Complete and Utter Failure as a mother

[Tezzy]

just got back from the HV and feel absolutely awful

two weeks ago Ffion weighed 10lb 2oz, i got told she was underweight. so i tried so hard to have her on the boob as often as possible to try and make her put on weight..

well this week shes 10lb 4oz.. two measly oz in two weeks i got repremanded by my HV and told to start her on 2 meals a day straight away. she basically called me thick for not realising that ffion wasnt gaining weight and that i should have started her on solids ages ago.

also.. Ffion has had purple skin on her right eyelid since she was born, i checked with my mum (who is a nurse) and she said it was just because she was a newborn and it would go away. well now ffion has been refered to a specialist eye dr because of it and again the hv called me thick for not being worried about it. she claimed i didnt care about ffions health. now i feel scared and stupid. if anything happens to ffions eyesight it will be my fault.

here is a photo of ffions eye it was taken on my phone so sorry for the bad quality:
https://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t320/tezzy-wezzy/ffion-1.jpg

im sat here in tears

 

[Reedy]

Oh hun dont be hard on yourself that was so horrible what the HV said to you I would have complained about her x
and as for her eye, well you asked your mum who is a nurse that shows that you had noticed & you were worried x x x x

Sending you big virtual hugs Hope Ffion gets on ok at the DRs dont blame yourself hun x x x

 

[doctordeesmrs]

Don't be so hard on yourself. I would def put a complaint in against that HV

 

[Lynxylaydee1]

who is she to tell u you dont care about your children! im sorry but FK her dumb cow, put in a complaint and also state that you consulted ur mother about it. lots of baby ive seen always have that on their eyelids!! dont cry hun!! xxxx

 

[Vickie]

I agree, I'd put in a complaint against the HV, she had no right to treat you that way. You are not a bad mother

 

[Rachiebaby24]

1. As someone said before you consulted your mum so its not like you have ignored her eye. It looks like a blemish to me rather than something unhealthy....and its not bothering Ffion. Listen to your mum, for one she is a nurse and two, mums are almost always right.

2. Not all babies put on specific weight at specific times. Please try and remember that they go by their charts and stuff. If you got 10 healthy one year olds in a room, i bet they wouldnt all be the same height and weight....i was always classed as "underweight" throughout my infancy and childhood....my mum got accused of not feeding me enough...turns out i just had a high metabolism......

3. Bloody change that HV and complain. She is there to give you support and guidance not make you feel like shite.

 

[Flower]

Agree with the others, no one should make you feel like that!

Complain!

Don't take any notice, your a great mummy!

 

[AppleBlossom]

Your HV sounds like a complete bitch. You're doing a fine job. Babies put on weight differently, so what if she's a little 'underweight?' The percentile is just a guidline not a definate line to tell you how much your baby has to weigh at a certain age

 

[Munchkin]

Your HV sounds like a right nasty woman! We struggled with Ryan's weight too and it turned out he just wasn't feeding even though he was on the boob all the time. It certainly doesn't make you a bad mum!
For all you know, the eye specialist will tell you the same thing as your mum did.
You are a good mum and don't let anyone make you doubt yourself!
Big

 

[marley2580]

Put in a complaint about her, even if she was right (and she's not!) she should never speak to anyone like that! Kaya's had a mark like that on her eye since she was born and no one's ever mentioned it. Ffion's how old? 3 months? So she's missed it as well then - and she should know what she's looking at! I've told you before that Kaya's always been slow at putting on weight, my doctor said that as long as she seemed healthy and happy then there was nothing to worry about. This is why I will not go and see HVs or baby clinics etc. They talk crap and try to scare you.

 

[Tezzy]

i tried to tell her that rhys also crossed two percentiles at ffions age and that he now only weighs as much as a 6month old even though hes almost 2.. but she didnt listen..mind you she accused me of not feeding rhys when he was younger!

 

[Munchkin]

Pfft... I would totally ignore her and ask for a different HV!
Edited : I forgot to say that those charts are for bottle-fed babies. Not all babies are 'average' weight either.

 

[reallytinyamy]

OMG!What a bitch!!

both of Chloes eyes look like that and I never though twice about it

 

[Serene123]

Tezzy, Caitlyn has a slightly purple eye too and I've never thought anything of it! I really don't like it when you're so hard on yourself about Ffion. Rhys is such a happy little boy, and Ffion is a happy little girl too. They both have a supermum and they're very lucky. I also think that you can't be expected to know she needs solids when they drum into us that solids should NOT be given before 4 months, (and to try and wait untill 6 months!) It's their fault for sending out a stupid message!! They make me so angry. If you don't want to wean Ffion (and she probably isn't even ready to be weaned yet), don't wean her. She is gaining weight now and I think 2oz in a week for her first week on formula is JUST FINE. You are her mum, they don't know her like you do.


Finally........

 

[vicky]

ignore the stuiped cow hun.

All babies put on weight at different times, i don't know how old fifon is?

But kacy didn't weigh 9lbs till she was 5 months old and kira is 5 months old and weighs what a 3 month old is.

if she is happy and healthy i would ignore her hun and send in a complaint as well cos that is BANG out of order

 

[clairebear]

WTF?!?!? i would complain that is bang out of order. no way are u a bad mum hun how dare she say that. that has mad me so mad. errg let me at the bitch im hormonal she wont stand a chance.

Huge hun xxx

 

[Hevz]

I think your HV's are pot luck....some fab and some just awful.

Yours sounds like a cow babe....no wonder people don't bother going to clinic anymore, they're sick of the preaching. I'm lucky and have always had fab HV's.

Abi is the scrawniest kid you've ever seen and when she was a baby she was so small that she was of the bottom of the scale. We saw a couple of paediatricians but they all said she was fine (which I knew) and to ignore people telling me to add butter/cream etc to her food to fatten her up. She's 4 now and still only weighs 28lbs....getting a school uniform was a bloody nightmare but she's healthy as anything.


Can you go to a different clinic and see a different HV? If not then I think you may need to complain, remember there's probably lots of other women who she's making feel like this too and if nobody complains she will continue to get away with it and even talk them out of breastfeeding coz she's making them panic.


Good luck babe xxx

 

[lfc_sarah]

What a horrible HV

 

[sam's mum]

Tezzy you're a fantastic mum...her eye looks fine - I'm not sure what the HV was so concerned about, but if Sam's had always looked like that I wouldn't have thought to get it checked out either.

As for the weight, when Sam was still being weighed every couple of weeks we had 2 occasions where he'd gained almost nothing. He'd still been feeding well, was content etc and by the next time he was weighed he'd gone back up on the charts (without me doing anything differently). He's crossed 2 percentiles on the charts (he was 8lb 13oz at birth) but he's always been fine. You also have to remember that so many things can make a big difference to their weight when they're young - just having been fed and not having had a wet nappy for a while can add about half a pound onto their weight, so unless she's consistently not gaining weight I really wouldn't worry as long as she's feeding well. Ignore her. Or send us all over there to tell her exactly what we think

She's totally out of order making you feel like crap when I'm sure you're doing everything perfectly. My friend's little girl is underweight for her age according to the growth charts, despite being 9lb at birth...and she always has been. She's now 1 and there's nothing wrong with her at all. I would just carry on doing exactly what you are doing. You are her mum and you would know if anything was wrong x

 

[sam's mum]

And you don't get many things higher in calories than breast milk/formula that you can give her now - I'm not sure why she's suggesting two meals a day, as they generally get less from them and cut down on their milk because they're full of food. Your HV sounds a bit clueless...you sure it wasn't some random old bag who'd just wandered in off the street?! x