Conception envy...

[Mommyagain]

I found out last night that another couple in my family just started ttc. My DH and I were out to supper and having a good time when he brought it up in conversation. I sat there a few minutes trying to not let it bother me but I ended up having to go to the bathroom to dry my tears, take a few deep breathes, and to tell myself to not be like that. It is my cousin and his wife. I used to be really close to my cousin but his wife has caused some rifts. She was a teen Mom with someone other than my cousin and then they have a one year old together (I believe she just turned 21) and I know my cousin said when they conceived their one year old together that she got pregnant immediately after stopping birth control....the first stinkin' cycle!! I feel petty for feeling jealous but it is hard. It would be like rubbing salt in my wounds if my FET doesn't work and then I have to see her at get togethers with her baby bump. What is even more irksome is literally weeks before she got pregnant with her one year old she very strongly and loudly proclaimed she wasn't going to have another child for years to come like she was disgusted with the idea. Ok, sorry just needed to vent a little. I know I am being ridiculous.

 

[jellybeanxx]

Gah bad times!! I know the feeling, I constantly worry about family members starting ttc and falling straight away. I feel guilty about having such negative feelings but I think it's just part of the ltttc process

 

[YearningHeart]

mommyagain:

Awwww..... Im such a baby, I had tears flowing my cheeks when I read you post. I know what you mean, Iv been in same situation. It was with my close family member who didnt even want a baby and she got pregnant. She told me over the phone and I felt like quickly putting the phone down and crying.Its such a painful feeling and feels like the heart is breaking into million pieces.

You got to be strong, I know it so hard but dont worry because one day will be your special moment and you cry out of joy!

Best of Luck! xx

 

[Mommyagain]

Found out this morning that another family member is in labor with her little one today. My mother in law called early this morning and I felt elated for them. I went back to tell my DH who was still asleep because he is really good friends with the Dad to be and I felt a strong pang of longing to be in their shoes. I literally had to stop in the hallway and compose myself before telling him. But it passed after a bit. I am trying to focus on my cycle. I have a fs appt today to determine if my lining and levels are good to do my transfer on Friday. So hopefully I will have my sweet little one soon...or maybe two. I want to go to the hospital to support them because I love them but I know it is going to be hard and I definitely don't want to cry or anything because it is about them and not me. Sometimes I feel like a big blubbering baby when it comes to ttc. I do have to say I love this site and the support I have received from others going through similar situations.

 

[Bluenpinkmom]

awww.. so sorry for that hun.. but atleast you have a little boy as your child (not that your sorrows are any less !! )... we dont even have one.. and out of no where all my cousins and cousin-in-laws are getting pregnant... i feel soo bad and so unlucky sometimes.. count me in.. you are not alone.. and best of luck with you FET !!

 

[YearningHeart]

Just out of intrest bluepinkmum - How long you been TTC?

There have been so many pregnancies within my family and as for cousins, Im not even gonna bother counting! My family/relatives are large but no luck with me.. Yet! Hopefully one day will be an exciting day for me and Il b a mommy, and everyone else too! x

 

[Pino6161]

Hey I wish I could say it gets easier.... I have been TTC 3 years and with in the 3 years my SIL decided she wanted another child tried a month and BAM I have a niece that's almost 2. My YOUNGER brother has a 9 month old right now after trying a month as well... The envy has not gone away even a little bit. I have trouble being around them as they barely "tried" and honestly have trouble affording a child. My MIL sends money to SIL and my brother is on welfare. It's hard. There are days where things get easier then AF shows and I'm back to square one.... As a semi positive though it also gives me someone other than my OH to take anger out (without them there of course, as I am a softie LMAO)

Try to not let it get to you. I know it is hard, but I believe one day, some how we WILL have our own little ones that have older cousins, or friends to look after them

 

[Mommyagain]

I am not at 3 years yet but getting to close for comfort for baby #2. It will be 3 years in June. It took us about 2 years to have my son so struggling to ttc is not new to me and I couldn't ever put into words how thankful I am for him. I think I envy their ability to seemingly conceive so effortlessly and here I am going flat broke emotionally and financially to try to build the family I have always dreamed of. It's kind of crazy...DH and I have been married for 8 years and to think of all the time out of those 8 we have spent ttc blows my mind. I just never thought it would be me.

On another note...my appt Monday wasn't what I had hoped but it is ok. My FET got pushed back because my body wasn't ready yet...but just by a few days. So I go Monday for my transfer. I am feeling pretty excited.

Glad to know I am not alone on this journey but sorry you ladies are sharing it with me.

 

[Bluenpinkmom]

Just out of intrest bluepinkmum - How long you been TTC?

There have been so many pregnancies within my family and as for cousins, Im not even gonna bother counting! My family/relatives are large but no luck with me.. Yet! Hopefully one day will be an exciting day for me and Il b a mommy, and everyone else too! x

a year and a half now

 

[YearningHeart]

awww dont worry ladies! Be strong and have faith!! x

bluepinkmuM, dont stress I know easy said then done. just have hope, this wait will be worth it. It might make u feel better - Iv been trying for nearly 5 years with no luck at all, Iv had so many disappointing news when I go to my appointments, theres few problems I have, but luckily I now finally have a IVF date (after couple months)

It is hard for all ladies TTC, but when we do have a baby wel look back at these momments and think the wait was worth it! fingers crossed. x

 

[Mommyagain]

So excited for you!!! Will this be your first IVF cycle? I am definitely keeping everything crossed for you Hun!!

 

[xMissxZoiex]

I know the feeling hun :'(

One girl i used to go to school with has had 4!!!! in the time we have been TTC!!! and she is only 21!! Another has had 3. My brother has a daughter who will be two in July they havent been together 2 years yet! and constantly splitting up, they don't deserve my lovely niece.

I have been TTC #1 for 5 years 2 months now.

Its so hard, and its even harder pretending your ok everyday and faking a smile. You just have to keep your chin up and hope there is light at the end of the tunnel!. xxxx

 

[YearningHeart]

mommyagain - Yep this is my 1st IVF cycle, I thought I was eliegble for only one free IVF treatment but to my surprise the doctor said I am eligible to 3 IVF treatments,

 

[YearningHeart]

xmissxzoiex - I soooo agree with you, its hard to keep the fake smile going, but you just have to put your chin up, sometimes though we all have our bad days where we just cry and feel tiny.

Just out of interest - What is the problem on your TTC? I have PCOS, fibroid, some problem with left tube etc.

I hope you get good news fast! x

 

[Mommyagain]

I know the feeling hun :'(

One girl i used to go to school with has had 4!!!! in the time we have been TTC!!! and she is only 21!! Another has had 3. My brother has a daughter who will be two in July they havent been together 2 years yet! and constantly splitting up, they don't deserve my lovely niece.

I have been TTC #1 for 5 years 2 months now.

Its so hard, and its even harder pretending your ok everyday and faking a smile. You just have to keep your chin up and hope there is light at the end of the tunnel!. xxxx

Wow, what a journey you have been on Hun. I am so sorry for the struggles you are going through. The one thing that keeps a lot of us ltttc ladies going I believe is that one word...Hope.

YearningHeart: 3 free rounds of IVF!!!! WOOOHOOO!!!! When will you be starting?

I am currently laying here to try to keep in as much progesterone as possible from my latest suppository...fun...fun. Lol!

 

[Mommyagain]

Found this poem online and it made tears stream down my face. Thought some of you ladies might relate.

This year, I grew a garden
I tilled the soil and pulled the weeds
I raised the beds and laid the seeds
before the ground would harden
I mixed the clay with fertile dirt
worked the ground till my bones hurt

I tended to little seeds
and out of dirt they sprouted bright
soaking in the water, nutrients and light
and I could feel my heart beat
I delighted in the miracle
that God and I could conspire
to make a garden grow

I think I became obsessed
Secretly planting through the night
a butterfly garden to the left
a water garden to the right
and I wasn’t finished yet
I planted bushes here and there
I even planted trees, banana and pear

I was a gardener this spring
basil, berries, melons, cilantro
cucumbers, corn and little tomatoes
fragrant, sweet and pretty things
for surely if my hands can do all of this
then my belly deserved nature’s kiss

As Autumn slowly takes over
The harvest moon has come and gone
my heart beat is not quite as strong
My stride’s a little slower
My tomatoes vines are turning brown
And I can’t pick my knees up off the ground

The air this morning was cold
My lush gardens have wilted away
butterflies didn’t visit them today
The pain in my stomach is getting strong
And I am losing hope in the garden inside
I don’t know where to go, whom to confide

This year I built a garden
I watched it bloom and fade
But I could not grow one in me
My seedlings could not be saved
I tried my best to build good soil
but no amount of tilling, no amount of toil
Could make my little garden grow
From the inside out
Will I grow a garden next year?
Right now, I feel such doubt

I doubt and I cry
I cover my face and hide
Though my heart is broken
I will not stop my stride
I will continue to till the soil
I will pull away the weeds
I will feed the ground with compost
And nurture every seed
I will fill my garden with water
And sun from up above
But above all things
I will give my garden love

One day a bean will sprout
And he will beam so bright
soaking in the water, nutrients and light
he will feel my heart beat
and take in all the love I give
As God and I will conspire
to make a baby live

 

[Pino6161]

beautiful poem. Thank you!!

 

[YearningHeart]

awwwww lovely poem!

mommyagain: My IVF starts roughly after 4/5 months later. before then I have to go for a repeated surgery to check where exactly the fibroid is and remove it if necessary. My GYN said that because of the problems I have there is no much possibility in me having clomid etc. and have to move straight to IVF. So yeah lets see - 5 months later. Hows things with you? whats your current process?

 

[Mommyagain]

YearningHeart: That is good that they are getting your insides to where they need to be. The waiting around is always hard though. I had surgery before my IVF and then I had to have a D&C back in December after my failed IVF cycle. I am currently just taking my medicines to prepare my body for my transfer on Monday. I have five frozen embryos waiting for me. We will be putting two back...the best one and then one that is kind of in the middle. They said they didn't want to use the two best just in case it doesn't work and we have to try again. I am pretty excited and feeling very hopeful. I feel like I am in a better state emotionally than I was with the fresh IVF cycle. I pray this works for me.

 

[YearningHeart]

Awwww.... Best of luck mummyagain!! I hope you recieve good news, make sure you keep us updated. Its such a pleasure to hear of pregnancy from those who are TTC. XX