Can't release emotion without "help"

[ds0910]

Well me and my husband have been trying to have "fun game night"(we are both gamers) since the mc in which we drink and play games or whatever to have a good time, but it seems I can't show hardly any emotion or even talk about the mc at all without the assistance of alcohol. My hubby thinks it is because of a severe trauma I suffered 4yrs ago and I have blocked my emotions until I drink. But at the same time I feel I need to let all these feelings out, while he is saying he just wants to have a good night where we just have fun and don't have to have a serious discusion. I want the same thing...but I just don't know what to do. I really enjoy drinking with my hubby at home and doing whatever but now I am afraid I am scaring him away from it because of the discussions that usually come up when we do have a drinking night. Plus I have had the urge to drink more lately(not to get wasted or tore up or even really drunk, just tipsy so I can relax and just go with the flow, but it seems I have no one I can sit down and drink with and talk about these things that I trust. I just don't know what to do. Sorry so long.

 

[Andypanda6570]

You are not alone believe me. You know what i did yesterday? I went and bought a bottle of red wine and had 2 glasses . I did this cause I was so sick of crying, my head was going to burst from it It did calm me down a bit, i am not a drinker only at parties, but I can see how people fall into it , they just get lost and it helps ease the pain a bit. When i drink I don't shut up I say the dumbest things but I also talk about my Ava and how hurt I am, we will get through this it just takes some time. there is not much anyone can do or say it's just something we have to do for ourselves. I am 40 years old and i have been through a lot in my life, but never pain like this ever.
You need to talk about your loss and get it out if you do the drinking wont do it for you .I am always around if you need to talk, just take it one day at a time, that is all we can really do . I am so sorry for your loss

 

[ds0910]

I am the TOTAL opposite. I can't let ANYTHING out unless I drink. No matter how hard I try I just sit there like and say I'm fine or whatever.It's like a wall. I guess if you knew the entire situation you might understand better. It's like all the bad or hurtful emotions that I have just get put behind this neat HUGE wall and if anyone tries to get by it, it just get's even thicker and I say "no I'm ok" It's the damndest thing and I just can't seem to get by it and I sure as hell can't get hubby to REALLY understand it. Sorry can't explain any better. Little right now. Tipsy really, but they didn't have a smiley for that one lol.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am the TOTAL opposite. I can't let ANYTHING out unless I drink. No matter how hard I try I just sit there like and say I'm fine or whatever.It's like a wall. I guess if you knew the entire situation you might understand better. It's like all the bad or hurtful emotions that I have just get put behind this neat HUGE wall and if anyone tries to get by it, it just get's even thicker and I say "no I'm ok" It's the damndest thing and I just can't seem to get by it and I sure as hell can't get hubby to REALLY understand it. Sorry can't explain any better. Little right now. Tipsy really, but they didn't have a smiley for that one lol.

I either turn into a babbling idiot or I cry . I don't shut up, people are looking at me like will you shut the hell up already I have my walls also and I hide a lot more than the loss of my Ava. I have been through a lot that nobody even knows but thank God I never let that part out when I was drunk. Sometimes having a drink is a good thing it calms us down but for me to get really drunk is not good I just become an idiot