"Congratulations! Was it planned?"

[MoonLove]

I'm not the only person who loathes this question am I? It is so rude, I would not dream of asking it either to the woman's face or about her to someone else!

When I was pregnant with my LO, I was taken aback by a girl on facebook (who I was friends with ten years previous) saying 'congratulations! was it planned?'. I obviously ignored it.

I told my Dad recently about my new pregnancy and he asked it to. He went home and told my Mon and sister (I don't see them anymore) and he told me my sister text him back saying 'wow, was it planned?' and several days later, my mum apparently asked him the same.

It doesn't matter one bit, if you're married or not, kids already or not, no one should ask this awful question!

 

[Bex84]

I got asked this with my first. What was amusing was I had been going to fertility doctor due to problems and got pregnant naturally so she was very much planned not that it matters. Number 2 we went really asked but then friends knew we wanted a second child. I am married and we have been together long time so not sure why some saw it as a surprise. I never made a secret about wanting to be a mummy.

 

[AP]

I'd never dream of saying it to anyone, so I don't know how people have the audacity to say it

 

[Bex84]

I don't know what goes through peoples head to think its appropriate

 

[mummylove]

I think its very rude and i would of told them so

 

[Kate&Lucas]

It's really cheeky. I didn't get asked it much because everyone close to me knew I never wanted kids. An old friend came back into my life briefly while I was pregnant (for a nose I imagine), and asked me if it was planned. I replied "I'm 20, I live in a rented flat and I work in a call centre, of course it wasn't bloody planned"

I couldn't imagine asking someone. If you don't know already, you don't have any right to know.

 

[Lauraxamy]

I also think it's very rude. I got it a lot, with getting pregnant at 17 and then even more so when I got pregnant again 9 months after my first was born. Me and FOB just used to completely ignore the question. It shouldn't matter whether a child is planned or not so I don't see why people feel the need to ask, it's not really their business either.

 

[MiniKiwi]

I couldn't imagine asking someone. If you don't know already, you don't have any right to know.

Yeah, this!

I was asked once and it really suprised me, I had no idea people asked such questions! What on earth does it matter anyway?!

 

[MrsPear]

I got asked loads of times last time, even by people I'd never met before.

This time, it was the first question MIL asked. I tried not to be offended because I know she doesn't mean any harm but I was a little hurt that she clearly thinks we're a bit irresponsible or something, or not in the right place for a baby. She was very happy for us though so I let it go.

 

[CRWx]

Only a few people knew I was pregnant both times before my MCs and that was asked a lot!

Talking about my MCs to somebody a few weeks ago, they very kindly said 'oh well, does it really matter? You're only young, you've got plenty of time to have babies'

Why does it matter to anybody???

 

[maryp0ppins]

Yes its so incredibly rude!
Me and oh got loads of people ask if we were having a baby when we moved in together and again when we got engaged........how about just 2 people in a relationship taking the next step???

 

[MoonLove]

It surprised me the first time round and it has already surprised me this time. As if we need to justify the fact we 'wanted' this baby. Why don't they just say 'Congratulations, was it an accident?'

 

[misspriss]

I only got this question from one person that I remember when pregnant with DS. It was one of the first non-family people I told. I happened to tell the same person about my pregnancy before my recent loss, and by golly that was the first thing out of their mouth that time too!

I answered the first time, the second time I didn't.

This was my boss, so the second time it got to me too, I would be on maternity leave at a bad time for the company. I'm sure it wasn't his intention, but asking "was it planned?" to me they could go on and think "why on earth would you plan this at this time..." if you said yes.

It's a terribly rude question! I guess in the age of "family planning" being such a big deal though, I guess they assume everyone takes contraceptive measures when they aren't "planning" a baby.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Yes, I think it is rude.

 

[hayz_baby]

Asked by loads of people with ds1 I felt like I had to lie for some reason and say no not planned when he was. I was a little scared tbh and really didn't expect those questions and I was a little more timid then.
Ds2 I wasn't asked as much as I think we were expected to have another.
Loads of people now ask if we are going to have another. Jesus wow Ds2 is only 5 months, I have barely got my period back! I say no just to finish the question as I don't want a long a lengthy discussion from the unsure so we have put it on the shelf for now.

 

[jd83]

I have no idea why anyone would ever ask such a rude question. I was asked multiple times too; DH and I were married, had been for 8 years before having DS1...I'd think by that point us getting pregnant was planned? And if not, how would that be anyone's business?

 

[seoj]

I was never asked that- BUT- we were TTC for so long, that by the time it actually happened everyone I knew already knew we'd been trying... but even if we hadn't, who's business is it? I would NEVER ask that to someone. If I am close enough to ask- I'd already know without having to ask. If not- then it's none of my bloody beezwax!!!

 

[LoveCakes]

Yup I got asked too. We've been married 4 years and are 29 so I don't get why people bothered asking. Though we were trying for a few years and I maybe overcompensated when people asked if we were trying.

I don't get why people care. I usually respond with "why do you ask" as I am genuinely curious

Someone in hubby's work as this and if he was happy about it! Even if he wasn't would he have said?! He hardly knew her.

 

[Bevziibubble]

So rude! I would never ask someone that!

 

[Lauraxamy]

Only a few people knew I was pregnant both times before my MCs and that was asked a lot!

Talking about my MCs to somebody a few weeks ago, they very kindly said 'oh well, does it really matter? You're only young, you've got plenty of time to have babies'

Why does it matter to anybody???

That's such an insensitive thing to say