Christine shares her story of infertility and adoption with compassion and truth. I know your heart will be blessed.
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Do you remember your favorite toy growing up? I had many favorites in my toy chest, but if I had to pick just one, it would be my very first Cabbage Patch Kid.
My mom fondly remembers how she found this treasured toy. She had been trying for weeks to find a Cabbage Patch Kid for methey were sold out everywhere. Finally in desperation, she entered a drawing at K-Mart to try to win a Cabbage Patch Kid. This was her last hope. She had to be present to win, so my mom stayed in the store for hours just waiting.
The time finally came when they announced the winner of the Cabbage Patch Kidand she couldnt believe her ears when they called her number. My mom said that as she held this treasured prize in her hands she felt like she had won a million dollars in the lottery. And as soon as she arrived home, she told me the good newsand I squealed with delight. I had wanted a Cabbage Patch Kid for so longand I was beyond giddy as I proudly held my new baby doll in my arms. His name was Xavier and I still remember the night I adopted him and became his mommy. Back then I had no idea that my real life journey to motherhood would follow a very similar path.
Now well fast forward to another time in my lifemy college years. I didnt play with dolls anymore, but deep down inside, I still felt like a little girl wanting to play house and hoping one day soon to become a wife and a mom. I would never admit it to anyone, but while I was earning my B.A. degree and later working on my M.Ed.secretly, all I really desired was to earn my Mrs.. I wanted to graduate college, get married and begin my dream job as a stay-at-home mom.
Well, my first dream came true rather quicklyand I actually got married before I finished college. I was tickled pink that my married name was printed on my Bachelors degree. Everything felt absolutely perfectit was like when I played with my Barbie dolls as a little girl. And like my beloved Barbie doll, I had married my Kenand now I was ready buy my first Barbie mansion, park my Barbie Corvette in the garage, and become a Barbie Mom. But as you can probably guess, I did not have the picture-perfect Barbie doll life.
In fact, my rose colored view of the world quickly changed to dark gray the day we received our infertility diagnosis. Nothing could have prepared my husband and me for the following years. The next five years of our infertility battle were intense mentally, physically, financially and spiritually. Our marriage, relationships with our family and friends and most of all our faith was severely strained.
My husband and I were both Christians. We had been baptized, we read our Bible, we attended church on Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings, we were in a home fellowship, we attended Bible study and we prayedbut as the years dragged on, we honestly both started to doubt the promises of Gods Word.
The real root of our problem was that we were being religious hypocrites like the Pharisees in Matthew 15. We were drawing near to God with our mouths, honoring Him with our lips but our hearts were far from Him and our worship was in vain (Matthew 15:7-9). And very similar to Jesus parable about the Pharisees being blind leaders of the blind (Matthew 15:14), in our own home, my husband and I were like the blind leading the blind and before long we found ourselves in a ditch. We needed the spiritual blindness of our hearts to be healed.
After years of battling in the dark and dirty trenches of infertility we were losing hope that we would ever become parentsand even worse, the flame of our faith was slowly being extinguished. We were living in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water (Psalm 63:1). Like the Psalmist writes, our flesh and our heart were failing us. We finally cried out to God in desperation and said, We don't understand how infertility can be your good and perfect plan for our life. It doesn't make any sense to us, but we are going to choose to fix our eyes on Jesus and trust the promises of Gods Word.
God answered our prayers and pulled us out of the pit of despair and He became the strength of [our] heart and [our] portion forever (Psalm 73:26) and we again found a renewed hope and faith in Him. The worship song called, Open the Eyes of My Heart became our daily battle cryand we constantly prayed the lyrics of the song, I want to see You. To see You high and lifted up. Shining in the light of Your glory. Pour out Your power and love. As we sing Holy, Holy, Holy.
Through this season of suffering and sorrow, God had been preparing the soil of our hearts, so He could grow the seeds of His good and perfect will in our lives. Although my womb was still barren and tears and the throbbing pain of infertility was still a constant companionlittle by little, we began to praise God through the painand faithful to His Word the eyes of our heart were opened and we could begin to see that God still had a plan and a purpose for us.
We had not yet opened our hearts to the possibility of becoming parents though adoption. However, the first little seedlings of Gods will started to take root in our hearts after we attended an Infertility/Adoption Conferenceand as we continued to fix our eyes on Jesus and we remained the bright light of Gods Word, He just kept cultivating our hearts desires until they began to form roots, stems and leaves. God, the Faithful Farmer of our lives, had taken the tiny seeds of adoption, buried them deep into the dark, damp soil of our hearts; He had watered them and nourished them with the light of His Word. God led us step-by-step through a beautiful garden pathway and straight through the gate of adoption.
And I cant help but smile, when I think back to that night as a child when my beloved Cabbage Patch Kid was delivered to me straight from a cabbage patch garden. It would be decades later, at 5:42 p.m. one evening, that my newborn son would be delivered and placed into my arms. On this night, my husband and I (together with all of our family and friends) would rejoice in Gods miraculous plan to grow our family through the beautiful gift of adoption.
Today if you feel like you have a black thumb and all the plants in your garden of faith are on the verge of dying, invite the Lord of the harvest (Luke 10:12) to come in and cultivate the soil of your heart. He is able to produce the juiciest fruit in your lifethe fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22,23).
In John 15, Jesus tells us that He is the true vine and we are the branches. Jesus says, He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. (John 15:5). God promises repeatedly in His Word that as you abide in Him you will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." (Jeremiah 17:8).
There is a divine plan and purpose to your season of sorrowand God says that, Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy (Psalm 126:5). What a beautiful promise that your tears are not shed in vainand that in due season, you will harvest in joyous songs as you produce fruit in keeping with repentance (Matthew 3:8).
Each day as you wait for Gods plans and purpose for your life to emerge, I encourage you to tend your spiritual garden by planting scriptures deep within the soil of your heartand before long, you will see the new life and the beauty of Gods promises blossom and flower. My prayer for you is that your faith would become like a mighty tree, your strong branches would stretch higher into the heavens than ever before and your life would bear the sweetest, juiciest fruitfruit that will last (John 15:6).
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledgethat you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:14-21)
This story is dedicated to my beloved mom, Mary, who passed on the torch of Gods Word to me. And, also to my sister, Lindseymy best friend, my sister-in-Christ and fellow infertility survivor. Who would have known that my childhood memories of my first Cabbage Patch Kid and playing Barbie with my sister would turn into a story? Only God knew. God knows
God hears
God sees
God cares!
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).
I can't stop smiling!!!! We serve an awesome God!!!!
Thank you Jesus!!! That is wonderful news my dear 
