Christian ladies TTC, we can encourage one another.

[HisGrace]

Hi ladies. If any of you are struggling with pregnancy envy, here's a beautiful article written about it on Christianity Today. I know all too well about this as I struggled with this too. A little over a year ago I wrote about it on my blog here.

 

[Godsjewel]

Grief is obvious when you consider the loss of a precious baby. It is easy to understand how your heart can be torn into when a doctor delivers the devastating news that your baby has not survived. Most people can at least offer condolences in a situation such as this. However, few people understand the grief that accompanies infertility.

When you try unsuccessfully to conceive a child, your grieving process begins anew every 28 days. You grieve the child that could have been conceived that month. You grieve the loss of celebrations with the baby you would have given birth to, had you gotten pregnant that month. If the grief of primary infertility is misunderstood, how much more is the grief of secondary infertility misunderstood! As with any loss, there is definitely grief with infertility.

So what do we do with this grief? Do we deny it and try to pretend that it doesn’t affect us? Are we weak because we grieve a baby that has never existed? What does God expect us to do with this grief that He is allowing us to go through? Does He care about it? Will He stop it?

Scripture has much to say about grief and actually helps us to define it as a process, rather than a one-time event. Grief is something that we must walk through. There is no way that we can process grief in one day, in one experience. We must walk through the stages of grief and learn every painful lesson she has to teach us. However, God has promised to walk with us through every excruciating step. Lo, I am with you always (Matthew 28:20), Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted (Matthew 5:4), God, who comforts the depressed...(2 Corinthians 7:6).

Whether your grief is from losing a baby you held in your heart so much longer than in your body, or from loving a baby that has yet to be conceived, you can rest assured that God promises that you can survive through His strength. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13) The darkest days of your grief are no match for the strength of the God who loves you enough to offer His Son as a sacrifice for you. He is enough to pull you through the deepest sorrow that grief throws at you. Even if your heart is enveloped in mind-numbing grief over another miscarriage or another failed procedure, the devastation you feel today will not last forever. Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning! (Psalm 30:5)

So walk through valley of grief. Learn the lessons laid out before you. Shed the tears you need to. Lean on the Good Shepherd who promises to never leave you or forsake you. Tell Him how it hurts. Eventually you’ll see that morning is coming and your grief is lessening. You will survive the grief you feel.

-Beth Forbus

 

[xxx_faithful]

Grief is obvious when you consider the loss of a precious baby. It is easy to understand how your heart can be torn into when a doctor delivers the devastating news that your baby has not survived. Most people can at least offer condolences in a situation such as this. However, few people understand the grief that accompanies infertility.

When you try unsuccessfully to conceive a child, your grieving process begins anew every 28 days. You grieve the child that could have been conceived that month. You grieve the loss of celebrations with the baby you would have given birth to, had you gotten pregnant that month. If the grief of primary infertility is misunderstood, how much more is the grief of secondary infertility misunderstood! As with any loss, there is definitely grief with infertility.

So what do we do with this grief? Do we deny it and try to pretend that it doesn’t affect us? Are we weak because we grieve a baby that has never existed? What does God expect us to do with this grief that He is allowing us to go through? Does He care about it? Will He stop it?

Scripture has much to say about grief and actually helps us to define it as a process, rather than a one-time event. Grief is something that we must walk through. There is no way that we can process grief in one day, in one experience. We must walk through the stages of grief and learn every painful lesson she has to teach us. However, God has promised to walk with us through every excruciating step. Lo, I am with you always (Matthew 28:20), Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted (Matthew 5:4), God, who comforts the depressed...(2 Corinthians 7:6).

Whether your grief is from losing a baby you held in your heart so much longer than in your body, or from loving a baby that has yet to be conceived, you can rest assured that God promises that you can survive through His strength. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13) The darkest days of your grief are no match for the strength of the God who loves you enough to offer His Son as a sacrifice for you. He is enough to pull you through the deepest sorrow that grief throws at you. Even if your heart is enveloped in mind-numbing grief over another miscarriage or another failed procedure, the devastation you feel today will not last forever. Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning! (Psalm 30:5)

So walk through valley of grief. Learn the lessons laid out before you. Shed the tears you need to. Lean on the Good Shepherd who promises to never leave you or forsake you. Tell Him how it hurts. Eventually you’ll see that morning is coming and your grief is lessening. You will survive the grief you feel.

-Beth Forbus

Sar beautiful, how did you come across Beth Forbus? She is brilliant! I googled her after reading your latest message from her and stumbled across, https://dancinguponbarrenland.com. She is so practical & resourceful !!!

Thanks for always taking the time to positively affect all the woman on your thread. This is one of your legacy's you will leave behind, that you help raise awareness and spoke when others couldn't. You speak words into life with repetition of God's word. He will honour you for your diligence in him.

XXX

 

[xxx_faithful]

On the same website of Beth Forbus i found this page which i have read once before but want to share again. You ladies might find it useful to share with your mum or sisters, or those close to you that just dont know what to say to help.

For Family & Friends
How to Respond
Recognize infertility exists.
I am sorry that you’re having to go through so much.
What can I do for you?
Teach me about what you are going through so I can better understand.
Never give up. Keep believing.
It is okay to cry.

What to Say
Non-selfish comments.
Voice interest in medical treatments.
I’ll be praying for you and your spouse.
I am here for you.
Keep praying and asking God. He hears you.
Give a scripture.
You’ll be a great mom or dad!
I can’t wait to meet your baby!
Give a call on Mother’s Day/Father’s Day.
In a loving way, remind them of God’s promises.
Don’t say anything, just listen and encourage.

What NOT to Say
When are you going to have children?
Just adopt.
Are you sure you want to try for a child?
Shouldn’t you wait until ‘this’ happens or ‘that’ happens?
Quit trying so hard.
From a medical specialist, “You will never have a baby.”
Give up. Let it go. It will happen.
It is not the end of the world if you don’t have kids!
Just relax.
You’re too old to have a child.
Just stop thinking about it so much, then it will happen.
It will happen when you are least expecting it.
Just go get drunk.
There is more to life than just being a “mom”.
At least you’re an aunt. That’s fun!
Complain about your own children.
Questioning the ability to be a mother.
At least you have a husband.

For Other Family Members
Let up on the questions, “Do you want children?” or “Where are my grandchildren?”
Do not treat the woman/infertile couple differently.
Do not test them on how they will react to other children in the family.
Keep the issue within the family.
Be their biggest cheerleader.
Get educated on fertility treatments and terminology.
Be sensitive that they may not want to share the highs and lows of the journey.
Ask how they feel, not just ask superficial things.
Encourage faith. Pray with them.
Try not to fix the situation.
At family gatherings: Be aware that the couple may not come around as often.
After the initial issue is shared within the family, don’t sweep it under the rug. Silence about the matter can be a killer.

https://dancinguponbarrenland.com/infertility-etiquette-what-to-do/family-response/

 

[xxx_faithful]

Hi ladies. If any of you are struggling with pregnancy envy, here's a beautiful article written about it on Christianity Today. I know all too well about this as I struggled with this too. A little over a year ago I wrote about it on my blog here.

Thankyou so much for sharing HisGrace !!!!! I had to laugh at this comment from the link, this is so true. Some woman's warped sense of problems.

"Infertility," she writes, "unleashes in you terrible jealousy of other women, women who conceive easily, without thought, without drugs, without dozens of days lost to medical intervention. Women whose biggest problems are swollen feet."

Thankyou for reminding us this...

"Christian women are not immune to this. Sarah and Hagar, Rachel and Leah, Hannah and Peninnah, all experienced broken community as a result of baby envy. Modern women, too, find that our insistent cry of "where's mine?" can keep us from delighting in God's goodness to our Christian sisters."

 

[Godsjewel]

Sar beautiful, how did you come across Beth Forbus? She is brilliant! I googled her after reading your latest message from her and stumbled across, https://dancinguponbarrenland.com. She is so practical & resourceful !!!

Thanks for always taking the time to positively affect all the woman on your thread. This is one of your legacy's you will leave behind, that you help raise awareness and spoke when others couldn't. You speak words into life with repetition of God's word. He will honour you for your diligence in him.

XXX

I was like many women, online searching for answers to infertility and I believe I googled "Christians dealing with infertility" and stumbled upon her site. Her ministry has been such an encouragement to me and I just knew it would be for others as well.

 

[Godsjewel]

But Naaman went away angry and said, "I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. 12 Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than any of the waters of Israel? Couldn't I wash in them and be cleansed?" So he turned and went off in a rage.

2 Kings 5:11-12

War hero. Highly respected. Valiant soldier. Disgusting leper.

Naaman was all of these. Life certainly did not turn out the way he had expected. He had fought battles for the king and had won. Townspeople taught their children to be like Naaman--strong and brave. Until the day his skin began peeling off like scales. The laurels denoting the victories of battle would hide the sores only so long before it became painfully apparent that Naaman was a leper. Unclean. Defeated. Diseased.

But there was hope! A prophet of God was found who could call on the Almighty for help. Naaman gathered his chariots and finest horses and in a display worthy of the national hero he was, he made a grand display for Elisha. Surely the prophet would be impressed. It was doubtful that any other leper had ever gone to such lengths to grab his attention. Even the Lord would have to smile.

Imagine Naaman’s surprise when Elisha didn’t even crack the door of his home, sending instead a common servant with a simple message: Go wash in the Jordan River. You’ll be cleansed.

Naaman’s rage was as impressive as his military record. This prophet wouldn’t even come outside? Scripture records his fury. “Naaman went away angry and said, ‘I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy.’...So he turned and went off in a rage.” Elisha’s answer wasn’t what Naaman was expecting. He almost missed his miracle.

Thanks to the level head and bravery of a few good servants, Naaman was reminded that if he had been asked to do something huge, he would have followed Elisha’s directions. Naaman released his pride, did as the prophet told him to do, and he was cured of his horrible disease.

Naaman almost missed his miracle because God, through the prophet Elisha, did not work the way he expected Him to. Naaman expected a huge display of emotion, yelling and arm waving. Instead, he was told to bathe in filthy water. When God’s plan didn’t line up with how Naaman had imagined it, he got mad and stormed off. He was ready to give up on God’s plan because it didn’t make sense. Can you imagine how thankful he was for those friends who convinced him to trust God one more time?

Has God’s plan for your life ever seemed out of line with the dreams you envisioned? How many times have you repeated Naaman’s words “But I thought…” Infertility is never part of the life story we pen for ourselves, but it certainly is part of God’s master plan for so many. When God doesn’t work the way you expect Him to, how do you respond? Are you ready to walk off, give up on Him and miss your miracle? Do you trust Him to do something unexpected and dunk down in filthy waters just because He said to?

Don’t give up on God’s plan for your family. Even if right now His plan seems as murky as the muddy waters of the Jordan River, find some way to trust Him again. Maybe His plan will unfold a little differently than you thought it would, but when it comes to pass, you’ll be so grateful for His divine workings in your life.

Trust God even when His plans don’t make sense. And don’t miss your miracle.

-Beth Forbus

 

[HisGrace]

Hi ladies. I just wanted to drop an encouraging word with you. I didn't share this with most of you, but when my son was born he had some serious complications and the doctors didn't think he would survive and if he did survive they feared it would be with some serious brain damage. God healed him and today he is alive and meeting his milestones.

Today I saw the pediatrician that was with him in the hospital and she was so shocked to see him and "how normal he looks". I just wanted to remind you all that no matter what the doctor's say, God has the final say. If doctors have told you that you won't conceive without significant medical help, don't believe them. Believe what the Word of God says. The Bible says we are like fruitful vines. I refused to speak out loud the doctor's prognosis for my son because I did not want to give those words life. I chose to believe God could heal him, and I encourage you to do the same.

 

[xxx_faithful]

Hi ladies. I just wanted to drop an encouraging word with you. I didn't share this with most of you, but when my son was born he had some serious complications and the doctors didn't think he would survive and if he did survive they feared it would be with some serious brain damage. God healed him and today he is alive and meeting his milestones.

Today I saw the pediatrician that was with him in the hospital and she was so shocked to see him and "how normal he looks". I just wanted to remind you all that no matter what the doctor's say, God has the final say. If doctors have told you that you won't conceive without significant medical help, don't believe them. Believe what the Word of God says. The Bible says we are like fruitful vines. I refused to speak out loud the doctor's prognosis for my son because I did not want to give those words life. I chose to believe God could heal him, and I encourage you to do the same.

"I refused to speak out loud the doctor's prognosis for my son because I did not want to give those words life".


WOW - Amazing. Brilliant. Wonderful.

Thankyou for sharing !!! Amen your son is healed in Jesus name xxx

 

[Godsjewel]

Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:35, 37

Are you feeling alone in your infertility today? Does it seem that no one could possibly comprehend the depth of the sorrow you carry? Family loves you, but they’ve never been there--they don’t quite “get it”. Somehow, that sister or friend bouncing her crying baby on her knee as she implores you to “just relax” just doesn’t quite convey the message that she is in the fight with you. You feel that chasm between you and the fertile world growing a little wider every day.

Friend, be encouraged today that nothing--not even infertility--can separate you from the love of Christ. No experience, no hurt, no sin, no problem is enough to cause Him to look at you as a lost cause and walk away. He refuses to leave you. He wanted you to know this so adamantly, that we find this reassurance all through Scripture--Old Testament and New!

Reread Romans 8:35. Can’t you just hear Paul saying these words? “Who can separate you from the love of Christ? Nothing can separate you! Not life! Not death! Nothing now! Nothing in your future! Nothing can separate you from His love!” What an amazing promise! Imagine if the Scriptures listed above were penned from an infertile woman’s hand. Perhaps they would read like this:

Will infertility separate me from the love of Christ? Will endometriosis or low sperm counts, or the distress I feel when I start another period? Will the hurtful misunderstandings from family and friends? Will baby hunger be enough to separate me from His love? Will the lack I feel when my body doesn’t do what it was designed to do cause Him to give up on me? If my future is uncertain, or if I face more and more medical treatments in my quest to conceive, is that enough to separate me from the love of my Savior?

No! I am convinced that neither miscarriage or even pregnancy, neither angels or demons, neither the daily struggle I face with infertility now or the uncertainty of my future, neither the highs of a good doctor’s report or the lows of another negative pregnancy test, not even seeing another pregnant woman will be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!

Infertility can do a lot of things in your life. It can drain your bank account. It can put a strain on your relationships. It can cause you and your husband to grow closer together than you ever could have dreamed, or it can cause great strife in your home. But it cannot--it will not--separate you from the love that God has for you. Even infertility with all the upheaval it has caused you is not powerful enough to do that. God loves you and promises to never, ever leave you.

You are truly not alone in your battle. Be convinced today that nothing--not even infertility--can separate you from the love of Christ.

-Beth Forbus

 

[Sophie_]

Hey ladies! I still have NO sign of AF! She is due today..I usually have sore boobs and some cramping before she shows but not this month! And I had another super dark positive opk this morning! I really think this is our month!! I took a hpt last night and it was negative...I knew I should have saved it and took it this morning but my dh wouldn't let me wait!! Waiting to get another one today when hubby gets paid...testing w fmu tomorrow!! Praying for our bfp !!

 

[xxx_faithful]

Hey ladies! I still have NO sign of AF! She is due today..I usually have sore boobs and some cramping before she shows but not this month! And I had another super dark positive opk this morning! I really think this is our month!! I took a hpt last night and it was negative...I knew I should have saved it and took it this morning but my dh wouldn't let me wait!! Waiting to get another one today when hubby gets paid...testing w fmu tomorrow!! Praying for our bfp !!

Yay let us know how you go !!!

I tested 3x negatives before getting my BFP 2 weeks later, perhaps yours might show in a few more days

 

[xxx_faithful]

Hi ladies,

I'm on clomid, currently on day 16 (supposedly i meant to have ovulated on day 12-16)

I have been experiencing light ovulation pain for the past 3 days(day 14,15,16), does this mean i have ovulated or going to ovulate soon? Has anyone experienced the same in their cycle?

With all my previous cycles on clomid i've never experienced ovulation pain before? though in saying that my first AF since i've stopped breastfeeding was the most decent AF ive had in years.. Goes to show your body may respond better once it's had a baby and knows what to do.

Thanks in advance x

 

[No Doubt]

Hopefully this is it for you Sophie! Keep us posted.

Faithful the long I was on clomid the worse my af pain. I was overstimming on it and fouoent take it anymore. But now that I've had Virtue I do feel O pain every month. Its mild and tolerable now. Its normal, there is a word for it. The word is German I believe and starts with an M. It stands for middle pain. Some women just get this. Its from the follicle rupturing to release the egg. Sometimes there is a hit of fluid and blood that is releases with it, again totally normal. As long as the pain isn't unbearable or severe I think you're ok.

 

[uwa_amanda]

Hopefully this is it for you Sophie! Keep us posted.

Faithful the long I was on clomid the worse my af pain. I was overstimming on it and fouoent take it anymore. But now that I've had Virtue I do feel O pain every month. Its mild and tolerable now. Its normal, there is a word for it. The word is German I believe and starts with an M. It stands for middle pain. Some women just get this. Its from the follicle rupturing to release the egg. Sometimes there is a hit of fluid and blood that is releases with it, again totally normal. As long as the pain isn't unbearable or severe I think you're ok.

Mittelschmerz is the word you are thinking of. I had to google it to get the spelling correct.

 

[VGibs]

I pray everyone gets their respective news!!! I am a very lucky woman and conceive very easily so it is hard for me to understand the terms people use sometimes. Clomid is the medication that helps you ovulate right? Me and DH are actually considering being surrogate partners for couples who can not conceive because I am able to conceive very easily.

 

[Jett55]

Yes that sounds like O pain faithful I get it sometimes too. Fxxed for you Sophie. Hope all is well with everyone. I'm currently waiting for af to leave and dh and I are both taking fertility blend. Going to see how it works for us they say it can take 3 months before any significant change figured it was worth a try since we've only been trying for 10 months.

 

[xxx_faithful]

Hi Ladies,

Been reading a book called, 'Cold Tangerines' by Shauna Niequist. I found her book and it's short stories very relevant to my life right now. The book goes into say life is full of seasons and moments and to be awake to the beauty that is in daily life. There was a chapter on fasting which made my heart intrigued as I've felt recently convicted to fast in order to prepare a way for areas in my prayer life to be unraveled and unlocked. I wanted to do something drastic for me, and so moving away to the other side of the world while at the same time removing social networking and tv from my life as a way to say to God... "I need you more then ever, show me your ways and awaken my prayers."

"I didn't grow up with a Lenten tradition, but in the last few years, I've started to celebrate it. One part of Lent is the decision to give up something, a practice or a way of living, in an effort to create space, to clean out a path for Gods work in your life."

"What I believed at the outset that I needed from Lent was space and silence, to create a space for Gods voice and presence in my life. And wouldn't you know it, just like he does, God bloomed into my quiet house and into my broken heart and into those forty-odd days like yeast in bread, leavening and changing everything. If I had known that my life would be sliced open so deeply, I would never have chosen the quiet that I committed to. But that's the magic of Lent, I think, that you sign yourself up for something, hoping maybe that God will slide something new into your life with him, and when he does, it's never what you thought, and never what would have been easy, and always just the right thing. What a gift, what graciousness, that silent season."

- Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist


I've always known about fasting from when i was little being in other friends houses having signs on their fridges or on their computers reminding them with verses their promise to God to fast for a period of time. It can be anything that will humble you to draw closer to God, if it doesn't then you aren't taking away enough distraction from your life. I don't know how long i will go without speaking to my friends or not watching tv, reading magazines, or food fasting or whatever else i feel convicted to give up for him… but i do know that i don't want to put a time limit on God to move in my life. And i don't think God wants that either.

"Fasting*is the most powerful*spiritual*discipline of all the Christian disciplines. Throughfasting*and prayer, the Holy Spirit can transform your life."


https://www.cru.org/training-and-growth/devotional-life/personal-guide-to-fasting/index.htm

https://www.holyspiritinteractive.net/features/lent/dev_fasting.asp

https://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/prayerandcounseling/intercession/hickey_prayerfasting06a.aspx

https://www.freedomyou.com/spiritual_fasting_freedomyou.aspx

 

[steph_466]

Vgibs, thats pretty big of you to consider that. I think your an amazing person for this.

 

[xxx_faithful]

I pray everyone gets their respective news!!! I am a very lucky woman and conceive very easily so it is hard for me to understand the terms people use sometimes. Clomid is the medication that helps you ovulate right? Me and DH are actually considering being surrogate partners for couples who can not conceive because I am able to conceive very easily.

Hi VGibs,

Oh thats great you can conceive easily, how many children do you have? and how long did it take to conceive each child?

That is a blessing to be considering being surrogate partners. Let us know how you go with your decision. Yes clomid is medication that assists ovulation, which for some woman is the trick in getting them pregnant.

xxx