i went back in and soothed him but didn't pick him up, just tapped his back and gently did a shushing sound, but made sure not to talk so he knew it was bedtime still. Again he cried for about 5 mins and then just fell to sleep. That lasted for about 3 days, after that he learnt to go to sleep himself. He's now 14 months and is a great sleeper so it worked for us. Again, i don't know if it was coincidence that he himself was ready to learn to self soothe or if i taught him. I hope you figure out something that works for you as i know how tricky it can be.

 

[staralfur]

My LO self-settled for the first time at 10 months, and it was short-lived. I can't remember when she got consistently good at it but it was well into toddlerhood. Even now I can't just put her in bed and turn off the light and the leave the room, she wants me to lay down with her, but she doesn't require any 'assistance' so I still consider it self-settling. Honestly, she was just a baby who needed help getting to sleep and she got there in her own time. As a toddler she still likes to have me next to her to fall asleep and I think I've learned that it's just her personality. She's independent and doesn't need much help with anything throughout the day but when it's time to unwind she just wants someone close.

Your LO is still tiny in the grand scheme of things and I honestly don't think a majority of 5-month-olds can reliably self-settle. It's kind of a milestone just like anything else. I think a young baby needing help getting to sleep is just as much of a need as eating or having a diaper changed or all the other things that we never question and just get on with.

Sorry if it sounds like I'm being dismissive but I just really regret stressing so much about my LO self-settling, sleeping through the night, etc. It will come and in the meantime just keep reminding yourself that it won't last forever. Keep trying to put her down every once in a while, don't just completely give up on encouraging it, but don't make your life harder trying to push something that your LO isn't receptive to.

 

[Tigerlilyb]

Sorry if it sounds like I'm being dismissive but I just really regret stressing so much about my LO self-settling, sleeping through the night, etc. It will come and in the meantime just keep reminding yourself that it won't last forever. Keep trying to put her down every once in a while, don't just completely give up on encouraging it, but don't make your life harder trying to push something that your LO isn't receptive to.

I agree so much with this. My daughter was a horrible sleeper til she was about 18 months and I spent so much of her babyhood freaking out and stressing about her sleep, trying one gentle method or another to get her down. The only real memories I have of her at around 4-5 months is bouncing on my yoga ball in a darkened room and crying while trying to get her to sleep. Pretty miserable.

With my son I've tossed all advice out of the window and I'm following his lead. He's a totally crap sleeper too but I'm so much more relaxed about it and so I enjoy him so much more! He's just started showing signs of being able to settle himself at night (only when he wakes up, getting him down in the first place is still a trial) but still needs a little help, and I'm okay with that because I know he'll get there in the end. My daughter started self settling somewhere around the age of two but I find myself sitting with her just because I miss the cuddles.

Saying that, I hope your wee one starts showing signs of it a bit sooner but they do all get there in the end! Just enjoy those extra snuggles and try not to wish the time away too much

 

[noon_child]

Try this website full of info based on real anthropological and psychological research. It talks about what us normal and how our expectations are not based on the realities of infant sleep:

https://www.isisonline.org.uk/how_babies_sleep/sleep_training/

 

[Rainstorm]

My LO didn't self settle till he was 18 months. I know it sounds terrible to you now... but in hindsight it happened so fast... My two month old dd self settled from day one. I couldn't believe it. I'm praying she doesn't change much as she grows older.

 

[SarahBear]

Some babies can adjust to the notion that babies should self settle while others can't make the adjustment without undue stress. Is there a particular reason you feel your baby must self settle?

 

[SarahBear]

My LO didn't self settle till he was 18 months. I know it sounds terrible to you now... but in hindsight it happened so fast... My two month old dd self settled from day one. I couldn't believe it. I'm praying she doesn't change much as she grows older.

My three year old is just starting to self settle for naps and I stay with her as she falls asleep at night. As for my youngest, he self settled early on as well. The 4 month "wonder week" and mobility made that go out the window though!