Christian ladies TTC, we can encourage one another.

[beckysprayer]

Hi ladies. I haven't been on in a while so apologies for that but I hope you're all well and am sending hugs and prayers to those in need.

Just a little update..

Nearing the end of my 3rd round of Clomid and having gotten 2 bfn's today, I have been researching adoption.

I have done the same as Wristwatch and been reading Jennifer Saake's book although I admit I actually did not agree with some of what she had written but each to their own. However, one particular chapter hit me a little harder than the rest. Jennifer was talking about how being a mother isn't just biological but it has many meanings, including being a spiritual mother. This touched with me because my husband and I are the youth leaders at our church and we have been running this ministry for just over a year. I felt led to get involved because I wanted to be a positive influence with the younger ones and having had some not very nice experiences in my past when I was their age, I wanted to be a role model and show them that God can do anything in anyone's life no matter of their circumstances or background etc. Yet reading the chapter in Jennifer's book, I wondered whether my heart for the youth had a deeper motive. I wondered whether God (obviously) knew I would struggle to get pregnant and wanted to fulfill my maternal instincts in another way. I've been praying and praying for God to allow me to be a mother, not realising that I already was. Just not biological.

While I was thinking of all of this, my husband dropped a bombshell that he wanted us to look into adoption if our 3rd round of Clomid doesn't bring a BFP. We know we still have 3 more rounds yet and of course more options after Clomid (though I don't know what they are, possibly IVF and I'm not sure how I feel about it) but knowing that adoption is a lengthy process, we want to at least get information and get our names down in the meantime, just in case.

This morning I was reading about the process, the questions asked by social workers about mine and my husband's ability to care for a child in adoption (way too lengthy to explain fully) but as I read through, I felt in my heart that everything in every single question on each page, I could answer with confidence and experience because of the youth ministry and the kids we encounter etc plus the children in my family that are disabled etc... It all seemed to fit in so well and I felt like God has been equipping me and my husband to adopt.

I continued reading, crying along the way because I am overwhelmed at what I feel I have uncovered. I can't put my finger on it but I feel in my spirit that there's something connecting everything together and I just can't think what it is exactly. I need to commit this to the Lord and trust that He will guide us. If I am wrong and adoption isn't for us, He will close that door.

I am feeling a mixed bag of emotions right now because it's opened up questions to me... Would I ever be able to experience the joy of seeing a positive pregnancy test? Does this all mean I'm not meant to be a biological mother? To never experience my baby's movements inside my womb? To be able to give birth to my child? To hear the doctor tell us it's a girl or a boy? Or am I meant to be a spiritual mother? To mother someone else's child who needs an outpouring of maternal love that they've never had?

Of course I could be over analysing the whole thing and blowing it way out of proportion and actually adoption may be way off of God's plans for us but I can't shake off that feeling that Jennifer's words gave me.

I should be grateful and joyful to be a spiritual mother. But I feel sad that if that IS what I'm meant to be... I'll never experience those wonderful things that only a biological mother can. But God's will is higher than mine and better than mine and I just have to trust Him.

Sorry to have rambled on, but it's been helpful to write it all down. Please pray for me ladies, I really need God's guidance right now.

Also, before I forget.. I also had a dream last night that I had a beautiful little girl who must have been a few months old. Her hair was red (my husband and I both have dark hair) and she had big beautiful eyes. She was our adopted child. In my dream, I was holding her, she was smiling and cooing. My husband and my parents were all there too, smiling at her, playing with her. And I remember in my dream I said to my mother that I loved her (the child) and was happy that I had her, but sad that I never experienced giving birth to her or hearing the doctor tell my husband it was a girl. But I was filled with joy that I finally had a child that was my own. I also remember telling my Dad I had thought of changing her name and in my dream he told me not to because her name was already given to her.

Weird but I can't help but feel it all means something.

So please pray for me ladies. Sorry to have rambled on.

Praying for you! Maybe God is holding off on a biological child because someone else had your first born for you. The dream with the little redheaded girl is so sweet.

 

[beckysprayer]

Thanks for the prayers , unfortunately it is bad news. No heartbeat and judging by the development of the baby, the heart stopped beating just a day or two ago. I'm now praying for a natural miscarriage because I really do not want to have a D&C.

I'm heartbroken, but I know God has other plans for us.

I totally just stalked you on here to find out the final out come and I am heart broken for you. Just remeber that God cries with you when you grieve. Crawl up in his lap and cry, then let him wipe away your tears. You are so right he does have a plan for you. Try to think of it like this, God was short angels in heaven that day and required a new one.

Father, hold my sister Becky as she cries with grief. Hear her cries and fill her with an over whelming feeling of your presence and your tender love. As she leans not on her own understanding, help to know that the secret things are yours God. May her heart rest today in peace. Love her and comfort her in this time. In the matchless name of your son Jesus Christ, Amen!

Thank you so much! I must have forgotten to go back and update in the other thread. God has been good though and I am feeling peace with this. Well, as much peace as you can in the given situation. I know I will get to meet my little one some day up and it will make going to heaven just that much sweeter.

 

[xxx_faithful]

Thanks for the prayers , unfortunately it is bad news. No heartbeat and judging by the development of the baby, the heart stopped beating just a day or two ago. I'm now praying for a natural miscarriage because I really do not want to have a D&C.

I'm heartbroken, but I know God has other plans for us.

beckysprayer i am so so so sorry for you sweetie. Will this be your first m/c? my heart breaks for you. You are in a good place being in this forum. May you find strength during this time. I also pray for your hubby aswell, that you both will comfort in eachother.
Sending you my love and uttermost apologies.
xxx

 

[stevens2010]

Thank you Becky. Lifting you up in prayer to God at this time. I'm so sorry for your mc.

 

[PrincessBree]

Hi ladies. I haven't been on in a while so apologies for that but I hope you're all well and am sending hugs and prayers to those in need.

Just a little update..

Nearing the end of my 3rd round of Clomid and having gotten 2 bfn's today, I have been researching adoption.

I have done the same as Wristwatch and been reading Jennifer Saake's book although I admit I actually did not agree with some of what she had written but each to their own. However, one particular chapter hit me a little harder than the rest. Jennifer was talking about how being a mother isn't just biological but it has many meanings, including being a spiritual mother. This touched with me because my husband and I are the youth leaders at our church and we have been running this ministry for just over a year. I felt led to get involved because I wanted to be a positive influence with the younger ones and having had some not very nice experiences in my past when I was their age, I wanted to be a role model and show them that God can do anything in anyone's life no matter of their circumstances or background etc. Yet reading the chapter in Jennifer's book, I wondered whether my heart for the youth had a deeper motive. I wondered whether God (obviously) knew I would struggle to get pregnant and wanted to fulfill my maternal instincts in another way. I've been praying and praying for God to allow me to be a mother, not realising that I already was. Just not biological.

While I was thinking of all of this, my husband dropped a bombshell that he wanted us to look into adoption if our 3rd round of Clomid doesn't bring a BFP. We know we still have 3 more rounds yet and of course more options after Clomid (though I don't know what they are, possibly IVF and I'm not sure how I feel about it) but knowing that adoption is a lengthy process, we want to at least get information and get our names down in the meantime, just in case.

This morning I was reading about the process, the questions asked by social workers about mine and my husband's ability to care for a child in adoption (way too lengthy to explain fully) but as I read through, I felt in my heart that everything in every single question on each page, I could answer with confidence and experience because of the youth ministry and the kids we encounter etc plus the children in my family that are disabled etc... It all seemed to fit in so well and I felt like God has been equipping me and my husband to adopt.

I continued reading, crying along the way because I am overwhelmed at what I feel I have uncovered. I can't put my finger on it but I feel in my spirit that there's something connecting everything together and I just can't think what it is exactly. I need to commit this to the Lord and trust that He will guide us. If I am wrong and adoption isn't for us, He will close that door.

I am feeling a mixed bag of emotions right now because it's opened up questions to me... Would I ever be able to experience the joy of seeing a positive pregnancy test? Does this all mean I'm not meant to be a biological mother? To never experience my baby's movements inside my womb? To be able to give birth to my child? To hear the doctor tell us it's a girl or a boy? Or am I meant to be a spiritual mother? To mother someone else's child who needs an outpouring of maternal love that they've never had?

Of course I could be over analysing the whole thing and blowing it way out of proportion and actually adoption may be way off of God's plans for us but I can't shake off that feeling that Jennifer's words gave me.

I should be grateful and joyful to be a spiritual mother. But I feel sad that if that IS what I'm meant to be... I'll never experience those wonderful things that only a biological mother can. But God's will is higher than mine and better than mine and I just have to trust Him.

Sorry to have rambled on, but it's been helpful to write it all down. Please pray for me ladies, I really need God's guidance right now.

Also, before I forget.. I also had a dream last night that I had a beautiful little girl who must have been a few months old. Her hair was red (my husband and I both have dark hair) and she had big beautiful eyes. She was our adopted child. In my dream, I was holding her, she was smiling and cooing. My husband and my parents were all there too, smiling at her, playing with her. And I remember in my dream I said to my mother that I loved her (the child) and was happy that I had her, but sad that I never experienced giving birth to her or hearing the doctor tell my husband it was a girl. But I was filled with joy that I finally had a child that was my own. I also remember telling my Dad I had thought of changing her name and in my dream he told me not to because her name was already given to her.

Weird but I can't help but feel it all means something.

So please pray for me ladies. Sorry to have rambled on.

Hey hun thank you for posting this it really spoke to me in some ways

I often have dreams of having babies that are not mine for example dh and I are black I'd have dreams of actually having babies that were Chinese white or some other culture I even remember one dream in particular I was given a baby to adopt and I don't know if the birth mom changed her kind but I had to give the baby back.i remember crying so much and could feel such pain at having to give baby back because I had grown to love baby as though he were my very own.

Dh and i are godparents to 5 children between us and we know that there is some kind of spiritual connection between us and babies-I guess since being on this journey we have come to accept that if that means IUI iVF adoption or natural then so be it the Lord have His way.Sometimes the Lords plan for us can seem so bizarre lool it can be a plan we would of never chosen but He will never give you a child that He thought you wouldn't love.Maybe you and dh are candidates because of your huge hearts of love and acceptance for others maybe He has been spending all of this time cultivating your heart and preparing you both?

Who knows I just know that from what you have said either way He decides for you and dh you will both make wonderful loving parents and I'm excited to hear of how it works out for you both xx

 

[Godsjewel]

Then Eli said to her, "How long will you make yourself drunk? Put away your wine from you."
1 Samuel 1:14

In the temple where Hannah prayed, there was a priest named Eli. As Hannah wept in the temple the priest stood on the sidelines watching her. By this time, Hannah had been making her petitions known to God for so long and with so much passion that she had no voice left to be heard. Not even a whisper. Her cries were silent to man, but as thunderous as a mighty river to Heaven. Eli watched her for a while and began to create his own opinion about her. She must be drunk! Why else would she stagger into the temple and fall in the floor? Why else would her tears reduce her to nothing more than a pitiful mound of humanity? Misunderstanding. He went so far as to scold her and tell her to put her wine away.

Can you imagine the hurt? Someone who should have been compassionate, or at least not caring one way or the other, makes a horrible blunder and hurts you further. Not quite so unbelievable when you think of it. “Stop drinking Hannah!” Much like “Stop stressing and relax! It’ll happen.” “I’m sorry you miscarried, but at least...!” Sound familiar? For those who have never experienced infertility, misunderstandings are common. Not intentional, but too frequent. But like Hannah, when we are misunderstood we are forced to the place where we must defend the intensity of our desire to have children.

Hannah explained to Eli that she was not drunk but oppressed in spirit, deeply troubled and had poured out her soul before the Lord. She asked him not to consider her worthless. She must’ve had reason to feel this way. Perhaps the way he approached her or spoke to her. Maybe their culture. Although the times are different our hearts are not. “We’re just a couple, not a family.”

I think it is as important to notice what is missing from Scripture as it is to see what is there. Look where we see God’s anger. Did you miss it? Look again. That’s right. It’s not there. What about God’s disappointment in Hannah for her tears, her despondency? It was Eli who looked down on her as a drunk. God did not. You are no less worthy, no less precious or dear to God because you are barren. You are His child and you have infinite worth in God’s economy. We often feel that nothing will be right until we have a child because we are simply not complete. God says differently. We are complete in Him. Our worth was made perfect in Christ’s sacrifice on Calvary .

God understands.

 

[beckysprayer]

Thanks for the prayers , unfortunately it is bad news. No heartbeat and judging by the development of the baby, the heart stopped beating just a day or two ago. I'm now praying for a natural miscarriage because I really do not want to have a D&C.

I'm heartbroken, but I know God has other plans for us.

beckysprayer i am so so so sorry for you sweetie. Will this be your first m/c? my heart breaks for you. You are in a good place being in this forum. May you find strength during this time. I also pray for your hubby aswell, that you both will comfort in eachother.
Sending you my love and uttermost apologies.
xxx

Thank you Yes this is my first. First pregnancy and first loss.

I'm now just trying to decide if I want to wait it out or have a D&C. I don't want surgery, but I don't want to be waiting for weeks and weeks for it to happen naturally. Ideal would be if it happened naturally this weekend (Ugh! Hate even having to think about this stuff!).

 

[BRK06]

Hi ladies. I haven't been on in a while so apologies for that but I hope you're all well and am sending hugs and prayers to those in need.

Just a little update..

Nearing the end of my 3rd round of Clomid and having gotten 2 bfn's today, I have been researching adoption.

I have done the same as Wristwatch and been reading Jennifer Saake's book although I admit I actually did not agree with some of what she had written but each to their own. However, one particular chapter hit me a little harder than the rest. Jennifer was talking about how being a mother isn't just biological but it has many meanings, including being a spiritual mother. This touched with me because my husband and I are the youth leaders at our church and we have been running this ministry for just over a year. I felt led to get involved because I wanted to be a positive influence with the younger ones and having had some not very nice experiences in my past when I was their age, I wanted to be a role model and show them that God can do anything in anyone's life no matter of their circumstances or background etc. Yet reading the chapter in Jennifer's book, I wondered whether my heart for the youth had a deeper motive. I wondered whether God (obviously) knew I would struggle to get pregnant and wanted to fulfill my maternal instincts in another way. I've been praying and praying for God to allow me to be a mother, not realising that I already was. Just not biological.

While I was thinking of all of this, my husband dropped a bombshell that he wanted us to look into adoption if our 3rd round of Clomid doesn't bring a BFP. We know we still have 3 more rounds yet and of course more options after Clomid (though I don't know what they are, possibly IVF and I'm not sure how I feel about it) but knowing that adoption is a lengthy process, we want to at least get information and get our names down in the meantime, just in case.

This morning I was reading about the process, the questions asked by social workers about mine and my husband's ability to care for a child in adoption (way too lengthy to explain fully) but as I read through, I felt in my heart that everything in every single question on each page, I could answer with confidence and experience because of the youth ministry and the kids we encounter etc plus the children in my family that are disabled etc... It all seemed to fit in so well and I felt like God has been equipping me and my husband to adopt.

I continued reading, crying along the way because I am overwhelmed at what I feel I have uncovered. I can't put my finger on it but I feel in my spirit that there's something connecting everything together and I just can't think what it is exactly. I need to commit this to the Lord and trust that He will guide us. If I am wrong and adoption isn't for us, He will close that door.

I am feeling a mixed bag of emotions right now because it's opened up questions to me... Would I ever be able to experience the joy of seeing a positive pregnancy test? Does this all mean I'm not meant to be a biological mother? To never experience my baby's movements inside my womb? To be able to give birth to my child? To hear the doctor tell us it's a girl or a boy? Or am I meant to be a spiritual mother? To mother someone else's child who needs an outpouring of maternal love that they've never had?

Of course I could be over analysing the whole thing and blowing it way out of proportion and actually adoption may be way off of God's plans for us but I can't shake off that feeling that Jennifer's words gave me.

I should be grateful and joyful to be a spiritual mother. But I feel sad that if that IS what I'm meant to be... I'll never experience those wonderful things that only a biological mother can. But God's will is higher than mine and better than mine and I just have to trust Him.

Sorry to have rambled on, but it's been helpful to write it all down. Please pray for me ladies, I really need God's guidance right now.

Also, before I forget.. I also had a dream last night that I had a beautiful little girl who must have been a few months old. Her hair was red (my husband and I both have dark hair) and she had big beautiful eyes. She was our adopted child. In my dream, I was holding her, she was smiling and cooing. My husband and my parents were all there too, smiling at her, playing with her. And I remember in my dream I said to my mother that I loved her (the child) and was happy that I had her, but sad that I never experienced giving birth to her or hearing the doctor tell my husband it was a girl. But I was filled with joy that I finally had a child that was my own. I also remember telling my Dad I had thought of changing her name and in my dream he told me not to because her name was already given to her.

Weird but I can't help but feel it all means something.

So please pray for me ladies. Sorry to have rambled on.

Praying for you!!! I think it's awesome you're considering this. Keep us updated!

 

[BRK06]

Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much


But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart (x2)

I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan


And I will run to You
You're my refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are

You steady my heart (x2)

 

[stevens2010]

Thank you Bree and BRK06. I have just today received an information pack about adoption from our local authority service. It's just information but it feels scary. We've decided to obviously finish the Clomid, see where God takes us with it and also what (if any or needed) treatment would follow if we don't fall pregnant whilst using Clomid.

My husband and I have also decided to wait til next week to really sit and talk things through, where our limits are with treatment and whether we'd consider the adoption route first. We have a wedding this weekend and DH is best man so we want to get this weekend out of the way before getting into any deep conversations regarding TTC. Plus, DH doesn't want us to use adoption as a "quick fix" and he doesn't want it to be a sign of weakened faith (I have been struggling recently which he knows) so obviously there's some kinks to work out before anything goes ahead. I've read that agencies prefer candidates to have waited 6-12 months from finishing treatment before applying for adoption. We have 3 months left with Clomid which means we'd be waiting at least a year from now.

We have a lot of thinking to do and a lot of praying to do. I don't want to get involved in anything God doesn't have planned for me.

 

[Godsjewel]

Thank you Bree and BRK06. I have just today received an information pack about adoption from our local authority service. It's just information but it feels scary. We've decided to obviously finish the Clomid, see where God takes us with it and also what (if any or needed) treatment would follow if we don't fall pregnant whilst using Clomid.

My husband and I have also decided to wait til next week to really sit and talk things through, where our limits are with treatment and whether we'd consider the adoption route first. We have a wedding this weekend and DH is best man so we want to get this weekend out of the way before getting into any deep conversations regarding TTC. Plus, DH doesn't want us to use adoption as a "quick fix" and he doesn't want it to be a sign of weakened faith (I have been struggling recently which he knows) so obviously there's some kinks to work out before anything goes ahead. I've read that agencies prefer candidates to have waited 6-12 months from finishing treatment before applying for adoption. We have 3 months left with Clomid which means we'd be waiting at least a year from now.

We have a lot of thinking to do and a lot of praying to do. I don't want to get involved in anything God doesn't have planned for me.

Praying for the Lord's guidance in your life and that you will have an abundance of peace in whatever you feel you are led to do

 

[stevens2010]

Thank you, your prayers are deeply appreciated.

 

[wristwatch24]

Praying for all of you lovely ladies today!

 

[Heather11]

Hello lovely ladies. It has been quite awhile since I have posted here. This trying to conceive journey has been a roller coaster for me and at time I feel I need to step away as to not drive myself too crazy. I continue to struggle with finding peace and believe that God will bless me with a child at the right time. I have had a couple of friends tell me the last week or two that they are pregnant or pregnant again and I am trying to be the best friend possible and be happy for them, but it has been hard. I hate wanting this so much!!

Anyway the rest of life is going well. I am working hard to lose some weight and focusing on my new promotion at work!

How is everything with all of you?! I hope that everybody is doing wonderfully and I hope to be around more often!

 

[xxx_faithful]

Thanks for all of the prayers everyone! We didn't tell anyone yet so it's nice to be able to come to all of you for support. You really are such a great help, just knowing there are people here praying for me.

I'm so thankful the God we serve is a loving, forgiving God. While pouring my heart out in grief to Him I have said some not-so-nice things, but I know He isn't angry at me for thinking those things and is instead grieving with me. How truly wonderful is that? I can only hope I am even a smidgen as loving and forgiving of those I encounter around me.

Mountains may be beautiful, but the valleys are where growth occurs. You have to come down to the valley every now and again in order to see the beautiful roses that are capable of growing.

You are truely brave. Thankyou for sharing your strength through your sorrow. When we are unable to supply strength thats when God can do what he does best. Love and care for us, and take on our grief for us.
Just remember Im thinking of you during this time, it wasnt that long ago i was in your place.
B x

 

[xxx_faithful]

Thanks for the prayers , unfortunately it is bad news. No heartbeat and judging by the development of the baby, the heart stopped beating just a day or two ago. I'm now praying for a natural miscarriage because I really do not want to have a D&C.

I'm heartbroken, but I know God has other plans for us.

I'm so sorry Sis We're all here for you You're in my thoughts and prayers. I don't know why God takes our little ones so soon sometimes, but I trust He will help us understand someday when we see them again.

I saw this posted awhile ago, and it made me cry thinking of my own angel, but I thought it was really sweet


I`m just a precious little one
who didn`t make it there.
I went straight to be with Jesus,
but I`m waiting for you here.
Many dwelling here where I live,
waited years to enter in.
Struggled through a world of sorrow,
a world marred with pain and sin.
Thank you for the life you gave me,
it was brief but don`t complain.
I have all Heaven`s Glory,
suffered none of earth`s great pain.
Thank you for the name you gave me.
I`d have loved to bring it fame.
But if I`d lingered in earth`s shadows,
I would have suffered just the same.
So sweet family-don`t you sorrow.
Wipe those tears and chase the gloom.
I went straight to Jesus` arms
from my loving Mother`s womb.
~Author Unknown

Thankyou for sharing, this one is going in my letter box! xxxx

 

[Godsjewel]

Not in the mood to watch tv, so I decided to look through Amazon.com and find some free kindle book downloads. I came across one that was .99 and it's called, "Waiting on God" by Cherie Hill. I'm so glad I got it, I have started reading it and already feel good about my waiting time

 

[MummyWant2be]

i just wanted to update you all that i lost my beanie at only 5weeks i'm still so sad and i have prayed about it, and want to start trying again... please pray for me so that god leads me in the right path...

 

[PrincessBree]

i just wanted to update you all that i lost my beanie at only 5weeks i'm still so sad and i have prayed about it, and want to start trying again... please pray for me so that god leads me in the right path...

O darling I am so sorry that this has happened.You are in our prayers.God is with you and comforting you right now,and your sweet angel is with Him.I know its hard,but we are all here for you xx

 

[MummyWant2be]

Thanks Sis- really appreciate it sorry for your loss aswell