confused about baby daddy

[jeslee]

hi guys, new here but im so confused I need some advice tips etc.
so I found out I was expecting at 7 weeks(now currently 10weeks), complete surprise! figured out who BD was and well he wasn't happy at all! He didn't want me to go through with the pregnancy and there was no other option... I knew I was going to have this child regardless of what he said. I told him im keeping this child giving him the option to pretty much run and have no financial ties as well- I half expected him too...
but hes now turned round to say he wants 50% custody, the child to be on his health insurance, wants a dna test done also and has basically said we either make it work or he makes it work.

so I feel like hes now taking me for a fool.
like to go from insisting he didn't want me to have the child as the only option to now wanting 50%!!
he didn't even want this child and mind you put a massive guilt trip over me to the point I considered it even though it wasnt what I wanted at all!

he has also made it clear that the only reason hes talking to me is because im carrying his child other wise hed have nothing to do with me..

please any advice would be appreciated xx

 

[Beanonorder]

You aren't obligated to put his name on the birth certificate. If you don't he has no rights. He'll have to the you to court and get a day test to prove he's the father sad then he can request visitation, etc.
Unless there is something really questionable about you its highly unlikely the court would take custody away from you. Plus while lo is still small and if you breastfeed you won't be expected to have overnight visits or long visits away.

I know it's hard to separate your feelings but my advice is, unless fob is abusive or a junkie or some equally bad influence, don't prevent your lo from having a relationship with him. The child deserves the right to form his or her own opinion. Plus you don't want to end up being resented because you to felt you were doing the right thing.

Good luck!

 

[Karren]

Don't name him on the birth certificate, it won't give him any rights until he goes to court to establish them, this will ease the fear of him just coming and taking the baby.

 

[ForestCheetah]

To me it sounded like he was in shock for a bit over the news of the baby ...and also how it might not be his. Then it sunk in and now he's deciding to try and make it work. Maybe give him a chance? If he's going to be the father to this little baby that would be great, single parenting can be tough.

You never know, his heart might be in the right spot after all. I have a feeling it was just a lot to take in at first, but he must really deep down care about you if he's willing to make it work.

 

[jeslee]

thanks for the advice girls.
since the original post he had then calmed down and was great for a week could not fault him at all! but then once again got angry and was an absolute rollar coaster again!
im also finding he doesn't talkto me and then when he does he is making assumptions and demands on what I must do.. I just know its going to be a tough road I just hope things settle soon

 

[RaspberryK]

Perhaps you guys can have a mediated session and discuss everything so that it's laid out with no confusion.
Also may be a good idea to get a dna test before you register the birth - just in case.
Xx

 

[44npregnant]

I don't blame you for being confused. I'm sure you are also scared about his having a legal right to your child since you aren't really together. Whatever you do, take it slowly. If he doesn't treat you right and with respect, there is no need to force yourself to be with him