There are times that infertility seems like an impossible hurdle--even for an omnipotent God. Sarah's story is an amazing testament to God's healing power and His ability to do anything. We boldly proclaim that nothing is impossible for our great God. Sarah and Bobby McCoy's family is living proof. Thank you, my sweet friend, for sharing your infertility story. Thank you for encouraging those still traveling the road of infertility, secondary infertility and even those staring down other medical impossibilities.
Our lives changed completely with my fiancees car accident in January 1999. A man ran a red light and struck Bobby in the drivers side door. The roof of the car collapsed on Bobbys head and the end result was quadriplegia. Bobby was in graduate school at the time, preparing to be a pastor. After months of therapy we were able to keep our wedding date of June 1999. The big question that loomed before us was would we ever have children. After 7 years of marriage and the help of a fertility specialist we finally conceived and we were thrilled. We named our daughter Grace because of Gods gracious gift to us. Our infertility journey was long, but every tear and every heartache was erased when we held her in our arms. Two years later God blessed us with a baby boy and we were delighted. Before Bobbys accident it had always been our dream to have three children and so when Daniel was two we started trying to have another child. I took it for granted that this pregnancy would come easily, especially with the usual medical interventions that we had used before. However, things did not go according to my plan. I began to feel that God was purposely sabotaging our attempts to get pregnant. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. Six failed IUIs, a rapidly worsening sperm count that finally went down to nothing, having to be removed from Clomid because of a terrible side effect
. The list goes on. Deep down I wasnt mad at the doctor, I didnt blame the meds, I was just angry with God for not giving me what I wanted. All my friends were getting pregnant with ease and one of my closest friends actually got pregnant by accident. I hated hearing people talk about how easy it was to get pregnant and I wondered why God was making it so hard for us. Inwardly I was becoming bitter and I knew I needed support and encouragement that was Biblical. That is how I found Sarahs Laughter. I decided to do the Bible study on infertility and each chapter helped me to work through yet another aspect of infertility that was tearing me apart: jealousy, anger, tears, bitterness. I avoided the last chapter because it was called Laying it all Down. I knew what that meant and there was no way I was ready to do it, but I finally worked through the last chapter thinking that then God would miraculously give me what I wanted. It didnt work that way. Finally we reached a point where we couldnt spend any more money on infertility. My husbands accessible van is 10 years old and we knew that we needed to be saving towards a new one. I concluded that I would have to let my dream of having another child die. I decided that God wanted us to just have two children.
I continued to lead a support group at our church for pregnant women and moms of babies and it was extremely hard to hear them talk about what I most wanted. As a pastors wife it wasnt an option to skip a baby shower and I went to lots of them. I struggled with bitterness when I attended a shower for an unwed teenage mother. I also had a big brother shirt that I had bought for my son back when started trying to get pregnant again and it hung in the closet unworn. It was a reminder of what would never be. I knew I should just give the shirt away, but I would have rather died than give it to a pregnant friend. I tried to move on and I prayed that God would just help me to be content. I even talked to my children who had been praying for a baby for over a year and explained that sometimes God says no and we felt like this was a no. My daughter (who is 5) continued to pray at every single meal and at bedtime that God would give us a baby. I felt sorry for her because I just knew that God wasnt going to be answering that prayer.
I was wallowing in my bitterness when everything changed on April 26, 2012 and not for the better. I was sitting at the table with my kids at breakfast and I took a deep breath. Suddenly my entire back was filled with excruciating pain. Over the next several days we tried to figure out what was wrong as the pain worsened. After a CAT scan, two MRIs, a myleogram and a spinal tap they determined that I had sustained a spontaneous tear in my spinal column. All the spinal fluid was leaking out and it was causing my brain to sag in to my spinal cavity. The pain was the worst I have ever experienced. While the doctors tried to figure out the best way to treat me I was ordered to lay on my back and do nothing else. The pain kept me awake at night and lack of sleep made me emotional and hopeless. Worst of all I couldnt take care of my children or play with them. I normally do all of my husbands medical care and I could do none of it. I could do nothing but lay in bed and read. I couldnt understand why God would do this to me. I even commented to my husband I would never put one of my children through this! Im a child of God, why is He putting me through so much pain? That same day I had downloaded a free Kindle book called Hope Being Gone. The title resonated with me and God began to speak to me through my pain and He used a quote from the book to impact my heart. Our earthly father values our comfort; our heavenly Father values faith. Our earthly father values happiness; our heavenly Father values holiness. Our earthly father values the blessings of time; our heavenly Father values the blessings of eternity. That is why Paul wrote, I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us (Romans 8:18).
God used the spinal fluid leak to bring me to my knees, to humble me. Yes, He had to hurt me to bring me to a place where I would really listen to Him and finally, truly lay it all down. Before my focus was on not being able to have another baby, but God used this trial to show me how much I had to be thankful for. Every day that I woke up pain free was a blessing. A good nights sleep was something I no longer took for granted. The things I had complained about before (endless laundry, messes to clean up) I now viewed as a special privilege. For over a month I was unable to take care of my children and I realized how I had neglected to appreciate the wonderful gifts God had given me. I was so focused on what I didnt have. At that point my heart was truly surrendered to Gods will for our family size. I took all the baby stuff I had been saving and took it out to the garage to sell it. I decided to give the big brother shirt to my friend who had gotten pregnant by accident. That was when I knew I had really laid it all down. As we moved on with our lives, my daughter continued to pray for a baby. As I listened to her prayers of faith I was convicted of my own lack of faith, but just continued to rest in Gods plan for our family of 4. Two months after my spinal fluid leak we found out that I was pregnant! It truly was a miracle orchestrated by God. There was no medical intervention; I was not taking any fertility drugs. What an amazing thing to tell our daughter how God had answered her prayers. Her response was Praise the Lord! God has given us a baby! Now there is not a day that goes by that she doesnt pray and thank God for giving our family a baby. Baby Andrew made his grand arrival on March 15, 2013. I so look forward to the day when I can tell him the story of how God worked His perfect plan to bring him into our family and how God used infertility to teach his mommy a lot more about God and His ways.
During this infertility journey God has used several Christian song lyrics with great spiritual depth that helped me to keep my eyes on Jesus. I memorized the words and God would bring them to my mind when I most needed the encouragement. I want to conclude with a verse from a song that has meant much to me. You can listen to the entire song at this link.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FntU4p50t8g
To the Praise of His Glorious Grace
Providentially ruling all things
To conform to the end He designed,
He mysteriously governs and brings
His eternal, wise plans into time.
He works out every step, every trace,
To the praise of His glorious grace.
May this story of my infertility journey bring praise to His glorious grace!
I'm needing some extra prayer, feeling a little down.
