Childbirth classes and husbands....

[Yersinia]

Hi,

We have some free childbirth classes that only run three times a year, so I am signing up for June already. It is a series of ~5 classes, 2 hours each. I mentioned it to my husband and he said he will think about it and he was surprised that I even considered inviting him. I told him that our neighbor went to them and my DH took it the wrong way, that I am creating a pressure on him and making him feel like a bad husband.

I am not sure if I am being reasonable - are you husbands coming to these classes with you or not?

I do not know what to expect! I would like my DH to feel more involved in pregnancy. He does not like 'physiological details', but I will need support while giving birth and I think it takes time for a man to get ready.

Thoughts?

 

[JohnsPrincess]

My husband will absolutely be going with me. He helped make this baby, he'll be helping to care for it, so together we will prepare. Your husband...no offense...needs to think of someone other than himself in this instance. Like I told my 11 year old sister just this past weekend, "Sometimes you have to do things you don't really want to for the benefit of someone else". I'm sorry he's giving you a hard time about it.

Have you explained why you would like him there and asked why he is hesitant to go?

 

[Nikki_d72]

My DH was exactly the same the first time round, I dragged him along kicking and screaming to the first class and was glad I did as I'd have been the only one there without a partner if he hadn't. But... the first session the lady decided to do an icebreaking wee game and handed out cards with different bodyparts and things involved with labour, we then had to say what we had got and tell them if we knoew what it was etc. Guess who got the "Vagina" card???!!! Hahaha, it was mortifying and so not the best start to make him go back, but it did break the ice and all the guys were as mortified as each other, so he did come with me from then on and the guys all hung out at the back at breaktime having a giggle so it worked out fine. I'd say he found the whole thing unreal until he had the baby in his arms, then he was a natural, some blokes just find the whole thing too abstract to deal with until it's here - not much good when we want them to learn to be our birthing partners but some blokes just aren't wired that way - do you have a female you could ask to be an additional birth partner, maybe someone who's done it before, or a student MW? It might not be a bad plan and will take the pressure off a bit. HTH xx

 

[jrc10]

Mine is. He's excited.

You should just tell him that because he's a wonderful husband, you couldn't see yourself going to the classes with anyone but him.

I just look at it like he's your partner, in life, so he should be involved. I would keep being encouraging.

 

[Nikki_d72]

Also maybe lay it on him that if he doesn't go, everyone will presume you're a single mother - that should tweak his "manly pride" button a bit!

 

[aidensxmomma]

My OH went with me to my childbirth class when I was pregnant with our son. Almost everyone had their husband/boyfriend with them.

I dragged my OH to my breastfeeding class, too. And believe it or not, he wasn't the only guy there.

 

[Yersinia]

Have you explained why you would like him there and asked why he is hesitant to go?

Sounds like you have a nice support. I think my husband does not understand why he should go. You are right, I need to think about a way to explain it to him. Maybe he will not be giving birth himself and breast-feeding, but I think these classes are relevant for dads also. I am not even sure what to expect there....
Good advice - thanks!

 

[JohnsPrincess]

Have you explained why you would like him there and asked why he is hesitant to go?

Sounds like you have a nice support. I think my husband does not understand why he should go. You are right, I need to think about a way to explain it to him. Maybe he will not be giving birth himself and breast-feeding, but I think these classes are relevant for dads also. I am not even sure what to expect there....
Good advice - thanks!

No problem! He probably doesn't know that most dads will be there, or what the classes are truly comprised of. Just sit him down for a nice chat!

 

[Yersinia]

we then had to say what we had got and tell them if we knoew what it was etc. Guess who got the "Vagina" card???!!! Hahaha, it was mortifying and so not the best start to make him go back, but it did break the ice and all the guys were as mortified as each other, so he did come with me from then on and the guys all hung out at the back at breaktime having a giggle so it worked out fine. I'd say he found the whole thing unreal until he had the baby in his arms, then he was a natural, some blokes just find the whole thing too abstract to deal with until it's here -

Thank you - also good advice.

Funny they had these games! I know on our class they are going to show a video of a woman giving birth, maybe done in 70's or 80's..... this is the only thing my friend told me about this class and that it was useful (but the video was scary). Your class sounds fun

 

[Yersinia]

Also maybe lay it on him that if he doesn't go, everyone will presume you're a single mother - that should tweak his "manly pride" button a bit!

hahaha - good point!

 

[Yersinia]

My OH went with me to my childbirth class when I was pregnant with our son. Almost everyone had their husband/boyfriend with them.

I dragged my OH to my breastfeeding class, too. And believe it or not, he wasn't the only guy there.

He somehow does not believe that other men are going to come! Maybe he should join this forum

 

[SpunkyMunkey]

We don't really have any sort of classes like that around where I live, but if I went to something like that, my husband would most certainly be going with! I think he might be hesitant, because he is grossed out by a lot of things that will be involved, but he also knows that he got the fun of making the baby, so he also gets to help with the baby. Good luck trying to get him to go with!

 

[Yersinia]

Mine is. He's excited.

You should just tell him that because he's a wonderful husband, you couldn't see yourself going to the classes with anyone but him.

I just look at it like he's your partner, in life, so he should be involved. I would keep being encouraging.

You are lucky he is so excited! I do not like dragging people to do things for me, but this is for our baby. I will just try to explain why it is important - he does not seem to understand....

Thank you girls for all the advice - I will use them!

 

[Yersinia]

We don't really have any sort of classes like that around where I live, but if I went to something like that, my husband would most certainly be going with! I think he might be hesitant, because he is grossed out by a lot of things that will be involved, but he also knows that he got the fun of making the baby, so he also gets to help with the baby. Good luck trying to get him to go with!

;-)

One class with physiological details is probably not comparable with changing diapers and cleaning after poop every day. I am still not sure if he will be able to help me with these things... does not sound like it sometimes...

 

[JackiePed]

My husband pretty much refused to do any classes (I'm sure if I really begged he would have, but he was SO reluctant, so I didn't make him).
In the end, I didn't do a class either. I just read alot.
When it came time for delivery, it was no problem. He was very supportive, and everyone guides you through it...so we really didn't need the class. My dh is an amazing man, and I wasn't about to make him feel badly for not wanting to do the class. I knew he would be there with me every step of the way to deliver the baby.

HOWEVER... joke was on him!! When I delivered the placenta he wasn't expected it and FREAKED thinking I was dying! I said 'that's what you get for not wanting the details!'

 

[Yersinia]

HOWEVER... joke was on him!! When I delivered the placenta he wasn't expected it and FREAKED thinking I was dying! I said 'that's what you get for not wanting the details!'

hahaha Maybe it would be good to get a little prior education after all? ;-) I like the story.
Yes, I do not like pushing my husband to do anything. I wish he did it on his own, without me even mentioning this. He did go to my prenatal and was very patient and interested in asking questions and getting information.

 

[JackiePed]

I just realized, especially after the fact, that alot of infant care and even delivery, believe it or not, comes naturally once it's time to do it. I remember seeing him expertly change my newborn's diaper and asking him, "are you sure you don't have a secret second wife and kids somewhere that I don't know about...?" because it came so naturally to him.

Even now, we are on our 3rd and this is the first one we actually PLANNED, and he is still very bored by pregnancy. He's good to me, sympathetic when I feel sick, makes sure I'm taken care of....but quite bored by the details. Only ever came to one prenatal appointment and that was our very first one (where he discovered that not much is said and there's little point in him being there), and he goes to the ceremonial 20-week ultrasound. But beyond that... he just waits till it's time to get his hands dirty in the delivery room and then he's all in from there!

I think alot of men are like that, so don't worry that this indicates that he'll be less than supportive or helpful as a daddy. Now, if you are sure you want to take a class, and you don't want to go alone, that's a whole different story, and I would certainly explain to him how much it means to have a partner there.

But... consider whether or not you even need to do the class, if it's a matter of doing the class or fighting. If you, ultimately, feel like it's something you need.. he should do it. But if you just sort of feel like, "Well, it's what people do..." consider not bothering... I and quite a few of my friends have been just fine without a class.