Clomid Buddies (moved from TTC board)

[HollyDaisy]

Belle, I completely understand your anger and pain. We're all going through this pain together and in different ways, so we shouldn't compare our situations or judge one another's situations. Trust me, I understand your anger but try not to stress yourself out. It's not healthy for you or your body, you know? I've miscarried two years ago and been TTC since and both miscarriage and now infertility have been devastating so I understand both sides of road. We just need to support one another. We are all on different paths and we are all hurting in one way or another. I'm praying for you and for some GREAT news soon! Baby vibes your way!

 

[Ask4joy]

Unfortunately my DH got the brunt of my lashing out over the last year and a half. I am finally starting to turn a corner with the success so far with IVF. The optimism I’m starting to feel now is making me see just how angry and depressed I was and how physically and mentally unwell I was as a result of it.

 

[BelleNuit]

I do think having some success takes away some of that pain.

Just to be clear I never said mc wasn't devastating. It is. All I've said is that my SIL complaining on Facebook about her difficult two months was upsetting for me because we've been struggling with this for two years. Two difficult months in no way compares. I would so take on two heart wrenching months and give up the slow defeat that is infertility. I've never seen a positive. There has been no relief for me from all of this. There has been nothing to give me hope along the way. Last month when my period was late, I hoped that it was a chemical because at least that was something. At least that would be progress. At least then I could hope that maybe it could happen again.

I am not comparing myself to anyone on here and 100% I am here to support each and every one of you, even if our journeys don't look the same.

I am simply voicing my frustration over this situation.

 

[red_head]

This is a safe space for everyone.
Hearing that miscarriage breaks up the monotony of infertility is hurtful, and not something I expected to hear here, but I can understand your point of view even if I don’t agree.
I apologise for my reaction - this is an emotive subject and obviously my hormones are raging. I apologise for what I’ve said and upsetting you, and hope we can avoid this subject here in future please and try to be considerate of each other’s opinion.

 

[Ask4joy]

I agree Red, MC does not make infertility any more comforting or encouraging. Especially when you have repeat losses. Because of my losses I will probably never be able to enjoy a pregnancy until I’m well into my 2nd trimester. None of this stuff is easy. None of us asked for this. And pain, whether physical or emotional is incredibly subjective. I try not to take what anyone says here too personally as I know we are all fighting our own battles and need this space to help us through.

Most likely Belle, you have had losses in the last 2 years. Maybe they never implanted or maybe your hcg never got high enough to detect (you were never one to test early).

Infertility is so deeply and personally painful. It makes me question my whole purpose and worth at times. I’m glad we have each other.

 

[red_head]

Thanks Ask I agree with you completely.

I saw that you’ve chosen to have a girl the first time! That’s so exciting and lovely! I think I would have made the same decision!

I’m finding I’m coping with the clomid much better this month, and not having too many side effects as yet, although they do seem to get worse as the month goes on. I’m already having some pain in my ovaries so hopefully that means some eggs are growing! It does make me feel like a chicken saying that! So weird: who’d have thought we would need to think about this stuff. I remember losing my shit as a teen when I forgot to take a pill, the shame of going to the pharmacy to get the morning after pill, the terror it wouldn’t work! One of my friends had unprotected sex when her period was already late (we had no clue about ovulation times and infertile cm then!) and (and this is awful) I shoplifted a pregnancy test from boots for her! I was about 14, and the alarms went off - I legged it to MacDonald’s where we hid in the loo while she did the test! God if I’d known then how hard this all was!! lol! The fear of getting caught shoplifting, and shoplifting a bloody pregnancy test! My parents would have killed me! Lol! Crazy. I was so naive (and awful!)!

 

[Ask4joy]

I can relate, Red! I used the morning after pill several times myself in my 20s. I was terrified of an unplanned pregnancy! I hadn’t been on birth control in 10 years until starting IVF (never liked the side effects) and it’s so strange taking it now to help me get pregnant!

Glad you aren’t having too many side effects this month! FX you’ll grow a couple of good eggies!

I’m excited to transfer a girl too (although I haven’t spoken to the embryologist about it yet - going to call today). I already started buying a few things for the nursery. I know I shouldn’t get ahead of myself but they were good sales!

 

[red_head]

I don’t think it’s getting ahead of yourself! If there’s one thing this journey is good for, it’s preparation!!! Lol! I have a few bits in a draw upstairs (my favourite of which is an iron maiden baby grow! Lol!)
I don’t know a lot about IVF - do you transfer one embaby or can you chose to do more than one?

 

[BelleNuit]

Thats fine. I was just expressing how I felt, and it's okay if you feel differently.

But to be clear, everything I say seems to get twisted to be the worst possible version. I never said that MC breaks up the monotomy of infertility. All I said was that I wanted to have hope again. I will post on my journal from now on. It is clear that I won't find support here any longer. I wish you all the best on your journeys.

Goodbye

 

[red_head]

I'm the only one who took issue, no one else - and I have apologised for this. You've said some nasty things which upset me - your words haven't been twisted, at most they've been paraphrased - you won't apologise or even consider someone else's point of view, so if you want to go, despite everyone else here caring for you, and being nothing but supportive, that's your decision. I did try to move forward.

 

[BelleNuit]

You're right red. I'm in a pissy mood because we are nearing our two year mark and I am being devoured by jealousy. Regardless, I don't think shared chat groups are the best place for me right now. I will probably just continue to lash out at everyone to vent my anger over my situation.

 

[BelleNuit]

So people are welcome to follow my journal if they want. Be forewarned I will likely be bad mannered, at least for the time being. I believe I am already following most people's journals on this group as it is.

 

[smurphy90]

AF came 5 days early. The injects seemed to make my LP much shorter... it's usually 15 days and this time it was only 11.

 

[Ask4joy]

So sorry Sara. Maybe your RE can put you on progesterone next cycle?

 

[smurphy90]

I had an Rx for it this cycle, but when my 5dpo result was 13 she said I didn't need it, so I didn't take it. Maybe I should have.

 

[Ask4joy]

It can’t hurt! 11 days is a bit short since implantation can be anywhere between 6-12dpo. I will be starting intramuscular progesterone injections in a few weeks...the needles are 1.5 inches long and thick. Oh my.

 

[steph1607]

Hey ladies!

Sorry AF came Sara. Like Ask said, can't hurt to try something different for your next cycle?

Ahhh Ask, that sent shivers down my spine Hubby and I had our final pre-IVF appointment last Friday (SIS and Pipelle procedures were HORRENDOUS!), and the doctor asked me whether I wanted progesterone injections or suppositories, and I plumped for the injections! I stop taking the pill this Sunday, and then if AF arrives like it should, I will be going to the clinic next Friday for my baseline scan and to get and begin all my medications. Scary stuff!

How are you feeling about this next one?

 

[Ask4joy]

Steph - if I were given the choice I’d choose suppositories! I did them before and they didn’t bother me much. So excited for you to start IVF! I’m glad we are through stims and egg retrieval (they weren’t as bad as I anticipated but I did get mild OHSS and was in a lot of pain and discomfort after retrieval...they got 33 eggs!). Transfer is December 4th - we are transferring our best looking PGS normal embryo - a girl! I’m excited and oh so nervous! I want to bring her home soooo much. Praying and hoping hard!

 

[smurphy90]

Hi ladies!

Had my first appointment with the RE for this cycle. She found a corpus luteum cyst but she wasn't concerned about it. She said it was small at 13mm. I'm starting 100iu Gonal-F tonight and will see her against next Tuesday. We'll also go over DH's SA then. If the results are similar, or worse, we'll be doing IUI next cycle.

So... that's all. Hope you ladies are doing well.

Edit: Oh! I forgot to mention: She was really pleased with my 5po progesterone but said we can supplement this cycle if we want to, since my LP was relatively short.

 

[greenarcher]

7 dpo, going to get another progesterone draw today!