momto4girls
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- Sep 18, 2010
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I feel like I can finally share my story. My name is Amy, and I'm 30yrs old. Last year on May 22nd, 2010, I was informed by my doctor that my baby no longer had a heartbeat. I was 15weeks pregnant. It wasn't supposed to be like that. I went to my scheduled appointment as planned, even took my daughter (she was 4 at the time, almost 5). I hadn't really started feeling movement yet, but was told that could be normal in previous pregnancies, so I wasn't worried. My doctor put the doppler on and struggled for about 10 minutes looking for a heartbeat, but I could tell he knew. He tried to reassure me that maybe it was to early, and took me in the room across the hall, for an ultrasound. As soon as he started scanning, the look of pain on his face, and the words "I'm so sorry" and I knew it was over. I was sent for a "confirmation" ultrasound at the hospital. Somehow I managed to hold it together until after I left the hospital, and dropped my daughter off with my mom. I was scheduled to have a D&C the following Monday. Walking into the hospital for that procedure was haunting. I delivered my daughters there and it was a horrible feeling knowing I was walking into the hospital pregnant, and would be walking out not pregnant, but would have no baby to show off. When it was all over, the doctor sent everything off for testing. Everything came back "normal" (but really, what is normal when your baby dies and they don't know why?) I was told to wait a few months and try again, so I did. I got pregnant in August 2010, and now have a rainbow baby boy, he's 7 months. Not a single day goes by that I don't think about my angel though. his or her (i never did get to find out, and I'm actually kinda glad I don't know, b/c at the time, my husband had 4 girls, and no boys, and I don't know if he could have handled it as well as he did if the baby had been confirmed to be his first son) due date is in 4 days. Last year, my husband and I released a single balloon up to our baby. This year, I plan to do the same.